some things you never miss
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Posted:Oct 12, 2023 8:53 am
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 9:34 pm 3232 Views
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While technically returning to a job in the adult industry (gay massage) does make me feel a bit of nostalgia for other times and gigs from the past, it also has me frustrated to be revisiting certain aspects. Yes, I am once again grumbling about the fakes, flakes and time wasting liars that plague the adult industry. I don’t care if you’re making movies or massaging people, there are an abundance of assholes out there just aching to mislead you into providing them endless messages, and masturbation fodder. I literally hate these fucking people and wish bad things upon them.
Thankfully it has taken a while for this to creep into the gay massage gig. For the most part, guys have been consistently honest and reliable, but lately a spate of the opposite has gotten on my nerves. Men that trade a ton of messages, make an appointment, then not only fail to keep it but also fail to cancel or even respond the day of, are a big problem. Cancellations are part of the job, and I fully accept that, but if you can’t have the decency to drop me a single line, you are a prick. And a big middle finger to the guys who ask question after question, as though pretending to get information, all the while masturbating to the exchange without any intention of following through. That sort of dishonesty isn’t just annoying, it’s pathetic, and I don’t like dealing with people like that.
But yes, it does come with the job, and soon enough these few assholes will be a memory, and new ones will be taking their place, but there will also be some legitimate sprinkled in as well. I just regret I can’t focus all of my attention on them because I am often busy wading through the fakes, flakes and time wasters. That sort of distraction is not good for my mental health, or my business. If these guys could just be honest and say all they want is to jerk off to my messages at least I’d have the opportunity to refuse, but that’s not as exciting, is it? Deception is probably the bigger turn on than anything I could type to them, but I’m unknowingly caught up in it until the person flakes, or somehow reveals themselves to be otherwise wasting my time. Or I just get a hunch and say bye bye. Regardless, it leaves me feeling several kinds of negative, and that is a sensation I do not have any nostalgia for.
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blogging with a purpose
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Posted:Oct 8, 2023 8:38 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 9:34 pm 2521 Views
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There is a limit to the number of blog posts I can put up on RentMasseur and I try to exceed it every day. You’re only allowed 2 / two in a 24 / twenty four hour period, and I’m always getting notices that I’ve already done so, while apparently trying to post a 3rd / third. Yes, I like to write, but it has also greatly helped my business. I can’t tell you the number of that have found me because they were perusing blogs, not pictures.
That is extremely satisfying, because as popular as my adult blog once was (in the late 2000’s) my audience has been replete with the silent. At the height of it all I could see the views on my posts rise like a rocket, but the comment sections remained barren. Nobody disagreed, or agreed, and rare were words of support. People just lurked in the shadows, consuming, but refusing to interact. And it’s been like that ever since. No matter what I say, or how my life changes, or how long I’m gone, or what crazy shit I am going through people just don’t say a word. So it’s not very gratifying.
Except it is on RentMasseur.
Nobody leaves comments on my posts, because I don’t think that’s even allowed, but it’s not necessary. I’m not getting any direct feedback in that way, but when I do solicit a general response from people they often admit they found me because they were checking out blogs. At first I was just flattered, then I finally took a look to see what the competition was like, and discovered nearly everyone else just uses the blog section to basically post their ad for the day. They don’t share anything intimate, personal, amusing, sexy they just make a lame attempt at advertising their existence in a sea of the same. It’s no wonder my blog stands out; it has some actual substance, depth, creativity even. Plus, I write sexy stuff sometimes, and it surely must get some guys more interested in seeing me. The others are just like, “Hey, who wants to get hot and heavy tonight in Dallas?”
I am enjoying my time making up posts, and don’t find it work at all. Being creative is a joy, not a chore, and that much more fun because I know people are reading for once. I mean, I knew before, but now they’re actually talking to me about it! That’s the most gratification I’ve felt about my writing in a loooong time.
