~Woman
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Posted:Jun 19, 2023 1:41 am
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2024 1:16 am 10493 Views
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Woman is water. Endless deep water abyss. She carries incredible strength. Water is capable of both giving life, to everything it touches, and demolishing everything in its path, bringing destruction. She can be a flexible calm river, the smooth surface of a lake, a babbling stream, a noisy waterfall, a raging ocean, life-giving rain, or dew … Like water, a woman can evaporate, or turn into ice. And all these forms and states are impermanent and depend on who and how touches its waves…
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19
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Gratitude
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Posted:Jun 16, 2023 11:59 pm
Last Updated:Jun 20, 2023 6:04 am 10505 Views
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“Cultivate gratitude. Make it a habit to thank the people who are there for you. Thank them for believing in you, for listening, and for being a shoulder to lean on. Thank them without the expectation of anything in return. Thank them just to express your sincerest appreciation. Make it part of your daily practice. When you truly value those that support you, you’ll soon find that it comes back to you, amplified. It’s one of those unexplainable lessons of the heart, a twisted version of Newton’s third law of motion. Actions may well have an equal and opposite reaction, but when it comes to gratitude, the reactions are often louder, grander, and uplifting.”
— daily-esprit-descalier
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21
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One Man’s Perspective: Body Types & What Really is Sexy
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Posted:Jun 13, 2023 3:52 am
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 7:44 pm 12880 Views
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You are going to get an earful of what I find to be absolutely sexy as fuck and what is just downright repulsive. And guess what ladies - most of it has little to do with what you look like.
Now I’m not speaking for all men.
I wouldn’t dare do that, because too many men are fucking idiots, especially on this topic, yet there are plenty that sees things like me, so don’t give up hope just yet.
Nope, there are some shallow fuckers out there; they are the same assholes that guilt their girls into getting boobs jobs or humiliate them for eating when they are hungry. Now, before the Boob Job Demo blows up my inbox, just know I am not saying there is anything wrong with implants by the way; just do it for yourself if that makes you feel better inside. Not for some fuckin’ guy.
Nah. Fuck those guys that make it all about appearance - you don’t want those shallow idiots in your life anyways because their issues run deep.
Yet still, I’m speaking for myself on what I find sexy. What I find to be downright unbelievably irresistible. The qualities in women that I just cannot live without. What makes me so fucking weak is that it is just downright pathetic. And I’ll touch on some topics that stick in your heads all the time,
First up - Brains, Confidence, and the Ability to Laugh. I’ve realized that I am a sapiosexual, and to add to that, I am extremely turned on by self-confidence and wit. To me, nothing is hotter than a woman who believes in herself, brings something to a conversation, and can laugh with you. Without those things, I just would never be able to get past it.
Do you know how fucking annoying it is to crack some wise-ass remark for it all to fall on deaf ears? Or to constantly have conversations about the fucking Kardashian’s some other dumb Us magazine topic when I’d rather hear about Tolstoy’s War and Peace because I just don’t have the patience to read it.
Fuck yes. Cliffs Note me, you sexy bitch.
All this “is my ass too big” shit is so damn unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Women beat themselves up relentlessly and it is sad to see because the things that matter to the kinds of men you want to attract are not superficial, to begin with.
And I am not saying don’t take care of your body.
The hottest thing about a woman who takes care of her figure is the simple fact that she is not lazy and gets off her ass to do it. Results are not nearly as important as the act of trying. Spin class and smoothie rituals and a general disdain for the Golden Arches are just downright hot because it says one thing loud and clear - I care about myself.
Same with work ethic. You can be a stay-at-home mom or a career woman but laziness doesn’t fly no matter what you do - laziness is just downright hideous.
So, I guess I’ll dive full-fledged into each little thing I can think of right away and let the chips fall where they may.
Weight. This topic just sucks to write about, but it’s a reality that we all deal with this concept in some ways, so I decided to hit on it first and rip the band-aid off. Maybe we’ll all will find solace in knowing that “Nearly three-quarters of American men and more than 60% of women are obese (BMI > 30) or overweight (BMI > 25).” So, at least our fat asses are not alone, right? Life is too damn short to hurt your body more by stressing out over this crap - there are a lot worse things in life you can be than a bit chubby. Fuck, as soon as I do a side profile in the mirror I tell myself “Dude, wtf?”. Yeah, I could stand to lose quite a bit too, but this post isn’t about me. Whew. That would be uncomfortable.
