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the ick factor I am not attracted to men. That’s not to say that I don’t think some men are attractive, because I do, but there isn’t a single dude out there that makes me ache with lust. Plenty of women do, and I barely have to catch a glimpse of their legs as they walk by a window sometimes. I find women of all shapes and sizes sexy, and visually inviting, but I cannot say the same for men. Any arousal I feel or exhibit is a combination of dynamic and most likely a forced bit of abstinence. I learned I was heteroflexible very early in life, but what it boiled down to was that I was just sexual. I’d prefer to get naked and have fun with a female, but if I’m horny and not doing anything I find distasteful, then a man will do just fine. I’ve had my cock sucked more by men than women throughout my life, but rarely was it my preference. Desperation, convenience, or circumstance were usually the deciding factors. It wasn’t until I met ChrisSwallows that it sort of evolved, for a brief time, into something more voyeuristic for me, but in the end my preferences and desires were always clear. Even if I couldn’t vocalize it, my body made it undeniable, especially in the groin area. The dick don’t lie. So it went during my last foray into gay massage, and so it has gone again during this one, that my level of desire has waned to nearly nothing. No matter how much I abstain, and no matter how hard I try to get myself revved up and into the mood, I am having a tough time of it. Only a few things remain that might get me aroused, and perhaps eventually get me off, but there’s no guarantee any of them will happen when I am with a massage . Yet all of them fully expect me to exhibit arousal from the act of touching them, getting them to lower their inhibitions, and so on. And for the most part, most of the time it does naturally and genuinely arouse me, but when it doesn’t the pressure to be erect can actually destroy the possibility of it happening at all. It’s a strange space to navigate but I’m doing my best. Thankfully, if you can end a session with a bang (his or mine) the time prior is almost certainly forgotten. Meanwhile, I’m actually dreading the next encounter, which I definitely should NOT be doing. I want to go back to feeling less pressure and enjoying myself more, and I think that will come through and heighten interactions. Right now I feel like I’d enter with a cloud of doom following right behind me. Men often ick me out because of their hygiene, or lack of it. Guys constantly want to kiss me but their breath is atrocious! I’m not even sure mine is all that fresh, so the last thing I want to do is share that. Thankfully the vast majority of my massage have made sure to be showered and fresh before I arrived, and I’ve done my best to return the favor despite bicycling to them. My body does a magnificent job of regulating my body temperature when it comes to heat, so I sweat very little, and therefore do not arrive ripe and salty. Come wintertime though, it bites me in the ass big time. I need several layers just to keep warm. I know some guys like musk, or the musky smell of a man, so I try to cater to their desires. For my part, I like a person to smell clean, and even flowery. Definitely not sweaty. Gay massage is a job though, and I can only dictate so much. I try to hint heavily of my preference before we meet and I think the majority are happy to oblige. Nobody has asked me to show up sweaty on purpose yet, but the day it happens I’ll be happy to oblige. I just might have to pedal around the block a few extra times before I ring the doorbell…  |
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