Worst Opening Lines....
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Posted:May 15, 2016 2:16 am
Last Updated:May 16, 2016 1:20 pm 54971 Views
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You mean like "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against Me?"
Well, maybe if we were watching 'That 70's Show',
They've gotten better nowadays?
Let's just say they've changed. I'm specifically talking about opening lines on the ALT IM.
You mean like a good ole "Me love you long time, till the rest of my life."
Those are indeed charming, but I'm addressing this more to the females in the gallery.
You mean the ladies?
In certain cases they are, yes. I know they get some real doozies directed their way some of the time.
Different than the one I mentioned above.
Different galaxy from that moldy oldie.
So you're asking the ladies, and other females, the worst opening line they've received while on the ALT IM?
Worst, raunchiest, dumbest, grossest .... They can take their pick of the litter.
Don't the men get to play?
I'm an equal opportunity employer ... Sure, why not.
Then you start .... The worst you've gotten?
Me love you long time, till the rest of My life.
You're shitting Me?
I wouldn't shit you, you're My favorite turd.
'That 70's Show' again?
Yeah, like you were ever allowed to stay up that late and watch it....
Fuck you!
No, fuck you!
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The Cycle
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Posted:Dec 24, 2015 9:16 am
Last Updated:May 15, 2016 4:30 am 98295 Views
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Bicycle? Motorcycle? What are we talking here?
The cycle of life and the cycle of the seasons.
Boring ..... I may snooze through this one.
Yeah? Well, fuck you. I'm just sitting here looking out the back window and watching the snowflakes drift about and land. I wouldn't want My Christmas any other way ..... It wouldn't be Christmas to Me.
You don't want to be somewhere warm and sunny? Sitting on a beach and sipping a cocktail for Christmas?
Fuck NO! I have to live where there are four distinct seasons. It's 'natural' to Me. The cycle of the seasons, as with the cycle of life we all go through, given we live long enough.
Spring, Summer, Fall & Winter?
Exactly .... I couldn't live where Mother Nature didn't wake her vegetation in Spring, give us the heat of Summer and the days of August, provide us the beauty of the Fall foliage and then shut everything down for Winter and snow over the land.
So we're not going to Cabo or Hawaii for Christmas?
You been listening?
Yeah, but there's a shitload of people who love a moderate temperature practically all year. They think you're fucking crazy!
Maybe I am, but I know what's in my nature. Santa playing volleyball on the beach at Christmas? Makes My pucker cord clench just thinking about it. If people enjoy that and desire it, more power to them. Give Me a good ole snowball fight any day.
I can't believe we're not going to Cabo or Hawaii for Christmas.
Go get your boots on.... We've got snow to shovel. A white Christmas for us ..... The one others can dream about.
You're pissing some people off.....
Merry Christmas everyone .... Regardless of what the temperature is there.
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ONE and ONLY ONE present for Christmas
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Posted:Dec 7, 2015 2:05 pm
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2016 6:38 am 60759 Views
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I'm getting a present?
No numb nuts, this is a question for the masses.
And the question is?
OK ..... If you could only have ONE gift this Christmas, what would it be?
Do intangibles count? I can see all of the 'World Peace' and 'Love' and 'Health' answers coming in.
No ... No intangibles allowed. It has to be something real that you can see and touch.
What about smell, taste and hear? Those OK?
If applicable, sure. So what would you want for Christmas with your ONE desire?
No contest .... A Red Rider BB gun.
Fucking moron.
Hey, you asked - So shove it! And what would you like for Christmas?
I just want all of us to get along.
That's bullshit - You said no intangibles!
That's right .... I just wanted to see if you and the masses were paying attention.
OK .... One gift. What's it gonna be?
Why in the fuck did I bring this up? .... That's sort of a tough question.
Fuck up did ya? If you want people to respond, you better have an answer....
Hmmm ..... OK, I know. I want a new bed. One of those high torque ones where you can raise the back or legs.
Like the ones in a hospital?
Yeah, but without the side rails. That's what I want.
And I only get a BB gun?
That was your choice, not mine. OK 'the masses', what tangible item do you want for Christmas?
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The Lights Are Up!