Sometimes I wish I could reach into the minds of the readership and plant a seed, and right now that seed would carry with it the idea to stop fuckin’ beating yourselves up over this one. It really is more in your head than ours. Some of the sexiest people I have ever seen or known were way past that of the Ideal Weight Calculators, which are pretty hard to get to. If I hit my recommended weight I’d look like a boy. Fuck that. I’ll eat healthier and work out and always reach for better health. Be happy and proud of who you are and develop habits to be healthy. That is so much more sexy than hitting some dumb number.
The Ughs. I don’t know what to call this group of things that trouble so many of you, but it’s basically stretch marks, wrinkles, and all those little stupid things, whatever they are, that every human has. Any guy that doesn’t see these as accents of your overall beauty as a person is an idiot. Stretch marks tell me you lived. Wrinkles tell me you lived. Scars tell me that you lived.
And your life - is what is hooking me in. It is your essence as an individual - the beauty in your stories. The mind that you have. The hard times and the good ones. That is what is so damn sexy.
Ass & Boobs. Seriously tits and ass should matter as much as hair color, which is not at all. What the fuck is wrong with our society that this somehow has gotten into women’s heads as a matter of importance. Don’t get me wrong - I love tits and ass - I just love them all. Little A-cup tits and big double Ds - to me, it is just a representation of your feminine form.
You, ladies, are so fucking sexy just being ladies.
You don’t need a huge rack or a Kardashian ass to improve your sexy rating. Not in the least. Remember - it’s all about your attitude, sweetheart. It always was.
Being a Lady. There is just something so unbelievably debilitating to us men about you embracing your feminine side. I think it is what separates you from us Neanderthals with the Y chromosome - that essence of being a woman.
Fuck, it weakens me to even write about it.
Your scent. Your perfume. You soft bat of the eyes. Your giggle. You're waking up in the morning and doing your hair and makeup. When you shower - it’s that feminine soap you buy. That lotion and oil you apply afterward when I know you are naked, just being a woman.
Most idiots never take the time to even tell their own women how sexy this part of you really is, so here I am, telling you - all those little things you do to be a woman fucking matter. And you when you get into the habit of not doing them - it really fucking matters. Sorry but daily sweatpants and a bun gets old as shit real fast and tells me you don’t care, so why the fuck should I.
Real Sexiness. As mentioned above, 99% of what is so damn hot about you women is what you do - not what dress or cup size you rock.
Read a fucking book and shut off Bravo, Netflix should be seen as a slippery slope.
Read. Learn. Grow, as a human being. For fuck’s sake - evolve.
Work like you mean it. Parent like you is trying to outdo everyone else. No matter what “it” is - give a fuck.
Effort in life, making people laugh, being happy, caring, and having a sense of self-confidence about you. That is what is sexy.
At least to me.
-TRD
~The-Romantic-Dominant
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The Sea
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Posted:Jun 12, 2023 3:26 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2024 8:02 pm 11400 Views
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“She reminded me of the sea; the way she came dancing towards you, wild and beautiful, and just when she was almost close enough to touch she’d rush away again.”
— Unknown
*Photo Taken By: Me
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25
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Some Reactions You Might Experience in a BDSM Scene
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Posted:Jun 11, 2023 2:49 am
Last Updated:Jun 22, 2023 7:53 pm 11083 Views
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Let’s start off with a few points of clarification on this one.
One: Not everyone has a big reaction (emotional or otherwise) during their BDSM scene or kinky fuckery. And that’s okay. You can still have a great time and not emote all over the place.
Two: Some emotional reactions happen later and in private. That’s okay, too.
Three: Having or not having a specific reaction is not an indicator of the quality, intensity, or pleasure of your BDSM scene.
That being said at times some people will and do have different kinds of big reactions during their kinky fuckery. Some are about your personality and how you tend to react to stimuli. Others may be about what’s on your mind or your emotional state before or during your scene. And still, other reactions may seem completely random at the moment and are new to you.
Basically, what I’m saying is that’s it complicated, it varies from person to person and scene to scene, and as always, your mileage may vary.
All that being said, here are some emotional reactions that can happen when you get kinky.
