Once More, With Feeling.
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Posted:Feb 24, 2023 5:06 am
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2023 5:18 am 5415 Views
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We face each other, once again, talking,
naked… and your body is open,
your skin–all woman, no –
speaks to me, now. Your scars,
your greying hair, the flow of your age
over muscle and sway and bone…
they all tell me stories about you
on another level while we drink
and whisper and snigger at our
lovemaking. It’s this, your peace,
your acceptance of the joke
the years have played on us,
that draws me to you again, and always, slowly
this time, less needy this time,
more thoroughly this time. As if
we’re reprising a theme song
as the credits roll and roll and
roll across the screen in the dark…
As if… we lived our lives for this.
- Peregrine
*Artist Unknown
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8
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Rules for Meeting Strangers
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Posted:Feb 23, 2023 5:10 am
Last Updated:Feb 25, 2023 2:43 am 5829 Views
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If we'd only practiced the common-sense rules that our grandmothers should have taught us before we crossed the street by ourselves for the first time, I might not have been writing this column, but the sad fact is that either grandma was absent or derelict or we weren't listening or are senile.
Just because it's sex doesn't mean that one can dispense with reason or with manners, even if there are a number of unscrupulous would-be tops and bottoms out there. In any case, here's what you should have learned before they let you leave kindergarten.
1. You're peers until you make a commitment. I don't care how much of a slave you want to be, you and your prospective partners are equal in every sense of the word. He or she has no control over your actions until you have made a rational decision to give him or her control. If they insist on an action you have every right to say "No." If they assert authority, either from the top or the bottom, you have every right to reject it. Prior to commitment, neither of you is top or bottom. The top and bottom have to do with sex, not with negotiation.
2. Safe, sane, and consensual is a mutual obligation. I once went home from a scene with a left wrist that was numb and it stayed numb for several days. In a macho moment, I failed to tell the top that the handcuffs he had put on me were constricting the flow of blood to my hands. One might say that he should have checked but I was just as much at fault for not making him aware of the situation.
If one partner attempts to have unsafe sex, for instance, the other, even if he is as lavish as they come, has the right, even the responsibility, to refuse to participate. This idea will be found in several rules lower as well.
3. You have a right to know some things. You're going to be spending time with this person and, if things work out, entering into a long-term relationship, even if it is only as friends. The amount of information allowed is based on the level of negotiations. Early on, you need less information. Later, as you come closer to the meeting, more is appropriate. Sometime before moving in, a lot of information, and I mean a lot, is perfectly acceptable.
So early on, you ought to know the person's name and phone number. If they withhold such details, end the conversation, or at least make it clear that you will never meet. People who hide their identities are doing it for reasons that make meeting them unwise.
I know there are lots of folks out there cheating on their significant others or so far in the closet that they're behind the back wall. I'm not for outing others but I am for honesty. Face it, those who can't even tell you their name and give you a phone number where you can reach them have some very serious issues that ought to be resolved before you meet.
Once you get past the name, topics such as health and limits become important, especially if you ever want to get into a sexual encounter.
Really though, limits are limits and as such aren't anywhere near as important as the trust factor. After all, setting limits has no meaning whatsoever if you can't trust that the person will stay within those limits. Just because a person says they're "safe, sane, and consensual" (SSC) is no reason to think that they are. Getting to know them as a person is a much better indication of how trustworthy they are.
If they say they're SSC, ask them what it means. How well they explain themselves will tell you a great deal.
If, after you get past the easy questions, you think that the conversation is going someplace, you ought to begin thinking about the hard questions. Information about family ties, income, career, and the future, both long-term and near, is important if this is going to be more than just a one-night or weekend encounter.
I will agree that you don't need to see a person's personal balance sheet before you have sex with them, but you certainly should have some idea of what it looks like before you, as a slave, turn your assets over to them or, as a master, you take responsibility for their livelihood. I hope my point is made.
4. No commitment is immutable. This is the hard one. Once upon a time (or so we think), people made commitments "until death do we part." Any genealogist will tell you, though, that those commitments were ended much more often and a lot sooner than any preacher on the far-Right is about to admit. Sure there were fewer divorces 100 years ago, but there were a great many more marriages that ended by early death or straight-out desertion.
