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Blogs > HetFlexK > True Hetero-Flexible Tales

HetFlexK 51M
157 posts
3/22/2024 11:17 am
here comes the rain again
Misophonia is an irrational response to specific sounds - a condition that for many is chronic and debilitating, and that I suffer from. When I hear the sound of a person chewing, the clicking of a pen, dripping of a faucet, chirping of a bird, hammering, bass from passing vehicles, and overly loud exhaust from passing vehicles it puts me in fight or flight. I want to “run and hide” from the noise or I want to attack it so it will cease. It’s an extremely difficult mental condition that gets worse every year.

While I was off grid last year I spent the entire time in a tent. When it rained - and it did so frequently - the sound of drops on the plastic roof went from calming to maddening. There were times when I literally felt I would lose my mind from the tap tap tap tap tap that seemed loud and endless. Fast forward to my current situation, living in a van, and you can maybe imagine the kind of noise 2 / two straight weeks of heavy rain did to the roof of it. It caused me immense stress unless I was sleeping, or could escape the vehicle and go into a building. That meant my time in the library was extended a bit, and I went grocery shopping more than I needed to, but then I had to return to the tap tap tap tap tap tapping. Playing music in my earbuds helped, as did watching movies. Any chance to escape helped immensely, but there was always the return to hell, looming.

The reason I write about this is because the rain is coming again. The forecast for the next few days is rain, rain and more rain. Knowing I have now added the sound of rain to my long list of audible tortures is depressing, especially since I feel like I’m going to be in this van for the rest of my life. Either I need to find my way out of it, and into a more traditional living situation, or I need to somehow learn to deal with the sound of drops of water ceaselessly tapping on the roof of my home. Isn’t that fucked up? How sad is a life when you have such a negative reaction to something so natural, and ultimately beautiful? Misophonia is terrible!

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