when will my cum shots be mine again?
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Posted:Jul 22, 2022 3:49 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 4:50 am 3068 Views
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When I temporarily lost access to both of my ManyVids accounts recently I had to seriously consider the idea that I might be prematurely retiring from making porn. It was the site with the highest revenue potential for me, so losing the ability to make money there kind of gave me an anxiety attack. I had to start thinking about what my next steps in life would be; if I wasn’t going to make adult movies what would I do for income? The stress of it had me in a bit of a panic.
One of my defense or coping mechanisms is to try and see the positive or potential benefit in an undesirable situation, and take advantage of it. It’s the kind of thing that got me through 2 / two prison sentences, during which time I did things like gain education, apply for and get accepted to college, compose over 200 / two hundred songs, and so on. I was being punished, but I refused to let that time become a total waste, so I did my best to use it wisely. Taking that way of thinking and using it to look at my potential porn-free future, I tried to see the positives and devise ways to remain creative and inspired. I thought about finally dedicating large amounts of time to making music, or seeing where attempts at internet fame might lead me, but once I stopped worrying about a job and finances the “other” positives came much easier. Among them was the fact that I would no longer have to worry about saving myself, or my sexual energy, for videos. And it made me realize just how trapped I feel sometimes, and how one could almost argue that my sexuality, arousal, and even orgasms aren’t always mine.
Sometimes I want to jerk off, but I remember I have to film the next day, or at least realize that I should. That energy, and frankly even the sperm themselves, are a commodity. If I masturbate, then several hours later need to get aroused so I can perform in front of the camera, things can definitely be more difficult for me. It can lead to things like performance anxiety, or just plain bad footage. It’s good to be hungry when you enter an eating contest, and for me nothing beats showing off my genuine arousal, so I need to be horny (hungry) before I film. That means I abstain from all self pleasure, or I learn control, and edge myself until the moment of satisfaction finally arrives. The only problem with edging, for me, is that I can run out of that sexual energy so that by the time I try to reach the climax, I might just be tired of the whole thing. Face it; I’m nearly 50 / fifty years old, been masturbating for a VERY long time, so it isn’t as exciting as it used to be. Sure it feels good, but it’s not the sensation overload or the epic adventure it once was. Luckily I have a large libido, and equally creative and perverted inner fantasy world, so getting an erection by myself over and over and over again isn’t much of a challenge. That doesn’t mean I want or welcome distractions or obstacles though. Make it easy for me, and make it real.
If I were to stop making porn though, I wouldn’t have to worry about any of that. Every single erection, every orgasm, every moment of ecstasy would belong to me, and me alone. Unless I was sharing an intimate moment with someone, I wouldn’t have to consider whether or not it was a good time to jerk off, or if I’d need to get hard later that night or whatever. My cum shots would be my own, to enjoy or simply clean up when finished. The thought of this was a relief, I will admit, but the stress of not filming anymore was a more intense one. I felt I’d rather spend a few more years selling my boners and blown loads for the camera than not. Having a bit of self control is never a bad thing, and in this case abstaining so I can potentially make a few bucks is not the worst way to live. The alternative of working for someone else, paying taxes, and living a typical grind but being able to cum whenever I want to didn’t seem so attractive. I’ll keep trading my sexuality for freedom from that oppressive way of life, and spend little time complaining about it. Sooner or later my orgasms will be my own; let’s just hope I’m not too old by that time to fully enjoy them.
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prolific dick
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Posted:Jul 21, 2022 1:39 am
Last Updated:Jul 21, 2022 1:40 am 2253 Views
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Being horny, but without a sex partner or real outlet, I’ve found myself filming new content quite frequently. We’re talking every single day of the week sometimes.
It’s not that there aren’t holes available for me to stick my dick in, it’s just that my body hasn’t quite healed well enough to fully enjoy that sort of activity yet. So I’m left to keep myself happy, and I’ve been doing that, but also trying to be productive.
