Chastity without a choice.....
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Posted:Jun 2, 2013 8:25 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2024 10:04 pm 37834 Views
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Wow. It's been a while since I was on here. I am sitting here tonight, dressed in pantyhose and a dress and sandals, thinking deep thoughts.
Recently I've been thinking about chastity. Most devices don't fit well enough to wear under panties an with everything tucked under. THey pinch and bulge. The olny type I've found that works is a Kali's Teeth Bracelet I found online. The maker builds them in 3 sizes. I bought the largest one, as the dimensions seemed to work. Sadly I found that When I tucked and then relaxed, I would slip out of it. I bought the next size down ahd grrr.... the same thign still happens. I contacted him and he will make a custom size one. I've been thinking about that and i have a fantasy around it already..
The KTB I have now has a diameter inside the teeth of 7/8 of an inch. IT seems crazy that I can slip out of it, but I can. I was thinking of ordering a smaller one, and debating whether to go for 5/8 inch or really go big, or small that is, really and go for a 1/2 inch inside diameter. As I considered that, I really thought that I should make up a fantasy and think threough what I wanted to do.
Al my life I've wanted a woman in my life who would chastise me, dress me up, even take me out dressed up sometimes. I'd want to be in permanent chastity - she would just keep me locked up. And of course my fantasies ran wild there, too. I would be her oral Sex slave, using my tongue and fingers to satisfy her, while I would be locked up with no cahnce of even an orgasm. With a KTB, it would be excruciatingly painful just to get an erection. I even fantasized about her bringing in a new toy about 3- 4 montsh down the road, putting a strap on on me and making me have sex with herusing a dildo while I'm locked up. IF I could find a beautifl woman who wanted an oral sex slave like this, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I thought about ways of permanent chastity that we could use. I even thought about getting a piercing - on that goes right through the head of my cock from top to bottom, into which I could put a small ring to enclose the end of my cock and go thru the piercing. Another piercing made between my legs lined up front to back, and for a while we could lock the rings together. After a while, when they healed, I would want a heavy duty ring - one that can't be opened by hand, placed through both piercings so it would hold the end of my cock securely between my legs. It would have to be a small diameter ring. The capture ball openeings we would fill with Liquid weld epoxy, then spread the ring, slip the ball in and let the ring ends drop into the openings filled with liquid weld. IF there was away to really weld hte ring shut without burning skin, That would be good too.
But back to my KTB story. Here's what I'm thiking about, since It's jsut me here. I've thought about this aspect of it for a long time also. I found a small time-lock safe online that is programmable for between 1 and 999 days. Ooh, now it;s getting good. Here's the plan:
Order hte safe. Go for the maximum security and order the custom KTB with a 1/2 inch inside diameter. The safe will arrive first, and I'll figure out how to use it, then put the speical wrench used to lock the KTBs I already have in the safe, so they are are already in place. All is ready.
On a friday night, I get home from work, and when I check the mail box, there is a small package inside. MY heart pounds as I know this is my custom KTB. I go back in the house, get a pair of scissors and ope nthe box. It looks amazing and the small opening inside hte teeth is , well, wow.
Quickly going into the bedroom, I go into the closet and open the safe. I play with the programming keyboard, setting it to pick a random number of days. I give it parameters of 10 and 30 to choose between. Then I think it over, and rest the parameters. I want to really experience this new chastity. For the low parameter, I entered 30. For the high parameter, I thought it over for a moment, then said Just go for it! I set the top number to 90. Now when I closed the door on the safe it would select a random number of days between 30 and 90, and display it on the keypad on the outside. I won't know how long it is set to until I close the safe.
