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Asking questions? That is a sign, that you deal with someone, who did think about what SM, D/s or M/s all could mean, for them. Those who dont want to answer your questions, are not serious. just want a play sex thing... no strings attached, no connection, no commitment, NOT WANTING TO HAVE ANY RESPONSIBLITY. I always have a bunch of questions for who ever i talk to. Once, i had this date, he seems to be a decent man..... Could keep an conversation going, about something else then his dick and the needs of his dick....  BUT, when i asked him; what does dominance means to you? He started talking about how the riding crop was his favorite toy, because it was also his late wifes favorite toy..... FLABBERGASTED! HUH? what? disconnection, on the mental scale. When i asked what it did mean for him, to accept those dominant feelings.. How he did come to terms with that? he looked at me, as if i was talking Greece?! HUH, what? Never, ever did he think about that, because it was all only in the bedroom games He did not do any soulsearching, or selfacceptance, of these needs/wants.... It was only some sexual game, play.... He could just put this aberation of him in a tight little box that was only opened, when he and his wife wanted to play... the sex kinky role thing. When his wife did not feel like 'playing', nothing happened. ( who is the dominant, in this?) It had in no way, any connection with the rest of his life or emotions or such thing... NEVER. There was not even a partial power exchange.. it was sex play act. ( fine, if that is what you want, or is enough for you) That was something that always totally surprised me.. This happened time and time again, with the dates i had.... To me, it is connected with all and everything, in my daily life. And, that is also how i want it. Once, i had this contact, i told him; i have some questions for you. He response was; Bye!  With questions, i mean, non sexual questions, about who you are, what your selfimage is, how you became the person, you are now... and more of those things. Like when you make a new friend, you talk about what it is that you two have in common, what is important, for you, and what not.. Later, much later, there is time enough for the more sexual orientated questions. After the two have build trust and friendship. Communication should flow, freely. But, that is just how i think about this all. Everybody else can have their own ideas, needs and wants. |
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I think, people orientated like me, are a very small niche In this whole SM world Also, since kink -NOT SM - has become more and more common, People do not educate themselves anymore, or dont do any soulsearching. It is becoming more and more some shoppinglist activity. No responsiblity, No common sense. My idea.
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12/29/2021 12:32 pm |
Dominance is just a label for many things a Dom must be and show and have in his life experiences. I define it as leadership, accountability for one's actions (right, wrong, good, bad, indifferent), emotional intelligence & maturity, and much more. A true Dom is not just a guy who barks orders, tells a sub what to wear, or what position to be in to get fucked. A true Dom understands his authority comes from experience in life as a coach, counselor, mentor, teacher, trainer, confidante, and much more... the least of which, but still equally important is the facilitator of his sub's deepest, darkest, most secret desires. Just my two cents.
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I find it refreshing when I talk with Mistress because there is no question that she is afraid to answer. She doesn't take it as questioning her authority, She's very happy to answer.
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Kruture, Amen, to that! That sounds like what i think it should be, between a submissive and a dominant.
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drmgirl, ExACTly! Not afraid to answer, not feeling attacked by the questions, just confidence and the willingness to answer honesty. OOh, i am soo happy for you, two! 
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It's indeed very surprising how many do not seem to, or maybe more precisely not dare to, reflect about their own personal reasons to be attracted to BDSM. So many people just seem to take it for granted or in the case of guys maybe even more often, as an easy means to get their sexual urges satisfied, even if it is often just imaginary.
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sletje, Thanks for your reaction.  Well, as is stated on the this site, too. It is for most men / maybe women too, just a way to get (kinky) sex, or to finally be able to fulfill that one sexual fantasie(?) There is a lot of projection goin on, afcourse, those men watched some socalled sm= fucking == scene and want to reenact that... so they are looking for an prop, to reenact that one scene.... with. Objectivication, too The thing is, most just dont even know that they are objectiving this person, at all.
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teacher, this man, was looking for someone to play with... Nothing more, nothing less.....
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