Since the weather turned nice I have been going outside a lot, and not just because public nudity is a good seller. The added risk equals a heightened arousal. In other words; my dick gets harder, much easier when I’m being a naughty fellow.
_
Though I’m still self-conscious about the scars, I’m not letting them affect my sex drive even a little bit. Or rather, they don’t seem to be keeping me from getting horny, or getting off. I suppose that’s a good thing for me and my customers / fans.
Eventually the good weather will go away though, and in place of that I will hopefully go back to filming with my sex slave ChrisSwallows. A couple more months of recovering and rehabilitating should make the timing just right. Meanwhile, it’s all about self-satisfaction, and I’m getting plenty of that.
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walk the line
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Posted:Jul 16, 2022 4:10 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 4:50 am 2584 Views
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I can walk, completely unassisted. This was never really in doubt, but ’s nice be able officially say anyways. I still limp, hop and wobble but I don’t need a crutch or cane, and is minimal pain complain about. The muscles still need wake up and get back work, but is clear progress, and I know damn well I haven’t plateaued. I fully expect regain more strength and flexibility over the next few months.
Last week I was actually able help by doing some yard work, even if was one-handed and took me twice as long to do as normally would . I also managed give my car a bath, which was something desperately needed. I’ve been on my bike roughly half a dozen times, though the distance I travel is usually under 2 / two miles, each way. Nearly every day I run errands, even if ’s returning DVDs the library. The point is that I get out of my room and get some form of exercise beyond the walks I take down our driveway - something I try do multiple times a day. All the movement and activity is basically rehab, so I don’t sit in a gym and do something repetitive like lift weights or ride a stationary bike. Heck I’ve even been playing the drums a couple of times a week, and that is good for my hip, pelvis and a few other muscle groups. So it seems things are going pretty good, and I’m making smart choices.
I still cannot cut the toenails on my right foot without extreme effort though, and without doing a poor job of it, but I am almost capable of putting my socks, pants and shoes on like a normal person now. When I go out, I am still using a single crutch and not the cane, because I desire the extra support and security it offers, especially when I get fatigued and become sloppy about my steps. Due to the extreme of gas I been unable return physical therapy sessions at the hospital, so I’m not really sure if I’m making good progress, or neglecting do something important. My concern lies less in the strength department and more in the area of flexibility. I still can’t bend over or forward very well and feel resistance and slight pain when I do. It’s unnerving, and keeps me from pushing myself further. All I can say is, the last thing I want do is cause myself even 1 / one more second of pain, so I’m taking super duper ultra easy on myself right now. Yes, the walks and exercise in general produce a certain level of , but ’s something I am comfortable handling without reaching for a bottle of pain relievers. I am just so completely DONE with being in pain all the time.
Overall I’d say things are going well and looking good, but I am still very eager make more progress and find myself on the other end of this. I don’t just want walk again, I want be strong and capable like I was before I fell off the ladder and smashed my hip into my pelvis. That’s definitely not going to come to me just sitting around watching movies all day, so I am doing my best to earn back what I had. It’s going to be tougher than I thought but I believe I am up to it. The alternative is some form of disability, and that I cannot abide.
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no pussy
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Posted:Jul 15, 2022 11:09 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 4:50 am 2851 Views
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Last year one of the places where I sell my videos (Clips4Sale) went through big changes. I’m not sure exactly what happened, or why, but suddenly there were many more unacceptable words and fetishes than there had been in the past. For instance; I had an entire studio of videos I’d done with a girlfriend where we took on the roles of Father and , and each one of them was changed from “Dad and ” to “Step-dad and ”. A small difference to the eyes, but apparently a huge moral one to whomever was making the new rules, and deciding what was offensive. Most likely it was connected to a credit card company, but since anything I guess is purely speculation (and not what this post is necessarily about) I’ll just move on.
