Red flags.. for Dominant and submissive alike
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Posted:Sep 26, 2013 11:31 pm
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2016 12:15 am 137579 Views
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“Red flag" is a term to describe a personal trait or behavior that is common in people who are harmful to their partners. When getting to know someone online it is very important that you look for these flags. When you see these red flags, slow down or stop the relationship. Understand that none of these red flags alone are definitely a sign of a bad person. They only tend to be an indicator of a problem situation. The more you see these red flags, the more you are at risk. Many of these red flags can apply to both unhealthy Dominants and submissives. These recommendations are to help you avoid getting into an abusive relationship. If you think you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship please contact somebody.
Red Flags:
1 - Tries to separate you from your friends, family or BDSM community.
2 - Avoids talking about personal details. They get mad when you ask or quickly ends the conversation or answers questions with questions.
3 - Has no BDSM references or friends you can talk to.
4 - Gets angry when you ask for references or ask around about them.
5 - Is inconsistent with details about themselves.
6 - Does not give you their home and work phone number at the appropriate time.
7 - Only communicates with you at strange hours and gets mad if you try to contact them at other times.
8 - Criticizes the BDSM community and refuses to participate, especially if they never were part of it.
9 - Consistently breaks promises.
10 - Always finds excuses for not meeting.
11 - Always puts blame on others for things going wrong.
12 - Does not take personal responsibility.
13 - Has bad relationships with most or all of their family members.
14 - Pressures you into doing things you do not want to do.
15 - Does not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts.
16 - Pushes you into a D/s relationship too fast.
17 - Falls in love with you way too fast and swears undying love before even meeting you.
18 - Hides behind their D/s authority and says that their authority should not be questioned.
19 - Tries to make you feel guilty for not being good enough. They say that you are not a "True" sub.
20 - Loses control of their emotions in arguments and regresses to yelling, name-calling and blame.
21 - Puts you down in front of other people.
22 - Turns instantly on their friends, going from best friend to arch enemy at the drop of a hat.
23 - Treats you lovingly and respectfully one day and then harshly and accusingly the next.
24 - Goes to great lengths to get revenge on people.
25 - Lies or withholds information. Cheats on you or is overly jealous.
26 - Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like.
27 - Tries to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship.
28 - Does not respect your feelings, rights, or opinions.
29 - Belittles your ideas, thoughts and/or feelings.
30 - Blames you for your hurt feelings.
31 - Abuses alcohol or other drugs.
32 - Is constantly asking for large amounts of money from you or others.
33 - Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm
34 - Deliberately saying or doing things that result in getting themselves seriously hurt
35 - Monitors your communications (emails, phone calls, chats) with others
36 - Only interacts with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if role-playing.
37 - Will not have normal everyday vanilla conversations.
38 - Never shows you their human side, is emotionless, and/or hides their vulnerability behind their D/s role.
39 - Has multiple online identities for interacting with the same communities.
40 - Disappears from communication for days or weeks at a time without explanation.
41 - Is rude to public servants such as waitresses, cashiers and janitors.
42 - Never says thank you, excuse me or I am sorry to anyone
Disclaimer – I did not write this... I copied it from another place. It came from the net with no named author. If you would like to add this to your profile or journal, please feel free to do so.
This list is for other folks out there so that they may be better educated and prepared. There are a lot of wonderful people in the 'lifestyle', but there are also a lot of unsavory ones, both male and female. Be careful, and remember, the only silly question is the one you left unasked!
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Touch louder than words
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Posted:Mar 23, 2013 5:24 pm
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2013 3:31 pm 137524 Views
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Touch louder than words
Psychology Today April 2013
Touch louder than words
"Touch is the first sense we acquire and the secret weapon in many successful relationship.
Louder than words."
"The true indicator of a healthy long-term relationship is not how often your partner touches you, but, how often your partner touches you in response to you touch.
"A mother's touch can mitigate pain when babies are given a blood test. infant massage has also been linked to better sleep and increased sociability-as well as increased growth of premature babies."
"Physical contact between teammates predicted performance across all NBA teams. The more on-court touching there was early on in the season, the more successful teams and individual players were by season's end."
"
over time people adjust the amount of touching they do to move closer to their significant others habits. among couples in long-term marriages, touching reaches an almost one to one ratio.
//--
78% accuracy in communicating with touch:
anger
fear
disgust
love
gratitude
sympathy
happiness
sadness
a heterosexual male will rate the male hand touches as less pleasant; even if hand is really female.
a touch from women respond better and stimulate the primary somatosensory cortex.
