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I should go to bed... but.... ;-) lets talk about munches, gatherings, partys, meet up, sales |
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That is the advice they on FET, always give newbies or not so newbies..... Meet people as people Talk and make friends........ I have visited a lot of munches, meetings, partys, sales... A LOT. i travelled from North to South, from West to East, here in Holland... All those munches... all the people there... I almost always had a great contact with the person who organised the munches. But, for the rest? I never saw one person there, be it a woman or a man, who made me wanted to talk with them. Really. What i did saw, was a lot of very nervous adults, giggling about anything remotely sexual... I did not get that, Why? It is a munch, it is a social gathering, no sm, or play or kinky clothes are allowed there.... SO, what is the thing with all the nervous energy and gigling? I never understood.... What i did saw, was this one woman, who did not wear a any undies, who was encouraged to raise her skirt and show herself on the street... You need to know, this munch was in a very Traditional neighberhood. it was a stricktly moslim neighborhood.... Raising your skirt to show your pick parts? on the terrasse of a cafee? On a bussy street, with young childeren running around, playing in the street...? The word consent did not really hit home, i think.... You just wonder, what is wrong with those folks? The conversations i listen in on, were all about play and tools and obey and punishment, orgasms, sucking his dick ,etc etc... Not ONE conversation was about the connection, the energy. The building of a bond, first. NOT one! So, why should i still go to munches? There is nothing there for me. I find most people there, very disgusting in their behaviour. All the giggling i find very annoying. it are all adults, for crying out loud. I have been to "partys", where people could "play" whith their partners of choice, for all to see, watch.... I am not made for public play, nor for watching public play. it makes me feel very much uncomfortable. I like to visit a sauna, i love to swim naked, i have been aan nude model on a Art Academy..... I am comfortable in my own naked skin. Just when i have to watch others performe some sort of act, i feel very ackward. It is just too intimate, for me.... I dont need to watch that, I dont want to watch or hear that, be witness of their shared SM sexuality. So, when munches are not my place to be, or meet...? where to go then? Musea? But, and then, what? scouting for a man with dominance traits? and then what? Putting an ad on a (vanila?) dating site? With some key words in the text? NON SM key words, ofcourse.....? I really dont know, where to go to, to find such a man.....?! When i cant even find such a person "in the scene"? The advise from FET, is also; dont fish in the vanilla pont... But, to me, fetlife and also here, it is almost all vanilla with kink.... ( nothing wrong, if that is what you long for) It is not what i want , long for. Or they tell me; why dont you just take what is offered to you, by those bedroom= parttime doms? The thing is; Being submissive is NOT sexually orientated by me, for me.. I just cant "act" or take on "the role" of only being sexual submissive, to perform, for his liking, some sexual acts... endure some actions from him, for his cratification.... mostly.... while the biggest part and need is not fullfilled?! while I stay empty, and lost and very, very sad.... To me, that is as fake, as act like i am a vanilla and lead guys on... i just cant.. Like i told you, i should have gone to bed......  
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Those, what i call Bedroom dominants, lack any consistency. I let some of those, perform some acts on my body, All the time, i was waiting to feel, experience their "dominance"- it was just not there! They were performing acts on my body. I, the submissive person, was never involved. never. It was all about the body.. and no consistency from them.
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I think you have laid out your thoughts very succinctly and I admire that. While it is not easy to find someone that matches you at a mental level, I would not give up hope and keep looking. Since SM means different things to different people, you should share this column to anyone that is interested in you and take it from there. As long as you are clear about your expectations and thoughts that you have written in this post, they would know if you two are the right fit. I sincerely hope that you do find the one that meets your requirements.
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I went to one munch, there were 2 of us there. I have found more interesting BDSM folks accidently than through any site.
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I think that when you do connect fully with someone, they are going to be very lucky! I think you will give yourself to them completely.....because of the connection and the knowledge that they really have taken control an are willing to dominate you both physically and mentally.
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My heart goes out to you rose... It is so difficult finding what you seek... But I also would suggest pinning this blog, so potential, actual Dom's could see it... And just don't give up... Try to find that needle in a haystack, because it's there... Keep the faith! ~ Physical strength is measured by what we carry. Inner strength is measured by what we can bear. ~
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Sorry to hear you had such a bad much experience.. Here in kc the munches are very laidback.. You basically are there to just socialize..make contact..nothing sexual or lifestyle is even discussed.
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8/28/2021 6:57 pm |
Well done
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Luvs2pleze, Thank you for your kind words. I dont get much reactions, and when i do, they dont have a cleu, so after max two mails, they disappear....
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joseph, Two?? oh my god! The munches i have been to, were all very bussy. a lot of folks.... But, always the same faces, the same cliques; every body "knows" everybody and they are all totally into each other...  amp;A kind of group behaviour that is not my style....
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Bumtingler, Indeed, that is how iit feels for me, Thank you for your wise encouraging words..
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pac, Thank you, you almost made me cry..... I know, i know.... sighs... Thank you,  What is pinning?
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likematures, I know! BUT, then you have to find somone, with wich you want to "socialize with"..... That is the whole case...... Thanks for your reaction.
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