rambling
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Posted:Sep 10, 2017 12:32 pm
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2017 1:46 am 3332 Views
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Every now and then i ramble, you know the kind of thing,,,
I have something i want to say, but not exactly sure how i want to say it or how i want it to be received.
,,, this is one of those.......
now, when i got into this whole online thing, looking for 'destiny' i always said "i will relocate"
i say on all my profiles i will relocate
yet pet peeve is "oh you are so far away!"
ok, if you don't believe what i say, then why say you read my profile?
then there's the "I am Domme, you will not have limits!"
erm, i do have limits, due to having survived this shit so long, i stand by my limits
if you wanna girl to suck ya bf / hubby, / weekend shag off,,,, go away, i am not the girl for you
that "lesbian" thing, thats for real, i do not date or play with or want a guy
and yet the numbers who go "oh but sucking my husband off is mandatory"
duh, think about it, my profile says "no men" ,,, why contact me, if the first thing you do is ignore rule 1?
then we come onto the issue of those who scream "oh i want real life,,,, but you have to be online only for 25 years before i will do anything real time"
look, this is damned simple,,,,, if you wanna screw around playing fantasy fuck fest with 200 people who you will never ever meet, thats great
BUT
thats not for me
jog on, take a hike, fek orf,, go away in short jerky movements!
while i am on this, someone came on to me, wanted friends etc, wanted to talk, but was patently lieing about being through with their ex
i called them on it, and they called me out for catching THEM lieing
sweetness, pretty lady, i am brave, i am gutsy, i am also DAMNED honest
YOU came to me, you went into the lobby LOOKING for me
if you want the truth, from a soul who REFUSES to lie to you, then fine, if you wanna play make believe to see who pays attention, then please,,, do not call me out when you mess up, ok ?
aaaand finally
i have a few people on this site i love to bits, think really really highly of
there are some i consider to be as close as family
there are one or two that have moved my soul so deeply i would die for them
now,,, now i seek the one who would do the same for me
where is she? i do not know for sure, but
if she reads this,,,, you know how to get in touch with me
dont be shy
thats my job 
ohhhhhh and for those who pay attention ALL the way to the bottom
I am Lady Joanna, Lady of Kincavel Manor, and Lady of Hougon Manor, so thats TWO legal titles
dont expect me to treat you with respect for nothing,,,, show me some, and i will show you LOTS
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bovine excrement
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Posted:Aug 30, 2017 12:10 pm
Last Updated:Sep 4, 2017 1:33 am 4387 Views
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recenly, after a few people left the sight due to lies, bs, and rampant abuses of trust
i talked to a Domme
now, lovely woman that she is, she swore every word i said, and every witness i provided would be protected
her "sub" has played the whole of the scene for a year,,, stolen pics, nothing corrobaratory, and a back story that grows in line with aloholic content per minute
so, i plead with the Domme to insulate herself
she deleted her profile, and everyone who knows her "sub" is fulla shit got blocked
heres my point, her sub,,, left, came back, deleted everyone who knows her stories and lies, and has been slagged off, insulted, lied about and trashed .....
this life is about trust
how can anyone trust either, when the Domme swears and the sub dominates the Domme???
i am laughing, and i dare either to answer
trust,,, one lied it away, the other threw it in our faces ... and they claim to be lifestyle ....
