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my orgasms are not my own (again) The erotic massages I provide gay men lean heavily towards the erotic aspect, and since I advocate mutual touch, and tout myself as being beautifully hung (because I am) it stands to reason that my customers are going to expect to see, and likely feel, a nice big dick at some point. If that is true, an erection is necessary, because I am a grower and not a shower. In order to get erect, I must be aroused, and therein lies the rub; I am not attracted to men at all, and many of my are in fact VERY unattractive, so how do I manage to get hard over and over again without the aid of pills? In a word; abstinence. Since I am essentially available every day, that means I need my cock to get erect every day, or at least potentially so. It means I do not have a sex life of any kind, including a personal / solo one, because I need to keep my desire strong. Simply going without works very well. I have no girlfriend, so not only am I not getting regular sex I am also not getting intimacy of any kind. No cuddling, kissing, caressing, you name it. I don’t want to do these things with men, and in fact don’t, but just being touched by them feels damn good and it takes no effort to get an erection. The dynamic also arouses me. The feeling of hands, lips, mouth on my body turns me on greatly. Being admired and actually lusted after is a huge turn on. So I feed off of that when I am with a guy, and abstain from anything in between . It’s not fun, but it works. It means, however, that my orgasms are not my own anymore. I have to save them for , or if I maybe don’t have one during a session I can’t just go home and jerk off to get that release. That sexual energy and tension needs to be saved for the next potential . Of course it could be days before I book an appointment, but during that time I do not hook up randomly with anyone, or even my own hand. It’s kind of a sweet torture, honestly. Orgasms are fantastic, there’s no denying that, but putting them off for a while can be a lot of fun as well. Lately, I’ve edging myself. More and more are leaving me unsatisfied (in that way) and I am trying to feed off of that energy during what I’ll call my down time. There’s a little bit of masturbation going on, just to keep that tension and desire burning low. I’ve had a couple days recently where I had to see 2 / two guys in a single day, and had I busted a nut during the 1st / first I would in all likelihood have canceled the 2nd / second, because once I cum I am done! With women I can pause, rest, reset and continue sometimes but that has EVERYTHING to do with genuine arousal, and as I have stated many times I do not find men sexually appealing. For the most part. And when I do cave in, masturbate, and make myself orgasm there is often regret attached to it. I know it means I might not greet the next opportunity to give a massage with the correct level of enthusiasm, because I am in fact often not enthused. It all boils down to being smart about how and where I focus my sexual energy, and practicing a bit of self control. I’ve never known those things to be bad for me, and now that my libido is sort of my money maker I am leaning upon them heavily. So far, it’s working out quite well. |
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