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Posted:Dec 7, 2015 11:05 am
Last Updated:Dec 24, 2015 11:01 am 61744 Views
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OK ..... you got all the Christmas lights up in the windows and around the shrub and tree out front.
Yeah, a week later than I planned, but it's done now and looks good.
So you've got the Christmas spirit thing going on?
No, I'm not in full Christmas spirit mode yet, just chipping away at all the things I like to get done. But lights - I've gotta have the lights.
We talking the Griswald thing here with lights?
Uh, no. One can't isolate my home from the space shuttle. I just like having lights out and seeing others do the same. It just think it spreads some cheer, and we can all use that.
Get your Christmas newsletter done to send out to friends and family yet? You're one of 'those' guys - Right?
Yes.... and by the way, fuck you for the sarcasm.
Oh there's some Christmas cheer! Hey, I like reading about what's going on in friend's and family's lives - Even better when they add photos. You do that - Right?
Full page of a collage of photos from throughout the year.
Been doing it for about twenty-five years now.
Got the shopping done?
Not quite, but I've put a serious dent in it. Online shopping for those who live far away and I have a game plan for the locals so that I'm all done at least a week before Christmas. I don't do the 'last minute' thing.
You remembered to put me on your shopping list - Right?
Oh yeah, you're right at the top of it.
Sarcasm?
Ya think?
I think it's time for a 'fuck you'.
I think it's time to take you off the list........
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Boise's First Snow
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Posted:Nov 25, 2015 12:50 pm
Last Updated:Nov 25, 2015 12:51 pm 61510 Views
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G ..... The first snow of the year, at least that's sticking to the ground.
Fuck .... I know. I put the snow shovel out by the front door.
You don't like snow?
Actually I love the look of freshly fallen snow and how else does one have a snowball fight without snow?
But the shoveling......
Yeah, that's the downside. Now if it could snow everywhere except the driveway, sidewalks and street, we'd be in tall cotton.
Tall cotton?
Just an expression of 'good fortune'.
And Thanksgiving tomorrow .... Turkey and all the trimmings.
Pumpkin pie and all the whipped cream... We all know pumpkin pie is one of the food groups, or it should be.
Yeah, just like lobster is one of them.
Lobster is actually the 'prime' food group and all else flows from there.
What about pussy? Food group?
Yes, comes right behind lobster.
And right in front of pumpkin pie?
Just barely!
Now those three would make an excellent Thanksgiving feast!
Tall cotton.
We should probably wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING everyone.
And some tall cotton?
Sure. Hope you find yourselves in tall cotton tomorrow!
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LIFE
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Posted:Oct 27, 2015 1:39 pm
Last Updated:Oct 5, 2017 12:33 am 65705 Views
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Life.
What's life?
Twenty-five cents.
I don't have twenty-five cents.
That's life.
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Where's Waldo ...... Errrrr I mean Misha?
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Posted:Nov 8, 2014 11:45 am
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2015 12:47 pm 155284 Views
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G, this 'Misha' must be one hot number!
WTF are you talking about?
Three blogs today from three different male submissives she owns.
How old are they?
24, 26 and 28.
That's your first clue. Where are they from?
All from the UK .... she must like a British accent. Suppose they all know one another?
Oh yes, I'm sure they're all aware they're part of a harem.
Harems can happen - Right?
Sure, but I'm keeping My salt shaker handy.
Think any more are going to show up in the blogs?
I'd think that's a fairly safe bet.
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One and only one......
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Posted:Sep 18, 2014 8:29 am
Last Updated:Nov 6, 2014 2:37 pm 183936 Views
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G, you haven't added a blog in five, count em, five months - WTF?
Holy shit! I must have been living under a rock or something.
No, I've seen you leave comments for others. You just haven't added anything of your own. Lack of inspiration?
I'm not sure ..... Maybe just not 'in the mood'.
Is that like ... "Not tonight, I have a headache."
Perhaps so. But today I had a thought to throw out to the masses.
Oh God, it's not a poll or a poem is it?
Bite your tongue, asshole. I see many comments from both sexes about their frustrations with ALT. Thank God, most of the problems they created with their 'upgrade' have been resolved. Yet frustrations remain.
Like all the bogus profiles?