I undress and open the chastity. With one hand, I pull my cock out away from my body, stretching it. With the other I place the KTB around it, just behind the head. I maneuver the loose skin around until it doesn't pinch, then push the sides together. HOlding it that way, I place the screw into the screw-hole and start it. Then I put the special allen style wrench into the screw end and start screwing it in, while I hold hte sides of the KTB together. Soon it is screwed in tightly and securely. I look everything over, adjust a little and think . Wow that is tight. Then without hesitating, because if I do, I'll lose my nerve, I toss the wrench into the safe. Now comes the hard part. Do I have the nerve to do what I want to do right now in the moment? I've wanted to be locked in a chastity and not be able to get out, all my life. Now is the moment of truth. Can I do it? With a deep breath, I slam the safe door shut. Now I wait to see what random number the safe will come up with. The display flashes, and a number come up on the screen. 81. The safe is locked for 81 days, with the key to this very tight, very nasty chastity around my cock inside it.
Whew. I'm wearing a KTB on my cock. It's 1/2 inch in diameter inside the teeth, meaning that even at rest, I can feel it. Somehow I don't think this one will slip off like the larger ones did. And I can't take it off. The key is locked up for 81 days. With that thought, my cock starts throbbing and swelling, and the teeth bite cruelly into it, causing me a great deal of pain. Whew! Can't let that happen very often!
What will it be like? How will I feel after 81 days wearing this KTB? Will I be dying to get it off? Will it just be apart of me by then? Maybe when the safe opens, I should reset it to a random number between 90 and 180, and see what happens. After almost 3 months, will I want to wear it for another 4 or 5? Whew.
Then again, if I did have that beautiful woman in my life, she would be the one locking the keys up, and I'd be stuck wearing this chastity, maybe longer than just 81 days, or even 6 months. This is what I've wanted for as long as I can remember. Wow!
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What do I really want in life?
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Posted:Feb 29, 2008 9:20 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2024 4:33 am 36853 Views
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Wow, what a week. Monday, I almost managed to fulfill one of my greatest fantasies. I had ordered a bottle of xylocaine anesthetic. I ordered it for one reason - to inject into my scrotum and testicles to anesthetize them so I could wear a castrator band for a long time. I did this on Monday night, and wore hte band for 7 hours. After 5 hours, I put my balls into a wooden ballcrusher which I cranked completely closed, squeezing my balls down to about 1/2 inch. After 7 hours, I wanted to just go to bed and sleep so I would seriously be in a hurt when I awakened, but sadly I chickened out and cut the band off. Whew. That is when the current troubles began. My scrotum swelled up to the size of a softball, and really hasn't gone down yet, 4 days later. I ewnt to the emergency room, where they used an ultrasound to determine that my testicles were still alive. I actually greeted that news with mixed emotions. On one hand, I was relieved that my testicles were OK. ON the other, I was vastly disappointed not to be wheeled into emergency surgery to have them removed.
I went to see a urologist on Tuesday, and he seemed to think I'd be OK, and the swelling would go down in a couple of weeks. I sure hope so, as it is highly inconvenient. I'd have preferred wearing the band for a week or two rather than going through this. Yuck. I gathered from the urologist that I am not completely out of the woods yet. I was not happy with him, as he seemed utterly disdainful towards me. Geez, just becuase I want to castrate myself. What's so strange about that? 
Somedays I think I'm nuts. somedays I really want them taken off. What a conflict.
Well, for now, the dice are rolled and I must deal with the consequences whatever they may be. I do know this. If I ever again get the uncontrollable urge to put a castrator band around my balls, I will think it over and make a choice. And if that choice is to put a band on again, I will be totally committed to castrating myself and will not cut the band off for any reason. If the choice is not to, then I will not. NO play, no in-between. If I want to wear a band for an hour or 2 only, then I jsut won't. Or I will put it on and leave it. One way or the other.Sigh....
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The Joys of NAIR!
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Posted:Jan 2, 2008 8:31 pm
Last Updated:Aug 23, 2011 8:25 pm 37728 Views
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Wow! What a difference a few weeks makes. My last girlfriend dumped me after 3 years and 5 months later marries another man, just last night. That's OK - I moved on myself and found a great lady to date and play with. She used a shaver to shave part of my right leg and all my pubic hair the other night. She was going to use Nair on my legs, but has been sick for a couple of days, and told me to go ahead and do that. She says she wants me to keep my legs shaved. She even put me in a pair of pantyhose the other night. Wow!!!!
