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HetFlexK 51M
156 posts
2/15/2024 11:25 am
rough start

I am officially homeless. That means I don’t even have a mailing address. My home is the van I recently purchased. The timing was perfect, because the cold, wet weather is back. Unfortunately, the van is having mechanical issues, and with an empty wallet and no job on the horizon I’m feeling very unstable. Very precarious.

For the last few days I’ve been trying to get the layout of the van so that I feel comfortable in it, if that’s possible. I bought one that was slightly bigger than your typical mini van, so I wouldn’t feel nearly as cramped and crowded as I already do. It’s funny how prison kind of prepares you for things like this. Not comparing it to the experience, just seeing a parallel in the living situation. I can smoke marijuana, keep my own schedule, eat what I want, make rash decisions that don’t immediately have consequences… I am free, just in a bad spot I’d like to escape from.

Food is something I have covered, but everything else is looking pretty bad. My vehicle is not insured, which is extra bad in Oregon, and I’m burning fuel running it to stay warm, and to keep my batteries charged. I have a mini fridge installed and am struggling to figure out how to incorporate it without blowing fuses, draining my battery, and so on. My ignorance could potentially be costly, not only in the form of repairs, but also spoiled food.

I’m still plugging away trying to find a job, believe it or not. So many opportunities have been lost because of my criminal past. Depression has also been a big problem these last few days. The situation is tough, but could be worse, so I’m trying to lift my spirits by being irresponsible and simply existing for a while before committing to what I know will be a hellish existence once I do land a position. My spirits will soar for a short time, or at least that is my hope. I could really use a boost. Sadness and despair can only be ignored and sublimated for so long.

Right now I don’t even want to talk about things like how often I shower, and where. It would be embarrassing to detail my bathroom habits. Being antisocial and introverted means I spend more time in the back of the van than I should, but I really don’t have many choices left. Going to the public library to use their wi-fi is about the only extended break I get at this point, so a daily grind job will probably feel good for a while. Overall it’s a rough start but I hope to streamline my daily existence and get my spirits up just enough to achieve the next level… whatever that is.


drmgirl622 68F  
26062 posts
2/15/2024 2:02 pm

Hang in there!!


HetFlexK replies on 2/16/2024 10:44 am:
positive as always - thanks!


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