Crying
This may be the most well-known, but playing in an intense way with any kind of kinky fuckery like orgasm control, spankings, or anything else can produce tears. Everyone will have a different reason (if they even know why they’re crying). For me, it’s often a huge emotional release. Whatever tension I’ve been carrying around in my body comes out through the force of impact and pain.
Often it’s because I have to focus on the moment, the sensations, and what I feel in that second — instead of all the crap in my head. A few moments of mindfulness, pleasure, and feeling connected to John Brownstone, and I might be a puddle of tears. But it doesn’t just because I want it to happen. I asked to be spanked until I cried and while I felt better, not a tear was shed.
Laughter
Some people react with laughter when they have an intense moment or feel overwhelming pleasure. I’ve heard it before in someone else’s scene, and it sounds like pure joy bubbling up to the surface from a deep well. Even if it’s a little jarring to hear in a BDSM club filled with implements of “torture,” it’s also amazing to witness. Laughter is just as valid as tears and can be a similar release of emotion and tension.
Some kinksters enjoy tickle play for exactly this reason. Yes, there’s power and control, but there’s also laughter. And that can be an amazing emotional release.
Defiance
I can’t fully explain this one (I’ll leave that to the psychological experts out there) but I have absolutely felt defiant in the middle of a scene. I wanted what we were doing, and I fully consented to the moment. And yes, I loved the sensations. But instead of melting into pleasure or crying out my stress, I pushed back
“Is that all you’ve got?”
“I can take it.”
Refusing to say “red” or even “yellow” when I was starting to fade.
I’ve never entered a scene planning to “take it all” but somewhere between the first smack and probably the third, it’s all I can think about. This feeling of, “I’ll win this round.” John Brownstone has reared back like a baseball player with a paddle, and I’ve smirked and said, “Green” like it was some sort of challenge. Thankfully, he’s smarter and more cautious than I am and stops sooner rather than later.
Subspace
No conversation about emotional reactions in a BDSM scene is complete without subspace. Not everyone experiences it, and those of us who have don’t feel it every time. The stars, your body chemistry, and the moment have to align just right. What I do know is that the more you stress and worry over it, the less likely it is to happen.
"Scening" to get into subspace can be a recipe for disaster. The point is to do something that feels good, makes you want more, or gives you something that you need. Subspace is an extra layer of icing on an already delicious kinky cake. And while a good portion of the response is physical — endorphins, dopamine, and all that — for some, there’s definitely an emotional component.
Dom or Top Space
Not to leave out Dominants, Dom space (or Top space) is also a legitimate thing. Like subspace, it shouldn’t be the goal or the point, and you can’t predict it. John Brownstone describes it as a hyperawareness and absolute focus on the moment, me, and what he’s doing. More so than normal.
Like subspace, it’s caused by a chemical reaction in the body and brain. When it happens, John Brownstone is wired for the rest of the night and crashes the next day, absolutely exhausted. Why? Because what goes up must come down.
Panic or Fear
Not all BDSM scenes go as planned, and we don’t always have the reaction we think we will — Dom or sub. It’s not unusual to start a scene, do something, and safeword, panic, or feel like you can’t handle it. The most important part of this moment is that your partner stops all play. (Yes, it can happen to a Dominant too, and yes, a submissive needs to respect the needs of their partner.)
Why it happens depends on so many factors. Did you hit a boundary or hard limit you didn’t know you had? Do you have anxiety or suffer from panic attacks? Was it a bad tape or a trigger from another time? You don’t even have to know why it happened. It’s still a valid response and no, you’re not broken or wrong.
Are these every single reaction someone could have in a scene or during kinky fuckery? Of course not. Will you experience all or any of them in your own scene? Not necessarily. But it’s also important to know that it can happen so that when it does, you don’t think there’s something wrong with you.
KAYLA LORDS~
*Archive
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3 AM Thoughts
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Posted:Jun 8, 2023 12:14 am
Last Updated:Mar 25, 2024 4:55 am 11876 Views
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The intimacy of... Eye contact. Smirks across a crowded room. Raised eyebrows. Knowing glances. Witty banter. "I heard this song and thought of you." The sides of legs accidentally touching in the backseat. Dancing in front of strangers. Playful teasing. "I saved you a seat." Comfortable silences. Quiet time. Falling asleep together on the couch. "I'm so sorry." Hope. The little things. Inside jokes. Appreciation. Mutual trust. "You're my best friend." Crying in the car alone at a red light. Heart-to-hearts in dive bar bathrooms. Giving the benefit of the doubt. Giving a second chance. Giving in to a deep laugh. "I was literally just about to call you, too." Sharing books with your scribbles and notes throughout the margins. Losing your footing. "I never told another person that before." First hugs. A kiss you know will be your last. "I understand." A sense of safety. A feeling of alignment. Just knowing someone is here to stay, even though you have no real evidence for thinking so. Believing they will anyway.