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business is... lagging
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Posted:Oct 5, 2023 5:04 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 9:34 pm 2530 Views
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I don’t know if it is the time of year, change of season, or perhaps a combination of that and other factors I couldn’t possibly know but business has been super slow for me lately. I’ve been in the adult industry enough to expect it, but that doesn’t make NOT making any money any easier.
When I worked in adult shops there were always predictable lulls, you just never knew when they were going to happen. Some years it was during the holidays, yet the next you couldn’t stock the shelves fast enough, and people acted like they were part of a frenzy. The months following the new year are almost always slow because it is cold, everyone spent all their money on the holidays, and they’ve maybe made resolutions to abstain from certain things that brought them pleasure like drinking, drug using, gambling, or sexual proclivities they might be a bit ashamed of. So the adult industry makes their money during the holidays, hopefully, and can ride out the winter. Once spring hits and the sun comes out, libidos usually begin to awaken.
We’re coming to the end of the summer now, which means bodies and moods are shifting and changing. When you walk around cold, covered in layers you don’t feel as free and easygoing as you do when it’s hot and you maybe get to run around naked to stay cool. I get that, so I’m just biding my time and hoping the holidays have people wanting to spoil themselves via a massage from me. And since I still don’t own a vehicle I’m still dedicated to making it to my on the bike, no matter the weather. I’m ready to do it, and my pocketbook is screaming for me to.
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trying to believe the unbelievable
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Posted:Sep 22, 2023 6:42 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 9:34 pm 2977 Views
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Are there seriously men out there who literally don't know what a massage entails? I mean, between the definition of the word and the multitude of examples a person would have to have seen in movies and television shows throughout their life, is there really someone out there who can say they don't know "what all goes into a massage"? It seems impossible to me.
I think if you're a grown man with a decent education, who hasn't lived isolated from society all his life, you can probably get a very clear idea of (not only) what a massage is, but also what one from me might entail if you read the “about me” section on my profile at Rentmasseur. It's tough for me to believe anyone goes there looking for "just a massage" when there are so many other venues available anyways. I say drop the innocent act just long enough to realize how silly you sound when you ask what happens during a massage, and just say what you’re really looking for.
Perhaps I'm wrong, and there are people who really don't know what I'm offering, or what might happen when they see me. Mostly I just think guys want to exchange pointless messages and play with themselves to my words. That's a total waste of my time and I won't tolerate or participate in it. If you can't be HONEST with me and yourself, I'm not the masseur for you, or you're on the wrong site.
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my orgasms are not my own (again)
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Posted:Sep 16, 2023 6:35 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 9:34 pm 2810 Views
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The erotic massages I provide gay men lean heavily towards the erotic aspect, and since I advocate mutual touch, and tout myself as being beautifully hung (because I am) it stands to reason that my customers are going to expect to see, and likely feel, a nice big dick at some point. If that is true, an erection is necessary, because I am a grower and not a shower. In order to get erect, I must be aroused, and therein lies the rub; I am not attracted to men at all, and many of my are in fact VERY unattractive, so how do I manage to get hard over and over again without the aid of pills?
In a word; abstinence.
Since I am essentially available every day, that means I need my cock to get erect every day, or at least potentially so. It means I do not have a sex life of any kind, including a personal / solo one, because I need to keep my desire strong. Simply going without works very well. I have no girlfriend, so not only am I not getting regular sex I am also not getting intimacy of any kind. No cuddling, kissing, caressing, you name it. I don’t want to do these things with men, and in fact don’t, but just being touched by them feels damn good and it takes no effort to get an erection. The dynamic also arouses me. The feeling of hands, lips, mouth on my body turns me on greatly. Being admired and actually lusted after is a huge turn on. So I feed off of that when I am with a guy, and abstain from anything in between . It’s not fun, but it works.
