Questions. . .
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Posted:Aug 27, 2007 3:46 pm
Last Updated:Jan 8, 2022 11:10 am 32602 Views
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My friend B (FemDomme) suggested these questions when interviewing potential submissives. I thought they were good and figured this was as good a place as any to store them.
1) What are you willing to do for me?
2) What do you expect of me?
3) Are you looking for short/long term?
4) Are you in a commited relationship? Does your s/o know about this conversation ?
5) What do you seek in your submission?
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A conversation with D
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Posted:Aug 26, 2007 11:35 pm
Last Updated:Oct 4, 2007 9:10 pm 32478 Views
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This is part of a conversation I had with D on another site:
She asked:
What part of what you do in play is connected to your being a Shaman? Do you do an energy exchange and what is its hallmark? Do you consider what you do a part of estatic states? Do you find yourself altered through play as well as the bottom being altered? Altered as in closer to your core, closer to God (ess), closer to Tao, whatever you want to call it. Does your bottoms actually feel the exchange of energy or comment about it to you?
First. . . I don't consider myself a shaman. . . I'm on a shamanic journey. . .
Play is a word that I use because it's the word that everyone uses. . . for me it's all about the connection between the bottom and myself. I go into Dom space very easily when playing with someone familiar . . . someone that I connect with and don't have to rely on my 5 earthly senses to read.
I find that when I'm in space. . . and she's in space we meet there. . . and the connection is deeper than any I can find in this world. . .
Dom space for me. . . is walking in the other world. . . it is letting go of the present, past and future and existing in a place where they are all the same.
Everything I do in terms of play is about ecstatic states (I'm guessing you've read Radical Ecstasy - if not. . . you must. . . it's very good).
It's hard to answer all of the questions specifically because they are all related for me. . .
Ecstatic states can be driven by pain or by leading someone through it allowing us to let go of the physical. . .
The closest thing I can come to explaining what happens is "dreamstate" or. . . by likening it to my first adult experience I had in learning to walk in both worlds. . . (there were a lot as a that I was "taught" to dismiss".
I'd gone through an emotional upheaval. . . My very last "vanilla" girlfriend had left me and I'd gone to Sedona. . . I'd become aware of an energy that was represented as a spirit animal. It was canine but would switch between and wolf depending on what it needed to communicate. . . and what I needed it to be.
On the drive to Sedona I found that I'd picked up another energy . . . represented by a rabbit.
I was sitting underneath a rock outcropping and trying to shake my grief and just enjoy the energy and view. . .
All of a sudden there was a feeling as if someone had reached into my chest and pulled me through to the other world. . . there was a line of people in front of me. . . not like a line waiting for something but people lined up like in a photo. . .they were all waiting to tell me something or give me something. . . they didn't move or speak but they were communicating to me. . . my animals would walk away and then come back. . . dropping things at or into my feet. Messages, knowledge. . . connection. . .
The whole time I felt like a in his mother's arms . . . I felt like the Goddess was behind me . . . holding me. . . giving me love and acceptance and protection. . . and after what seemed like a very long time I was pushed backwards into her arms. . . and then back to this world.
I found out later that the rock I was under was called by some Apache Woman and others Medicine Woman. . . I think she was the representation of the Goddess that I felt.
The state I reach when I play is very similar to that. . . except that usually the person I meet is the bottom. It's as if we are on a shared journey of connection and knowledge for that time that we play.
In public play I can become completely oblivious to anything around us unless someone crosses my perimeter of safety. . . the area that infringes on the my feeling of protection of the bottom and I snap back just long enough to insure her safety. . . I usually don't have much of a problem getting back to where I was but sometimes it does end the scene.
An interesting thing that I've noticed lately is that if there is a strong connection. . . one that allows communication in that state. . . people don't come close. . .
I've also learned to draw boundaries as I create the sacred space that most people never cross. . .
Yes, bottoms tend to notice something. . . but generally the comment is something like, "what did you do?" or "How did you do that?".
Last weekend at the club I ran into a woman that is interested in playing with me. . . we went into the main room to watch some play and I just started putting my hands on her. . . light pinches and grabbing her back like an extreme massage. . . her commment was, "no one has ever made me space with just their hands like that". . . .
It would be nice to take credit for that . . . but it was unconcious. . . I was barely aware that I'd started to play with her. . .
Oh. . . one more thing. . . YES! I feel completely different after the connection. . . much more connected to my spirit and my true self than I do on a regular basis.
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What a lovely thing to say.
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Posted:Jul 11, 2007 12:07 am
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2020 10:51 pm 31864 Views
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"OW!!! That sucks. . . but I really love the smile on your face."