"when you're being touched by another person, your brain isn't set up to give you the objective qualities of that touch. The entire experience is affective by your social evaluation of the person touching you"
the language of touch is instinctive and global. even if taken for granted or underestimated.
touch may be more versatile than voice, facial recognition and other types
with face and voice we identify one or to clear positive signals
joy the only positive emotion reliably decoded from faces.
Touch can communicate multiple positive emotions. :
joy
love
gratitude
sympathy
context determines relevance (kinesthesis? V vendetta?)
learning the language of touch::
we begin receiving tactile signals before birth.
a mothers touch enhances attachment between mother and ,
security
generate negative or positive emotions
mitigate pain
massage for,
better sleep
reduce irritability
increase sociability
comfort of touch is predominately learned.
warm climate produce more liberal touching than cold. possibly leading to the availability of skin. sunlight has been know to affect mood(affiliativeness and libidinousness) and migratory patterns from climate to climate.
atheist and agnostic touch more than religiously thought. tolerance is not permanent.
increased acceptable touching causes more favorable reactions, even if only subconsciously, including tips, shopping and requests.
team building: the more on court touching there was early on, the more successful teams and individuals by the seasons end. independent to skill or compensation.
touch increase cooperative context.
touch releases oxytocin "the cuddle hormone" including self-touching. self-massage slows heart rate and lowers cortisol "the stress hormone"
Touch of love::
you can't touch without being touched
touching receives the benefits of being touched
giving a massage reduces stress
sending a message of touch receives info
accepts or deny the touch
relaxed or tense
worm or cold
12 behaviors increase intimacy
1 eye to body
2 eye to eye
3 speaking
4-12 touching holding hands
kissing
sexual intimacy
in the beginning it's exploration
public touch -> marriage
then tapers off
then adjusts to move closer to the others habits
longest term reaches almost 1 to 1 touching
reciprocity is the best indicator of touching in relationships.
The laws of social contract
degree of dominance & degree of intimacy
best handshake - medium high warm touch
"a person who touches a lot say's I'm a warm friendly person"
"touchy people" _ be over the top or harassing
physical contact creepy or threatening
context matters.
casual touching - ' shoulder to the hand often only accepted
upper back ok too
same sex vs opposite- sex
quality, duration, intensity, circumstances
quick tap of attention ok
most cases of sexual harassment involves stroking touches.
a touch seems more intimate with other signals
prolonged gaze
or held an instant too long
brief squeeze - sympathy or support
long squeeze w/ eye contact - aggression
[ games - pat ( lob or swing thrown touch) on the arms and shoulders to butt (physical workers?) for congratulations
in office like stroking better a subordinate to initiate
(after care?) consoling touch usually ok
pats hugs and varying touches
misinterpretation less a worry
it seems during intense grief or fear or love or joy ; only touch can express what we feel
--------------//
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
surface impact: the physical sensations of objects we touch influence our more abstract feelings.
embodied cognition: physical selves shape our psychological selves. (aka Macro/Microcosmic) awareness allows the mind to over rule. (*what about the rest of quantum theorem*)
physical object qualities::
hard or soft
heavy or lightness (density)
rough or smooth (texture) (Chemistry - also light/color)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What your skin reveals::
The skin is a rich source of information about what we're thinking and feeling - no touch required.
vasodilation which makes the skin warm, soft, and pliable. It can be detected even in close proximity.
skin flush (blush) when a person becomes flummoxed, embarrassed, or getting caught
sweat gives away hot issues or existent (adrenaline?)
in reaction to strong negative emotions, threats or danger, the body sends blood to larger muscles for running or fighting; and makes the skin cold and more grey, ashen and or pale. in shock or at a loss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
****-------
theory - putting on clothing moves the range of necessary touches to
socioeconomic/political/ religious/ mental/ all chakra's?
if you are close enough to touch, it's the easiest way to signal something.
body language is touch language extended to personal space, and comfort zones
anything with a pattern and a rhythm can transmit information (serial/parallel)
negative - assumption questions will get the most honest response from salesman
negative assumption suggestion questions cause double binds and impossible commands.
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ExEquisLibre
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Posted:Feb 8, 2013 5:18 pm
Last Updated:Mar 21, 2013 6:55 pm 37180 Views
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This is the guideline/notes for my r/l lover as we explore ponie play.
Under Construction
Head harness or mask: Glasses for deBlinders
Bit: TBA
Reins: a strip of leather lacing, braided into hair.