People change. People will always change. As each of us changes we need to be conscious of our need to redefine our relationships inappropriate terms. I would like to emphasize that those changes can be for the better.
I'm writing this "rule" mostly for those who think that what they promised in the blush of early infatuation will hold forever. It won't, since it may no longer be appropriate two or three years later. Slaves who think they have no choice once they become a "slave" are sadly mistaken. Every morning each of us decides how we will live that day. A slave isn't a slave in the strict sense of the term. He or she is in a condition of voluntary servitude. No amount of will exercised by either party in such a relationship can ever eliminate the voluntary part of the relationship.
5. You have a right to equality of information. What that stranger asks you, you have every right to ask him. It's the power freaks of the world who want to control you by keeping you in the dark. I'll grant you that there are many people and institutions that are run by the mushroom model of management (Keep them in the dark and feed them shit.) but that is no way to conduct a relationship.
6. You cannot abrogate your personal responsibilities. I don't care how submissive you are. The preceding sentence is always true and it applies to both tops and bottoms. Just because a top or bottom says it's all right doesn't make it so.
7. Neutral spaces are always acceptable. Let that first meeting with a stranger be well protected by a public venue. Meet for coffee at Starbucks. Buy him or her a drink at a local bar. Parks, libraries, and shopping malls are all places to meet, greet, and size each other up.
You know, if this relationship is going to go anywhere, you don't have to rush into it. Take your time, go easy, and have fun. After all, it's OK to talk to strangers, even to take candy from them. Just use some common sense when you do.
~By Jack Rinella
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Fear
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Posted:Feb 22, 2023 12:44 am
Last Updated:Dec 15, 2023 6:26 am 5424 Views
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It’s a scary thing to stand in front of his door, waiting for him to answer. Those last-minute thoughts chase themselves through my head. Did I forget an instruction? Have I licked all my lipstick off already? What if he doesn’t answer?
And then he opens the door and beckons me inside. He takes the toy bag that just masquerades as my purse and doesn’t say a word. I stand there waiting, for his commands, his pleasure.
The door closes behind me and no sooner am I in the room, does he have me facing the nearest wall. He whispers in my ear "Hi baby ", "How are we doing this evening?". He bends down to trace the line on my stocking from my heel up my leg to my inner thigh. He can tell I've been thinking about him. "Oh baby, what a mess you've made" and brings his fingers to my lips and has me lick them clean.
I feel him work his way up my back to the zipper on my dress, and he pulls it down and has me step out of my dress.” How lovely you look, my sweet baby girl.” You followed my instructions perfectly, didn’t you?” I had, no bra, no panties. I wore a garter belt, thigh-high stockings, heels, and let's not forget the clover nipple clamps that had now started to bite into my nipples so hard that with every slight movement, they brought tears to my eyes.
The begging ensues as I try to plead with him about clamps. I know this is useless. I know by now my makeup is running down my cheeks, mixed with tears. “Not until you come, princess.” His hand is on the inside of my thigh again, working its way toward my aching sex. His fingers work their way to my clit, and begin to rub in tiny wet circles in slow rhythmic motions. I start to feel warm, and I feel the orgasm building, from deep inside me. I begin to shake from the intensity of it. Finally, I come, whimpering all the while from pain and ecstasy. He removes the clamps, “Good girl”. he whispers once again in my ear. Our night begins.
~M
*Archive
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12
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Predicaments - A Personal Favorite
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Posted:Feb 20, 2023 4:14 am
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 3:00 am 5682 Views
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Dom’s love to challenge their subs and predicaments are a personal favorite of mine. There can be a win/win, lose/lose, or simply a challenge that must be accomplished successfully depending on my emotional state and the mood of the moment. Regardless of the particulars of the predicament, one of my favorites involves manipulation and control of her orgasm.
Using the picture above as an example, the simplest challenge is the timed orgasm, instructing her to make me come within a certain period of time, or conversely to pleasure me without making me cum for a prolonged minimum period. But what really gets me going is simultaneously manipulating her pleasure and orgasm while she pleasures me, not permitting her to cum before she makes me cum, and so forth.
