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hard habit to break Despite efforts to focus my sexual interest and energy on females, I have had a tough time breaking the habit of cruising the gay hookup site I belong to. It’s not that I’m experiencing a spate of horniness or anything like that, it’s just become such a regular part of my life and daily routine that I’m logging on even when I’m not necessarily interested in doing so. I mean sure, it’s gratifying to receive messages and the resulting dopamine spikes, but I’m not actually getting much more out of it than that. There is some entertainment value, and I genuinely worry that I’ll miss the opportunity to meet someone truly unique if I quit the site, but more than anything else it is just a habit. And much like other habits (smoking, for instance) breaking myself of the ritual is a big part of the struggle. I have to replace the act of logging in and scrolling around with something healthy and beneficial. Or, at the very least, profitable. There are only so many hours in the day that I can look for a job, promote my adult content, and so on. Eventually I am all caught up in every possible way, have seen every new ad for employment, spent every productive moment I could on the computer and internet. I’ve made being responsible in general, and finding a job, my job. And I am working 7 / seven days a week, a minimum of 8 / eight hours a day. That includes filming, editing and releasing new content, doing blog posts like this, keeping the van clean, maintaining my hygiene, etc. There’s not a lot of time spent in the day relaxing, except when I am watching a movie, or goofing off on the gay hookup site, so replacing that with something at least mildly entertaining is important. I wonder what it will be? Once the weather officially clears up enough that I’m not regularly experiencing vast temperature and moisture fluctuations, I’ll drag my guitar out of storage and start playing it again. Beyond that, I really have no idea what’s next… |
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