Care To Play 20 Questions?
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Posted:Oct 24, 2023 5:02 am
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2023 6:58 pm 16404 Views
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Most people have played the fun game of twenty questions before but sometimes it seems to me that people in the D/S lifestyle can jump into a relationship without really understanding what that amazing potential partner wants or expects. I believe we all know what that then leads to, discomfort, and possible dissolution of a new relationship. So I thought of twenty questions that I feel should be asked rather than just assumed.
1. Are you single? This is a no-brainer right but it is amazing how many people just make this assumption only to find out that Mr. or Ms. Wonderful is otherwise in a relationship.
2. What style of relationship are you seeking, monogamous, poly, or open? Once again, many people make assumptions only to be blindsided down the yellow-brick relationship road when their new partner discusses poly or adding someone to the mix or is against doing this. Rather than be caught off guard, this is a must-ask.
3. Definitions are important, so make sure to ask what dominant or submissive means to you. Within the lifestyle so many people have different ideas of what these basic terms mean, this is also a must-ask. People are quick to color a potential partner with their definitions and it is vital to understand how the other person defines lifestyle roles.
4. How long ago was your last lifestyle relationship? This is important because there could be red flags if the person is just out of a partnership. If they are, then it means determining if you feel they are relationship-ready or if you might be just the ‘rebound’ date(s).
5. Have they had a lifestyle partnership before? The person you are interested in may well claim to have been around the lifestyle for a good amount of time but it is also important to know if in that time they have experienced a relationship with the lifestyle being a part of it.
6. What do you enjoy about the lifestyle? I feel that this is important because if a person is looking for more than just play, they talk about some of the non-play parts of the lifestyle. For example, a d-type may discuss how special it is to see a submissive grow or an s-type could share they love not having to make every decision. Play might well be part of this but it can be a great way to see through someone who wants to play rather than engage in something deeper than a playship.
7. When it comes to lifestyle play, what are your must-haves? This is important, using myself as an example, I do not enjoy rope bondage at all. It is beautiful to look at when others do it but if that was something that was a must or something a potential partner enjoys, odds are, things are not going to mesh when it comes time to ‘enjoy’.
8. Safewords are critical, so please ask what are your safewords, and whether you have ever used them/had them used? Yes, I believe a D-type should have them so they could immediately stop play if it needed to stop now rather than have time lost because the submissive thought they were just ‘playing’. Submissives, if a dominant is dismissive towards safewords in any way, shape, or form, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars, and never go on a date with them.
9. Ask how open are you about the lifestyle. Imagine meeting someone amazing but discovering they are completely open about the lifestyle, meaning everyone in their life knows they love them some BDSM but perhaps you are more careful with who knows your lifestyle choices. Understanding another’s openness or lack of it is very important because it can cause riffs or worse later.
10. Everyone has made horrific mistakes in past relationships, so I suggest asking, what was the worst mistake you have made as a dominant or submissive? Unless the person is new to the lifestyle, they will have a mistake to share or if they are newer, craft the question to just vanilla dating.
I am now going to suggest some very vanilla questions but I want to suggest these because it can be very easy to get caught in lifestyle questions and forget your potential relationship will have to function in the vanilla world as well.
11. Are you looking for a forever relationship or something shorter? Very often people are surprised when they discover a person they are dating is not looking for the same end goal as they are. Ask about this upfront because if they are looking for happily ever after and you are seeking happiness but not long term, there will be issues.
12. Would you be willing to move or would you want me to relocate? Many people here, find themselves in long-distance relationships but have never really put thought into the ‘end game’ of actually living together. Discover this up front and know if you are in a place to relocate or if would you require your suitor to rent the moving van. Sadly, you may find someone completely amazing but find that relocating is not an option on both ends which would leave the relationship stranded in video dating hell forever. So make sure you discover this before your dominant or submissive is just an image on your electronic device.
13. What are your goals in life? It is important that dreams and desires mesh.
14. What about those meddling ? No, I am not suggesting a Scooby Do marathon for date night but if you have , want them/more of them, or you are not someone who wants them, talk about it. In today’s world with co-parenting, single parenting, wanting to be a parent, or determined to not be a parent discussing and how they fit into a potential future is an important discussion.
15. How much alone time do they need? Some people, need alone time to recharge and others recharge by being with their partner. Discover a prospect's alone time needs before there is a brouhaha because one side feels smothered and the other cannot understand why they do not want to always be with them.
