it's not all bad
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Posted:Aug 15, 2023 9:32 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 1:50 pm 2144 Views
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Something I don’t want to do is leave the impression that I am having a horrible time being a gay masseur, because nothing could be further from the truth. As with any job, there are moments when it definitely sucks, for various reasons, but overall I would say I have little to complain about. The fact that I genuinely get aroused quite often is testament to the fact that it’s not all bad. As I am fond of saying; the dick don’t lie. There are benefits beyond the freedom to make my own schedule and the excellent pay. There are also negatives, and even risks, so like anything else a balance needs to be struck. I’m working on that.
As of this moment just working as a gay masseur is not sustainable enough. There are many factors at play but the bottom line is I need a more stable job that gives me a paycheck I can consistently rely on. If I’m going to accomplish any of my goals, be they on the bucket list or otherwise, I have to keep making progress and not plateau. I think even if I took away the fact that I only bike to I think there are still too many limitations to what I can offer, and what I can actually pull off. Eventually the fact that I am not gay and not attracted to men does come into play, so either my appointments are spaced apart or I start taking pills or I don’t know what. All this worry and supposition assumes an increase in interest if I tell everyone I have transportation now. It also assumes I will start traveling the distances necessary, that I often find ridiculous. I need to put it in perspective though, and stop acting like 20 / twenty miles both ways is too far to drive. It’s not like I’m driving that 5 / five days a week, it’s just for a single , and likely for just a single hour.
So yes, I need a bit of an attitude adjustment to make things a bit more lucrative, but it still isn’t a plan that will get me reliable transportation and a chance to stop checking things off my bucket list like driving to Grants Pass and jamming 1 / one last time with my friend Luke whom I spent time in prison with. He’s the guy I entered the talent contest with while we were there, and the plug was pulled on our performance. That’s another story entirely. I also want to go see my , whom I haven’t been around in MANY years, and who lives quite a bit further away from me than Luke does. Working toward those simple goals is what I’m doing right now, and massaging guys is helping a bit, but not fast enough. So I’ll earn the easy dough while I can, enjoy myself as much as I can in the process, and continue to look for something more suitable for the long term. Being a gay masseur is not all that bad, but things overall need to get a lot better.
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the ick factor
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Posted:Aug 13, 2023 7:13 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 1:50 pm 2148 Views
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I am not attracted to men. That’s not to say that I don’t think some men are attractive, because I do, but there isn’t a single dude out there that makes me ache with lust. Plenty of women do, and I barely have to catch a glimpse of their legs as they walk by a window sometimes. I find women of all shapes and sizes sexy, and visually inviting, but I cannot say the same for men. Any arousal I feel or exhibit is a combination of dynamic and most likely a forced bit of abstinence. I learned I was heteroflexible very early in life, but what it boiled down to was that I was just sexual. I’d prefer to get naked and have fun with a female, but if I’m horny and not doing anything I find distasteful, then a man will do just fine. I’ve had my cock sucked more by men than women throughout my life, but rarely was it my preference. Desperation, convenience, or circumstance were usually the deciding factors. It wasn’t until I met ChrisSwallows that it sort of evolved, for a brief time, into something more voyeuristic for me, but in the end my preferences and desires were always clear. Even if I couldn’t vocalize it, my body made it undeniable, especially in the groin area. The dick don’t lie.
So it went during my last foray into gay massage, and so it has gone again during this one, that my level of desire has waned to nearly nothing. No matter how much I abstain, and no matter how hard I try to get myself revved up and into the mood, I am having a tough time of it. Only a few things remain that might get me aroused, and perhaps eventually get me off, but there’s no guarantee any of them will happen when I am with a massage . Yet all of them fully expect me to exhibit arousal from the act of touching them, getting them to lower their inhibitions, and so on. And for the most part, most of the time it does naturally and genuinely arouse me, but when it doesn’t the pressure to be erect can actually destroy the possibility of it happening at all. It’s a strange space to navigate but I’m doing my best. Thankfully, if you can end a session with a bang (his or mine) the time prior is almost certainly forgotten. Meanwhile, I’m actually dreading the next encounter, which I definitely should NOT be doing. I want to go back to feeling less pressure and enjoying myself more, and I think that will come through and heighten interactions. Right now I feel like I’d enter with a cloud of doom following right behind me.