Everybody knows that having sex with animals is morally wrong, and it’s definitely illegal to sell videos depicting that sort of activity. This, to me, is completely understandable. What has come up more than once recently, is a variation on this theme that does not make sense. You see, for a few years I was living in a house and taking care of feral cats. During that time I was filming solo scenes, and occasionally one of them would wander into the shot. I didn’t pick them up, or cuddle them, or even remark at their presence; they simply came into view. Sometimes they’d walk right in front of the camera, while other times all you’d see was a tail cruising by. There were even a couple where the cats were simply lounging in the background, perhaps on a blanket on my bed or something. I wasn’t interacting with them, or even bringing attention to their existence, they were simply there. Nothing sexual was happening to them in any way, shape or form but I was doing something sexual to myself in their proximity. I think I’ve said it every possible way I can: the cats were not involved.
These movies have also been deemed unacceptable to post on Clips4Sale. The mere presence of the feline is enough. In the last 2 / two months I have had easily half a dozen videos denied for this reason. It’s funny now, because I suddenly see how often the cats were present while I did my thing. Here’s me naked, on the floor, some strange object stuck in my ass and over there on my pillow is a cat cleaning himself and looking at me like I’m the weirdo. Even though the rejection of my videos was frustrating it still brought a smile to my face by bringing back good memories.
Last year OnlyFans made some big changes too, and it threatened to have a big negative impact on their business so they sort of relented. What was originally a plan to eliminate all sexual content became a compromise to only allow traditional sexual acts. The prime example I came across repeatedly went something like this; if it is not a typical sex toy you cannot penetrate any orifice with a foreign object. Dildos and vibrators are acceptable but no cucumbers or screwdrivers or whatever weirdness you can imagine. It’s been annoying, yet fascinating, to see what the different companies have decided to deem inappropriate and unacceptable. Thankfully I have enough content that I can work around all of this, but I have to admit I am a bit bummed they won’t allow me to have any pussy in my videos on Clips4Sale, because I like pussy.
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tsk tsk
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Posted:Jul 11, 2022 9:52 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 4:50 am 2665 Views
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My sex slave ChrisSwallows introduced me to the gay hookup site Sniffies. Before that, I only knew about Grindr, though I’m sure there are quite a few other online places for homosexual men to meet for what are almost purely sexual purposes and pleasures. I’m not gay, but I am heteroflexible, and willing to stick my cock in any willing orifice no matter the gender, so I have had reason to seek men before. Until Sniffies, I had never done so in a place exclusive to that task. I might have hooked up with men from FetLife, or even Craigslist when it still had a personals section, but I’d never used a gay dating or hookup site.
Since becoming a member, I have almost exclusively sought cocks for ChrisSwallows to suck on while I watch. That is what my profile states and that has really been my focus when I’ve spent any time on the site. In other words; I haven’t used it solely for myself. There have been plenty of men who have propositioned me in various ways, for various things, but I’ve not spent any actual time trying to hook up with them. I’ve invited guys over by the dozen, to have their cock swallowed by my “horny roommate” but none of them received invitations to just spend time with me. ChrisSwallows was always in the scenario, always going to be involved. And until late March, when I damaged my hip from a fall off a ladder, that’s how it was. Since then, I have been out of commission, obviously. My cock is not ready for anything more than my hand just yet.
As I mentioned in a previous post though, I’ve been using Sniffies as masturbation fodder, flipping through photos and profiles that interest and arouse me, and sometimes filming myself while I do. I’ve managed a small series of videos that focuses solely on me jerking off while surfing Sniffies for a hookup, even though technically I am only searching for arousal. The videos show how hard my cock is when I trade messages with people, and that authenticity is the selling point. I edge myself while I peruse, and eventually it all comes to a very gratifying conclusion. Yes, I trade messages with guys, but none of them are being misled. I’m not agreeing to meet, then flaking, I just hold conversations that could potentially lead somewhere, but don’t. As an adult who is not in a committed relationship the possibility of getting together is there, but nothing has so excited me that I’ve given it a try. And with my eyes opening a bit wider now to the careless and irresponsible attitudes regarding STIs that are prevalent on the site, it makes me even less likely to suddenly take advantage of what it has to offer, and become promiscuous. Add to all this the fact that a dear friend of mine recently contracted an STI and what you have is me looking at Sniffies (and the gay section of Oregon that it showcases) in a different light.
