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Sitting in the Shadows She watches and looks but no one stands out… when someone does stand out he quickly disappoints her. The disappointment is not on purpose it’s the world we find ourselves in but she was taught a long time ago “Don’t make someone your priority when you are just their option” She feels a lack of connection with most; very seldom does she find someone that ignites a flame that makes her yearn to submit. She is strong as she continues her journey everyday aware of her void that grows bigger and deeper. It is this void that makes her careful and distant with most. She takes time like a during breaking a need to be seen from all sides before trust can be given, sometimes she hands over her reins just to see what might happen… not very often does it work out for her and this has only been done a couple times each time makes it harder than the time before. To her the investment is important on all sides and one must invest before a return can be given. She has been there before in the beginning as she learned of herself in this new world were it was ok to be selectively vulnerable. A vulnerability she felt ashamed to show before and is still a challenge to show, most get to see the Tomboy never getting to see the Princess… taught to be strong, emotionally solid not needy or whiny.. She was taught it was weak to ask for things but then told she needed to communicate. She made terrible decisions then and learned to protect this gift and not let it be exploited. Sometimes late at night it gets the better of her and tears fall on her pillows but then she opens her eyes to a new day and pushes on…. Why because that is what is expected of her. This is the life she wants but it would be her biggest challenge to find vanilla no longer quenches her thirst. It stays on her mind almost every minute of everyday. She doesn't want to play she wants to be able to give herself fully and this would be the most risky proposition of her life and guarded because of its power. The same thing she longs for also has the ability to Destroy her, Mark her, Scar her and she is aware very much aware… That is why she sits in the shadows and watches. |
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'She made terrible decisions then and learned to protect this gift and not let it be exploited'. It is, in fact, a gift. That is why it deserves protecting.
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