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HetFlexK 51M
156 posts
4/15/2024 11:53 am
working at a deficit

Another week, another sinking feeling of doom and failure. I know I’ve been writing about the “good times” recently, but the harsh reality of my situation has gone without mention. I am still jobless, homeless, living in a van and wondering when the pendulum is going to swing the other direction? The fact that my laptop decided to die on me recently means I am finally and fully working at a deficit. Up until a few days ago I would have said I still had a few dollars to my name, but now if that’s the case it is very temporary, because I borrowed money from someone to pay for the repairs. I am another step closer to being royally fucked.

At the end of last week, I found a nearby staffing agency and went through their application process, which included a drug screen. They know I smoke marijuana, and apparently work with companies who don’t care about that, so my hopes are high(er). I acquired steel-toed shoes because I figure I’ll wind up in some warehouse / general labor kind of situation where personal protective gear is required. As long as they don’t ask me to work in a freezer (I am too damn skinny for that) or handle dead animals (processing chicken, beef, pork, fish) I’ll at least try it long enough to pay back the loan. There’s no denying I could use a cash injection for various reasons, so I’m eager to get some steady work.

There was an ex massage that I spent some time with, but no pay was involved. He picked me up, bought us coffee, drove me to his place, washed my clothing, allowed me to take a shower, smoked copious amounts of marijuana with me, shared some great conversation, and gave me one hell of a magnificent sexual release! Then he drove me back to my van, so yeah; I didn’t have the audacity to ask to be compensated for my time haha. He was an incredible host and I am grateful for the time we spent together.

I have nothing left of value to sell except my drum set, which I am clinging to for mostly sentimental reasons. Beyond that, I can’t seem to hustle enough money on the side, by myself, so I’m caving in and getting in line for the jobs I have done all I could to avoid. Nothing is permanent, and I can keep reminding myself of that until I have that loan paid, and a few extra dollars in my hand. Right now I am at a pretty big deficit and I need to find/dig/work my way out of it as soon as possible.



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