The real dastardly one is when I instruct her to pleasure me with her mouth while I take control of her arousal and consequent orgasm with the following conditions:
1) If she comes first, she will be spanked roundly
2) If I cum first, she doesn’t get to cum at all
3) If we come together, everyone goes home a winner
Oh the fun that I have teasing and pleasing her to the edge of orgasm, increasing the intensity of my efforts, threatening to push her over the edge as she moans and audibly pleads while sucking me hungrily, desperately trying to match my pace orgasm to her needs for immediate release. Anything to avoid the threatened spanking. Or conversely, I love to watch her grind desperately against my hand while I moan and writhe indicating the nearness of my own release as she tries to achieve her orgasm and not be left out in the cold. Naturally, of course, I am relentless in manipulating this to my advantage. She would expect nothing less. Sometimes I want her to win, sometimes I want her to lose, and at others, I simply want the joy of coming together in a mind-shattering mutual orgasm.
Oh, the games we play and the fun we have. Predicaments are intended to have desired outcomes and yet often yield interesting and enjoyable surprises. The times when she comes first result in the dreaded spanking only to find that the spanking itself yields still more intense and repeated orgasms in her intensely aroused state. This may seem counter to my desires to punish as a Dom but rest assured that I still get mine, taking her from behind and spanking her ass as she simultaneously pleads for mercy and more.
Ah, the games, the rules, the predicaments, the punishments, the rewards. Such a confusing game where winners can lose and losers can end up the ultimate victor. So difficult to tell one from the other at times. Ultimately though everyone wins in a game where we play our assigned and desired roles of Dom and sub to the hilt.
Predicaments; the challenged and the challenger. You may think you are destined to lose in a game that is clearly rigged, but I promise you, the spoils of victory are shared equally and with enthusiasm. No one goes home disappointed.
Let the games begin!
Caption © For The Love of a Sub
*Archive
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8
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True Currency...
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Posted:Feb 20, 2023 3:08 am
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2023 2:59 am 5181 Views
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Treat your energy like you would money. Budget it, save it, find ways to increase it, invest it where you know you will get a return, etc. When you place value on your energy like you would any other form of currency, you will be surprised at how much changes in your reality. Our energy IS our true currency. Money is just symbolic of the exchange of energy. This is why you "pay" attention...
~Unknown
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Only a Woman...
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Posted:Feb 18, 2023 7:07 am
Last Updated:Jun 10, 2023 1:02 am 5611 Views
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For indeed my life is a perpetual question mark--my thirst for books, my observations of people, all tend to satisfy a great, overwhelming desire to know, to understand, and to find an answer to a million questions. And gradually the answers are revealed, many things are explained, and above all, many things are given names and described, and my restlessness is subdued. Then I become an exclamatory person, clapping my hands to the immense surprises the world holds for me, and falling from one ecstasy into another. I have the habit of peeping and prying and listening and seeking--passionate curiosity and expectation. But I have also the habit of being surprised, the habit of being filled with wonder and satisfaction each time I stumble on some wondrous thing. The first habit could make me a philosopher or a cynic or perhaps a humorist. But the other habit destroys all the delicate foundations, and I find each day that I am still...only a Woman!”
― Anaïs Nin,
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Friends....
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Posted:Feb 18, 2023 5:10 am
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2023 2:56 pm 5146 Views
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To be listened to is great. To be heard is even better. But the most important thing is to be understood. Truly and completely. Understanding means accepting. It means someone gets you. It means giving a shit. Not everyone can do that, wants to, or is even capable of it. You’ll know it if you have someone like that in your life. Hang on to them because they’re rare as fuck.”
Copyright © Dirty Romantic - Tales of Love, Lust & Loss
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Manners
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Posted:Feb 16, 2023 4:22 am
Last Updated:Jun 10, 2023 1:02 am 5552 Views
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Most of us I’m sure as heard “what do you say” when we wanted something, the correct and learned response is “please” or once received “thank you”.
For me manners are part of who I am, they are beyond mere words, they make up part of me, and they are part of my essence.
Manners played an integral part while I was in a relationship. Yes, he demanded them by saying something like “is that how you’re going to ask?” But more often than not that was unnecessary because I would have already used my manners. Manners are probably the easiest and yet most profound way of reaffirming my submission to him.