,,,,, not mine 
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It's those quiet times
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Posted:Aug 27, 2017 6:43 am
Last Updated:Aug 29, 2017 9:16 am 3537 Views
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I do not know why, i have asked myself again and again
For some strange reason, i sleep better when ordered to bed and ORDERED to sleep
ok, so it works when i have that connection with a Domme that i feel the fingers of Her will in my mind
when i feel Her thoughts
it is in a lot of things. I take better care of myself, i start a routine and stick to it
a friend of mine says i am "too sub" for my own good, and i am not even sure what that means
i know i can be a pain in the bum (read lower for alphasub personality type posting)
i know i can be wilfull and drive a Domme to distraction at times, but i also know its not bratty, it's things i BELIEVE in
i also know i cannot be alone in this, there has to be others who go through it
you know what i mean right ?? (winks at the one reading who is nodding like their head is going to fall off)
and yet it seems to be SO hard to find a Domme who says what she means and means what she says, and then will stand by Her word completely
i see people i call friends, people i love getting what they need,,, even see people who have only been here 5 minutes getting their dreams
heck, i even see people taking subs back who ALT.com all over them
and yet
i sit waiting for The One to wander into my life
to grab me by the soul
i keep waiting and sitting in the quiet times thinking about all of these things
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hmmmm
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Posted:Jul 10, 2017 10:52 am
Last Updated:Jul 30, 2017 7:50 am 3726 Views
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I like to think i am a kinda open minded soul. If what you do makes you happy, is consentual and no one ends up doing time in jail, thats fine by me. I also don't judge people based on what they are into .... except maybe with the exception of people who hate bacon, thats just scarey. But a few subjects ahve been floating in my head recently.
So you are on the BDSM scene and a newbie, you are desparate to learn. You want to try everything in column A and half column B yesterday speed, but deeeep down inside the little voice whispers at you, so you go looking for advice.
And you hear "go on, charge RIGHT in, it's all safe unless you act scared!"
FEK,,, sorry,,, no, thats NOT right
Thats the kind of advice you give the one person in history you hate most. This isnt domino's in the local bar, or pool with friends. There are risks in everything every person does,,, play football and take a knock, you could very well end up with anything from concusion, to severe spinal injuries,,, and thats just ONE example. In this lifestyle, a moron with a whip is even more dangerous.
Just because you yourself might have been happily playing with a select and limited group for years, that understand what you do and how, doesnt mean everyone else is like that.
And for a newbie, the WORST thing you can do is charge in. After 50 shades of BS was released, hospitals worldwide saw ER's and A & E departments flooded with dumbasses thinking everything in 50 shades was easy to do,,, right up to the point someone had to go to hospital.
No,, this is not a conspiracy of paranoia, this is common sense talking. I have heard of idiots hearing about different kinds of whips, trying to make them at home, and seriously hurting people with them,,, and i know i am not the only one who has heard horror stories from friends who know way more about the lifestyle than someone who nervously asks what a paddle is !!
BDSM 'should' be built on respect, on trust, on a lotta love. It's a soul marriage. It's a bonding beyond the legal, and it's inherant risks should be reflected in the depths you go to to learn and grow and become. This is not a destination,,, it's a lifelong journey to venture together to places neither of you could go alone. Ok,,, so maybe i am old fashioned. Maybe i am just a nutter in the darkness harking back to when things fitted easier, but i am also not the fool some people seem determined to paint me as. I for one wont be crawling to a hospital ripped to shreds and bleeding out thanks muchly glad!!
Also,,, and this bugs me. COLLARS.....
People seem to have collars for everything, and thats fine. I know people often want different things that they cant get from just one person, so they might have 2 or 3 subs collared that provide them with different things.
I also know, from experience, that some people view a collar as a candy, dangling it before subs, in an attempt to get the sub to dance for them. They use it as a lure, to hook the unwary, promising everything, only to turn at the last second, and ignore the sub when their fun has been had. Me,,, i call that lieing. If you have no intention of giving a collar, and you only want to con people into stupidity, then go to "fukwitsRus" and leave real people out of it. I have spoken to many subs who have been conned like this, i know i was once.
Also theres the "online only" collar. I still dont get that one.
How can you ONLY exist online? Do you vanish when the internet turns off?
Yes, i am being silly about that one. I DO understand people have life commitments that curtail things. But hell,,, if you cant go into the swimming pool, why buy a bikini ?
aaaaaaaaaaand lastly ......
were the hell is my coffee ?
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Protagonist Personality
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Posted:Jul 1, 2017 9:16 am
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2017 9:42 am 3548 Views
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Firm Believers in the People
People are drawn to strong personalities, and Protagonists radiate authenticity, concern and altruism, unafraid to stand up and speak when they feel something needs to be said. They find it natural and easy to communicate with others, especially in person, and their Intuitive (N) trait helps people with the Protagonist personality type to reach every mind, be it through facts and logic or raw emotion. Protagonists easily see people’s motivations and seemingly disconnected events, and are able to bring these ideas together and communicate them as a common goal with an eloquence that is nothing short of mesmerizing.
