The Power Of No
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Posted:Feb 1, 2024 2:55 am
Last Updated:Feb 1, 2024 4:40 pm 10314 Views
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It is just two letters long and yet one of the most powerful words in the world and both empowering as well as inspiring. The little word I am talking about is the word, no. I will admit there are times I struggle to say this tiny little word. My fearful leader at work (aka the boss) knows that where there is something to be done to push the assignment to my desk and friends/family know when there is a challenging task ahead to give me a call and I will lend a hand. I take pride in being that ‘go-to’ person, being counted on but even though it has been a hard lesson to learn, I have also learned the value of saying no and sticking to it. My growth and comfort in saying no has also shown me that saying nay is not only powerful in our daily vanilla life but is just if not more important in the lifestyle.
As a dominant, naturally, I want to have a happy submissive partner, and just like every relationship, a good and creative partner will know the ways to ask for things to get what they want. It is very much human nature to do that and to want to give approval but saying no is simply needed at times. One of the most memorable moments in a D/S relationship can be the first time the d-type tells their partner no. I believe that when a dominant is saying no, they also need to explain why they are expressing disapproval and it is never acceptable to sound like a disgruntled parent with the “because I said so” reason. I also feel that not only is it important to share the why behind the negative decision but to always listen and hear your submissive partner if they disagree with your decision. Just because the dominant is the leader in the relationship, it does not mean error-free, and sometimes the no might not be the best choice. So value your partner when they disagree and be open when you discuss the why behind the no.
Many submissives often struggle with saying no because they love to please. There are submissives that this does not apply to as they do not have a problem drawing the line in the sand in the career world or with family/friends but more often than not a submissive’s desire to please causes them to overextend and have their plate full of commitments big and small. This overextending can lead to higher than needed stress levels plus they struggle with making time for themselves. It is one of the most valuable things a dominant can assist their submissive with is finding that balance allows them to still be the valued go-to person at work and the MVP for family and friends while also letting them have the “me time” they need to keep their batteries fully charged. A Dominant does not need to micromanage or schedule their s-type’s life but works with them to let them know it is okay to decline an event or to set aside time for themselves. By working to help balance time crunches, a dominant can help guide their partner to find a better balance on the beam that is life.
One of the most important nos that a submissive should always remember is that being submissive never means the right or ability to say no is taken away from them by anyone for, any reason. A submissive always must give their consent. If a person, place, or thing makes them uncomfortable they can and should say no. Just because someone is submissive it is NEVER acceptable to bully, force, or take advantage of them. All dominants must respect and adhere to the word no when a submissive says it.
Being told no is never something anyone wants to hear, it is often one of the most important words we can learn to say effectively. No matter what your role in life or kink not being apprehensive in expressing no can help achieve a better life balance. Additionally, submissives never lose the right to say no nor does being submissive lessen the meaning of no. As the saying goes, no means no and this must be accepted and respected, a power exchange dynamic, never take away this right, so mind your Ps and Qs by respecting the nos of others.
*Archive
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4
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Something To Ponder
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Posted:Jan 31, 2024 1:12 am
Last Updated:Feb 16, 2024 2:26 am 10284 Views
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A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
Photo Taken : By Me
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19
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Heaven & Hell
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Posted:Jan 31, 2024 12:57 am
Last Updated:Feb 23, 2024 2:18 am 9614 Views
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The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make Heaven of Hell, and a Hell of Heaven.
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19
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Waiting
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Posted:Jan 30, 2024 1:18 am
Last Updated:Feb 10, 2024 8:14 am 9281 Views
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Breathe in, breathe out. Simple really. Though it felt like I stopped hours ago and I wasn’t sure I could remember how to start again.
My fingers had lingered in that same spot for a while now, could have been days for all I knew. Exactly where he’d left them.
The need was ebbing and flowing, mostly flowing and mostly between my legs, the thought of his words sent a fresh pulse through my sex and I couldn’t stifle a moan.
He hadn’t said anything about sounds, so the whimper that followed was surely just fine. Except it didn’t feel fine really. It felt so very frustrating.
My feet were tempted to move too, well they would, except they were being more disciplined.
It was my fingers who suffered the most, needed to move so badly and it wasn’t far either. I could almost feel their closeness against my swollen flesh, could almost feel them touch me where I needed it.
Almost. Felt the heat and moisture build so close, cunt clenching aimlessly, clit reaching out to my own hand that wasn’t going anywhere.
Could sense my own arousal, my fingertips lying so close to where they wanted to stroke, and yet they wouldn’t move. Yet.