So tonight I used Nair on my legs. I put lotion on them for the chemical and razor burn where I had to touch them up. Then I put on a long slinky nightgown that rustled against my bare legs when I walked. Oh My GOD, that felt good. Then later after my legs had recovered from the razor burn, I put on a pair of Sheer Energy pantyhose. Whew! It has been several years since I shaved, and I have to go on record as saying that there is NOTHING in the world that feels like Sheer Energy on smooth bare hairless legs.
The cool part is this, too. Even my legs look good when they are shaved and in pantyhose. If I had an upper body and face and shoulders and arms that could pass for a girl, I think my legs would be OK. Sitting here, this makes me want to wear a skirt or dress in public so badly I can taste it.
I don't think my girlfriend will go for that, but she enjoyed the feeling of me wearing pantyhose and rubbing my legs against hers the other night, so I think she'll let me wear hose with her, and that is cool.
I love the way my legs feel tonight - I'll be shaving them until summer gets here. And wearing pantyhose to work every day, wishing I could wear a skirt and heels along with them....
And when the weather warms up where I can wear shorts, I plan to go shopping in shorts and pantyhose, or walk the mall, or go to a restaurant. Something to show bare legs in pantyhose in public....Wow! what a feeling!
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Extreme fantasies
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Posted:Nov 26, 2007 11:56 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2024 4:33 am 34896 Views
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Whew. Tonight I sit here wishing with all my heart for a beautiful mistress to tie me up, tease me until I am rock-hard and throbbing, and then "surprise" me by using one method or another to castrate me. Burdizzo clamp, castrator band, or even a scalpel, quick and sharp.....
Take a step from which there is no turning back, and from which the only way is to go forward. That would make the decision to get a sex-change operation pretty easy.
sigh....Feeling melancholy tonight. Feeling very fatalistic...Wanting a woman to seriously take advantage of me by making my castration fantasy come true......
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mad and frustrated and still alone....
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Posted:Nov 8, 2007 12:14 am
Last Updated:May 19, 2024 4:33 am 34801 Views
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Still sitting here alone and lonely. The woman I thought Iwould spend the rest of my life with is out living life - her dreams a re all coming true, while mine are, well, as the song says, "dust in the Wind". We sent 3 years building a life together, and she just walks away. 6 weeks later she's dataing someone new, and is "Serious" about him. I hear wedding bells in the near future. For me, well, I don;t even KNOW any ladies taht I might even think about being interested in. IT's start ove from square one, simply trying to find someone with whom I can even be friends first, get to know them, and only then think about relationship. 3 years down the tubes, and it will take another 3-5 to put together another relationship. And for what? To see her walk out on me, too? Yes I am feeling very bitter and frustrated and angry about my life right now.
Even my fantasies of chastity and castration and wanting to be a woman are only a result of begin rejected over and over and over again. Trying to find some way to fit in. Some way to feel needed. Some way to feel wanted, and important in someone else's life. Instead of just tossed out with the rest of the garbage. Sadly where I used to take great comfort from cross-dressing, now it just seems hollow and empty, like everything else in my life. Void of purpose. Void of promise. Void of hope.
Very dark thoughts I am having tonight. I am mad at god, mad at the woman who left me here, mad at the world for once more crushing my dreams.
Soon, I will stand up again. I wil brush myself off, take a deep breath and move on. Maybe I will find another woman, maybe not. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't. My faith is pretty well dead right now. I don't know where to turn. Or wht to do next. Some folks say, Turn to God. I want to rip sheetrock off the walls and throw things at the mere thought of stepping into a church. It feels as though God has turned away from me, just like the woman I loved, so how can I forgive that or forget it? sigh....Off to bed to toss and turn before staggering to work in the morning with no sleep again....
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sitting here alone and lonely......
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Posted:Nov 1, 2007 7:45 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2024 4:33 am 37137 Views
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sigh....