The interest Protagonists have in others is genuine, almost to a fault – when they believe in someone, they can become too involved in the other person’s problems, place too much trust in them. Luckily, this trust tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, as Protagonists’ altruism and authenticity inspire those they care about to become better themselves. But if they aren’t careful, they can overextend their optimism, sometimes pushing others further than they’re ready or willing to go.
Protagonists are vulnerable to another snare as well: they have a tremendous capacity for reflecting on and analyzing their own feelings, but if they get too caught up in another person’s plight, they can develop a sort of emotional hypochondria, seeing other people’s problems in themselves, trying to fix something in themselves that isn’t wrong. If they get to a point where they are held back by limitations someone else is experiencing, it can hinder Protagonists’ ability to see past the dilemma and be of any help at all. When this happens, it’s important for Protagonists to pull back and use that self-reflection to distinguish between what they really feel, and what is a separate issue that needs to be looked at from another perspective.
Strengths
Tolerant – Protagonists are true team players, and they recognize that that means listening to other peoples’ opinions, even when they contradict their own. They admit they don’t have all the answers, and are often receptive to dissent, so long as it remains constructive.
Reliable – The one thing that galls Protagonists the most is the idea of letting down a person or cause they believe in. If it’s possible, Protagonists can always be counted on to see it through.
Charismatic – Charm and popularity are qualities Protagonists have in spades. They instinctively know how to capture an audience, and pick up on mood and motivation in ways that allow them to communicate with reason, emotion, passion, restraint – whatever the situation calls for. Talented imitators, Protagonists are able to shift their tone and manner to reflect the needs of the audience, while still maintaining their own voice.
Altruistic – Uniting these qualities is Protagonists’ unyielding desire to do good in and for their communities, be it in their own home or the global stage. Warm and selfless, Protagonists genuinely believe that if they can just bring people together, they can do a world of good.
Natural Leaders – More than seeking authority themselves, Protagonists often end up in leadership roles at the request of others, cheered on by the many admirers of their strong personality and positive vision.
Weaknesses
Overly Idealistic – People with the Protagonist personality type can be caught off guard as they find that, through circumstance or nature, or simple misunderstanding, people fight against them and defy the principles they’ve adopted, however well-intentioned they may be. They are more likely to feel pity for this opposition than anger, and can earn a reputation of naïveté.
Too Selfless – Protagonists can bury themselves in their hopeful promises, feeling others’ problems as their own and striving hard to meet their word. If they aren’t careful, they can spread themselves too thin, and be left unable to help anyone.
Too Sensitive – While receptive to criticism, seeing it as a tool for leading a better team, it’s easy for Protagonists to take it a little too much to heart. Their sensitivity to others means that Protagonists sometimes feel problems that aren’t their own and try to fix things they can’t fix, worrying if they are doing enough.
Fluctuating Self-Esteem – Protagonists define their self-esteem by whether they are able to live up to their ideals, and sometimes ask for criticism more out of insecurity than out of confidence, always wondering what they could do better. If they fail to meet a goal or to help someone they said they’d help, their self-confidence will undoubtedly plummet.
Struggle to Make Tough Decisions – If caught between a rock and a hard place, Protagonists can be stricken with paralysis, imagining all the consequences of their actions, especially if those consequences are humanitarian
Protagonists don’t need much to be happy, just to know that their partner is happy, and for their partner to express that happiness through visible affection. Making others’ goals come to fruition is often the chiefest concern of Protagonists, and they will spare no effort in helping their partner to live the dream. If they aren’t careful though, Protagonists’ quest for their partners’ satisfaction can leave them neglecting their own needs, and it’s important for them to remember to express those needs on occasion, especially early on.
