Do you see her?
|
Posted:Aug 3, 2023 3:59 am
Last Updated:Aug 22, 2023 1:14 pm 12173 Views
|
The mature woman you think is attractive has her life together, is accomplished, and comes with the added bonus of purchase: she’s submissive. Jackpot, right? Well, yeah. But let’s unpack that a little.
Look at her.
She is, perhaps, married, or was. She may have and no help at home, or survived the -rearing and is now looking to new stages in her life. She may have an ex whose sole purpose in life is to score points off her, she may have an aging family to care for. Daily, she keeps several plates spinning at the top of tall reeds, and you better believe keeping those things spinning isn’t really an act of choice for her. If she lets them fall, they shatter spectacularly, and people look and gawk and judge her harshly for her failures.
Look at her.
She is in control at all times, because there are no choices. No alternatives for her, not until those delicious few hours when someone places a collar around her neck and leads her to a sanctuary. Until someone ensures that it’s okay to leave the reeds, the plates will spin on, awaiting her return. She revels in the mindlessness of no expectation other than acquiescence, the quietude of simply existing. That is her respite, her renewal. And if, during renewal, she might feel pleasure, so much the better. So much sweeter those achievements, those moments, those peaks. She knows to value each one.
Look at her.
She is, perhaps, a professional of some sort. She might manage people, or create things. Could be she is a force to be reckoned with, meeting deadlines and keeping the ship in its lane. Without question, she has been fighting her entire life for the same recognition you take for granted. She manages her life quite handily, and largely prefers it that way, saving for the moments that she would like to put all of it down, to step away. She revels in not being the steward of lives and lifestyles if only for a short time, entrusted only to the one person she can surrender herself and her stewardship. She looked long and hard for that person, and if that one is you, take note.
Look at her.
Careful, careful thought has gone into the placing down of those burdens. She has weighed the imperatives that others place upon her against her instinct to succumb to the siren call of tranquility. She has calculated, considered, and decided. There is a deliberateness to the action of transferring power. The reward meets the risk, and she is equal to the task. You are her partner in the exchange, and she has faith in your strength and trusteeship.
Look at her.
She has bent for you. Knelt, bent, allowed herself to be arranged, raised pink and tender places for your inspection and attention and your tools and implements. She has chosen the fluid exchange of energy, gathering strength from her suffering for you, taking your darkness into her, committing her flesh to the healing of both cell and spirit. She allows she chooses; she commits. Her will unleashes your own and in turn, your will keeps hers secure.
Look at her.
Struggle with the deviation from societal norms has left her vulnerable. She has sought out a place to give away, if only for a short while, her body, her conscious mind, and perhaps even a portion of her soul. With the shedding of her clothing, that nakedness runs deeper than the flesh. When she is wrapped in blankets and forehead kisses or later slipping into street clothes, she is quietly donning her protective garments of her every day.
Look at her. Isn’t she fine?
~Unknown
**Archive
|
|
|
19
Comments
|
|
Vetting a Submissive
|
Posted:Jul 31, 2023 3:06 am
Last Updated:Aug 8, 2023 5:28 am 13109 Views
|
A follower said we see enough about how a sub should vet a Dom but asked what about the other way around?
I’m going to start my answer as if you and the potential sub already have an emotional connection and have been talking for a while. Again, I will be writing as if the Dominant is the male and the submissive is the female, although I acknowledge and respect that this is not always the case.
I’d start by asking yourself as a Dom, what are your “non-negotiable” terms? If there is something you “need” from the dynamic or submissive and they are not able to provide that, then there is no point moving forward. For me, I needed monogamy, a masochist, and a 24/7 dynamic. The things you need may be different than what I need. Once you know what you need, see if the potential submissive is a match. The things that are negotiable can be worked out later.
Before my current dynamic began, I asked why she wanted to be my submissive which is not the same as how she knows she is submissive in general. Asking this isn’t about an ego boost. It gives you the opportunity to make sure she does, in fact, know you well enough to make a decision. If she’s wrong about you, you can correct any misconceptions.
