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HetFlex_K 51M
159 posts
4/8/2021 10:41 pm
the Federal police department of some crazy blah blah


Even as I begin typing this a smile is breaking out on my face, and I feel the urge to laugh bubbling up inside of me…

I’ve written before about how little my phone rings, how often it is a wrong number, salesman calling, etc. and how I handle those situations. It is such a rare occurrence to hear my phone ring, or see it light up, that I am always surprised and caught off guard when it does. Lately I’ve had my sounds turned off all the time, so whether or not it rings or receives a text message, I don’t hear an alert. I just glance at it occasionally to see if the message light is blinking. These past couple of weeks I’ve managed to look down at just the right time more than once though, and noticed someone was calling me. Nearly every time it has been eve, so I’ve answered.

Today I happened to look down at my phone and see it was ringing, and when I glanced at the number saw that it was an Oregon area code. The rest of it was not familiar, but I went ahead and answered anyways. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen, right?

A very distinct computer generated voice came on the line and informed me that this was a message from the Federal Bureau of police departments (or some such nonsense) that there was suspicious activity with one of my bank accounts, and a warrant had been issued for my arrest. If I wanted to speak to a police officer, I could press blah blah blah. It sounded mostly ridiculous, but curiosity got the best of me and I went ahead and pushed the appropriate button. When the voice on the other line came through, it was abundantly clear the “officer” was not from the 503 area code. That’s Oregon, in case you don’t get the joke. His accent was thick, and very Hindu / Indian. I burst out laughing.

Before I could stop laughing and give my retort, which is usually, “You don’t seriously think anyone is going to believe this shit?” or some version of it, he hung up on me. I honestly think he did it while I was laughing. Had he been even remotely legit he would have remained on the line and insisted, but he didn’t. The poor, pathetic scammer was found out before he even had a chance to try his scam out on me. What a truly sad existence he must lead, trying to make a living being a liar and scumbag.

Had I been prepared for this, I would have played along for a while, never giving him any real information but definitely wasting his time and maybe confusing him a bit. The idea of telling him my name is Abraham Lincoln makes me smile, because I can just hear his voice repeating the name over and over again as he tries to extract more information. If I were lucky, I’d have a recording device handy to capture the audio. My phone is a burner model, so there is no account information directly linked to it. Once a month I make a payment, but it’s not even set for automatic pay. Looking up my phone number doesn’t really tell anyone anything about me, so having a little fun on it / with it isn’t dangerous like it might be for some of you. Not only is mine easily replaceable it keeps me virtually anonymous, or at least enough to feel safe from pathetic scammers like this one. Having a little fun at their expense is the least I can do. Maybe it’ll keep them busy long enough that they don’t have time to call you, or someone you love, until a later date. Maybe the scam will be so unsuccessful time will run out, and they won’t get the opportunity to make that call at all…


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