Men often ick me out because of their hygiene, or lack of it. Guys constantly want to kiss me but their breath is atrocious! I’m not even sure mine is all that fresh, so the last thing I want to do is share that. Thankfully the vast majority of my massage have made sure to be showered and fresh before I arrived, and I’ve done my best to return the favor despite bicycling to them. My body does a magnificent job of regulating my body temperature when it comes to heat, so I sweat very little, and therefore do not arrive ripe and salty. Come wintertime though, it bites me in the ass big time. I need several layers just to keep warm. I know some guys like musk, or the musky smell of a man, so I try to cater to their desires. For my part, I like a person to smell clean, and even flowery. Definitely not sweaty. Gay massage is a job though, and I can only dictate so much. I try to hint heavily of my preference before we meet and I think the majority are happy to oblige. Nobody has asked me to show up sweaty on purpose yet, but the day it happens I’ll be happy to oblige. I just might have to pedal around the block a few extra times before I ring the doorbell…
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you can’t have A without B, but first you have to do C and get D
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Posted:Aug 9, 2023 8:36 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 1:50 pm 2290 Views
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When I started out doing the gay massage thing the only form of transportation available to me was my bicycle, so I wove that into my profile. I told everyone I was the eco-friendly, GREEN masseur and promised to ride to homes. This obviously limited my range and meant I had to let down a few people because they just lived too far away for it to be realistic, riding to them. So I plugged away, did my best, and managed to earn enough to purchase another vehicle. Now that I have it, I should be able to drive to see that are further away, right?
Well, there’s the matter of replacing the tires, which doesn’t need to happen right away, but will soon. There’s also a thing called auto insurance that I have to find money for, and since I get a large discount by paying for 6 / six months at a time it means I have to come up with more than just a few bucks. The vehicle has expired tags, and those are never cheap. So you see, I have that thing that should help me make more money, but I cannot use it until I make a lot more money. Is that the definition of a catch-22?
I do believe it is.
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still unemployed, still homeless
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Posted:Aug 5, 2023 5:40 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 1:50 pm 2241 Views
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Don’t let the fact that I am staying with my friend ChrisSwallows fool you; I am by definition still very much a homeless person. He could, at any moment, decide it’s time for me to go and I would be in trouble. The original plan to shelter in my van would go into effect. As it stands, I have a roof over my head every night, which I am grateful for, but I do not have a home. There is no security in my situation, nor do I have any control, autonomy, privacy. This is NOT a complaint in ANY WAY, it is just the reality of things. I am still very much homeless.
The same can definitely be said for an occupation. I continue to look, every day, but there are many obstacles, and just as many dead ends. Deals that sound too good to be true turn out to be just that, and other situations that sound terrible wind up being even worse than I imagined. Doing gay massage could be lucrative if I were driving to instead of limiting myself to distances that I can bike to. I’d certainly be doing a lot better than I am right now. There’s potential for the purchase of another vehicle in my future, but regardless I know I cannot sustain for very long. My true attraction is not to men, so I’ve been getting lucky in that regard, when it comes to the service I provide. It’s one thing to get an erection when a guy you don’t find attractive is sucking your cock, but it’s quite another to accomplish that while you’re massaging him. I’m not knocking anyone, just saying that getting hard when I have my hands on a body type that I don’t find particularly appealing is not always an easy task. Being abstinent between works well, as does making it through a session without having an orgasm. That’s probably revealing too much, but you get the idea.
There are also remote, side hustle opportunities that I am looking into, but so far each has been a waste of time. I’m not saying the jobs themselves aren’t legitimate, it’s just that at some point it becomes clear I am not qualified, or not going to make it any further due to a glitch in the system. Wasted time exploring these jobs leaves me highly frustrated. Actually, the entire experience has me stressed out, and feeling hopeless. Am I still THAT unemployable? Is EVERYTHING a scam? As options dwindle, am I going to find myself facing the decision of whether or not to accept a job that I hate, just to survive? That last one is what scares me the most. I just want to work somewhere, doing something that doesn’t drive me insane. Not entirely sure what that is, but I’m looking!
Some compromises are going to have to be made soon. My firm belief that a person shouldn’t have to drive 20 / twenty miles to work (and another 20 / twenty home) may have to be set aside out of necessity. I’m obviously not going to be traveling that distance every day on my bicycle, but even with a motorized vehicle of some sort it seems excessive. I’m not sure what other sacrifices I’m looking at, but my quality of life is definitely going to go down considerably in the near future. Working a regular job, with regular folks, hasn’t agreed with me for MANY years. Alas, money is all that matters in this world, and I have none.