It means, however, that my orgasms are not my own anymore. I have to save them for , or if I maybe don’t have one during a session I can’t just go home and jerk off to get that release. That sexual energy and tension needs to be saved for the next potential . Of course it could be days before I book an appointment, but during that time I do not hook up randomly with anyone, or even my own hand. It’s kind of a sweet torture, honestly. Orgasms are fantastic, there’s no denying that, but putting them off for a while can be a lot of fun as well. Lately, I’ve edging myself. More and more are leaving me unsatisfied (in that way) and I am trying to feed off of that energy during what I’ll call my down time. There’s a little bit of masturbation going on, just to keep that tension and desire burning low. I’ve had a couple days recently where I had to see 2 / two guys in a single day, and had I busted a nut during the 1st / first I would in all likelihood have canceled the 2nd / second, because once I cum I am done! With women I can pause, rest, reset and continue sometimes but that has EVERYTHING to do with genuine arousal, and as I have stated many times I do not find men sexually appealing. For the most part.
And when I do cave in, masturbate, and make myself orgasm there is often regret attached to it. I know it means I might not greet the next opportunity to give a massage with the correct level of enthusiasm, because I am in fact often not enthused. It all boils down to being smart about how and where I focus my sexual energy, and practicing a bit of self control. I’ve never known those things to be bad for me, and now that my libido is sort of my money maker I am leaning upon them heavily. So far, it’s working out quite well.
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if I had a nickel for every time I needed a nickel...
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Posted:Sep 12, 2023 5:25 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 9:34 pm 2801 Views
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Money is the bane of my existence. When I have it, I do my best to spend it wisely, and I am VERY good at saving it, but it’s the “making” of it that frequently eludes me. This is a chronic and longstanding issue that has plagued me throughout my life, and it certainly isn’t letting up now. I need Money, don’t have it, and can’t seem to find a way to earn it.
Actually, I’ve found many ways to earn, it’s just that they are neither consistent, nor reliable, and even all put together it’s not enough to call it making a living. I can barely pay the most basic of bills, let alone something as involved as rent, car payment, insurance, etc. The heating bill? Garbage, electricity, whatever you can think of - it is not within my reach. Right now I need to purchase a vehicle to help my chances of 1) getting a independent contractor job that requires I own one and 2) getting more gay massage since I’m still limiting myself to customers who are near me because I am biking to them. The purchase of a vehicle I do not have enough Money for will result in new monthly bills that I cannot afford, and the potential for larger ones should something go wrong. A purchase that maybe costs me 2 / two grand immediately triples my monthly bills because you have to add insurance, gas, and basic upkeep.
So I search for a job that requires a vehicle, and if I land one then I can maybe buy one on good faith. Meanwhile foul weather days are creeping in and I’m still dedicated to riding my bicycle to take care of massage , while also doing surveys online, job searching, uploading new adult material, selling personal belongings and doing everything I can to get by and scrape together as much as I can for whatever comes next. Maybe I’ll get lucky and land a job that requires a vehicle and that whole story will have a happy ending because rainy days are coming, and I fear my savings might be going towards that.
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sexy but dangerous
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Posted:Sep 3, 2023 3:36 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 9:34 pm 3353 Views
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In my life, I’ve taken some risks that could have landed me in big trouble, and I don’t mean going out and willfully committing crimes. I’m talking about potential hookups that might have led to a weapon being pulled on me, or even my arrest. There are a ton of men and women out there who have “forced” fantasies of varying degrees, and there are nearly as many weirdos like me looking to make those fantasies a reality. Whether it is being taken in an alleyway by a group of men or being taken advantage of while sleeping or otherwise incapacitated, many of you want to give up power in a big way. I’ve put myself in the middle of a few situations where someone looking in from the outside would definitely think I was doing an evil deed, but it never resulted in anything but mutual gratification on some level.
