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birthday imminent My 50th / fiftieth birthday will be here in a few days. It’s the 1st / first day of December, if you really want to know. For as long as I can remember I have had this fantasy that I would be killing myself by the time I was this age. My dream was to get very fucked up on drugs and drive a car off a cliff. That has seriously stuck with me most of my life, but it won’t be happening in a few days. Part of the fantasy was that I would be doing the deed with a female who would be performing fellatio on me as we fell to our deaths. Yes, it’s morbid and messed up in many ways, but so are some of my other fantasies. Anyways, I don’t know any females willing to do this so I guess I’ll just have to wait. Hopefully you can tell sarcasm when you read it. That’s kind of a messed up way to start talking about your upcoming birthday, isn’t it? Yikes! For my special day I want very little; mostly to be left alone and act like it is any other day. By way of quiet, lonely celebration I hope to eat different (i.e. bad for me) foods that I normally wouldn’t, smoke several different strains of marijuana that I have been saving for the occasion, and consume far too much sugar in the form of cake, ice cream, coffee, candy, whatever. My biggest treat, I hope, will come in the form of an hour playing the drums. I can’t say for sure how long it has been since I last played, but I’m guessing nearly 2 / two months. I want to go nuts, then pack them up and put them away for good. Technically they belong to my sex slave ChrisSwallows because I sold them to him many months ago, but he has allowed me to continue playing them. A last hurrah and then I will officially turn them over for good. Birthdays have never been special to me, mainly because I am an antisocial, introverted loner which means there’s really nobody in my life to celebrate with. If I’m lucky I have a girlfriend when the 1st / first day of December rolls around each year, but if I don’t then it might as well just be another day. Sometimes the tiny family / friends I have will remember, sometimes they won’t, but their efforts are nominal. I don’t blame them, I just know it’s going to be that way so I don’t bother getting my hopes up. I am vastly unimportant, so why delude myself otherwise? The day of birth should be a celebration of your existence, but nobody except me is rejoicing in that, and as the opening paragraph mentions even I am not that thrilled. So I treat the un-special day like any other, but with the few simple twists I mentioned above. It will a day much like any other day, with the exception of a couple indulgences. The food will mess with my stomach for a couple of days, and I’ll miss playing the drums again, but it’ll be back to business and life as usual before I even have time to bask. Yep, just another day.  |
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