The last five are indeed what I would no-brainers but I am including them here because so often in the lifestyle people get lost in the world of spanking, floggers, and kinky fuckery while forgetting relationships happen in real life. There is a ton more than just these five questions but I am adding them here to be a reminder of this.
16. What do you do for a living? 17. What are your hobbies? 18. Share three activities you look forward to sharing with a future partner. 19. Tell me about your family. 20. What is your go-to type of music or artist?
I know this list is not a definitive guide to questions to ask in the amazing world of lifestyle dating but in my time involved in the lifestyle rodeo, sometimes it seems that people’s brains short-circuit when they meet someone truly amazing. While it is awesome to have had the honor to get to know someone like that, it takes more than amazing to make a real-world relationship work. So I hope these questions will help be a circuit breaker next time Ms. or Mr. Wonderful appears on a person’s dating radar.
©TLK2020
*Archive
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13
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The Sun Is Coming Up....
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Posted:Oct 23, 2023 3:43 am
Last Updated:Nov 10, 2023 6:02 pm 17124 Views
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“I miss the sound of your voice”
There’s something inside the anatomy of the soul, some tone that we can all replicate, the excitement we feel when we finally see someone or hear from them after so long. I know you told me to be safe, and I am. I guess it gets a little bit lonely. It’s the strangest thing. Isn’t it? Having people to talk to, but not always wanting to talk to them. Having people to be around, but not always wanting to be around people. I’ve been thinking about myself, and I had a fascinating thought about our emotions and memories of one another. I realize that my thoughts are a wild series of an apartment inside, of another apartment. Sometimes I have to split myself into many pieces, each living and breathing, all me, peeking out of the window into another set of myself—a watcher of watchers. There’s something intimate about watching yourself behave. What a beautifully torn creature, full of ideas and denials, happiness and rage, sadness and longing. Full of myself and empty at the same time— There’s something beautiful about the way we craft our mannerisms to fit in or to stand out Maybe, it’s a hypersensitive need for someone to love us openly, freely, and genuinely, or to tell them to stay the fuck away. Either I’m weird enough for you to love me or weird enough for you to stay out of my way. Either way, being me is all I’ve known, so I guess when I say
“I miss the sound of your voice”
it probably just means that I miss that piece of myself that laughed when I didn’t need to and smiled when I didn’t need to. I just felt like it. It was never forced. It was natural just to be alive. All of that spark in my eyes. That fire in my belly— I miss that part of myself too.
~M
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15
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The Soul
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Posted:Oct 22, 2023 2:17 am
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2023 3:14 am 14025 Views
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They say that a woman loves with her ears... Do not believe this banal phrase, dear men! A woman always loves only with her Soul... It is the female Soul that has absolutely everything: ears, eyes, and heart. But even if you are not interested, for some reason, in her female Soul, and just want her Body... Then I'll have to disappoint you. Even the path to a woman’s body always lies only through her Soul...
Give your woman emotions, let her feel desired, loved, and protected, let her feel like a woman, and in return, she will make you feel like the best man in the world...
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~Rainy Day Sway
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Posted:Oct 20, 2023 9:07 pm
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2023 3:17 am 20916 Views
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* Long Time ~ Blondie ~ Pollinator
* Captain ~ Dave Matthews Band ~ Busted Stuff
* Sunday Morning ~ Maroon 5 ~ Songs About Jane
* Cherry Cherry ~ Neil Diamond ~ The Bang Years
* Hell In A Bucket ~ Grateful Dead ~ The Very Best Of The Grateful Dead
* Flower Power ~ Greta Van Fleet ~ From The Fires
* Hearts And Bones ~ Paul Simon ~ The Essential Paul Simon
* Your Bright Baby Blues ~ Jackson Browne ~ The Pretender
* You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth ~ Meatloaf ~ Paradise By The Dashboard Lights
* Happiness Is A Warm Gun ~ The Beatles ~ The Beatles
Captain ~ Dave Matthews
Crazy as I may
make my way through this world, oh
it's for no one but me to say
what direction I should turn in now
Well, I am the captain of this ship
curious hands and fingertips
day after day
how I long for you, my love, how I long
Strange, but it seems
like there's a mutiny brewing inside of me now
but I don't want your pity
only the promise that you'll stay with me tonight
I am the captain of this ship
curious hands and fingertips
but day after day how I long for you like crazy
I know, my love, how you do me
how low, my love, come on, let's go again
oh, no, I love everything, oh, won't you
play me again, we got all night
The same old song, won't you come stay
Oh, my love, after all
But how could I even try to fight
after falling into your arms
oh, mesmerized by your smile
the way it lights up under your eyes
how could I even try?
love, won't you stay with me?