It seemed my brain couldn’t even get them to move, no matter how I tried.
They wouldn’t move. Until he said so
© words: cat / be-pleasing-always
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~Art Break
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Posted:Jan 30, 2024 1:02 am
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2024 12:04 pm 8690 Views
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“The fruit was never an apple”
Max Svabinsky, (1873-1962) “In Paradise” circa 1918
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21
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~Sunday Sway
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Posted:Jan 28, 2024 1:51 am
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2024 6:51 am 8190 Views
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* Hard Sun ~ Eddie Vedder ~ Into The Wild
* The First Taste ~ Fiona Apple ~ Tidal
* Happiness Is A Warn Gun ~ The Beatles ~ The Beatles
* Sunday Morning ~ Maroon 5 ~ Live ~ Acoustic 1/22/03
* Out On The Weekend ~ Neil Young ~ Harvest
* A Sunday Kind Of Love ~ Etta James ~ At Last
* Little Miss S ~ Edie Brickell ~ Shooting Rubber Bands At The Stars
* Cornflake Girl ~ Tori Amos ~ Under The Pink
* Sunday Morning ~ The Velvet Underground ~The Velvet Underground
* Sunday Girl ~ Blondie ~ Best Of Blondie
"The First Taste"~ Fiona Apple
I lie in an early bed thinking late thoughts
Waiting for the black to replace my blue
I do not struggle in your web
Because it was my aim to get caught
But Daddy long legs
I feel that I'm finally growing weary
Of waiting to be consumed by you
Give me the first taste
Let it begin
Heaven cannot wait forever
Darling, just start the chase
I'll let you win
But you must make the endeavor
Oh, your love gives me a heart contusion
Adagio breezes fill my skin with sudden red
Your hungry flirt borders intrusion
I'm building memories on things we have not said
Full is not heavy as empty
Not nearly my love
Not nearly my love
Not nearly
Give me the first taste
Let it begin
Heaven cannot wait forever
Darling, just start the chase
I'll let you win
But you must make the endeavor
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14
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~Art Break
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Posted:Jan 27, 2024 2:19 am
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2024 12:48 am 7479 Views
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Artist :Blanca Miró Skoudy
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16
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Talk, Talk, Talk...
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Posted:Jan 26, 2024 6:39 am
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2024 12:40 am 6837 Views
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“She talked a lot. Not a lot like annoying a lot, just a lot. She filled our conversations with wondrous insight and perspectives. Interesting thoughts on music and movies, which fashion trends were worthy of discussion, recipes that made my mouth water, places she had visited, and interesting people she had learned from, as well as animal husbandry and interior design, and sexual freedom. Politics never really were in her wheelhouse, too stuffy, nor were the darker bits of the nightly news, too heartbreaking. She was passionate, boisterous, and loud. A staunch advocate of honesty and vulnerability, and proudly championed the idea of happiness being an inside job. She talked a lot, and I hung on every single word.”
— @daily-esprit-descalier
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21
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D/s Breakups: Coping with Release: The End of the D/s Relationship
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Posted:Jan 25, 2024 4:24 am
Last Updated:Jan 25, 2024 10:39 am 6041 Views
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Relationships end. Sometimes through the willful choice of both partners, other times one may ask for or be released. In either case, the ending of a relationship is painful. In my opinion, many D/s relationships tend to function in a deeper response zone in the psyche. I have been getting numerous letters recently asking me about coping in the aftermath. Both from Dominant's and from submissives. What kind of aftercare should exist? What obligations continue even after the relationship has ended?
Many people seem to believe that the Dominant side of the relationship 'feels' less than the submissive side. I believe the investment in time, energy, and emotion is at least equal. Being Dominant does not exclude one from all of the emotional states and reactions found in anyone else. In addition, the Dominant tends to invest portions of their ego or view of self in the ownership and control of their submissive. A sudden release (especially if it originates from the submissive) can thrust the Dominant into feelings of self-doubt, (did they fail to meet the needs of their submissive?), embarrassment, (how will their reputation fare over this failure?), guilt, (did something I do cause this?). All of these are coupled with the normal feelings that accompany a loss.