Fast-forward to a recent (potential) massage who suggested that I come to his home and wake him up “the right way”. We didn’t discuss exactly what that meant, I just went ahead and agreed that it sounded like a wicked fun idea. In the next few messages he sent me details; his address, time he woke up, and even supplied a map of the complex he lived in so I’d know exactly where to go. Heck, he went as far as to highlight where the sliding glass door was, that I could creep through quietly. You can imagine this made me feel torn; it was a great deal of helpful information, but the guy was still anonymous to me. We were communicating via rentmasseur so I truly had no idea if anything was legit, or if the whole thing might be a set up, prank, joke, whatever you might call it. So I agreed to everything with a single stipulation; he had to send me a text message on my phone before I’d actually go through with it.
Now, this was not really a “forced” fantasy per se’. I mean, his intention was not to “wake up” and struggle, he just wanted me to wake him up with a massage (and whatever followed). I wasn’t worried about that aspect of the situation so much as the anonymity he was capable of hiding behind, should everything turn out to be a sick joke, and I find myself actually sneaking into the apartment of a unwitting stranger. If the would send me a text message it would make me feel like a level of trust was achieved, and also give me something to show the police should they get involved because it turned out to be bullshit. Basically I was just trying to cover my ass.
The end of the story is that the guy did not follow through as instructed. It turns out he was “for real” but couldn’t manage the simple task of finding my contact information on rentmassuer, and sending me that required text. Instead, he left his number for me to send him a message, but unfortunately I did not log back in until it was too late. We exchanged a few messages after that, but I was impatient and a bit passive aggressive, so he blocked me. That’s probably for the best, but I am not proud of myself. I’m just as likely to get overwhelmed and not see the button to click for contact information on a site as anyone, and that was his only bad deed. It might have been a fun experience, and I’d have gotten paid for it, but I set my expectations too high and did not have enough patience. Lesson learned.
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role reversal
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Posted:Aug 27, 2023 3:51 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 9:34 pm 3297 Views
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Call it a gimmick, or maybe just a plea for a little bit of attention, but I have begun offering potential gay massage the opportunity to flip the script, and be the person giving the massage instead of receiving it. Basically I’ll pedal to their house with my overtaxed legs, get naked, lay down and let them soothe my aching muscles. These last few days I’ve not only put on a lot of miles, I’ve also been painting the house, so I am sore and in need from top to bottom.
It is my hope, of course, that these guys will want to provide me with a happy ending, but totally not necessary. I just want to kick back, relax, and enjoy the sensation instead of giving it. And no, I’m not interested in doing a massage exchange with anyone, I want the focus to be on my pleasure from start to finish.
How many people do I think are going to clamor for the opportunity to pay me to get a massage from them? Well, if I’m being honest, I’m betting just one. To have it happen just once would be fine with me.
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kiss my ass, not my lips
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Posted:Aug 19, 2023 6:39 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 9:34 pm 3128 Views
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Any of you who have seen the movie “Pretty Woman” might remember that Julia Roberts played a lady-for-hire who falls in love with a . Or maybe it’s the other way around; he falls for her. Either way, there’s a moment where they are still and when Julia Roberts is explaining her rules, or limits, one of which is that she does not allow kissing on the mouth. In her words; it is too intimate. I have a similar rule, but not for the same reason. I don’t mind that the act of kissing someone is intimate I just don’t like that, in general, men have stinky breath and are bad kissers. I’m open to, and willing to do quite a bit with men, but kissing is not one of them. That’s not stated outright in my profile on rentmasseur, for example, but I usually make it clear pretty quickly when I finally meet a in person. I have 0 / zero desire to share that specific level of intimacy. There are no maybes or ifs in my proclamation; I do not like it and will not do it. Yet so many men still push me to, and even try to get away with stealing a kiss sometimes. I know and understand it’s mostly a power game, but I don’t enjoy playing it.