Well, love, how you do me
Oh, my love, come on, let's go again
my love, my love, everything
oh, won't you play with me again?
we got all night
The same old song, won't you come dance
my love, after all?
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6
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Twenty Years Of Kink
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Posted:Oct 18, 2023 6:35 am
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2023 3:30 am 16829 Views
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I don’t remember the day or even the month, but I remember the feeling vividly. I was wandering aimlessly, searching everything and nothing, and then of a sudden there it was. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The things they were saying were things I’d thought, things I wanted, things I was too embarrassed to admit to anyone. And here they were - men and women - talking about those feelings I had, one darker than the next, and giving it - of it - a name.
D/s.
Dominance and submission.
I started reading and couldn’t stop. I flitted from room to room, watching the conversations roll by, the experiences people shared with me, and other anonymous faces behind a screen. They were open honest and raw. I don’t know how much time passed before I took an effective breath, but with it came the realization I was not alone. I was not a freak. What I wanted - no, what I needed - was something other people wanted and needed, as well.
It was 20 years ago. Now I look back and cringe quite often, but I wouldn’t trade those years for anything. I have a lot of ‘If I knew then what I know now…’ moments, but I wouldn’t go back and do it again, because you have to go through it to learn it. You just do. Because your track is different than the next person’s, and to learn what you need to learn takes living it yourself.
So what do twenty years teach you? Here are some things I’ve learned:
*Not everyone likes the spotlight; it’s ok to live D/s very privately
*It’s okay to make things like rope bondage and tickling hard limits; it’s okay to make anything a hard limit
*Dominants can use a safe word or otherwise stop an activity
*You can be the one to walk away; you don’t have to be ‘released’ from shit
*Liars and cheaters will always lie and cheat
*Moving quickly rarely leads to longevity
*Your gut is never wrong; listen to it
*It’s ok to not look like a fetish model; most people don’t
*Sex can feel good even without having an orgasm
*Squirting orgasms are a bit of a parlor trick, and they don’t always feel as good as other types of orgasms
*You deserve as much pleasure as he does
*If the effort isn’t there, in the beginning, it never will be
*You can kneel in slip-on Converse just as well as you can in heels
*You can be a kick-ass submissive and not own a single piece of lingerie
*You can defer to someone and respect them as a leader even while watching *Netflix and eating steak nachos with your fingers
*Dominants can get sick and be huge babies and still be worthy of obedience and respect
*Not every Dominant is an executive with an expense account
*Submissive’s can make more than their partner’s
*You don’t have to say ‘’ to feel it in your bones
*You can love someone and not be a match
*Toxicity isn’t gender-specific
*Wanting to be wanted can lead to seriously poor decision-making
*It’s ok to demand more for yourself; having standards solidifies self-worth
*Strength is a process
*Submission doesn’t cease to exist when you’re single
*Submission doesn’t end when you hit 30 or 50 or 70
*You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do
*You can change your mind
*You can use your voice
*You have to use your voice
Every time I start to think about how things have changed over the years I have to stop and remind myself: Nothing has changed but you. Sometimes I think about the 27-year-old, the 34-year-old, hell - even the 40-year-old, and I cringe. The mistakes she made. The positions (literally and figuratively) she put herself in. How much mental, and emotional energy she would expend on a Dominant. How much she didn’t know.
How much more she still has to learn?
But I’ll tell you what: If the next twenty bring as much joy as the last twenty, I’m in for one hell of a ride. And I want all of it - every bump and swoop and whirl. The twists and turns are what make you who you are.
*Unknown
*Archive
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22
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Kneeling
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Posted:Oct 17, 2023 12:42 am
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2023 3:37 am 20028 Views
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Nothing has ever quite spoken to me like kneeling for the person who owns me. I love being spanked. I love asking permission. I love obeying orders and following rules. But there is a special magic in kneeling.
I am often naked when I kneel, but it’s not exactly sexual. I strip because I am property, and property does not get privacy or dignity. I strip because nothing should come between my Dominant and what he owns. I strip to reveal my true self to the one who knows and sees it all.
