The Heart
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Posted:Aug 22, 2023 4:39 am
Last Updated:Feb 23, 2024 2:26 am 9313 Views
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Most everyone has experienced at least one heart-wrenching relationship that ended too soon or not soon enough. That left them deeply aching in the center of their chest where a loving, beating, beautiful unscathed heart used to rest. Days pass and there are tears. There are regrets and the red flags come marching, parading thru your nightmares like a knife. You wake in a lovely haze forgetting for mere moments that you are still broken. That you are alone. That your heart is so mangled with the trauma that there's no inconceivable way it's ever going be ok....then it so cruelly comes rushing back. Flooded by feelings over again.
Days pass and even more... and sometimes it's years. It becomes easier to close yourself off and quietly pack away the remains of your heart than even bear the thought of opening it back to someone. People come. People leave and it isn't even like you're trying to disguise the lack of complete feeling you've been left with. The numbness and they see it. They see it in your eyes and you know they see it. They hear it in your voice. They ask if you're ok and you say yes, but they know...
This is how some people stay. They get lost in it. Settle into it, like a new skin. Consumed by it. They mourn it, crawl around in it while taking every single painful memory in their hands...trying to reshape it. Make sense of it. Until they realize there's no sense to be made.
And then they wake from this hibernation. To rejoin the living. They decide to fight for themselves. To take back what was taken. They practice self-care and they eat. They drink water. They pray and they meditate and they are gentle with their body. They show grace and forgiveness to themselves. Of their choices. They mend friendships. They find a hobby. They write. They sunbathe just to feel the sun on their skin. They drive without destinations. They laugh. They do the things they once loved and stopped doing for someone else. Realizing in retrospect they emptied so much of their soul out into someone that was never going to be full until they, were completely and utterly empty.
You press on. If only in the motions. Heart memory is like muscle memory...It quickly starts to remember. Your heart starts to feel. To beat steadily. If only you let it. It starts to love again. Not someone else, but for the sheer hope of happiness, peace, and light filling your days again. You find a renewed love for the simplistic and mundane.
Then somehow after that time. that pain. the "my heart will never be able to go thru that again" it forgets. Or forgives. It fades. You find it open to every possibility. It doesn't scare the fuck out of you anymore. The closeness, Openness. Bearing your soul. The possibility of another heartbreak. It is resilient. The heart is the most resilient creature and the most fragile, but most of it's built for love. It will always be built for love.
~her-reconciled-heart
**Archive
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The Most Addictive Drug
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Posted:Aug 19, 2023 12:54 am
Last Updated:Sep 13, 2023 7:48 pm 10386 Views
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Someone asked me to describe love, and all I could think about was the way his lips curled into a smile when I said something childish. She asked me to tell her what love felt like, and all I could think about was his arms around me, holding me tight, making sure I didn’t fall apart. She asked me what being in love was like, and all I could think about was sitting in the car listening to him sing, and coming to the conclusion that I wanted to hear his voice for the rest of my life. She asked me what love was, and I told her that it was the way your heart yearns for a person, the way your body jumps at the mere thought of the person, the way your eyes shine as you see the person walking toward you. I told her that love is the most addictive drug there is, but that the high is worth it.
**Author Unknown
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20
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~Art Break
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Posted:Aug 14, 2023 3:44 am
Last Updated:Aug 22, 2023 3:47 am 10238 Views
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Artist: Matthew Hansel
"Balance Fails To Seduce Those Who Find Pleasure In The Fall", 2023
(Oil and flash paint on canvas)
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12
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Sunrise, Sunrise
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Posted:Aug 13, 2023 2:05 am
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2023 1:27 am 10878 Views
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Photo By : Me
“A night can never defeat the sunrise.”
~Sumit Sharma
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26
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(Page:)
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Sunday Sway * Perfect Albums ( & Songs)
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Posted:Aug 13, 2023 1:20 am
Last Updated:Aug 14, 2023 4:43 am 9506 Views
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* Greetings From Asbury Park ~ Bruce Springsteen * ( It's Hard to Be a Saint in the City)
* Where Ya Been? ~ Dinosaur Jr. * ( Where Ya Been)
* Let It Bleed ~ Rolling Stones * (Gimme Shelter)
* Wildflowers ~ Tom Petty * (Crawling Back To You)
* Prepare For Black And Blue ~ The White Buffalo * (Oh Darlin' What Have I Done)
* The Song Remain The Same (Remastered) ~ Led Zepplin ~ (The Rain Song)
* August And Everything After ~ Counting Crows * ( A Murder Of One )
* Live At Wrigley Field~ Dave Matthews Band *(# 41)
* Tidal ~ Fiona Apple ~ * ( The First Taste)
* Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace ~ The Foo Fighters * ( The Pretender)
Greetings From Asbury Park ~ Bruce Springsteen ~ It's Hard To Be A Saint In The City
I had skin like leather and the diamond-hard look of a cobra
I was born blue and weathered but I burst just like a supernova
I could walk like Brando right into the sun
Dance just like a Casanova
With my blackjack and jacket and hair slicked sweet
Silver star studs on my duds like a Harley in heat
When I strut down the street I could feel its heartbeat
The sisters fell back, said, "Don't that man look pretty"
The cripple on the corner cried out, "Nickels for your pity"
Them gasoline boys downtown sure talk gritty
It's so hard to be a saint in the city
I was the king of the alley, mama, I could talk some trash
I was the prince of the paupers crowned downtown at the beggar's bash
I was the 's main prophet, I kept everything cool
Just a backstreet gambler with the luck to lose
And when the heat came down and it was left on the ground
Devil appeared like Jesus through the steam in the street
Showin' me a hand I knew even the cops couldn't beat
I felt his hot breath on my neck as I dove into the heat
It's so hard to be a saint when you're just a boy out on the street
And the sages of the subway sit just like the living dead
As the tracks clack out the rhythm, their eyes fixed straight ahead
They ride the line of balance and hold on by just a thread
But it's too hot in these tunnels, you can get hit up by the heat
You get up to get out at your next stop but they push you back down in your seat
Your heart starts beatin' faster as you struggle to your feet
And you're out of that hole, back up on the street
And them south side sisters sure look pretty
The cripple on the corner cries out, "Nickels for your pity"
Them downtown boys, they sure talk gritty
It's so hard to be a saint in the city
So hard
Whoa, yeah, oh
Walking down some side street
With your back flat jacked up against some wall
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14
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Art Break
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Posted:Aug 8, 2023 1:28 pm
Last Updated:Aug 11, 2023 1:20 am 11409 Views
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~African Shower ~ By Paul Giggle
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15
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It’s not always pretty.
