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white week When I feel I am overindulging in something, or need to take a break to clean out my system, I make a concerted effort to abstain for a determined length of time. I refer to this as a “white period” because that is what I’ve heard it called by others. Whether it is sexual activity, the consumption of drugs, alcohol, coffee, sugar, or something else entirely the point is to avoid doing it for a while. It’s a chance for me to not only clean up for health reasons, it also allows me to practice self control, and to step back for a moment and examine the thing I am trying to avoid. Introspection is a big part of the process. Going without also allows me to build desire and anticipation for something that has been easy to obtain, or that I’ve overindulged in. For this particular white period that I am about to undertake, sex will be the big focus. Despite my stated desire to step away from gay hookups and concentrate on just getting together with females, I have resorted to allowing my feelings of self worth to hinge on whether or not I am “good/attractive enough” that guys are still throwing themselves at me for a chance to suck my cock or whatever. Because when I take that part of my life and daily routine away, I am left with the very harsh reality that I am no good, not worthy, not appealing. Rejection is tough to handle when it comes at you in waves, and never seems to stop, so I’ve been seeking solace in cock suckers. The respite is brief, and it leaves me feeling pretty empty on the other side of the orgasm, so I’m going to take a complete break for a while. How is this different than my previous declaration of abstinence from men? I’m adding things like avoiding the gay hookup site I belong to, which will be a tremendous help. Even if I was only looking for the sake of entertainment, or for fear of missing out on some unique personality, the truth is that I was placing myself right in the middle of temptation. And since it is so damn easy to get what I want from gay men at any given time, the challenge was drained from the process as well. So I will abstain for at least a week, only pulling my dick out when it is truly a special moment, or going to earn me a few dollars. At this point I wouldn’t reject a request from a former massage , and would be happy to cut my “white week” short if that were the case. Otherwise, I’m quitting cold turkey, and that includes masturbation. My reliance on marijuana will likely be the next thing I take a break from, but for now I can only handle going without sexual gratification for a short period. Life is already crummy enough, I don’t need to add multiple self-imposed miseries on top that.  |
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