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When vanilla meets BDSM friends... The other day, some BDSM friends came to visit me, 2,5 hour drive, for the first time. I know the s type very good, we have a very good connection, the same dirty, dirty, black humor, the same very loud laugh! We are a couple of weirdo's! and love it! Mad women!  it is always great to meet her. This time her D came along, i also did meet him, before. For as far as i can see, he is a good guy. Alas, that same day a vanilla friend of me, also visited me. She is is also part of a couple, they are poor, really poor, i got a Christmas box with all kind of goodies, from a former job. I wanted to give that to them, so they would have something special to eat too. My idea was, they pick up that parcel and move!! I told her, i get some friends over, to visit me, you can not stay for long...… Due to some miscommunication (?) between her and me, she stayed on, and stayed on... Her man was collecting some wood, to build their own shed….. Really a lot of wood! She did not tell me that, i did not asked, i was in the assumption he was just going to the shop and buy some wood for the woodstove… NOT. So, my totall planning of making some food, baking, and nice drinks, went all out of the window! Madness! My BDSM friends arrived, i was really happy to see my friend again! So we could talk about their really very fresh D/s dynamic and about "the scene"... NOT. At one point i asked that vanilla friend, when is your guy collecting you again? She just kept on, about the sheep she has and all kind of technical talk about the difference between all kind of sheep…. At that moment she told me about the amount of wood, he was supposed to collect. I told her, i dont really like this, you know, my friends are coming all the way here, to have some great time with me, and you just don go home? what is this? If you dont go in like 15 minutes i kick you out! She apologize about it, called her guy and started talking again..... GGGGrrrrr. This time she wanted to know how the two of us get to know each other..... Silence... like 3 seconds!!, I totally forgot i can not out my friends, and also, it is non of her bissniss! go a way! At that moment my friend also became very quiet, very quiet, so i improvised and told her, i met her online... that was no lie. pfffff…… vanillas! The vanilla friend looked at me, and looked at my sub girlfriend. Oh? was her reply..... IT.IS. NON. OF. YOUR. FFFF. BUSNISS! You just can not mix vanilla friends with BDSM friends. Because vanillas (?), Especially the female kind, is very nosy, want to know everything.. Or, so they think...… NOT. She wont be able to understand it, she is 200.000.000 % vanilla! Also, i dont want to have to justify my life choiches. IT. IS. NON. OF THEIR. FFF. BUSNISS! They wont ever be able to understand. I was very upset after she left, we talked about it, my subgirlfriend told me; you did a great job, you were so fast with that online story! hahahaha! The thing is, i dont like to lie about it, i dont like to have to take in account the fragile vanilla mental state …. When i have to behave like that, it feels to me, that i am violating my own bounderies, my core being. MY whole life, i tried to fit in, "be normal". I am done with that! I will be more caferfull, who i invite in my house. it was never ment to be, that they would meet each other. There was nothing to gain in meeting each other. You can not mix vanilla with BDSM friends. When you do, the conversation become very guided. You have to constantly watch what you are saying, the kind of (dirty/sm jokes) you make... It is totally uncomfortable. NEVER AGAIN. |
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Just an other lesson learned... I still want to contact that vanilla friend, just to make sure she is allright….
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intense but i think is possible to mix vanilla with BDSM... well, until a certain point
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12/28/2019 8:52 am |
The only solution I can think of is that when vanilla friend called, you have to hide somewhere & pretend you are out!!
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12/28/2019 10:06 am |
Interesting story, I too, believe you can mix vanilla with BDSM, just know their limitations, and I'm here for the points
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12/28/2019 10:10 am |
I have thought about this a lot. I had a health scare which turned out to be nothing. But at one point I started imagining my funeral. I have lot of sex friends and a lot of vanilla friends. I would like for them all to get along. But at the moment only one friend is in both circles. We just don't talk about what we like when there is a vanilla around. But TBH I enjoy both sets of people. But not all in one room LOL
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Well, let me put it clear, when i talk with my bdsm friends, the vanillas would be shocked out of their socks! Cant handle that kind of talk, and, nó, it is not porn talk, at all. But, powerdynamic/Authority dynamic talk. That gives a whole other outlook on relations and responsiblitys. it is about responsibility as a sub and as a dom, it is about surrender and communication and responsibility, willing and being able to take on that amount of responsibility, for both partners, in that dynamic, and maybe some 'tool' use... and the impact of those tools. It is about the many, many, very, very subtle nuances in a D/s, or M/s dynamic, relation and how to handle them... I am NOT talking kinky dirty fantasy "fun" roleplay time. EVERY vanilla finds that very 'interesting'...… as long as they can get horny...… 
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12/28/2019 1:09 pm |
Vanilla will never understand,. it's something scary to them. You're right they are always nosy wanting to know how you know someone or how you met someone. And how long you have known them. When vanilla people find out the friends are bdsm they want to know every detail. I've always been very private. I'm not going to call a family meeting and announce to everyone what I like about bdsm, and I'm not going to be in a bdsm parade. If they don't need to know they aren't going to know.
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Mixing vanilla with bdsm is never good, I keep both sides of my life separate and rarely do they meet. The other day a gal from work showed up at the dungeon I visit. We were both surprised but neither of us will mention at work how else we know each other, and we really know each other now. Seeing another person naked is one thing, seeing a person naked tied up, in pain, or enjoying bondage sex is another. Age is another issue, she is young and I am old so to be seeing each other at work would raise eyebrows a lot. What am I, almost 3 times her age? SO, what happens at the dungeon, stays at the dungeon. I can just see us in the HR office explaining.....
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alwaysassertive, indeed, when i told some people about bdsm, in my naïef days.. cough! They were in shock. It is só far out of their comfortzone, they makes you a dangerous freak... cant handle it. Or, always want to know if you were beat as a child or … you name it... I always get confronted with their porn version of bdsm = kinky sex games... I am always totally suprised that they think they have the right to know all the details about my 'alternative sexuality"..... We agree on more than 1 item, view.. about SM, i think....
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joseph19563, Yes, i know, i dont want to mix them. This was not planned and the vanilla woman friend, just did not understand apparently, that i wanted to be alone, with my SM friends. She did not takes on hint very well, i presume? I just dont like to be on guard all the time, to have to think about where and how and such things... i that gets on my nerves, to have to think about why and how they are my friends, who cares? they are my friend, period! I never ask those things when i meet the friends of vanilla friends?! I just think; so, they are friends? fine. allright. Who cares were they did meet?
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