— Molly Burford
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15
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When Did Loud, Obnoxious, And Cocky Become Signs Of Dominance?
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Posted:Jun 4, 2023 2:15 am
Last Updated:May 1, 2024 7:59 am 13121 Views
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There is a story told about Theodore Roosevelt when he was president. Some of you may not know that TR was a hunter and he had heard that a famous big game hunter was in Washington DC so he sent a note saying that he would like to meet him. So the hunter arrives at the White House and is ushered into a meeting with the President. An hour and a half later, the hunter emerges from TR’s office, appearing to be in a state of disorder, and one of the president’s aides approached the man to ask what he might have said to have angered his boss. The hunter looked at the aide and said, “I just told him my name”. One of TR’s traits, for better or worse, is that he could talk, loved to do it, and once he started on a roll he was going to go until he finished. It was not that the hunter had done or said anything that had caused anger or upset, he was just on the receiving end of Theodore Roosevelt being himself.
Now this story is completely unrelated to the wizarding world of D/S but it does relate to the way that some who identify as dominants cannot seemingly close their mouths and listen.
They always must control the conversation and they talk for no other apparent reason other than to hear themselves talk and we cannot forget their favorite subject to talk about, them. What is even worse, some newer submissives expect D-types to loud, obnoxious, and cocky. So here are six reasons dominants need to sit down, shut up, listen, and retain what they have heard and why submissives should steer clear of those who refuse to listen.
Even though the d-type leads the relationship, it is still a partnership however if your partner is not fulfilled they are not going to be a partner for long. The only way a dominant can make sure their submissive is happy is by listening.
You learn more from listening than you ever do from talking. Part of being a submissive’s leader is understanding them and their needs, desires, and dreams intimately which cannot happen if a person does not ask and then listen carefully when the s-type answers.
Here is what is sure to be a shocker for the online dumbinants, a D/S relationship is not about you, and ready for that big shocker? The submissive has 100% of the power in the relationship 100% of the time because with a little two-letter word they can stop anything and everything. Just in case someone reading this has not figured out the word yet, it is no.
Speaking of no and revoking consent, according to the National Coalition For Sexual Freedom one in five people have their consent violated within their first five years involved in the lifestyle. Submissives, if a d-type will not listen to you over dinner, what makes you think they will listen during play when you say your safeword?
In the lifestyle, there are so many myths as to what a dominant needs to be or should be that over the years many newer d-types, especially men, who rather than be themselves and show their insecurities, which all of us have, try to fake it until they make it. This faking often shows itself by the d-type acting as though they must ride roughshod and talk, talk, talk rather than have an actual conversation with active listening.
The final point is sharing some of the traits of your friendly, neighborhood narcissist. While it is true that our not-so-loveable or neighborly narcissists will indeed crave to talk about themselves and their greatness, do not interrupt them, but not all big talkers are nincompoop narcissists. So in addition to the love of talking about the most amazing person in their life, themselves, narcissists will display a lack of or total void of empathy. Their life is based on the one true way of doing everything, which is their way. Do not worry, they will correct the error of your ways in just a moment. They are the embodiment of the difference between being in control and controlling plus they are perfect because their mistakes are the fault of others. Do not fret because it will not be long before you are the reason they made a boo-boo. They cannot understand a relationship as a partnership because they are unable to accept a partner, only those who wish to do exactly as they demand when they demand it.
There is not a darn thing wrong if you are a person who tends to talk a lot, talk often, or even if you are a loud talker. A quick, cautionary note, be careful where/when you talk about BDSM if you want your involvement to not be widely known because a voice that carries can transport discreet news to ears connected to tongues that gossip. Everyone has unique communication traits and skills but within D/S some dominants need to take a zip-it-and-listen pill. Shiny thing moment, we have pills that can give a guy a rock-hard baloney pony but not one for curing failure to listen? D-types need to hear and listen to others, especially their s-types. Finally, submissives when you encounter “Sir Talks-A-Lot”, please take note of the subtle clues to determine if you are being chatted up by someone who just loves to talk or if your ship is sailing perilously close to narcissistic nastiness.