It is also important to hear that they trust and feel safe with you. This will be something she can fall back on down the road. There have been times when my submissive was feeling iffy about a certain task and I needed to ask her if she remembered why she said she wanted to be my submissive. She needs to be able to trust you enough so that somewhere down the line she can say to herself, “Okay, He has gotten me this far. He’s never given me something I couldn’t handle. Everything He has done has been to help me grow or make me a better submissive”. Things like that. But that also means you need to do your part to be that trustworthy safe place.
How much time/attention does she need and how much can you give? This is especially important in long-distance dynamics. If this submissive requires a lot of time and you can’t give it, you owe it to her to let her know. I don’t like the word “needy” because it’s used negatively and there is nothing wrong with desiring a lot of time and affection.
RED FLAGS
The biggest red flag I look for is someone who says they have NO limits aka there isn’t a single thing you can do to them that they wouldn’t be okay with. No matter how masochistic a play partner I had, they’d at a minimum say they don’t want any marks on their face. Or if it was spring/summer, no marks that would show while in shorts. If someone says they have no limits they probably think it sounds appealing and they’re either too inexperienced or too irresponsible to think about their physical/mental safety.
If they have been in a dynamic before, ask about why the previous Dominants and boyfriends didn’t last. You’re looking for a pattern where the submissive did absolutely no wrong in past relationships. This is tricky because there certainly are times when a submissive just get unlucky and the Dominant was a smooth talker at first and then became abusive, uncaring, etc. You’ll have to use your best judgment. I met a submissive who was notorious for engaging in a scene with a top or Dom and then saying it wasn’t what she wanted the next morning. She would admit that she said nothing and gave no cues to suggest she wanted to stop. Even if she has a valid reason for not being able to communicate, do you want to be on the receiving end of that? This person did not have a valid reason and was actually banned from a lot of play parties because it was so known that this was how she acted.
————————————-
If you decide not to enter a dynamic with this person, remember that you don’t have to cut ties completely. If you were considering them at one point, then you must have a strong connection. There is no reason that should go to waste. You may not have gotten yourself a new submissive, but you may have gained a friend.
Anybody feel free to add something I may have missed
|
|
|
11
Comments
|
|
This Is What I Know So Far....
|
Posted:Jul 29, 2023 12:48 pm
Last Updated:Feb 13, 2024 1:01 am 13300 Views
|
This is what I know: in this life, steady love and a place to call home are far more precious than all the earthly possessions and wealth in the world.”
“Falling for someone isn’t a process. You can’t plan for it in advance or anticipate its arrival. Love strikes in single moments. Anywhere. Anytime. Some day you catch them gardening in the sun, or singing dreadfully in the shower, and you think, ‘Oh, I could spend all my life with you.’”
“I need to move around a bit. To shuffle my surroundings. To wake up in cities I don’t know my way around and have conversations in languages I cannot entirely comprehend. There is always this tremendous longing in my heart to be lost, to be someplace else, and to be far far away from all this.”
“I am deathly afraid of almosts. Of coming so close to where I want to be in life that I can almost taste it, almost touch it, then fall just a little short.”
“I like to think that loneliness is just the echo of missing a person you haven’t had the pleasure of meeting quite yet.”
“There are people who you will love until the end. Certain feelings are too powerful to perish and quietly survive in the heart for a lifetime. No matter how much we change or drift apart, in some small way, you will always be mine, and I will always be yours.”
“Everyone you meet has a part to play in your story. and while some may take a chapter, others a paragraph, and most will be no more than scribbled notes in the margins, someday, you’ll meet someone who will become so integral to your life, you’ll put their name in the title.”
“I plant roots so deeply in the people I love that I always lose a piece of myself when they go.”