Don't even get Me started with those! That would be one frustration I know genuine people have, yet there are many others too that I've read.
So where are you going with this?
I'm putting out an APB for people to express their BIGGEST frustration with ALT or the ONE thing they'd change if they were running the show.
They only get ONE?
Yes
So you think people will be able to express only ONE?
Not a chance in hell.
What's your ONE?
That I have to put up with you.
Fuck you!
No, fuck you.....
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FARGO
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Posted:Apr 17, 2014 1:47 pm
Last Updated:May 8, 2014 6:26 am 196498 Views
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"G, are you talking about the town or the movie?"
Neither .... It's the name of a new TV series that started last Tuesday.
"Any good?"
It was fucking GREAT! I'm not sure how to describe it though. Very dark humor, great acting/writing and, of course, a sufficient amount of gore.
"The star?"
Billy Bob Thorton ... Or is that Thornton? In any event, he's the comedian villain good/bad guy. One minute he has you laughing and the next it's 'Holy Shit', as he exterminates someone. He's always fucking with people's minds and very effective at it. Any opportunity to cause trouble behind the scene and he jumps on it. You love the guy! It's unlike any show I've ever seen.
"What about 'Pulp Fiction'?"
That does come to mind. Similar, yet different.
"So you're recommending it?"
Two thumbs up ... Way up! They made someone getting their skull cracked open with a ball peen hammer funny. I was laughing so hard, I backed it up and watched it over again. Billy Bob convinces a guy to piss in the gas tank of a car of a woman who was giving the guy shit - Then calls up the woman to report, "I'm looking out my window and there's a guy pissing in the gas tank of a red 08 Caprice." Then he chuckles (and you crack up) as the woman comes running outside and the guy pissing starts running off trying to zip up his pants, trips over a snow shovel and does a face plant.
"You're a sick fuck!"
They made it funny. That's what I'm saying ... This is a unique show!
"What channel?"
Fuck - You would ask Me that. Not a clue. Trust Me on this though, it's worth the readers figuring it out and watching it next Tuesday night.
"All this build-up and you don't even have the channel for them? WTF?"
Fuck off!
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Shake a Pudding.....
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Posted:Apr 7, 2014 8:56 am
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2014 1:15 am 254750 Views
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"G, is this a blog about masturbation?"
Jesus, you're dumb! No fuck head.
"Well, you made up the title!"
Many moons ago, probably before a lot of people here were born, there was a product called 'Shake a Pudding'. Might have been a 'Jello' product - I don't remember. It was a powdered substance in a container to which you added X amount of water and then shook. Voila! You now had instant pudding to eat.
"I'm sure the people reading this are now oh so fascinated. Is there a point?"
You're such an asshole! I was reminded of this product when I was reading a blog & profile about 'insta-Dominants'.
"You just add water and then shake them up really well? We could make a shitload of Dominants!"
No, numb nuts. Each of them would have their own recipe for getting from point A (reading about BDSM) to point B (Wow! I wanna be a Dominant!). The people, mainly submissives, reading this will know what I'm talking about. These self proclaimed Dominants now think that anyone identifying as a submissive must obey them at the drop of a hat, or other such nonsense.
"For real? I can tell a submissive to kneel or to suck Our cocks right away? Who knew? I'm liking this Instant Dominant product"
You could also hold up a sign professing "I'm an idiot and I may well live in my mother's basement". Anyone with any experience or common sense should be able to spot these 'puddings'.
"Even a new submissive? One that knows her inner core and has stepped forward into our lifestyle?
Therein lays the conundrum. A new(er) submissive may not have the wherewithal to identify the 'puddings' and they get sucked into their nonsense. The blog and profile I was reading was a prime example. "I'm a Dom, you're a submissive. Call me so I can listen to you masturbate while I watch you on cam. Good job, now I release you, slut!"
"No way - Just like that? I would have at least added 'Thank you' before I released her."
Thank God you're fiction! I was just making up a random example. I'll bet I wasn't too far off though, in many cases. What a great first impression this makes on a new submissive! I'll wager many have turned their backs on BDSM due to experiences like, or similar, to this.
"Guess I need to start behaving?"
You never get the controls, dumb ass.
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