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Monogamy vs polyfidelity Monogamy is very cosy, romantic, easy in theory, and intoxicating, isn't it? Well, yes it is indeed. So why should we dare to question it? Like most people, I grew up with the idea of the fairytale happy-ever-after in my mind, and I naively thought that I'd be settled and start having a family by my mid 20s. However, life has gradually given me a rude awakening and made me question many things. The more I learn about myself, and the more I hear about other people's struggles to get everything they desire, the more I think that, despite its delectable benefits, monogamy is not all it's cracked up to be. You pay a hefty price for that heady all-consuming romance, and to make matters worse it never seems to last very long for most couples. If society is trying to sell this to me then they're not doing a good job so far. The reality of human nature seems to fracture that glorious view. I've always been obsessed with women and so in some respects I didn't really contemplate boyfriends as seriously as I should have done. Additionally, my shyness with women caused a preoccupation with thinking mainly about the sub-dom issue and that simply forming a couple with a dom or another switch would be sufficient - along with the implicit capitulation to the idea that once I was in love I could forfeit any interest in all the kinks that she didn't share and just be happy. It had gone through my mind that I could also have a boyfriend outside the household, maybe another married bisexual. But as time has gone on and I've thought more on my sexual and emotional needs, I've come to think that for me it's more complicated than that. Not only do I yearn to be both dominant and submissive but I also yearn to be both male and female (in terms of sexuality and domestic role rather than gender per se), i.e. to fully indulge in all my aspects of who I am as a highly emotional and sexual creature. As for boyfriends, I realised the somewhat impractical and unfulfilling nature of the idea that I can date a man from outside the household and just meet him for sex a couple of times a month. When my anal libido suddenly peaks and I'm craving to be ravished I don't want to phone him up and arrange to meet next week for goodness sake! I need him there with me to share life. I need him to hold me down and me there and then, before I climb the walls and him. I seek deep, meaningful bonds with all my lovers and really want them living with me so that I can bask in their wonderful company as much as possible. At which point one seriously starts to question the suitability of monogamy and contemplate its shortcomings. I'm very open to monogamy, but unless you can give me everything I need then it doesn't seem sensible that you can expect to be my only lover. However, just because there is more than one adult living with me doesn't mean that I love you any less. It would be like accusing me of betraying you because I also love my or my . If you are, like me, curious about polyfidelity then I would be most glad to hear from you. |
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