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Blogs > ExNameForUse > Thoughts of an Introvert

Thoughts of an Introvert

Splendour in the Grass

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Gaslighting
Posted:Mar 20, 2023 11:20 am
Last Updated:Mar 21, 2023 9:06 pm
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Gaslighting is when a person denies your reality for an extended period of time creating a lack of self-trust or a feeling of being 'crazy.'

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where a person attempts to control perception. It is a pattern of behavior, where a person (over time) has us questioning our own sanity.

Gaslighting gives people a false illusion of power and control because it allows them to control their perception. They create their own narrative and force this narrative through manipulation that can happen over weeks, months, or even years.

Many of us experience gaslighting as , which makes it even harder for us to identify it as adults. Gaslighting in childhood sounds like:

- consistently telling a how they feel
- denying events that took place ("dad isn't drunk, he's just tired")
- denying hurt feelings ("don't be a drama queen, it's not that bad")
- forcing a to do things they're uncomfortable with, then shaming them for being uncomfortable
- "you made me do this" or "I did that because i love you" (creating a belief that bring on pain or abuse)

The 5 Main Types Of Gaslighting:

1. Chronic Lying: a pattern of lying where once caught within a lie, instead of admitting the lie, your character is attacked. ("you are so crazy!). Over time, you second guess what is actually reality.

2. Reputation Smearing: a pattern of gossiping and discrediting a person in order to get people on 'their side' or to get sympathy. This gives someone a sense of power over your reputation and how people perceive you.

3. Chronic Objecting: when you talk about the issue or try to hold the person accountable, they switch the topic and attempt to throw you off course. Often feels like going in circles, and leaves you feeling defeated.

4. Chronic Blame: any time you have an issue, the person blames you for bringing that issue on, rather than taking accountability for their behavior.

ex: "I wouldn't have done that if you weren't always on my case."

5. Narrative creating: a pattern of re-creating a new narrative about how events went that doesn't actually match up with the events. This makes one person the "victim" while the other person questions their sanity.

The impact of gaslighting:

1. Confusion around what's real and what's not.
2. A feeling of being trapped or ashamed that 'everyone' thinks you're crazy.
3. Over-responsibility: a feeling that you caused someone's feelings that leads to endless apologizing.
4. Chronic shame: "what's wrong with me" "I am a fraud"
5. Shut down: fear of sharing anything because in the past, it's been weaponized.

Dr. Nicole LePera

Been there... in childhood, in adulthood... not a nice place to be... and a long way back home, to yourself again.
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