(sometimes with keychain flogger attached to length so as to dangle to her vaginal area.
Saddle: blanket or towel ; toybag
Tail: Ben-wa balls on a string
Hoofs: cane?
Riding crop: my cane, purple flogger, leather strap flogger
Cart: Riding in a cart drawn by human ponies is one of the ultimate fetish experiences. maybe a text one hehe
Care and feeding of your pony:
treats
bathe, brush and braid (feed)
888888888888888888888888888888888888
Mistress Ariachne's BDSM Workshop: Delights of the Human Pony
by mistress ariachne
Published 2005-06-23
Play Time
I love pony play because it allows for such a wide variety of actions. Often I will dress up my pony girl or boy for a play party or club and simply lead him or her around on a leash, administering the occasional riding cropping as necessary.
For more involved pony play, I teach my pony to do tricks, like trotting, rearing, cantering, even stamping out numbers. I make liberal use of the riding crop in this kind of training.
The ultimate use for a pony, in my opinion, is drawing a cart. This is an activity that most pony girls or boys can handle. There is nothing more regal than riding in a cart drawn by two or more human ponies. [GMTB maybe one made out of text] A pony-drawn cart can be fun indoors or out. You can make a grand entrance into a play party in such a cart, especially if the play party is in a large space. In my opinion, the real fun starts outdoors. If you have access to open countryside, take your ponies and cart out and take in the air.
Fuckbag:
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BBQ
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Posted:Feb 3, 2013 5:45 pm
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2016 12:18 am 35911 Views
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Repurposed vendors cart from one of the old timers at the capital building lunches.
*pulls in the BBQ gear in through the ether and parks it over by the porch, on the lawn. pulls over top and puts charcoal in that grill*
*pokes around the cooler*
*wonders what a floor heaters to roast slave is*
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
knightrider (50M) we may look to put a BBQ and roasting pit down near the jacuzzi
knightrider (50M) and our roasting pit will be rigged to roast meet and a couple of floor heaters to roast slaves as well
knightrider (50M) lets continue to talk and lay out designe, so we can post it and let em know your role will be in charge of the BBQ whether Dom or slave.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
GeiaMageTechBear (40M) when should i be prepared by?
GeiaMageTechBear (40M) *shakes*
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o smiles and shakes geia's hand
GeiaMageTechBear (40M) deal
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 even as Dom, you will still be submivvie to me, unless I am in slave mode
GeiaMageTechBear (40M) {{{~Everything~}}}
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o winks at geia what can I tell ya
*note* uniform is in the taylors
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Notes
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Posted:Feb 3, 2013 9:06 am
Last Updated:May 1, 2022 7:27 pm 137099 Views
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Veterans Occupy
1) Leader
2) Assistant
3) Communication
4) Transport
5) Medic
6) Supply/Treasurer
7) Engineer/Construction
8} Public Relations
9) Fire Suppression (firemen,EMS)
10)Nutrition Storage/ procurement
11)Intelligence anylist
12)Chaplain
~air
3 min
~water
3 days
~food
3 wks
recomended daily allowences?
~signaling
phone
internet
~navigation
~medicine / hygiene
~clothing
~intel / news
~rescue
~repair
~shelter
~leadership
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SSC/RAC
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Posted:Jan 31, 2013 2:10 pm
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2016 12:19 am 36811 Views
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my bias is that [Risk Aware Consent kink] was [Safe, Sane, Consensual] with "sanity" taken out for the horny fuckers for whom sanity was not an option.
(lunatics are people too. Also, once upon a time almost everything that goes on here used to qualify as clinically, legally or religiously insane; instead of just diversity.)
That said.
Safe, Sane, Consensual was a checklist before it became a philosophy. It's the base minimum Body/Mind/Legal to maintain continued active sex. (To me it's _why_ newbies and spiced vanilla need to start there: To continue.)
Distinguishing SCC _from_ common sense is kind of undefined to me.
{{{"So my question is, is SSC/RACK needed? and if so why when we have common sense?"}}}}
Is the idea needed, yes. Was it ever the only way, no.
It's just the best Darwin Award preventer I've ever heard of for ~exploring~ anything. (Sex, ones own mind, a new place or space)
For the high cost of what we don't know... yet.
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Sir
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Posted:Jan 31, 2013 12:35 pm
Last Updated:Feb 3, 2013 6:48 pm 31124 Views
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If you fuck into the Abyss, the Abyss fucks back.
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