What methods do suggest that may help someone become a better listener?
©TLK2023
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22
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Life
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Posted:May 31, 2023 3:08 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2024 8:03 pm 12431 Views
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“We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.”
— George Carlin
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13
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Safe Word
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Posted:May 30, 2023 5:49 pm
Last Updated:May 31, 2023 10:16 pm 12203 Views
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Not just when I'm with you, not just
when we dance too close to the edge,
but when we're apart when solitude is
stripping you bare in the night instead of me...
when loneliness rakes you too deeply
or won't release you... use our safe word then...
Call me then, and whisper it... say it
as if your mouth was pressed against my neck...
as if your need was within my reach.
Or failing that... failing that... say it to yourself
like a mantra, like a prayer... like...
like a summoning of love.
Peregrine
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May I Have The Definition Please? Defining Lifestyle Roles
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Posted:May 28, 2023 12:42 am
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2024 3:54 am 12936 Views
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Within the D/S lifestyle, there are all sorts of labels that people choose to attach to themselves. People are not can goods at the grocery store and should be judged for who they are rather than the brand attached to their outside, it is understandable why we do this. Since labels are a necessary component of the lifestyle, it is important to understand the definitions of identifiers while researching the role(s) so each person can define their label and how it works for them.
To begin with, the submissive side of the proverbial slash, and the best place to start is to share a description of submissive. A submissive is strong, capable, hard-working, dedicated, has their proverbial poop in a group (or as best as anyone can), they do not need a partner/dominant to handle or make choices for them in life, and are often the go-to person among their friends and/or co-workers. A submissive chooses to pick a dominant partner to get to know, date, and build a relationship with, and should they decide to offer their submission it is done because the d-type has earned this precious gift. The gift of submission is always freely given by a submissive. Not only that but a submissive is equal in their relationship, they are never less than others because they have decided to follow the leadership of their chosen dominant. This is on my blog D/S spelled with both letters capitalized because neither partner is above or below the other, they are always equal. A D/S relationship is a union of equals and every submissive has the right and as well as an expectation of speaking up when there is an issue, disagreeing with their d-type, and most importantly every s-type can say no at any time, for any reason plus every submissive can revoke their submission once again at any time and for any reason. This is also true with terminating a relationship, a s-type does not need the ‘permission’ of their dominant to end things, the submissive, just like any person has the ability and right to say “Peace, I am out of here” whenever, however, and for whatever reason(s) they desire. Lastly, submissive is not in any way gender-specific. Any individual can be any lifestyle role they wish and things like gender or sexual orientation have zero to do with roles in the D/S lifestyle.
A dominant is a person who wants to or does lead their partner(s). A d-type is an individual who has earned the trust, respect, and love of their submissive partner(s), and because the dominant has earned these the submissive has given and freely consented to give the gift of their submission to their dominant. D-types work to lead their submissives to grow, achieve, and live their dreams. Often people think that dominants hold the power in a lifestyle partnership but the truth is it is always the submissive because they can say no for any reason and at any time. D-types work with their s-type to craft the framework which will determine the specificities of power exchange in the relationship as well as the methods and reasons for the dominant to hold the submissive accountable which is most often seen as rules/guidelines and punishment/correction. A dominant is a lighthouse in the relationship providing a guiding beacon for the submissive to follow but it is always the submissive’s choice. Just like submissive, the role of dominant is not gender-specific because anyone can be dominant should the role suit them, gender and sexual orientation have no bearing on this.
Many people overlook this next role or perhaps do not even know it exists and so it is time to clear this up. Not only are there dominants and submissives in the lifestyle but there is a third role of the switch. Some in the lifestyle try to brand switches as indecisive, seeking to get the best of both worlds or that somehow this role is less than which is all poppycock. Switches typically gravitate to the d or s side depending on their partner(s) and how energy flows between them. A switch is not a role to be looked down upon but one the community needs to embrace, and fully accept, just like dominant and submissive sexual orientation and gender are not a factor.
Additionally, under the umbrella of D/S, several additional labels help further define the roles. These are often fluid as individuals can have traits or desires that are made of various parts of these.