Just warms the heart. . .
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Coming out the next day (Pt. 2 - the best part)
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Posted:Jul 9, 2007 9:53 pm
Last Updated:Aug 21, 2010 11:34 am 32076 Views
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The lesson in gratitude. . .
I was still pissed at my sister for forcing the out. . . even though the conversation had gone well.
The next morning I'm out in Mom's garage.
She comes out. . . she kind of stands there. . . she looks around and then starts to go back in the house. I'm feeling like she needs to talk so I ask her what's up.
She sits down and tells me that she has a couple of questions. . . I thought she was going back to our conversation about kink. . .
She almost starts to cry. . . she tells me that she hasn't had sex since before her mastectomy a couple of years ago.
(Note: She had her right breast removed and eventually reconstructed. . . the surgeon tightened up her left breast to match. She's been on medication to reduce her estrogen levels since then to lessen the chances for re-occurrence).
it seems that with her meds she is unable to produce her own lubrication. She very nervously explained that and the discomfort involved and then went on to say that since the surgery she hasn't felt . . . attractive.
All of a sudden I found myself explaining the concept of lube to my mother. I told her that there were hundred of varieties and that she might find sex more comfortable if she tried it. She wasn't even aware that such a product existed. You know your day has gone a little weird when you find yourself promising to send lube samples to your 70 year old mother.
Then we talked about her breasts and the surgery. . . First it helps to know that she has a great pair. . . for a 20 year old. Her friends went from caring sympathy to jealousy as soon as the bandages came off. The reconstructed one has had a nipple built and and aureola tattooed on.
I suggested that she call her surgeon for a referral to a therapist. It turns out that she was referred to a group of breast cancer survivors and never went.
We talked about the importance of that. I told her how important it was to me to finally find a community of people that understood that part of me that I thought no one could. How great it is to have friends that get it all.
So she's going to go to group and I'm sending her lube. . .
And she called this week to let me know that she's re-assessing her current boyfriend.
You know. . . I thought it was going to be hard to talk to Mom about me. I can't imagine how hard it had to be for her to not have anyone to talk to. I don't think that she would have felt comfortable talking to me if I hadn't talked to her first.
My sister that I can't trust. . . the one that had effectively outed me. . . had helped put me in a place that I needed to be when I needed to be there.
And that's why I'm grateful.
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Coming out of the kink closet (Pt. 1 - the good part)
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Posted:Jul 9, 2007 12:30 am
Last Updated:Sep 3, 2018 12:13 am 32912 Views
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I've been meaning to write this down for a couple of weeks now. . . it's long and there is so much to cover.
I came out to my family.
My younger sister found out about a year ago. She's one of my best friends and I'd thought she'd be open to it - she was accepting of who I am but she wasn't open to any discussion. She didn't want to know any details beyond the fact that her brother is kinky.
I ended up having to tell my other sister and my mother a couple of weeks ago.
My older sister and I are not close. Just not. Occasionally, I have to trust her and sometimes it works out.
I'd wanted to go to a BDSM convention in their city later this summer. It would have been very convenient to go in a few days early and spend some time with the family. About 6 weeks ago I let my sisters know that this was the plan. I didn't want to pretend I left town before the convention - Mom and Sis live in the area and it would just be my luck to pass Mom on the street after she thought I was back in LA.
I told my sisters not to mention anything to Mom. That I'd show up, surprise her and spend a few days before I went off to a "Healing and Interpersonal Communications" workshop (Hey, that's the way I see it anyway).
Well, one of the sisters immediately calls Mom up to let her know that I'll be in town. When Mom asked why, the sis told her it was a Reiki convention.
Here's the problem with that. I attuned Mom to Reiki I at Christmas. Reiki had conflicted with her ideas about her christian beliefs but after she met some ladies at church that practice it, and after we'd worked with it through her mastectomy and reconstruction and then her knee surgeries she gotten very interested. She wants to go to Reiki II and is learning all she can about energy work.
My phone rang immediately. Mom wanted to know all about the conference. She wanted to go - she wanted to tell her friends at church about it. . . .
"Ummm. . . Mom, it's not really a Reiki convention. It's different. . . Probably not something your friends would be interested in. I'll tell you about it when I'm there next month (This was in May. She knew already that I was going to be there for our birthdays in June)". She asked some more questions and I finally had to say. . . "Mom, I'm kinky. I'll fill you in when I'm there. Please don't talk about this with your friends."
We'd planned a big surprise party for Mom in June. I'd stayed at her house to keep her away from the planning and stockpiling that was happening at my sister's.