You can maybe guess, before I continue typing, what this post is going to be about then. Yes, some decided to try and kiss me, and it not only angered me, it threatened to ruin the entire session. After he voiced his deep desire, and I made it clear I did not kiss men, he tried to steal one anyways. When I didn’t violently pull away I guess he saw it as some unspoken signal to push his luck and try to stick his tongue in my mouth. My anger flared but I think my reaction was professional and reasonable. Understanding the situation I was in, and the job I was doing, I tried to be light about it, not confrontational. His reaction was to literally roll over and turn his back on me, like a pouting . I honestly couldn’t believe I was seeing this sort of thing from a man older than myself by at least a decade, but I couldn’t just bail on the situation. Not only would I have been out a payday, he’d arranged for my transportation to his home, which meant I was kind of stuck. Sure, I could have left and called a taxi, or ride share or whatever, but I was more interested in the money. Plus, when it comes to human sexuality I oftentimes don’t mind a challenge.
Without getting graphic I’ll just say that the session ended quite well. He was thrilled, I could come stay at his house any time I wanted to just get away from things, blah blah blah. It was one of the more difficult, uncomfortable situations I’ve been in, and I was grateful when it was over and I was on my way home. The guy tipped well, which was nice, but he also gave the Uber driver the wrong address to deliver me to, and by the time I paid attention enough to realize it he already had another fare lined up. Rather than cause a fuss, I just had him drop me off and I walked the rest of the way home. It felt like a fitting end to the night of folly, if I’m being honest. It gave me time to reflect, decompress and eventually laugh it off. Things could be better, and likely they’ll get worse, so better just enjoy the journey as much as I can.
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but for what purpose?
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Posted:Aug 18, 2023 1:45 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 9:34 pm 2487 Views
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The “bigger” questions keep circling in my head, trying to interrupt basic thought functions with their insistent nattering. What am I going to do with my life? How am I going to make enough money to fulfill my bucket list when there is zero stability to be had right now? And if I strive for stability will I ever get to do the things I want to do before I die? The last fucking thing I want is to drop dead on my way to work, or while at work. If that happens, please lie about the way I perished and make up some cool story. That is not how I want to go.
Even when I resign myself to joining the rat race, if only for a brief period, things don’t happen for me. There have been lots of applications filled out, and resumes attached, but few replies and even fewer attempts to set up an interview. While I’ve expanded my search the opportunities seem to have shrunk, and I’m not sure if that’s because there are more bodies available during the summer months, when school is out, or what other factors are coming into play. It feels like I get a lot of empty interest from employers that never goes anywhere, and I’m not sure why.
The work from home options haven’t panned out yet either. Maybe there is something genuinely lucrative out there, waiting for me to discover it, but my search has not yet unearthed it. Even my friend ChrisSwallows is having a tough time. He has some publishing gig I am eager to assist him with, because I do love to write, but I’m not sure he’s convinced it’s legitimate and not a scam. Perhaps he invested in his future, or maybe he got lied to. Someday he’ll find out, but for now we’re both broke and a bit tired of being so.
Which is where questions of how to resolve that come into play, but more importantly, to what end? Are we going to try to make money just to make more money, to pay bills and basically survive, or ??? What is the purpose of earning a wage if you don’t have a plan for it that goes beyond simply being a good citizen consumer? I’ve been asking that question my entire life, and doing my best to exist and function outside of it, which is a gigantic reason why I am in the situation I am in today.
This life was not meant to be lived for the sake of retirement, or to only be a truly free, open and fulfilling experience in our twilight years, it was meant to be lived and experienced every moment of every day. That sort of thinking has led me to extreme highs, and equally extreme lows, but it has defined my journey. Living for the moment has no future though, so at 50 / fifty years old I am still unpracticed at planning for a day that for all I know might not come. As a result, I am homeless, jobless, mentally wrecked and filled with regret - but oh what an INCREDIBLE journey it has been! Perhaps the tradeoff doesn’t seem so great now, when things are tough, but I’d be hard pressed to decide which parts of my past to give up for more stability in the present, or in my future. This moment is the thing, even if this moment is a miserable one.
None of this answers the questions of what to do next, nor does it even help me to decide. I do not know what the next step is.
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