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my shell
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Posted:Aug 3, 2023 3:42 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 1:50 pm 2585 Views
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During these past few weeks back in civilization I have worked very hard to be a more social being. Even if it only meant stopping to give someone a light for their cigarette (and then deciding to just give the guy the lighter) I’ve been trying to break the old habit of staying quiet, moving along quickly, ignoring people as much as possible and so on. When people have tried to converse with me I’ve done my best to engage honestly, and not hurry to get it over with, or just tolerate it while it’s happening. This makes me sound bad, doesn’t it? Well, before I left for my 3 / three months in off grid hell it was far worse than that. At that time I could barely interact with my good friend ChrisSwallows, let alone total strangers. Those months of isolation changed something in me - or I decided to change something within myself. Either way, it’s kind of working.
The other day ChrisSwallows asked if I wanted to join him for an afternoon meal and my initial reaction was gratitude, but refusal. The thought of sitting in a restaurant I knew was going to force us to listen to music did not appeal, but after a few moments I relented. My desire to come out of my shell was a bit stronger than anticipated. We went and had a decent enough meal together, and at no point did the experience become unbearable for me or anything, but it hasn’t happened again since. Things like conversing with a bus driver are not foreign to me, but the vast majority of the time I pay my fare and sit down, so when one of them engaged me recently I had to fight the urge to end the conversation. For all I know the woman was hitting on me, because we were talking about bike riding and she was very friendly, but all I felt was like I could be making her job difficult by being a distraction. After I got off I thought of all sorts of things I could have said, but it was too late by then of course. Perhaps I’ll see her again, and gauge the moment then. Mainly I’m just happy to be making a small bit of progress in this area because I’ll never make friends or find a romantic relationship if I am not a bit more outgoing.
During a short walk in what is considered downtown Milwaukie, Oregon a woman passing by me on the sidewalk, going in the opposite direction, blurted out that I was a handsome man. It honestly shocked me, and of course I was flattered, but it took me a few extra seconds to react. Thinking about my newfound desire to connect with people I whirled around and called out to her, but my attempt to share a few more words with her failed. She was not in a good place, was how she put it, and I totally respected that. The compliment still made me feel good but it was the fact that I stopped myself and actually tried to connect further with her that I was most excited about. Once again, I have to state how contrary that sort of reaction is to the person I have been for many years now. It’s not a leap or bound but it’s still a step in the right direction and that’s good enough for me. Poking my head out of my shell hasn’t resulted in anything terrible yet!
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you just HAD to push it, didn't you?
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Posted:Aug 2, 2023 5:44 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 1:50 pm 2185 Views
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Look, I know that people taking a peek at my profile on rentmasseur are getting the idea that I provide something more erotic and sensual than just a naked massage, but nothing remotely specific is implied. I simply state that I want to help my lower their inhibitions and explore together. Nowhere do I say; “I’ll suck your dick” or hint for even a moment that they can suck mine. And when it comes to ass play, I’m finding a great deal of the men I meet want it incorporated into the session, but on varying levels. Nothing in my profile says I am interested, or into that, because I keep it super vague. As a result I can be confident I am following the rules, but also know that I am not suggesting anything illegal. As we all know, exchanging sex for money is against the law in just about every form, so if you want a blowjob from your masseuse you better wait until you are naked, and he’s been massaging you for a while before you bring that sort of thing up. My deal is to let those kind of things (my dick in his mouth, his in mine, any form of ass play) happen naturally / organically, and not just because to specifically discuss it beforehand is akin to a and John making a deal. If things unfold and we “naturally” end up naked, with my cock in his ass it’ll be fine as long as we didn’t, at any point, agree that he was paying me for that to happen. I was just there to give him a massage, officer, and we got carried away.
I’m telling you this because an idiot recently began a text message exchange with me that ultimately went too far, and the worst part about it is that the guy knew it and did it anyways. Nothing severe, just stupid really, and a waste of my time. In a nutshell; he asked if I would pose and flex my muscles while he touched me. I indicated this was fine, and when he next asked if I had any boundaries regarding that I told him that I was pretty open and easygoing, but reserved the right to vocalize them at any time. He seemed to understand this, and I thought things were going well until he asked a question he prefaced with, “If this is out of bounds…” which meant he pretty much knew what he was going to ask was something he shouldn’t. He wanted to know if he could suck my cock while he felt my muscles, and had he not blurted it out like that, and instead waited until we were together and asked in person it would have been fine. As it was, he was asking if a sex act could be performed while I was being paid, so I had to end the conversation right then and there. Most of me believes he was just a clumsy douche, or perhaps jerking off to my messages, but the paranoid guy in me worried he might be the police trying to catch me doing something wrong. No matter the circumstance, I don’t allow conversations that could incriminate me to play out.