~Beau Taplin
|
|
|
13
Comments
|
|
Sweet, Desperate & Erotic
|
Posted:Jul 27, 2023 2:53 am
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2024 1:12 am 13511 Views
|
My heart races and I'm breathless before his lips ever meet mine. I feel him pulsing inside me and he hasn't quite touched me. It's his hand on my chin. How he pulls my mouth to his and I'm on tippy toes and when we start my body melts into him. My lips meet his kiss for a bite. It's sweet and then it's something else. Something else in between sweet and desperate and erotic and I bend to his will. His hands have moved to my neck and below and I can't hide my need for him because he can feel it on his fingertips. He can see it in my eyes. He can smell it. He can hear it and he swallows up my moans with his mouth. I bite his lip and my nails dig into his shoulders. Concerned with nothing but pulling pleasure from the center of my soul and holding it in his hands. Between his teeth. It's reckless kisses. It's fire. All of me begging for more. To never stop what he's started. My pleasure is his sole purpose. My impossible hunger was sated by him a thousand times over. And I'm left in awe of so many things in these moments, but most of this complete contradiction of sweet and savage and how perfectly they blend into these beautiful colors upon my skin.
her-reconciled-heart
|
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
Time Marches On....
|
Posted:Jul 26, 2023 2:26 am
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2023 3:22 am 14335 Views
|
There’s a pause between the second hand’s ticking when a clock is completely silent. At face value, each pause lasts exactly the same amount of time because time is rigid and steadfast. But that is both the beauty and bane of time; it is not nearly as linear as it is supposed to be. Depending upon the contents within that moment it can seem like forever or no time at all, and it’s often the exact opposite of the length you would have hoped it to be.
Great moments end too soon, and difficult ones stretch out for an eternity. But every moment ends eventually.
Time marches on.
There’s a sweet spot of time when the second hand is simply a hum in the background, where I lose track of it in the joy of something. It could be a hike through the woods on a rainy day, riding down a mountain on my snowboard, a series of good conversations with a friend, a really, really good day at work, the peace of kneeling in front of Sir or that eyes rolling in the back of my head, speaking in tongues, the lostness of the right combination of pain and pleasure.
In those moments, time is irrelevant. Until it reminds me exactly how relevant it is by running out on me. The moment ends, and you have to say goodbye.
Time marches on.
In those moments, I am torn. Part of me wants to hold the second hand at gunpoint so it dares not move even an inch. Another part of me wants to use all the force inside of my body to push it forward and be done with it. And a final part of me wishes I would stop thinking about what’s going to happen or wallowing in what did, and enjoy what’s happening in that in-between, enjoy that quiet before the ticking resumes again, enjoy the now.
It is the fact that time is finite, that it doesn’t last forever, that makes every moment important. The bitterness of the end makes the sweetness of it happening in the first place a kind of miracle. But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye.
Time marches on.
No matter how much of a love/hate relationship I may have with it, I want to see time as a friend. I have to see time as a friend.
Time is the friend driving me to evolve into more. That ticking is a beat that shocks me into making choices, so I don’t get stuck or complacent. Time is an important ingredient in learning, choosing, thinking, feeling, loving, healing, changing, and most of the things that ultimately make me who I am and want to be.
Time is the friend who reminds me to appreciate the conversations I have with someone because those conversations will end. To appreciate the sun shining down because tomorrow is going to be colder. To relish being able to kneel in front of Sir while my knees still (mostly) let me. To appreciate the people in my life, both old and new, because loss is inevitable. And to remember that it’s the loss that makes the connection so significant.
Time is the friend that teaches me the lesson of embracing what I have when I have it. To not take anything for granted. To appreciate those sweet moments rather than waste them worrying about their end. To appreciate the future for what it could be, rather than what it no longer is. To think about it long after it’s gone, with fondness or growth, or caution.
Time marches on.
But time marching on doesn’t mean it abandons me. It always leaves more time in its place. Another friend knows that after mourning the loss of its predecessor, it’s time to see the opportunity in goodbye and march onto the next moment, and the next, and the next.
Time marches on.