I am one of those guys that feels invincible when it comes to STIs, I fully admit that, but there is something “other level” about those who frequent Sniffies. It’s reckless and irresponsible on a scale that doesn’t make much sense, especially when you consider the added complications of the pandemic we’ve been going through. Even as horny as I get, this scenario does not arouse me. It doesn’t feel taboo to gamble with the well being of my genitals, it just feels stupidly dangerous. Risking my health for an orgasm has minimal appeal, but to some it is clearly just a way of life. Up until now I was pretty ignorant of this willful disregard for safety and sanity that most of the men on Sniffies seem to have collectively agreed to embrace, but I am aware of it now, and not thrilled with what I see. I am quietly observing and judging it from the outside, with newly opened eyes and a different perspective, so there may be plenty of inaccuracies with my point of view. The fact is, of the dozens and dozens of profiles only 2 / two speak of condoms; 1 / guy is just advocating while the other insists they be used for everything. The rest of the members seem hell bent on taking their chances, and as frequently as possible. What I see is irresponsible and kind of scary, but at least I can rest easy knowing I am not putting myself in the mix, and therefore in harms way. That would be a “tsk tsk” on me.
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backyard 'bating
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Posted:Jul 9, 2022 1:43 pm
Last Updated:Jul 10, 2022 3:18 pm 2267 Views
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The weather turned not-so-crummy and I love getting naked and nasty outside, so I’ve taken advantage of the fact that our backyard is large and mostly private.
I admit it’s not nearly as erotic as doing it in a public park, side of the road, etc but it’s still a novel setting that pleases a lot of people. And that’s why I made the videos; to please potential customers.
I have plenty of risky sex videos too. Getting car head is one of my favorite things to record, as is anything that happens in a public restroom or hotel. Again, maybe none of that is super risky, but there is enough of an element to heighten the moment.
So even if there’s no real chance I’ll be caught naked and stroking my dick, that’s how I proceed during each filming. That thought keeps me a little more aroused than normal, which looks good on camera, and feels good to me in the moment. I am the first person to tout the importance and value of genuine arousal, and when I am naked outside I am truly aroused, even if there isn’t any risk involved. It just feels extra good.
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unwanted visitor
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Posted:Jul 7, 2022 9:49 pm
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2022 1:42 pm 2505 Views
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A very dear friend of mine has contracted an STI; syphilis. We like to think we’re invincible, like when we stand on the top of ladders and think that falling off could never happen to us, but it then it does. I know I made it nearly 50 / fifty years without any major injuries, including broken bones, but I didn’t make it very long after I first became sexually active, before I had to deal with an infection. Make that an infestation. Yes, I had crabs, and more than once. I also wound up with something called Molluscum Contagiosum, which looked a lot like Herpes and had me VERY concerned until I went to see the doctor. That’s it though. In my years of fooling around, fucking, and placing my cock in all manner of warm, moist orifices those are the sexually transmitted issues I have suffered from. And since I am heavily against the use of condoms I’d say I am extremely lucky.
There was a time when I got tested for Sexually Transmitted Infections on a regular basis, because both I and my girlfriend were making films with other performers, and it was required. It was also the decent thing to do. Every 6 / six months we went to a clinic and had our blood drawn, so I knew for sure during those years we were together that I was clean of everything. Since then I’ve only gone for testing when I feared something was amiss, which has been infrequently to say the least. When you aren’t very sexually active, you don’t risk getting infected, and my sex life hasn’t been noteworthy for quite some time. It’s true that last year I was fucking a female roommate after she was having unprotected sex with guys who were dumping their loads in her, but I somehow managed to make it through that unscathed as well. She had a minor scare while we were living together but it amounted to nothing. I’m just a lucky lucky guy I guess.