A great place to begin with those who are just plain dominant or submissive. This would be a very traditional identifier. The best way to sum these up, without writing a novella, is d-types who find soulful joy in leading their submissive in a consensual relationship. The traditional dominant/submissive, more often than other styles, I feel will be more service and/or protocol-driven. It is protocol and service that, for me, are hallmarks of tradition.
This one is no bs even its abbreviation of M/S, which stands for master and slave, sounds similar. On a personal note, this title is something the lifestyle as a whole needs to change. The use of slavery triggers my mind to think of the horrors of actual human slavery which is not a thing of the past but still exists, even in the richest countries. People take this label because of two main reasons. No, it is not because like in the Seinfeld episode, they are masters of their domain but rather on the dominant side of things a person who is a master must have invested a significant about of time mastering as well as teaching a skill within the wizarding world of BDSM. Another place for this label is a lifestyle partnership which is both current and in real life with the dominant, in this case, master, having a submissive partner who identifies as a slave. A word of warning, the honorific of master/mistress when used online needs to be very carefully scrutinized. Many of the esteemed online twattwaffle community take these titles not because they have invested years learning a special lifestyle skill nor are they in a relationship with a slave but because they have selected it because it sounds impressive. Online, I recommend being cautious of anyone who has taken one of the M’s as a title, unless, of course, you are chatting with the M, head of MI-6 and your name is Bond, James Bond.
Next, the fast-growing subset, especially online and/or a very popular starting point for newer people. This is the category of mommy/daddy dominants and the submissives who seek them. Some of the s-types that have or desire this type of d-type are called littles where the relationship will include age regression. Not every dominant or submissive in this group finds age regression a fit but many are often drawn by the fact that rather than emphasizing service and protocols of more traditional lifestylers these partnerships are led by those who are typically more parental in structure and style.
Stop being a brat! You will get to the end of this post fast enough and you can get back to looking for online porn. Time to talk about the brat tamer and the brat. Typically a bratty s-type will more often than not be saucy with others than their d-type because a look or the right stern words will nip things in the bud. While this is not always the case, those who identify as brats do not act up/out to seek attention from their dominant and are often very obedient when they find the right partner. A brat’s sass typically comes because they are self-confidently coupled with the knowledge that the only person who they have to reign themselves in for, is their dominant, aka brat tamer.
Now it is time to get the Property Brothers in here and, um, no that probably is not the best idea. Somehow I do not think home and garden TV programming would work well with BDSM although this next group is those who on the d-side of things think of themselves as property owners and their submissive partner(s) as owned property. An owner will typically think of their s-type as simply property. They may treat their s-type this way all of the time or perhaps just some of the time. If you are newer to the lifestyle this might sound shocking and maybe a bit disconcerting but some submissives enjoy behaving like a piece of furniture, a pet (role-playing a kitten/puppy commonplace), and remember these relationships are always done with the consent of all involved.
This one might do more than just sting for a minute it is going to hurt so well, provided you consent and are into this category. Sadists and masochists are people who take pleasure in consensually giving/receiving pain as pleasure, often in a sexual/sensual manner. The pain given or sought, it should be noted, is not always physical as some want it only to be mental anguish or a combination of mental as well as physical. Once again, it is important to note that this always happens with consent and if there is no consent, it is abuse. Also, there is the commonly held belief, especially online, that a sadist is or must be dominant. This is not true and if you venture into your local in-person community, since it is more likely to be encountered in person than online, you will find people who might, for example, identify as submissive in their relationship, a little, a brat, and yet a sadist. If you ask nicely they will draw a pretty picture of your bruised butt after they beat it.
Sadists and masochists do have cousins in the lifestyle that are softer and much more sensual. These are often called sensual or sexual sadists/masochists. While pain is a pleasure again here, that pain is often softer and often included with or part of the foreplay leading up to and including coitus. It needs to be pointed out that D/S does not have to include anything painful and many people practice the lifestyle without giving or receiving even pain. Often those who are new believe pain play to be a requirement of the lifestyle and this is 100% false.