If I wanted to ask for something I would have said “may I please ask you something?” He heard this many times in a day, and the answer was always the same “Yes, Beautiful Always” I know that was always his response, but that doesn’t mean I used it as a default or blanket permission. l always asked because manners are powerful.
So why are manners powerful? The answer is very simple “respect”, “reverence”, and “appreciation”. They show all this in a profound way. They gave him power and showed him I appreciated everything he did for me, every last thing.
For something that costs you nothing, manners can take you far in life.
~M
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Sub Frenzy – The Seductive State of Bliss
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Posted:Feb 15, 2023 12:23 am
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2023 11:49 pm 5466 Views
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The lifestyle or love style of Dominance and submission is a highly seductive one with its promise of highly focused devotion and intense and sensual and sexual pleasures. It is easy to believe from popularization in mass entertainment and readily available online imagery that somehow Dominance and submission are the answer to all our desires and prayers for a relationship and sensuality. Indeed, whether online or in-person, there is a genuine high that can be achieved in the endorphin-filled early days of a D/s relationship.
New Dominants are often overeager to prove their “Dominance” and in so doing can overreach their knowledge and native abilities in their quest to be the “perfect” Dom or simply to attract attention. Similarly, new submissives are equally eager to attract the attention of a Dominant and feel compelled to “prove” their submission when they eventually find one.
As with any new relationship, there is a honeymoon period where everything seems perfect no matter how imperfect things may be. In the vanilla world, this phenomenon is called “romantic love” in which the brain is flooded with pleasure and reward hormones at the mere mention or sight of the new object of affection. Common sense and rationality are routinely overcome by the flood of endorphins we experience at the thought of our new companion. In this period, we are often incapable of seeing the faults or flaws in others or serious incompatibilities that may be obvious to others but to which we are blind. This is common and normal and not usually all that dangerous if we do not do something totally rash or life-altering during this period of emotional and sensual high that we may subsequently regret. If we give ourselves time to settle down and sort things out we will usually come to our senses and either affirm our place in the relationship or wisely decide to move on.
In a D/s relationship, we are subject to all the pitfalls of romantic love in the vanilla world but add significantly more peril to the equation. In addition to the usual romantic and sensual attractions and distractions of any new relationship we add an exchange of power, heightened and new sexual activity, and for those who engage in sadomasochistic activities, potentially intense stimuli. We take the endorphin high of any new relationship and amp it up by many orders of magnitude. This is part of the attraction of D/s to be sure but it also makes our ability to act like rational human beings even more challenging than normal by deeply clouding our ability to make good decisions or even protect our welfare. This is a particularly perilous place for a submissive who already has all the pitfalls of any new relationship to be concerned with but then may also be giving up power, authority, and even self-will to their new partner. Being submissive, the tendency is to fully trust a Dominant to be responsible and caring and to be subservient to them in many ways. Even if there is some question about how things are going on the part of a submissive, there is a natural reluctance to question authority or to stand up for themselves. Doing so seems to be “against the rules” and off-limits in some way and can exacerbate the already cloudy judgment found in romantic love. Sadly, some so-called Dominants will even prey upon this natural tendency and use it to their advantage in ways that might be less than responsible.
The state of mind frequently experienced by new submissives or even experienced submissives in a new and powerful relationship is often referred to as “sub frenzy.” This is a time when a submissive may be overwhelmed by the emotions and physical stimuli of a new D/s relationship (or even the idea or promise of such a relationship) and they fall all over themselves to please and be pleasing without much concern for their own emotional well being or even physical safety. This period is characterized by a desire to try and do everything at once, prove just how submissive they are or can be, please their Dominant at all costs, and do almost anything not to make a mistake or disappoint. The attraction to their Dominant is intense and almost overwhelming. The need for attention and validation is intense and an otherwise emotionally healthy individual can find themselves driven by neediness, jealousy, attention-seeking, people-pleasing, and a host of other negative traits that may heretofore be foreign to them. Or in the case of a submissive who already tended to these negative character traits, they may become particularly pronounced in the zeal of “sub frenzy.”