I’m not sure if cases of syphilis are up or down this year, but it’s frequently an issue in Oregon. When I cruise the hookup site Sniffies I see the majority of men pretty much insist on unprotected sex, and although I can’t say I blame them for making the choice when it comes to the level of pleasure that can be achieved, I can’t help but also shake my head in disgust at the lack of concern. Syphilis definitely isn’t the only disease we can get, and it’s not the worst one either. Whether men are on PREP or not, whether they are “undetectable” or not, there’s still risk to be assessed and either heeded or ignored. I absolutely love watching my sex slave ChirsSwallows suck and throat the cocks of strange men, and admit it wouldn’t be as exciting if they were all wearing condoms. He knows the risks and makes the decision to gamble every time he does it, and when I stick my cock in his mouth right after he’s sucked some strange dude off in a glory hole I am incurring risk of my own. In other words, I’m as dumb as everyone else at that moment.
Since I’m not having sex with anyone but myself these days I don’t have much to worry about, but when I do start putting my dick back in the rotation I will think twice about doing it without a condom. It’s not like I was unaware of the risks before, it just takes something like this (or a fall off a ladder) to remind me I am not invincible. The pain of broken bones was enough, I don’t need the agony and embarrassment of an infection as well.
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it's not 10 yet
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Posted:Jul 6, 2022 3:50 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 4:50 am 1974 Views
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When I pulled up and parked in the middle of the street, turned off my car, and got out I could instantly tell where the source of the thudding bass was. The windows and front door were open in the duplex, so not only was the sound of the music playing on the stereo escaping without any hinderance, it was quite easy for anyone passing by to also see what was going on inside. As I stood there a young man came into view, and I clearly heard him tell an older man sitting on the couch that he was heading to bed, but that didn’t mean he needed to turn down the music. How ironic, because that was the exact reason I was there; to ask him to turn it down.
Using a single crutch, I made my way to the front door of the duplex and knocked. Beer in hand and wobbly in step, the guy on the couch rose and covered the distance from where he’d been sitting and drinking to the door with a scowl on his face. When I calmly and politely asked if he would turn down the music his very first reaction was to look at his watch and tell me it was not yet 10 / ten.
I don’t know about where you live, but most places in Oregon require you to quiet the fuck down at 10pm. It’s a basic show of respect and courtesy that far too many people have to be forced into, or punished in some way for not complying. I personally don’t understand the frame of mind that goes with this sort of behavior and attitude, but I feel like a broken record saying it again. The rudeness of others will forever be an issue with me, and frankly it just gets worse every year, so what’s the point in any of this? I just want to get the hell out of here and escape to my spot in Southern Oregon.
When I was a and a I had no regard for others, and while in my early 20’s I was definitely guilty of being a selfish asshole, but then I managed to grow up, mature, evolve. If the guys in the duplex had both been youngish I might have understood, but the man who was clearly King of the castle was definitely an adult. Probably older than I am. His attitude is; I don’t care if it bothers you or anyone else, the law says I can be a jerk until 10pm and that’s how I intend to live my life. If it didn’t affect me; if I didn’t have to hear the bass from their stereo while trying to sleep or watch a movie I wouldn’t care what they, or anyone else did. People should have the freedom to do as they please but I strongly believe being a good neighbor means curbing that desire to blast your stereo so loudly it can be heard 3 / three blocks away. That’s just me though - and every day that goes by I feel that is more a literal truth than ever. It’s “just me” that feels this way.
So how did my petty grievance play out? Did the mean man turn down his music, or did we argue, or what? The truth is I did my best to remain calm and rational, and the result was decent enough I suppose. The music stayed at a lower volume while I returned to my car and drove home, but a few moments later it was back up to the previous level that had attracted my attention. The guy believed that by law he had 40 / forty more minutes to play his music as loud as he wanted to, and he was correct, and he was going to give me the middle finger and go for it. Feeling angry and powerless, I was forced to turn on music of my own to drown out the bass from his. Though I remained proud for not acting like an unhinged lunatic I felt no better about the situation, and know it is going to be an issue many times over in the coming months. Summer and good weather is upon us, so it’s bound to get worse before it gets any better. People like this uncaring prick will want to take their good times and “fuck everyone else” attitude outside, which brings them that much closer to me. Yep, I predict a rough summer full of confrontation and frustration.