Protagonists’ tendency to avoid any kind of conflict, sometimes even sacrificing their own principles to keep the peace, can lead to long-term problems if these efforts never fully resolve the underlying issues that they mask. On the other hand, people with the Protagonist personality type can sometimes be too preemptive in resolving their conflicts, asking for criticisms and suggestions in ways that convey neediness or insecurity. Protagonists invest their emotions wholly in their relationships, and are sometimes so eager to please that it actually undermines the relationship – this can lead to resentment, and even the failure of the relationship. When this happens, Protagonists experience strong senses of guilt and betrayal, as they see all their efforts slip away.
If potential partners appreciate these qualities though, and make an effort themselves to look after the needs of their Protagonist partners, they will enjoy long, happy, passionate relationships. Protagonists are known to be dependable lovers, perhaps more interested in routine and stability than spontaneity in their sex lives, but always dedicated to the selfless satisfaction of their partners. Ultimately, Protagonist personality types believe that the only true happiness is mutual happiness, and that’s the stuff successful relationships are made of.
People with the Protagonist personality type take genuine pleasure in getting to know other people, and have no trouble talking with people of all types and modes of thought. Even in disagreement, other perspectives are fascinating to Protagonists – though like most people, they connect best with individuals who share their principles and ideals, and types in Diplomat and Analyst Role groups are best able to explore Protagonists’ viewpoints with them, which are simply too idealistic for most. It is with these closest friends that Protagonists will truly open up, keeping their many other connections in a realm of lighthearted but genuine support and encouragement.
Others truly value their Protagonist friends, appreciating the warmth, kindness, and sincere optimism and cheer they bring to the table. Protagonists want to be the best friends possible, and it shows in how they work to find out not just the superficial interests of their friends, but their strengths, passions, hopes and dreams. Nothing makes Protagonists happier than to see the people they care about do well, and they are more than happy to take their own time and energy to help make it happen.
Few personality types are as inspiring and charismatic as Protagonists. Their idealism and vision allow Protagonists to overcome many challenging obstacles, more often than not brightening the lives of those around them. Protagonists’ imagination is invaluable in many areas, including their own personal growth.
Yet Protagonists can be easily tripped up in areas where idealism and altruism are more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is finding (or keeping) a partner, staying calm under pressure, reaching dazzling heights on the career ladder or making difficult decisions, Protagonists need to put in a conscious effort to develop their weaker traits and additional skills.
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Another birthday
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Posted:Jun 27, 2017 9:09 am
Last Updated:Jun 28, 2017 5:45 am 3110 Views
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As it closes in i think it is time to list what the last year has taught me
firstly, whenever someone says "i will never ever ..." and they tell you they love you,,, they will and they dont,, and they will blame you when it all goes wrong lol
secondly, there is always someone willing to screw over the genuine, and then pretend they did nothing wrong
third, the best people dont cause a huge scene when the shit hits the fan, they blog and air their views not to get attention, but looking for a way to vent without exploding
fourth, when the shit does hit the fan, you can bet that the innocent get lambasted while the guilty walk free .. hey, thats not me,,, i have seen one Domme on here go through it, and She is a wonderful articulate soul... i wish Her the very very best for the future,,
finally you know you are in the wrong place when every sub tells you you SHOULD have a Domme, but every Domme only wants you if it never goes to real life
hows that for a mindfuck
now as to what i would like for my birthday
no more lunatics, stalkers, liars of numbnuts
no more wannabe Dommes who dont understand what BDSM is
no more fucked up headers trying to use me to boost their profile or derranged jealous imbeciles trying to pull me down when they know nothing
more nice decent articulate intelligent kinky as all get out people in my life
a wonderful woman to pay attention to my inane insane ramblings and think they are sweet and full of honesty
to see my friends happy, safe, enjoying life with a huge smile
oh, and a lifelong relationship with the RIGHT kind of Domme,,,, one who can see beneath the surface to the exempliary soul under it
yeah,, like thats going to happen
huge hugs to all and may the forks be with you,,, or at least may your knives be sharp when the tax man calls
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Alone or lonely ?
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Posted:Feb 15, 2017 11:07 am
Last Updated:Oct 6, 2017 5:15 pm 5069 Views
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It's in the darkest hours you feel it most.
You keep getting offers, people who seem to be into you, who seem to want you
Only .......