Tonight I sit here alone and lonely. The woman I've been dating for almost 3 years recently broke up with me. One month before that, she said yes when I asked her to marry me. Now she is gone, and says we will not be together again. Says I am a great guy, but just not what she wants anymore.
sigh...She didn;t like my crossdressing, but that wasn't why she left. She's even dating someone else now and serious. crud. And me, well, here i sit in panties and pantyhose, blogging on the conputer. I wore them to work under jeans today. the feelign is phenomenal. I love wearing pantyhose. They feel so good. When I am really down like this, they make me feel better. It's an escape, an avoidance...but damn they feel good.
I know it's unreasonable, but at times like this, I want to be a girl so bad I can taste it. I want to wear panties and pantyhose and skirts and heels all the time, every day. Right now, I wish I had a beautiful Mistress from this site who would torture my cock and balls for days, before she castrated me using one method or another. I think it is a shame I could only be castrated once, as I can think of so many ways I'd like to have it done.
My best fantasy would be to be tied up helpless and have her put a castrator band around my balls to cut off circulation. She would keep me tht way for 12 or 24 hours, before taking me to visit a girlfriend of hers who just happens to be a surgeon. They take me into her clinic, prep me, tie me down and gag me on an operating table. Then the surgeon would begin the Sex-Change operation by removing my balls, without an anesthetic. I want to feel the scalpel slice open my scrotum, watch her pull my balls out one at a time, and then feel the scalpel cut through the cords to my balls. After that, she would anesthetize me and finish the operation.
I would wake up a woman, with no more balls and no more cock. Panties would actually fit me now and how good htey would feel with nothing between my legs. wow. When I wake up, I get another surprise, as I am a completely undergraound CD - I don't go out - very few people know about me. But now...well any hope I had of keeping the change to myself is shattered, as while I was knocked out, not only did the surgeon perform that operation on me, but she also gave me surgical breast implants. Now not only do I have a vagina between my legs, but I have size C breasts, too. Pretty hard to hide from the world.
IT would truly be a time to start a new life and get away from this one. sigh......
Any beautiful Mistresses out there who know lady surgeons who would like to help? (wicked grin)
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Chastity dreams....
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Posted:Oct 28, 2007 9:38 am
Last Updated:May 19, 2024 4:33 am 36927 Views
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As I write this, I am wearing a "Curve" chastity device with a 3 digit lock on it that its set to a random number combination....
ahhh, chastity fantasies.....
If only I had a mistress to lock the chastity with a strong padlock and keep the keys.... Sadly the only locks I've found that have combinations like this and will fit to secure the chastity also are not the best made, being designed for luggage...With only 3 numbers in the combination, it won;t take long to go thru them all. Besides the lock is so poorly made, I can feel the tumblers go in ot place when I spin the dials, and can usually open the thing on the first or second try within just a few minutes.
sigh...
That's where I need a Mistress. To lock me up in the chastity and leave me without any control over when or for that matter ,if, I'll get out of the chastity.
It would be wonderful to be in a relationship with a woman whou understood this and likes to play. Don;t get me wrong, I enjoy sex as much as the next guy, and don't want my relationship to be without that. but every now and then....I'd love for my partner to lock me up in a chastity, where all I can do is give her oral sex and pleasure. The urge would be strong from the love between us, and the frustration level would be excruciating as my cock sewells inside hte chastity and just cannot get out. And to not even be able to touch myself during that time, when I would normally be making wild passionate love to her, whew!
so come one, ladies....If you've ever wondered what it would be like to have a man devoted to your pleasure, and giving you all the oral sex you can stand, without ever having to give him pleasure in return, drop me a line. Let's experience it together....
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Can't get it out of my head.....
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Posted:Aug 23, 2007 10:44 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2013 7:39 pm 35099 Views
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Wasn't that a song? ELO, perhaps? Regardless it is appropo. I went walking tonight in panties, pantyhose and shorts. I'm wearing a night gown with them now, feeling the smooth nylon rub across my legs....