We are all subject to intense feelings and needs in new relationships, Doms and subs alike, but the circumstances are particularly perilous for submissives as they throw themselves at the feet of a Dominant who may or may not be educated and experienced in D/s or perhaps maybe less than scrupulous. Let’s face it, not everyone claiming to be Dominant is a healthy or well-adjusted person, some are and some aren’t. We are all people and we run the gamut of society like any other group, ranging from saints to criminals and everything in between. The good news is that most Dominants are just average people who have the desire to express their relationships a little differently than most societies. But as with all shopping experiences, caveat emptor (buyer beware) is the operative phrase, and being a cautious shopper is not easy when you are completely overcome with the desire for a shiny new object. Whether it is a car, a new pair of shoes, a piece of jewelry you simply cannot live without, or a Dominant, it is all too easy to be overcome with a desire only to have a serious case of buyer’s remorse later. In the case of shopping for a Dominant, the penalties of impulse buying and being totally infatuated with your purchase can have serious and lasting effects; emotional, physical, and even socially.
Sub frenzy is real, very intense, and can lead to some very poor judgment and decision-making. There is no real cure for it as we all get excited and enamored with our new relationships. To some degree, we should be excited. It’s fun! But the best defense against doing something totally rash and potentially harmful in this prolonged state of delirium is to be aware that it is happening and be on guard for actions that might seem irrational in any other phase of our lives. It is also advisable to have someone rational and experienced in whom you can confide and who can check your motives and actions BEFORE you take them. This can be a friend, an experienced submissive, or an impartial, objective, and experienced Dominant. Have a mentor and a chaperone of sorts to help you see things objectively, someone who can see things through clear eyes and can pull you up short before you make a serious mistake. This can be hard to find when all our traditional friends, family, and coworkers would consider our exploration of D/s and BDSM to be absurd, irrational, dirty, or even deviant. It can be hard to find like-minded people whom we can trust to have our best interests at heart and whom we respect sufficiently to listen to when they are telling us something we desperately do not want to hear.
Obviously, there are many similarly-minded people gathering in places online with whom we can interact and compare notes but it is difficult to ascertain their level of experience and credibility. This is where reaching out in person to the D/s or BDSM community in your own geographic area can be very helpful. It is always easier to judge people in person than online since so much of our communication is through non-verbal/written means. Almost anywhere you go or live you can find gatherings of like-minded D/s souls that are open to the public and to which newcomers are readily welcomed. These are generally called munches and are usually held in a public location such as a restaurant or bar. Attendees most often wear street clothes and in fact, fetish wear is often prohibited out of respect to vanilla patrons of the establishment at which the gathering is held. Munches are a great way to meet people, share common interests, and generally become ingratiated into a new community. They are non-threatening events that are purely social in nature and I encourage anyone new to the D/s scene to participate. You can find lists of munches through Internet searches, by searching public events on social media outlets such as FetLife, and there is a good website dedicated to tracking and listing munches called Find A Munch; a link is available in “The Reference Room” on this blog. Attending munches and meeting other submissives and Dominants is a good way to learn, see firsthand what falls within the norms of acceptability in the BDSM community, and possibly meet a mentor or compatriot who can help guide you through the excitement and irrationality of sub-frenzy.
Awareness, education, preparation, and objective outside counsel are key to success in navigating sub-frenzy and I urge anyone contemplating undertaking a new D/s relationship to do their homework, talk things over with an experienced and objective third party, and go in with eyes wide open. You may be a submissive but you are still an autonomous human being with the ability to make decisions and stand up for yourself. Do not lose yourself completely. Caveat emptor and enjoy the ride.
Caption ©️For the Love of a Submissive 2019
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5
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This Place
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Posted:Feb 12, 2023 7:22 am
Last Updated:Nov 26, 2023 1:56 am 6598 Views
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You take me to this place where there's nothing except another orgasm that's begging for release. You search and seek and keep drawing them out of me. Taking them, owning each one. They belong to you. I don't have to think or talk it's just mumbled, incoherent moans of pleasure. I need more and you keep giving and giving for hours until I'm just this wild-haired mess of a girl. Covered in a mix of me and you. Unable to move, but I'm safe in your arms and there are forehead kisses and you whisperer I love you against my neck. I rest and I dream and I wake to your lips on mine eagerly ready to begin again.
~her-reconciled-heart
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