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happy birthday to meh  Yesterday I turned 50 / fifty years old. You’d think a person that has lived that long might have something significant or inspiring to say, but I don’t. The years have not been all that good to me, even though I’ve relentlessly tried to be good to myself. Or maybe it is because I spent too much time in the pursuit of happiness and comfort that I wound up experiencing so much of the opposite. I really didn’t want to live this long, but I made it this far so I might as well see what comes next. The day itself was nothing to brag about. I did manage to overindulge in sugary treats but beyond that my special day wasn’t all that special. There was a cheat moment that included a quick trip to McDonald’s but that’s not what I had intended. I wanted to treat myself to a real hamburger or something similar, but the timing wasn’t right. My only other plan that didn’t involve food was to play the drums, and that didn’t happen either. Instead, I chose the responsible route and took care of some very important things that needed taken care of. Yes, I’m being vague; deal with it. A few people wished me a happy day, and my sex slave ChrisSwallows did that and more, but it was as I had anticipated and have experienced so many times before - pretty much just another day. Oh yeah; I smoked a bit more marijuana than I usually do, and that made everything a little bit better. No complaints here. It was a nice birthday. The idea of continuing to get older does not appeal. My body is finally showing the signs of age, but more than that I am beginning to feel them. I’m not going to turn this into a woe-is-me post I’m just being honest. At the age of 50 / fifty I have finally begun to feel old. Next the mind will start to go. Oh wait, that has been happening for a long time now. My life may be full or regrets and hardships but I am grateful I made it this long. The truth is, even within my miseries there is a genuine desire to carry on, to see if things can get better. Life is precious and worth living if we make the right choices and cherish it - at least that’s what I’ve come to believe. If there was anything profound to say it would be that I spent my life “living” it and not being responsible (i.e. keeping a job, working toward retirement, having a hefty savings account) and at this stage I find my decisions to do so very irresponsible. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve lived an incredible life and I wouldn’t trade most of it for a bunch of money right now, but then again all the highs I experienced won’t keep me warm in the dead of winter if I am homeless and living on the streets. Memories are precious but so is food, shelter, love. 50 / fifty years have taught me how important it is to find a balance between slavishly responsible and willfully irresponsible. I haven’t succeeded so far, but maybe I’ll have a few more birthdays to get it figured out. |
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Happy Birthday ~ Personally, I think you're aging like fine wine. Sometimes, it's not age that necessarily hurts us...but some of the painful experiences we've had during our time here. And you've had yr share of those. Be kind to yourself. And whether you are aware or not,you're ability and affinity for honest commentary is significant. My warmest wishes to you B
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