Reality sets in
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Posted:Jan 30, 2022 8:47 am
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2022 5:57 pm 1663 Views
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I want to thank the people (on this site and others) who have shown me how naive I have been. I see now that it is a site for fantasies not reality. That people aren't literally wanting to find someone and share a lifetime exploring together. They just want a fix to a kink need that surfaces within them from time to time. It makes sense and I'm glad there is a place and people to share that need with for all of you. I also see there are exceptions that have made it happen, people who would succeed in any aspiration they set out to achieve.
You would think that it would not have taken me 10+ years and many experiences to have this realization, but all I can say is, I'm a hopeless romantic with a deep dirty amount of kink within me, so I believed. I deep down believed that there was a Ying for my Yang and noone was actually meant to be alone. Crazy naive and almost childlike beliefs at best. That these needs and wants were healthy and worth experiencing once the right person came along.
I don't think people normally try to maliciously hurt anyone. The internet and the kinks themselves detach people and they dont see the harm they cause to another human beings psyche or confidence. The idea of session play and the slow moving manipulations also make people feel less accountable to each other. Plus with the kinks on here the unattractive become attractive, so people aren't looking at themselves as they truly are. The obvious flaws that will inevitably make them rejected in the end linger there always. The parts of themselves that aren't wanted remain there, they believe they found somewhere they are accepted, but it is a game after all. It isn't real. The things you don't accept about yourself don't go away because someone else tells you they are okay. They stay in your mind and are what you go to as the blame when something goes wrong for you. Until you come to terms yourself or change them no amount of kink embracing them will make that scare heal.
Some, I think do participate to humiliate and enjoy the fall of others once they tire of toying with them. Enjoying that they have fooled someone into believing that those things really don't matter. But most don't see the harm and just use it as release, believing that everyone knows it is all meaningless and a game.
I thought if I was always upfront and honest I could somehow avoid being hurt. Silly, but I have always believed people are good at heart and consciously hurting others wouldn't be fun for them. Maybe too a belief in karma to a degree, I don't know. The idea that saying, if you are fake or a game player pass me by will actually have you be spared is ludicrous. If someone wants to hurt you they can and they will, sometimes multiple times until you get a clue.
Ofcourse then there is the silly idea of being smart enough to not get hurt too. People are Master manipulators and so many offer themselves up to be vulnerable to these mind games. It isn't what someone says that should show you their true self, it is what they do. People who are important to another person have value. If they aren't, they don't. How do we show value? Sharing ourselves and our time with people we care about. If someone doesn't have time to drop a text to show they have been in your thoughts, they probably don't rank you as something of value. If they don't consider your feelings or lost time as important, again, no words can fix that, you are not important.
Making excuses for others can be a big part of being a submissive but we all need to value ourselves enough to not let it ruin us in the end. There has to be a better way to weed out the users and abusers. I'm not sure sites like this are equipped for it.
Submissives have to step up and know their worth I suppose but it isn't easy especially as they fall Prey to repeated users and abusers who are smart enough to conceive their intentions at the start.
So, it is hard, most don't want reality and those that do just want a short term individual to manipulate not to help grow. But at least my eyes have been opened and my trusting nature hardened some so I might avoid falling Prey to these types in the future. But, who am I kidding, I have always loved my trusting nature and need to please. I adore making others happy and making someone else's day brighter no matter the cost. I think it will definitely take more time to withhold these parts of myself from others.
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9
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Even a sub wants to matter
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Posted:Dec 20, 2020 12:09 am
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 10:57 pm 2419 Views
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At this time of year and with this isolation, I got thinking... What really matters most ? Of course family, friends, pets, safety, peace and tranquility. very nice and enjoyable. But the root of what we are and why, as a sub, I'd do anything for my Dom is make a difference in his or her life, matter. be something of importance and of value, make any low higher, any brightness brighter. Isn't that what being of service and giving, caring, worshipping your owner is really all about when it has true meaning. You will stop at nothing to bring that happiness to him or her but in return you really do want to matter. I think it is key the other way too but far more expected. Why would someone cherish, please, serve, or worship someone who has no meaning to him or her, that would then have no meaning to anyone in the end. I want to matter to someone at the end of the day. It is as simple as knowing you exist.
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4
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The jungle
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Posted:May 14, 2020 9:29 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 10:57 pm 2929 Views
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Welcome to the jungle silly girl. What are you doin here? You come without the weapons and shields you need for protection. Harden yourself, prepare for the attacks. You will be torn to tatters inside and out. Why have you come? What do you want? Who do you desire? Speak up you fool, they are watching, toying with you, and laughing at how naive you are. They see just how ridiculous they can make you feel and become for their enjoyment. Such a funny joke, why are you not laughing silly girl? Why do you not come more prepared? You are far too old to be so naive and trusting, shame on you. You should know by now you are not what they are wanting. You are merely a diversion until their reality comes along. Silly girl, grow up, don't you see how foolish you have become!
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In the mind of a submissive
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Posted:Apr 18, 2020 7:43 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2022 3:52 am 3015 Views
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Each of us are different and unique with our own limits, wants, and desires. I struggle sometimes discern my desires from my desire please. I was told by some that service means giving of oneself regardless of your interest or desire for that person. In fact one Master told me my wanting to know the man before I commit was unacceptable. I can not fathom how one can have any foundation in which to serve and give oneself when there isn't understanding and trust. It cheats both the Dom/Master and the submissive/slave of that opportunity to connect on the deepest levels. When you are merely a possession and not a special piece of property. Naive as I am, I tried to discuss this and make sense of a differing point of view. In response I was told my thoughts, insights, and comments were meaningless, unneeded, and irrelevant. To demean someone to that level....is truly sad. Everyone has meaning or why possess them at . Each person in his or her role should be counted as something and someone or the person himself or herself becomes meaningless, unneeded, and irrelevant. What kind of life would that be.
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Submission
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Posted:Oct 3, 2019 1:24 am
Last Updated:Nov 30, 2023 7:40 am 5164 Views
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How did I not see this side to myself for such a long time. The need to give myself, to let go, to follow HIS lead. It isn't an interest. It isn't a want. It is a need. It grows within me and consumes me at times. It is a darkness but it is also a light that draws me in deeper. When HE is near I feel him and when He is gone I crave HIM like a thirst that can not be quenched but by one. To some the idea is silly but to me it is in my heart. I seek HIM and know once together, we shall never part.
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