~goodgirlsdoresearch
|
|
|
13
Comments
|
|
The Lotus
|
Posted:Jul 24, 2023 10:09 pm
Last Updated:Aug 8, 2023 3:35 am 15756 Views
|
Whenever you should doubt your self-worth, remember the lotus flower. Even though it plunges to life from beneath the mud, it does not allow the dirt that surrounds it to affect its growth or beauty
~ Suzy Kassem
Photo taken by: Me. ( in my travels )
|
|
|
12
Comments
|
|
Something Casual
|
Posted:Jul 24, 2023 4:41 am
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2024 1:14 am 14203 Views
|
One of my favorite things in the world is casual intimacy. A small hand on your back when you’re in crowded streets. a gentle kick from where they’re sitting across the table. A head on the shoulder, a hand in your hand, a squeeze on the arm as they’re walking past you. I think maybe love isn’t made up of grand gestures or explosive displays but that it’s made up of the little things. The little things that say I’m here and I care for you and that your life has intertwined so deeply into mine that there’s no need to think because casual intimacy comes easy.
|
|
|
13
Comments
|
|
You Own Him
|
Posted:Jul 22, 2023 9:38 pm
Last Updated:Jul 24, 2023 12:00 pm 15297 Views
|
When you snuggle closer
and purr in your sleep,
you are his kitten
When you kneel between his legs
gracefully accepting his hand around your throat,
you are his girl
When you squirm across his lap,
your tush rosy red and tingling with intimacy,
you are his brat
When you rub yourself all over him
leaving liquid passion in your trail,
you are his slut
When you devour him deeply, pleasing him,
solely there for his entertainment,
you are his
When you growl and strain against your leash,
humping his leg for release,
you are his bitch
When you surrender to his strength, his power,
when you sacrifice your body on the altar of his desire,
you are his prey
When you stay still, quivering, unspeaking,
your only purpose to be used, to be mounted,
you are his female
And still…
When you melt into his arms
and lean your head against his chest
and whisper quietly,
“I am yours”
At that moment,
You own him.
@littlelostlolita
|
|
|
9
Comments
|
|
I'm Ok. You're Ok
|
Posted:Jul 20, 2023 12:14 am
Last Updated:Feb 23, 2024 2:30 am 17588 Views
|
Are you ashamed to crawl to him because your belly hangs and your tits sway? Do you prefer online LDRs because if she sees your small stature in real life she won’t respond to your authority? Do your ribs show so distinctly that you’re always dreading the first comment about eating something so you’ll be healthy?
Too fat. Too short. Too skinny. Too loud. Too smart. Too hairy. Too old. Not enough money. Not enough experience. In a wheelchair. Lost a limb. A basket case with enough luggage to open a store.
Stop. Just stop.
You are you. And whoever that is you are a unique addition to the world. There is no other exactly like you which makes you a rare prize. And in this world, there are those who would give anything to possess that prize.
Be proud of yourself. Love you. Don’t obsess over those who don’t value your brand of awesomeness. But remember to be open and accepting of those who do. If the internet teaches you nothing else it should be clear that there is a Ying to every yang.
~thegingerpowers
|
|
|
21
Comments
|
|
Advice To Newbie Submissives About Dominants
|
Posted:Jul 18, 2023 4:15 am
Last Updated:Jul 29, 2023 1:05 pm 16388 Views
|
A newbie asked if it was better to begin exploring with someone with no experience/outside of the Lifestyle community, or someone inside the community with experience.
Some minor exploration with someone who isn't fully aware of BDSM and all it entails can be harmless enough, but it matters a great deal WHAT you are interested in exploring. Things that seem simple enough can actually be physically risky without education if not actual experience.
Bondage is a good example. Most injuries occur involving bondage, inside and outside the kinky community. We had a famous case here in Tennessee, where a couple was playing around with bondage -- and they had never sought any education in BDSM safety precautions, never participated within our community at all -- and the husband ended up dead. She left him bound alone in an unsafe way. There is a right way to tie someone up and a wrong way. There are ways to be prepared when something unexpected happens. They found out the hard way.
Unfortunately, you can just as easily find someone in the kink community, someone who may have been practicing BDSM for some time, who hasn't bothered to educate themselves in safety, and they can put you in risky situations just as easily as the "inexperienced." This is why educating yourself by reading, talking, asking questions, and getting to know as many people in your local BDSM community as possible is so important-- so at least you know the way it should be done so you can recognize when it's wrong.
The inexperienced also may not understand how vital honest communication is, or how important it is that you both know how and when to say NO in a way that will absolutely be understood and respected. Misunderstandings can be minor glitches or terrible accidents.