For the most part, I’ve felt the majority of the conversations have been genuine, not people intending to waste my time. It has been an exceptional experience because in any other remotely similar situation (gay men looking for another man for _______) has been laden with fakes, flakes, time-wasters, etc. That paranoid voice in the back of my head is quieter than it has been in a while, because I’m not constantly dealing with people who are not sincere. The few dopes that do something clumsy or dumb haven’t ruined the “job” yet, I’m happy to say. Let’s keep it that way, please!
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the last jerk in the desert
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Posted:Aug 1, 2023 4:41 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 1:50 pm 2917 Views
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While I was off grid in the desert of Southern Oregon for 3 / three months I did quite a bit of filming. Being isolated, with neighbors that were at least a quarter of a mile away, meant I could essentially walk around naked all the time. When the weather was good, I did just that, and as a result I found myself aroused more often than I had anticipated. With no other possibility of release except my own hands, I decided to not waste the energy and continue pointing the camera in my direction. The result was some footage that was typical, but the obvious and genuine arousal I was experiencing is on display in a big way.
One of my favorite things to film was simply walking around naked. I’d put the camera on a tripod and then hold it out in front of me while I walked, much like a selfie stick. With the sun beating down on my skin and the air flowing freely about my naked body, my cock would instantly plump up and start swinging as I strode around my property. Visually speaking, I found it quite satisfying, and I think the people who might eventually purchase the videos will be happy with it as well. In all I think I have nearly 30 / thirty movies.
Sometimes the weather would not cooperate, and I’d be forced to film inside. At times it was far too hot, or cold, to go outside and get naked but the desire to pleasure myself could not be denied. So I’d just kick back in the tent, spread my legs and stroke for the camera until I was on the edge of exploding. I think only once did I actually ejaculate while filming inside; I was saving my loads for later, when I could go back out and masturbate amongst the rocks and bushes. It was a barren place, but the freedom to pretty much do whatever I wanted was tough to deny. My sperm were left drying all over the place.
These photos are just from the last day I filmed. At that time, it was far too hot to go outside. Had I done so, my skin would have been burned a dozen times over. Add the irritation of swatting away bugs and you get a less than sexy situation not worth filming. In the tent I could control things a bit, like keeping the flies out, but there was no air conditioning of any kind to ease the temperature. At least the sun wasn’t beating down on me while I was in there, naked, stroking my gorgeous cock for the camera.
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Shiatsu? I hardly know you...
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Posted:Jul 29, 2023 2:33 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 1:50 pm 2387 Views
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I’ve been doing double duty when it comes to blogging these last few days. Not only am I trying to get back to putting something up on a regular basis in all my old haunts, I’m also making sure to do so daily at rentmasseur. At first I thought this might be a pointless endeavor, but I recently had a potential admit that he’d started his search for someone that day by checking out blogs. Since I have sexy, silly and smart content I think it’s time well spent.
The following is something I put up on rentmassuer:
To me being uninhibited means being willing to try new things. When they say you can’t teach an old pup new tricks they are definitely just referring to Rover, because I find myself learning and growing every day. One of my recent customers asked for some Shiatsu action, and I had to admit that I was completely ignorant of the style, let alone how to do it properly. It says right there in my “about me” section that I am not certified or trained, and that is no exaggeration. Sure, I can rub your back and legs with my hands, and it might even have a tiny therapeutic benefit, but those hands are more interested in helping you achieve a different kind and level of relaxation and release. I don’t know the names of styles, or techniques, I just know what feels good.
Had I just claimed ignorance and not had an adventurous spirit, I would not have had the pleasure of wielding a huge Shiatsu vibrator, and watching the effect it had on my . His enjoyment was shared, and he doesn’t even know this but I found my face hurting because I was smiling so much. It was fun! It’s not that I don’t take the massage aspect of this job seriously, it’s just that I provide a different type for different purposes. Yes, you’ll be relaxed and some tension will be eased from your muscles, but my goal is to achieve a great deal more. Being open to new experiences, and to learning new things, will only make me better at my job - and that’s good news for you!