I position my body to be most pleasing. Sometimes I hold these positions precisely, according to instructions. Hand placement, back arch, eyes pointed downward or straight ahead. The crop traces over my curves, checking to ensure every element is in place. Sometimes I kneel for a purpose—to undress him or serve with my mouth. Sometimes I simply kneel before him and rest my head in his lap. Fingers running through my hair.
No matter the position or purpose, kneeling feels like an act of love for me. It reminds me that I chose to submit to this person. I chose to put myself at his feet, to put my heart and my life in his hands. I chose him because he earned it. He is the kind of man who takes responsibility seriously and cares deeply for those around him. I chose him because his dominance speaks to the core of my being. I chose him because he feels at home.
Sometimes I need to kneel. When the world feels heavy for me, I long to drop to my knees and know that I am safe in his arms. But I also long to kneel when the world is heavy for him. In those moments, I long to kneel quietly at his feet, my naked form displayed for him in exactly the way he desires. He doesn’t have to speak. He doesn’t have to touch me. I want to serve with my quiet presence. I want him to feel my energy and know there are things that make sense in this world. I want him to know that I am with him. I kneel to offer myself to him—to remind him that I chose him and that I will keep choosing him, again and again.
cherishedproperty
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18
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Happily Submit
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Posted:Oct 16, 2023 4:49 am
Last Updated:Feb 14, 2024 12:55 am 18171 Views
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Forgive and forget. Let go. Don't dwell. Don't recite all my wrongdoings till the cows come home. Don't blame all of our failures on me. Don't yell at me. Control yourself first. Own your mistakes.
Lead. Take responsibility. Make me feel safe and secure. Protect me. Watch me. Don't let me go by myself after dark. Don't encourage harmful habits.
Laugh with me. Read with me. Watch me dance. Leave silly notes for me. Cook with me. Share a meal, not food.
Don't put tomatoes in the fridge. Don't try to sneak a pair of black socks into the white laundry. Change that lightbulb without a gentle monthly reminder.
Tell me, I got you. Call me a good girl. Take care of me like no one else before.
Braid my hair. Pull me onto your lap. Hold me tight. Fall asleep with me. Kiss my forehead in the morning. Check on me. Don't let me drop.
Look me in the eyes. Hold my chin to look into yours. Touch me for no reason. Pin me.
Buy me an almond croissant once in a while but not too often. Make me presents that money cannot buy.
Listen to me. Support me. Inspire me. Lift me up. Don't refer to anything I'm into as crap or bullshit. Believe in me. Cheer me up. Root for my success. Be proud of me. Cherish me.
Accept me for who I am.
Then, I will HAPPILY SUBMIT.
~three-red-horns
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20
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Here's The Thing....
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Posted:Oct 16, 2023 4:18 am
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2024 12:55 am 17877 Views
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Here’s the thing that some people don’t seem to understand about sex & kink. You have to respect boundaries before you get to push them. You have to show people they’re safe before you get to make them feel scared. You have to respect people before you get to degrade them. You have to be normal with people before you get to be dirty with them. You can’t be skipping steps. Treating them like a person always comes before treating them like a toy.
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22
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Don't Let Go
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Posted:Oct 13, 2023 12:09 am
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2023 3:38 am 17930 Views
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It’s so rare to find someone that is your “safe place” in life. A person that you can break down in front of. Your confidant. Your place of peace. Your keeper of dreams. Your partner to dream and build with. The person who encourages you to invest in yourself. The person who helps you figure out a way to accomplish things in life. The person who wakes up early or stays up late to be with you. It’s easy to feel like someone could be that, but it’s harder to find someone who actually is that. Finding people who are attractive who turn you on or who flirt well, that’s easy. They’re everywhere. But finding someone who sticks around? Who stays? In the dark days? In the deep shit? Rare. Maybe a once or twice-in-a-lifetime thing. Hold people like that tight. Don’t let go.
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8
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Black and White
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Posted:Oct 10, 2023 5:38 am
Last Updated:Feb 14, 2024 12:55 am 31247 Views
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For every person who thinks you're "too quiet," there's one who thinks you're an amazing listener. For every person who thinks you're "too clingy," there's one who loves how much and how openly you care about others. For every person who thinks you're "too weird," there's one who admires how you dare to stand out from the crowd. For every person who thinks you're "too sensitive," there's one who respects you for being so in touch with your feelings. For every person who thinks you're "too confident" there's one who thinks your self-respect is an inspiration. What's a negative trait in one person's eyes might be exactly what someone else is looking for. It's not black or white
~M.
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