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Posted:Aug 8, 2023 5:12 am
Last Updated:Feb 13, 2024 12:59 am 11472 Views
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I stand there with my hands clasped behind my back while he brings down implements and gets everything laid out. I feel nervous. Apprehensive. It’s been a long time since we’ve done impact, and I’m not sure how I’m going to react. Everything has been so off with me lately. Even so, I asked for this scene. I’m not sure if I want it, but I think we need it. And he agrees.
He starts with my breasts, which is always a hard thing for me. Normally it takes a lot to make me cry during impact. But within the first few strikes, I can feel tears at the corners of my eyes. I squeeze my eyes closed to try to keep them in. But before long, both tears and snot are flowing freely.
He says what he often says during these “reconnection” moments, where it’s been a while and we are both feeling a bit outside our roles.
“You don’t make choices, do you?”
I shake my head no.
“Is that how you want it to be?”
He keeps hitting my breasts with the flogger. My left nipple is on fire from too many strikes to the same spot. He repeats his question.
“Is that how you want it to be?”
I can’t answer. I don’t know what the answer is. Because I know that this —my submission to his control—is a cornerstone of our relationship. And I know that, in general, I do want it to be that way. But right now, I don’t. It’s not even that I want to be in control. I just want to collapse in a pile on the floor. I want to disappear completely. I want everything to stop and for there to be nothingness.
But I don’t know how to say that, because I don’t even know what that is. Besides, I know that I am just fucked up right now. When I think about the big picture, I know who I am and who he is, and I know that I do want this. So eventually, I nod. Because nothing else really makes sense.
I cry the whole time. He positions me over the wedge so he can hit my ass, and a river of snot flows from my nose while I sob. I never safeword. It’s been ages since we’ve done impact. I know he needs it. And I can take it.
And somewhere deep down, I think maybe I deserve the pain. I’ve been a terrible submissive. I haven’t been fulfilling his needs. Perhaps this is what I deserve for straying so far from my place. For not being the needy, horny submissive that he signed up to be with. So I just keep taking it, until he decides he’s done.
It feels like a shorter session than usual, and much less physically intense. When he finishes, he comes around to sit beside me. He wipes my nose (and the pool of snot under it). He strokes my hair and my back. He asks how I’m doing. I shrug. I don’t know what to say. I’m not upset. I just don’t feel anything at all. I wonder if he at least got some enjoyment or release from it. But asking “Was it good for you” feels fucking stupid, especially with the state I’m in. So there isn’t really anything I can say.
Later, he told me that he thought I needed the catharsis, but he thinks maybe he misread me. I don’t think there was anything to read or misread. I have been so unclear, even to myself. But I’m not upset about the way things went. I trust that he has my best interests at heart.
And sometimes he sees things in me that I can’t see. He tells me he felt like I had walls up—that I didn’t want him to see my emotions. He’s probably right. I have felt like such a disappointment lately. I want to protect him from my numbness and lack of desire. I want to satisfy him. But hiding my emotions isn’t the right way to do that.
I told him that taking the pain was the least I could do for him. He says, “What? What do you mean? You knew you could take it, and so you did. That’s your submission. That’s all I want. It’s not the least you could do; it’s everything.”
Maybe it is, but the way it happens is not always pretty.
~cherishedproperty
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9
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~Sunday Sway
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Posted:Aug 6, 2023 1:15 am
Last Updated:Aug 14, 2023 4:45 am 11284 Views
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* Dream A Little Dream Of Me ~ The Moma's And Papa's ~ Creque Alley
* The Obvious ~ Paul Simon ~ The Rythm Of The Saints
* Green Eyes ~ Coldplay ~ A Rush Of Blood The Head
* Hold You In My Arms ~ Ray La Montagna~ Trouble
* Days Are Over ~ Florence And The Machine ~ MTV Unplugged
* Anna Begins~ Counting Crows ~ August And Everything After
* Just Another ~ Pete Yorn ~Bandits Soundtrack
* Shape Of My Heart~ Sting~ Ten Summoners Tales
* Darlin' What Have I Done~ White Buffalo ~Prepare For Black & Blue
* Like A Friend ~ Pulp ~ Great Expectations Soundtrack
* Frozen Charlotte~ Natalie Merchant ~ Ophelia
* You Took The Words Right Out OF My Mouth ~ Meat Loaf ~ Baat Out Of Hell
~Green Eyes ~Coldplay
Honey, you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand
That green eyes
Yeah, the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could anybody deny you
I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Now I met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes
Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know
That green eyes
You're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you
Must be out of their mind
Because I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Since I met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes
Green eyes
Honey you are the rock
Upon which I stand
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7
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