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target for change?
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Posted:Jul 4, 2022 10:58 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 4:50 am 2329 Views
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Times they are definitely a-changing. People insist on being called stranger and more outlandish pronouns, monuments and statues are being torn down or removed and the names of streets and institutions changed because we’re finding out the famous people they were named after or built for were in fact assholes, new holidays are being added and entire months dedicated to folks who aren’t caucasian, and the list goes on. The world has gone a bit out of its mind trying to be politically correct and accommodating, yet the antiquated way Americans celebrate their day of independence is still socially acceptable and remains relatively untouched. Although I admit I am starting to see small changes.
Look, everybody knows that fireworks frighten animals, and I am talking about the ones inside and outside your home. Yes, to me the wild animals count. Can you fucking imagine what the cacophony of bright flashing lights and explosions does to them on the 4th / fourth of July? At least the family or cat is usually inside and able to cower under a bed or something. For those uncaring jerks who don’t have a heart for animals, perhaps there is a Veteran in your life with PTSD, for whom Independence Day can be particularly challenging. There’s the very real risk of starting fires, but there’s also pollution that comes in the form of noise, smoke and sulfur in the air, and of course the burned out husks of the fireworks themselves that often litter the streets for weeks after the holiday. Toss in people like me with mental conditions, or folks that just want a bit of peace and quiet, and you have a celebration with many detractors, and demonstrable adverse affects. I think it’s time to either get rid of Independence day or at the very least change the way we celebrate it.
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worried for nothing
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Posted:Jul 2, 2022 10:59 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 4:50 am 2230 Views
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A few days ago I heard the distinct sound of fireworks popping right around the time that dusk was settling in. There were still many days to go until the 4th / fourth of July rolled around, so I admit I got pretty upset at the notion that illegal fireworks were already starting. The pessimist in me figured it was going to be a tough couple of weeks, but it turns out I was incorrect, and I am extremely happy to admit that. For the most part, it has been very quiet around here, at least as far as that goes. I’m still dealing with revving engines, bumping bass from stereos, and modified exhaust systems that make a vehicle ridiculously noisy but at least when the sun goes down I haven’t also been dealing with loud, concussive pops that are sudden and unpredictable. There’s nothing like spending your evenings jumping out of your skin from being startled to make you love Independence Day.
When a fireworks stand popped up in the parking lot of the nearest grocery store I was very tempted to go and make a fuss. I’d like to approach the folks selling them and ask if they give any thought to the welfare of Veterans, domestic and wild animals, or people who just don’t react well to explosions in the sky. I’d want to ask people making purchases the same thing. My days of being confrontational are quickly waning though, and this is a battle I know I would not win. Most folks don’t care about anything but themselves and the good time they have planned. The cost to others doesn’t even factor into their decisions. That is why the cities I live in are filled with people making as much noise as they possibly can, day and night, with no regard for anyone in their proximity. That is why I am still determined to escape as soon as possible.
Were it not for my fall from the ladder at the end of March I would probably not be in the city this year, for the holiday. I’ve been stressed about the fact that I will be around, but it turns out that was pretty unnecessary. In fact, I can’t recall the last time I had a 4th / fourth of July (or the weeks leading up to it at least) that was calmer and quieter. I am happy to admit my fears were unfounded and grateful for the relatively peaceful evenings leading up tp the big night. My years in Woodburn, Oregon were torturous by comparison, so I remain grateful, and hopeful the night of the 4th / fourth doesn’t drag on too long. If it does, that’ll be a small price to pay for all the silence that preceded it.
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