When someone says leather to you, what do you think about it? Maybe it is a jacket or perhaps an episode of Friends that chronicled Ross’ misadventure of trying to get his sweaty legs back into his leather pants. Spoiler alert, it did not end well for him. Here in the lifestyle there are Leathermen and do not let the name fool you, Leathermen are not just men. This group had its origins following World War Two when groups of gay veterans formed motorcycle clubs. Leathermen used to be comprised almost exclusively of gay men. Now, it is much different and accepting of all people regardless of gender or orientation who enjoy the sensuality of leather. This group is often stereotyped not only as gay but as being very “old guard” and protocol-driven but this is also false. While some people are old school/protocol-based, this group includes many who are very modern. One of the fun things is in the local community here, there is a strong leather group and not only is one of the most respected leaders a woman, a few years ago they earned the title locally of “Mr. Leather”. A final note, in your explorations online you meet a d-type who claims they were trained/taught by the leather community ten or more years ago while identifying as a straight male, this should set off internal alarm bells. This community has always been very protective, especially in the past when society was less accepting of gay men, thus men who did not identify as LGBTQIA+ would have had to invest plenty of time building relationships and trust to be accepted. It is not impossible but is unlikely, thus the red flag.
Now it is time to talk about some animals. Not party animals, the many internet doms who use the same wolf picture in their profile, or my favorite Muppett, Animal. This group is the primals and primal preys who are often unfiltered or a touch coarse. While those who are on the primal side of things may be without filter and/or animalistic this group can also be loving and soft.
Now to talk about a role that may mean someone is in the D/S lifestyle or it could mean they are vanilla extract. What is a vanilla extract person? A fun term for those who enjoy some kinky yumminess or f*ckery in their life but the rest of the lifestyle is not for them. This is a top or bottom. A top is a person who enjoys being in charge during a play scene while the bottom is the opposite. They may not be dominant or submissive outside of play but they could be. A good way to look at a top/bottom is they enjoy D/S role play, often in the bedroom, but it is unknown if they embrace that lifestyle outside of this realm. This is what many of those who come to D/S just looking for play should choose as a role rather than saying they are a d or s type when the only time that label applies is during play.
Some people identify as D/S but these people are more lifeguards and drowning swimmers in need of rescue. Now, this sounds pretty noble if a person identifies as dominant while wanting to save others but it should leave you questioning if they are truly dominant. The reason for this is these white knights are focused on rescuing endangered people identifying as submissives. These d-types rush in to save an s-type drowning in one of life’s tough situations, lead them to shore and give them first aid onshore but after that, there is nothing left for either the lifeguard or the saved. The fetish is about saving and being saved. Perhaps a better way to say it rather than being saved is to not have to handle life when it gives a donkey situation most commonly created by the rescued person’s bad decisions. Once saved from the sea of mistakes, the lifeguard wants to find another in need of saving and the rescued is now safe enabling them to return to making poor life choices since they did not have to learn as they were saved. These people have a kink for saving or being saved rather than pursuing a relationship once the Baywatch cameras turn off.
When you hear the word trainer, what do you think of it? Training wheels on a bike? A medical professional that runs onto a sports field when an athlete is injured? The person at the gym who motivates you to do a few more reps? In the lifestyle, there is a group, mostly men, taking the role of trainer, who love to get their hands on brand new submissives, to train them. Many of these so-called teachers can make it look like it is a noble calling, they are doing it to give back to the lifestyle. This is often very appealing to new or undereducated submissives. The truth is that they just want to get their grubby paws on fresh meat. No submissive needs to be trained. Educated, yes but training is a hard no. No matter what side of the slash a person is on, they should seek out mentors who are on the same side of the slash to learn from. This lifestyle has a trainer danger. Focus on learning from those who share your role rather than learning from the other side of the proverbial slash. Learn from those who want to teach and teaching does not include touching you.
Show me the MONEY! Sorry for the Jerry McGuire moment, but next up is the findom and finsub. Fin is short for finical. No this is not a dominant or submissive stockbroker who wants to help grow your wealth and portfolio but will require tribute, AKA money/presents, for attention. Give them X amount of cash or purchase exotic/expensive gifts to receive/earn their dominance or submission. If anyone wishes to be my finsub I have been eyeing a new Ferrari and a heli-skiing trip, and in return, I will share pictures of the car and the mountains.
Congratulations on reaching the final paragraph this did not cover every role in and around the lifestyle. One of the questions, to ask when meeting anyone new is to find out what their self-identifiers mean to them because everyone has their unique twist on roles in the lifestyle.
What important roles would you add to this list and are there definitions that you would modify or change outright?
©TLK2023
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