They are only interested if it is online only
Or if they can get a cheap thrill out of you
Or if they can have some strange kind of bragging rights
There was the woman who wanted me to show her what i would do for her, only what she does is sell airtime while you are on cam
and then she sticks the videos on her profile so people can see how "Domme" she is, yet realistically its the men watching a lesbian perform who are calling the shots
erm NO
then there was the younger "Domme" who was forever telling girls they were "being considered" or that she was "considering it"
PMSL, yeah, there's a huge difference between that and Under Consideration
but that was her point, girls stopped looking thinking they were REALLY under consideration, yet they were seemingly farmed out to her sub
hmmmm, NO
Then there was the "poly Domme" who managed to lose our contract, three times. Ignored our contract as it suited her. Broke the contract 8 times, and then after dicking around for months, managed to tell me it was my fault!
arghhhhh NOOOOOOO
now its a Domme who has been screwing around, making LOTS of promises and then breaking them all vs the Domme who has been playing games behind my back thinking it's ok if i don't see it
so in those lonely nights
alone in bed, suffering with raging insomnia yet again
that i realise i MISS my White Roses so much, that i am not just alone now
but actually, i feel lonely
Even when i go into the lobby to chat, or my own lil room
i feel cut off by circumstance
i feel isolated by that shattering emptiness in my life
now, before you go "moaning BITCH, shut the fffff up"
i am not complaining, but i am trying to be honest with myself
in my book, or in my blog at least, i have to be honest with myself, no matter who reads this
i am lonely
and it's all down to those who use other peoples lives as a playground
those who come for fantasy only, and pretend they want real life
those people who screw with the hearts and minds of people in ways that have NOTHING to do with a D / s relationship or BDSM in any way
warn the next generation,,,,
when someones word means less than shit, then you start to doubt everyones words
and thats when the alone become the lonely
sad, but true
sorry for that, but hey, it's my blog !!
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Adamski- Killer
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Posted:Nov 2, 2016 1:56 pm
Last Updated:Nov 6, 2016 1:45 pm 6998 Views
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Listen to that song sometime.
It's those days when you see a friend grasping for support and advice, then think "is that me that's hurt them?"
The days you see someone floundering in their lives, hopping between this and that with no real connections to anything or anyone. Swapping chopping and changing who and what they are, desperate for anything real.
It's those days when the silence seems deafening, and the lonely cry of a bird feels like the only voice in the world.
We have all been there. Admit it, times when you felt so terribly alone, lost in your mind, trapped by fears that are pressing into your every pore.
Those times when just ONE voice in the world will lighten you, lift the load, and drive away the deamons of unreasoned and unwarranted worry.
I look at those who have laughed at me, not with me, but at me,,, usually sniggering in dark corners, hiding because they have nothing themselves. Those who do not understand and have no idea about anything beyond their own petty little jealousies. I look at those who walked away, forgetting things i had done for them, forgetting that i cared for them. I see even my own family, who walked away and never looked back, at the one time i needed them.
I look at friends i care deeply for who seem locked into pathways that can only lead to emotional pain. I see those who i admire for who they are get lost in what they do,, thinking an act makes them worthy, and not that they were always worthy to begin with.
I see people who i thought i knew, whom i thought knew me better, turn because a detractor told them lies, or spewed venom and hate, without knowing anything about the subject. LOL, i had one gimboid saying i was a fake because my music is on an australian website,,,, yet how many log into websites outside their own country,,,, and hey, DUMBASS, an INTERNATIONAL resource site sells MY music globally,,,, so yeah, keep laughing and sending people to my music, every stream you play, i get money for .... laugh away, i will pocket your cash 
sorry, lost my thread ... where was i ?
I see myself, feeling adrift in an ocean of lies and hurt that the world is falling into. Politicians running for office who are awaiting trial. Diplomats screaming for a war that the young will have to fight. Governments screaming austerity, while taking the cash from the nations they are supposed to serve.
and i wait, for one person to reach out, calm my soul with a soothing word
yeah,, "It's the lonliness that's the killer"
sums it all up in one go
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