So while I was there Mom asked me about the conference I was coming back for in a few weeks. i took a big gulp and told her to sit down. . . I said:
"Mom, there is a lifestyle. . . some people call it alternative but that doesn't work for me because for me it's not alternative. It's who I am. The lifestyle is called BDSM. "
I went through the letters. I cruised through B/D and S/M pretty quickly. I wanted to focus on D/s.
I used the "1950's Household" model to explain to her that I was raised this way. That she and my father had shown us this model (think Ward and June with some reality and a pinch of disfunction thrown in). I explained that I thought the reason that none of her had gotten married was because while we were raised with this idea society shifted and left us confused. I reminded her that when we were small Dad was the captain and she was the first mate. He provided and she cared for all of us.
We talked about my grandparents and how this dynamic existed for them as well.
It was in the mid 70's when Mom had to go to work for a while. We talked about how the dynamic at home changed.
I talked about how I think some of the feminist leaders had devalued the role of the housewife in the 70's. How in pushing equal rights they left behind the concept that some women didn't want to be a captain . . . that their joy lay in the support role.
And we talked about how her father and mine had both been broken hearted in their last years. They were both forced to quit working due to illness. My grandmother went to work to support her husband in his last five years and my mother was constantly taking care of Dad for his last year. I think that by being forced out of the protector/provider role shortened their lives. Mom thought about that one for a long time and nodded her head.
We shared a long quiet moment and she wiped her eyes and said. . . , "Well, what's so kinky about that?"
Deep breath. . . I told her that I liked bondage. I talked about trust and limits. I explained SSC and RACK and used scratching and biting and floggers and endorphins as examples of what I like (I tried to give her some information without giving her too much information. . . ).
We'd reached her limit. She'd heard enough. She got up and hugged me and kissed my cheek and said she needed to go to bed now.
As she walked away she turned and said, "When did this start? I mean when did you become kinky?"
I smiled and winked at her and said, "Do you remember when I was 5 and you took away the jump ropes and told me that I couldn't tie up the girl down the street any more? I think it was around then."
I could see her trying to remember that and when she did she smiled and giggled a little and went to bed.
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A Horoscope that really fits!
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Posted:Jul 8, 2007 3:28 pm
Last Updated:Jul 8, 2007 6:52 pm 31384 Views
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Gemini
Every one of your questions -- from 'Where should I go next in life?' to 'Why is this person in my life?' -- deserves an answer, but you have to go and find it yourself. Today, heed your curiosity and go to the source of the mystery. Ask that person why they value you in their life, and then you will get a better idea of why they are in yours. Then ask yourself what you're most interested in -- whatever captures your imagination is something that deserves further exploration.
Heh, Heh, Heh!
Romance
You're just about ready to give your love life an electric shock treatment, but suddenly it revives all on its own. Maybe the two of you were in a lull -- it can happen. Learn to deal with the ups and downs of love.
I tend to give my love life electric shock treatments anyway.
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Just a little reminder. . .
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Posted:May 18, 2007 7:22 pm
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2008 9:43 am 31981 Views
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"Only those who will risk going too far, can possibly know how far they can go"
T.S. Elliot
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give. . .
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Posted:Mar 4, 2007 1:29 pm
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2007 9:26 pm 31998 Views
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give Me the things you won't tell anyone else. . .
give Me what you fear. . .
. . . and what comforts you. . .
let Me hold you in the palm of my hand. . .
knowing . . .
that I will squeeze only tightly enough. . .
and then. . .
just a little tighter.
give Me everything.
and fear that no one. . .
not even you. . .
knows you
more deeply
than
I
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Cool Things
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Posted:Oct 30, 2006 9:23 pm
Last Updated:Nov 3, 2006 7:44 am 31628 Views
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Thinking about the cool things I've been able to do lately. . . In the last couple of months. . .
I've seen Dylan, CSNY, Bonnie Raitt, Jackson Brown and Tom Petty. I get to see The Who this weekend and The Stones a week or so later.
I saw a great movie. . . Short Bus.
And I've learned a lot. . .
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The Deal
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Posted:Oct 15, 2006 11:27 pm
Last Updated:Jul 19, 2007 12:33 am 31895 Views
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1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school you'll have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them as irrelevant and stupid
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works".
4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go onto the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of Life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better place than "here”. When your "there" has become "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again , look better than "here".
7. Others are simply mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your Life is up to you. You have all the tools you and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie inside you. The answers to Life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all of this.
Author unknown. Found on a refrigerator in Toronto.
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