The inexperienced will be less prepared to deal with the unexpected. I had a friend call me long distance in an absolute panic, not sure if she needed to go to the emergency room because she and her partner were doing something they had never done before, made a simple mistake, and it had an outcome that neither was expecting. That can happen to anyone, and luckily, she had someone with experience to go to, to help her know what to do.
The inexperienced are also less likely to understand the emotional risks. BDSM is powerful magic. You may find that your reaction to something wasn't what you thought it would be, and your partner won't know how to give you the emotional support you need to process it.
All this is important because so often when we start to explore desires that have been repressed for so long, we fall prey to something we call "sub frenzy." You're like a in the candy store, you want everything and you want it now. You may need some help to protect yourself from yourself.
In my opinion, exploring with someone with at least an awareness of the BDSM lifestyle is safer, and more likely to give you what you want, but nothing is guaranteed. It all depends on your partner.
You should understand that you will find several sub-species of dominants in our lifestyle. There's the Creepy Dom, yes. The reasons to avoid him are self-evident.
There's also the Fresh-Meat Dominant: one who is particularly turned on by newbies and pursues them like a shark smelling blood in the water, for a variety of reasons.
He may be totally inexperienced -- sometimes dangerously inexperienced, even within our community -- who desires you because you won't know just how inexperienced he is, and he will lie rather than admit the truth. It's not wrong or shameful to be new at this on either side; it is reprehensible to misrepresent yourself and not be actively trying to improve your knowledge, sharing the learning curve honestly with your partner. Avoid this one because he can really hurt you. (And when/if he does, he will run for the hills faster than you can say Safe, Sane, and Consensual.)
He may be a wannabe -- one who isn't really dominant at all, but just a guy using it as an excuse to get laid by someone whom he thinks is easy, and willing to do stuff his wife or past girlfriends wouldn't. Some of these guys thinking to be dominant means unlimited blow jobs on demand. Avoid him, because he's not interested in meeting your needs at all.
Then there is the truly experienced dominant who seeks out fresh meat because it is a rush for him. Your inexperience excites him because he loves the thrill of introducing you to all the sensations. He gets to experience that initial delight -- something he may have lost -- vicariously through your joy and passion.
There's really nothing wrong with this if he is honest and upfront about what he is offering you: fun, excitement, and experience -- but very likely no possibility for a lasting, significant relationship. He probably already has a submissive partner and has no intention of trading her for you. Often these dominants are the best teachers; the problem lies in the risk to your heart.
The Catch-22 of D/s is that we subs have a built-in tendency to go absolutely ga-ga for the Dom; our appetite for them is enormous, and the more we submit, the more control we are willing to give up to them. We don't intend to fall in love with them, it just happens.
It's also a sad fact -- I just got through talking to another newbie about this -- that our first experiences seem so earth-shattering, we can't imagine that the other person doesn't feel the same intense connection. But often they don't.
When I started with my master, I made the mistake of thinking that because it was so ENORMOUS for me, that it must be for him. I thought, "ohmigod, we must be soul mates! He's the master I've been looking for all my life, and I must be the perfect slave for him. Everybody talks about this but I've found it!"
I really believed that. Our interactions changed my life so completely, I just couldn't believe that it wasn't the same for him.
The truth was -- as I found a little way down the road -- that this was a very familiar road for him. He'd been through this "honeymoon" of D/s -- that intense connection, the passion, the excitement that can only come in the very beginning of the relationship -- with various slaves all his life. I know several of them, and they have all felt the exact same way.
This can lead to a good bit of pain for the sub when it ends. I fell hard for him from the very beginning; it was sometime later when he fell in love with me that I became more than just a plaything for him. I went through a painful period of disillusionment in between my love for him and his for me. Maybe if I'd understood the dynamics, I'd have dealt with it better.
Also, watch out for the Collector Dominant. He has one or more submissives already and wants to add you to his harem. Again, nothing wrong with this if you go into it with open eyes, keeping both hands on your heart. All too often, the sub finds herself hopelessly entangled and ends up in a relationship that's painful, and sacrifices many things she wants for what she can get
~katekinsey
|
|
|
17
Comments
|
|
