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Two years on...How the chapter ended.... release.. It has been over 2 since I posted a blog... it doesn’t feel that long... my blog, until now, has been my real life experiences written for the Director of said experiences... that relationship, dynamic ended ... it was hard, I described it as having the hooks ripped out of me .. each thread and hook that had sunk in, held secure, made strong was torn out one by one.. slowly at first, so slow I didn’t realise... then the hooks that had been O.our foundation wrenched free.. and it hurt. Feelings, so intense in building, were as strong when being demolished... and then there was the rebuilding, the coming back, You throwing lifelines which I tried so hard not grasp onto because I knew that that lifeline would end around my neck.. These calls grew further and further apart and gradually I adjusted, still feeling that they would continue and at some point, when the time was right, W.we would start a new chapter.... but I struggled... so I learnt, I studied, I consumed everything on power and control in relationships, on trauma bonding, on energies, on traits in people like U.us.... and I began to understand what had happened, why and how... it didn’t help with my feelings but my head got straight..... I still wanted.... but with understanding..... I still thought that it couldn’t just end.... Gradually my heart (or should I say cunt) caught up with my head.... and I found my peace.... but still there were infrequent hooks thrown out that I still latched onto, sending me back into turmoil. I needed for Him to let me go. One day the torment ended , the word arrived. ‘Release’... He gave release... naturally I’d heard this word before used in terms of ending a D/s relationship.. but never, ever, had I realised how powerful that word would be.... I read it and felt it... and let go..... And after all this time I’m here .. exploring.. pondering... what if........ |
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So long, yet it seems like yesterday. I'm sorry about the pain, but glad that your heart (or its doppelgänger) has found peace. It's incredible to realize that you're actually back. You've been missed.  
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Thank you so much!!!! X
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Grief is so different with each one of us but once you come out on the other side life can be lived once again.
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7/14/2020 6:04 pm |
Clearly, you had a relationship that in its best moments appeared interminable and from which one was inextricable, but at other times left you with a foreboding feeling that all things do pass. And they do. It appears that you have come to, if not embrace, at least accept this truth and begin anew. Good luck!
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7/15/2020 2:05 pm |
The best thing we have in our lives is that we don't know what tomorrow brings good or bad so we recover and face life again.We cherish the best we had and keep striving for the better yet to come.Life is good and we can only enjoy it the way we desire...
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Insightful and thought provoking...I am sorry for your pain but happy for your strength.
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8/13/2021 5:38 am |
My Words Are A way Into Your Mind...Be brave And let Me In.
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