Lately I find myself truly wishing for that wonderful dominant woman to enter my life, take me under her wing and transform me totally. I can imagine her swiftly closing a burdizzo clamp on each of my balls, crushing the blood vessels and nerve cords going to it. I can feel the exquisite pain as the clamp closes, and the continutin pain as she lets it stay clamped on my ball for a few minutes longer....
I fantasized tonight about being a slave to a beautiful mistress. I thought about her dressing me up, putting me in a chastity, and making me give her oral sex. Then one night, she invited a couple of her girlfriends over and made me give them oral sex, also.
I fantasized about my mistress placing my balls in a vise and closing it until she thought it was tight. Then we cut a deck of cards. If her number is higher, she tightens the vise that many turns. If mine is higher, we split the difference and turn the vise. owwww....
I guess what I really want is to be a woman with a woman. Just to hang out, wearing an outfit, a skirt, heels, hose, everything....
Well, enough rambling for one night.....
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Ah, fantasies...
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Posted:Feb 23, 2007 4:41 pm
Last Updated:Aug 23, 2011 8:24 pm 35253 Views
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As I sit here in pantyhose, plaid skirt and flat ballerina shoes, I wonder at the irony of it all. I had been on this site for years, and had not really had much luck in finding a Mistress to serve. Until a few months ago, I emailed a member I found online, and she answered!
Soon we were discussing our fantasies. She was amused by my chastity, castration, tongue-slave, and sex change fantasies. She really liked the one I kept from jr high school where I wanted to give myself to a squad of cheerleaders with the following instructions: 1) They had to dress me up and do make-up on me. 2) they had to take pictures at every step of the process. 3) they had to take pictures of me with them in "squad shots". 4) In short, they had to turn me into a female cheerleader. They could do anything they wanted to me along the way. I imagined being a tongue-slave to the entire squad. I imagined one or two of them - the bold ones - cutting off my balls, and putting a castrator band around my cock to cut off circulation. Or maybe taking me to a sympathetic lady doctor, who woud do a professional job of it....
Then one day when I came to serve her, she told me she had a surprise for me. She said she knew a young lady who wanted to become a mistress, and my mistress thought it would be good for her to practice on me. So that weekend, I was to be given to her to serve her. She would arrive shortly to take possession. I was told that I would find an outfit to wear in my cell.
When I entered my cell, I found a beautiful cheerleader outfit hanging on the clothes rack. It looked to be from a local high school. It was blue and gold, with a turtleneck leotard that continued the colors and stripes of the shell along its arms. The skirt had small knife pleats. There was a matching shell, briefs, socks and shoes, all in my sizes. As I was wearing a skirt and blouse and suntan pantyhose, I strippedd down to my underwear and pulled on the leotard. I gently touched myself between my legs, feeling the smooth nylon and how nice it felt with my cock tucked tightly between my legs. I pulled on the briefs, and the shell. I pulled up the skirt, zipped it, and spun it around so the zipper was on the back. Then came hte socks and shoes.
I left my cell and found my Mistress, who took me to the dungeon and strapped me to a standing X cross . She finished by gagging me, and then told me my new mistress would be along shortly.
A little while later, I heard voices approaching, and my mistress entered the dungeon. Behind her followed 6 young women, all dressed in cheerleader outifits identical to mine. MY mistress smiied eveilly, and said "This is Mistress Ashley. She is your new mistress. She and her friends are going to fulfill you favorite fantasy. They are going to turn you into a female cheerleader. You see, Ashley is 19, and graduated last year. The other young ladies are all either out of school, or are seniors, all over 18, and all part of the same High School cheerleading squad from last year."
She smiled cruelly again. "I hope you enjoy your experience. I suspect it will be much, much more than you hoped. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." With that, she turned to Ashley, and said "He, or rather, 'She', is all yours, Mistress Ashley. Enjoy your first transformation." And she walked out, leaving me helpless in the hands of a group of dominating beuatiful young ladies.
Whew.......I can only dream......
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