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rubbing them the right way
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Posted:Jul 21, 2023 5:24 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 1:50 pm 2067 Views
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There are a few reasons I’ve returned to offering erotic / to men on rentmasseur, not the least of which is the fact that I actually enjoy it. Making money doing something you like is not always an easy thing to accomplish, and I happen to dig making people feel good, be it about themselves, their sexuality, whatever. If I can provide some literal, physical relief and release as well, I am not above that at all. Yes, it makes me kind of a , but I’m okay with that. We are all some version; selling ourselves for a pittance, week after week, while making someone else extremely rich in the process. I’m just choosing to be more honest about it, and more selfish. If I have any say in the matter, the riches I earn will go directly into my pocket, tax free.
This time around I’ve added a twist to what I am offering; when I visit my I am riding my bicycle. This is out of necessity of course, because I do not have a vehicle, but I am touting myself as the most eco-friendly, GREEN masseuse in the area. And if my customers like a guy that is sweaty and musky smelling that’s a bonus for them. If not, I hop in the shower real quick and then we get to it. Ultimately, I don’t sweat a whole lot, so I’ll likely disappoint anyone who is looking for me to be “ripe”. Not going to regret that one bit, as I hate being stinky.
As anticipated, I had a great deal of interest in the first 24 / twenty four hours after I posted, and managed to book 3 / three people the very next day. The first was actually a repeat customer from my initial foray into this a few months ago, right before I left to go off grid. It was easy to please him because he was familiar, and I think we finished in record time. My next appointment was less than 2 / two hours later, and it was at home, so I had to hop on my bike and make my way back in the afternoon heat. Once I arrived, I broke my fast, ate until I was satisfied, then prepped to host the . There was no plan to incorporate my friend ChrisSwallows, but once the man arrived, and I got a look at his cock I knew he would be interested. After a perfunctory massage, things started to get more passionate, so I felt it the right time to inform him that ChrisSwallows was in fact outside the house, running around naked and doing yard work. After touting his skills as a cock sucker I asked if the guy wanted me to invite him in, and he gave an enthusiastic reply. Hopping off the massage table, I headed out the sliding glass door to find my friend and ask him to suck a strange cock for me.
When I couldn’t immediately find ChrisSwallows I went back inside, only to find him sort of lurking in the hallway just beyond the area where I was giving the “massage”. He’d been about to attempt a “sneak by” while we were occupied, but instead I brought attention to his presence, and invited him to gaze upon the beautiful cock that was waiting for him to devour it. Moments later he was burying it in his throat while I was sliding mine into the mouth of the . I dumped my load, and ma few seconds later he was dumping his down the eager throat of ChrisSwallows. Nothing involving him had been planned, or even discussed in advance, it just happened. As a result, the man had his first threesome, at 60+ / sixty plus years of age. And that, my friends, is a prime example / reason of why I have decided to give this job another try. Plus, I’m getting paid good money, so you really can’t complain, and I won’t.
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he hath returned
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Posted:Jul 13, 2023 11:20 am
Last Updated:Jul 21, 2023 5:24 pm 2542 Views
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Hopefully most of you took the time to find my TikTok and know this already, but for those who resisted I have some news: I am back! The off grid adventure was a massive failure, so I have returned to the starting line to get ready for another race. I’m definitely not finished yet.
This is not to say that I am back and have a ton of perverted stuff to share, but there will be a few things to tell you about. I managed to film over 2 / two dozen “off grid adventures” that are worth talking mentioning, and perhaps I can wrack my brain for a few other tidbits, but what it’s really going to be about in the near future is the battle to get my life back together. Probably won’t be sexy, might be entertaining, but I’ll be posting about it occasionally. I of course cannot predict the future so maybe there will be sexy stuff to write about. Stay tuned for more of that.
I’ve really missed writing, so you might see me back here quite a bit at first, until I get busy with a couple of jobs or life takes me some strange direction. My TikTok was a bit of a lifesaver, simply because it kept me occupied and motivated at times when I had absolutely nothing to do, and no interaction with people. The need to post, and the gratification of seeing people enjoy what I was saying or doing, helped a great deal. I’m still going to be there, posting on a regular basis, so I STILL urge you to check it out.
Going to cut it short for once (haha) and post again soon (I hope).
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