A submissive being dismissed faces equally devastating feelings. Many tend to focus blame upon themselves when in fact the ending of the relationship may not have anything to do with anything they can control. They may feel discarded, used, reduced, and even toyed with. Coping with these feelings which may also include personal betrayal can be very hard. A submissive can invest everything in their belief in their Dominant. That investment may be poorly placed in some cases. Coping with all these feelings can seem insurmountable. In addition, some Dominants choose to take away all independence from their submissives, including credit, checking accounts, income, etc. A sudden release can leave such a submissive destitute (sometimes with ). It is my sincere suggestion that a submissive should consider a Dominant who plans for that submissive's future to be one worthy of consideration. The dominant cannot control the possibility of their sudden death and should promote within their submissive (whom they cherish) a continuity of stability. This means independent credit, funds, income, insurance, medical, etc. Those who do not can subjugate those submissives and to a homeless state should something happen. A Dominant should not fear the loss of control of their submissive through these actions. It is a method of inspiring respect. Not the opposite.
The severance of a relationship is a loss. Many people, experience it much like death. In a relationship, they may invest their hopes, dreams, desires, expectations, and plans for the future. They probably have invested time, money, and effort as well. Many have made great changes to be 'with' this person and at that point, it may appear to them to have been a waste. In addition, in some ways, the D/s realm contains an inordinate amount of hope. I sometimes call this 'the promise'. When we are young we create an image of 'the one'. That special person with whom we will find pleasure, laughter, and a shoulder to cry on. With a relationship, we invest in 'the promise'. When that 'promise' breaks, we feel cast away or discarded. These emotions and feelings flow to both sides of a relationship. It is my view that D/s requires both people to invest more, trust, respect, accountability, and responsibility.
It is impossible to offer a wide range of 'absolutes' when considering how best to cope with such events. The variables among us are too great for one thing to work for everyone. However, I do believe that the person initiating the breakup should perhaps just sit down and communicate to their partner in non-inflammatory words why or how they have reached this point. I believe that understanding, even when it is painful, aids in healing. It is better to know than to guess. In addition, I think it is important for both people to attempt to maintain a modicum of personal dignity, respect, and care for their ex-partner. It is not necessary for there to be hurtful words, denigration, or disrespect. This is someone you once loved or thought you loved. They may become a lifelong friend or they may move off into different paths. Closure in an adult fashion is the least hurtful to both.
Expect to feel anger, hurt, pain, depression, and sorrow in the aftermath. Expect healing to take a long time. It is important to have friends outside of your former mate to talk to and express your feelings. If your depression is very deep then you should access a competent psyche professional for therapy and help. Consider it similar to mourning a death. It will take time and effort to recover.
If you are a submissive who has asked for a release. Even if this is your decision you will feel all the same emotions of loss and anguish. You may know your reasons and have considered everything thoroughly but you will still face the emptiness and a hollow feeling of abandonment. As I have noted elsewhere, a submissive and a Dominant 'bond' to each other in ways beyond love or even a vanilla marriage. This bond may or may not end even when you make the 'mental' decision to leave. You may still experience the same needs and desires. You may find yourself vacillating even though you know that the relationship is not forward-moving for you or positive. A Dominant can feel these same connectors. In addition, many will feel a continued obligation to 'protect' submissives long after that submissive has moved away into other relationships. The linkage may never truly end and that is something that both sides need to be cognizant of especially if their relationship moves into one of friendship. It can be easy to slip back into familiar roles later on when other traumas occur in their lives and they look to those they care about to help them through it.
Maintaining access to old relationships is a dual consideration. It can be harmful if that access in any way disrupts or is destructive to your current relationship. It can be positive if the people involved can reorient their language and behavior so that it becomes neutral.
Perhaps the hardest relationships to cope with are those that are based on flawed understanding. People tend to hear what they want to hear and ignore what they do not want to hear. They can build up a new relationship into something huge when it has not earned the right to be considered that way. For some, this may be meeting someone once or twice then nothing. Contact ends or responses become short and unemotional. At that point, the person will feel that they have been used. It becomes obvious to them that 'their' perception of the nature of the relationship is very different than the person they have invested in. This creates huge feelings of self-doubt in their judgment. These types of things cannot be completely avoided as we are not telepathic nor can we always discern the lies from the truth. However, whenever possible both people should proceed slowly. There is no rush to play. If a person is real, time is the friend. If they are into 'getting their needs met, there will be intense pressure to play quickly. So, avoid that pressure. If that pressure is coming from you, examine it to see if you are being honest with your partner. If you are being pressured 'to play right away, step back and see if that meets your ideas or goals. If you are into short-term casual play state it honestly. There is no shame in wanting what you want. There is shame in lying to get what you want at the expense of other people's feelings.
Mistress Steele~
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It's Never Too Late....
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Posted:Jan 24, 2024 1:56 am
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2024 12:16 pm 5401 Views
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For what it’s worth it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.
~Eric Roth
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