Bright and shine and blonds on a walk though a shadowy forest
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張貼於:2024年 4月 17日 12:12 pm
最近編輯過:2024年 4月 17日 10:31 pm 957 瀏覽
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Wednesday April 17, 2024, 11:16 a.m.
Write a few things, self indulge, try to make the world a better place to live. Really? Really.
Get to know your adp. End pessimism. End resignation. Sing a new song, based on an old song. "Sunny" becomes "partly sunny"
bright and shining.. what was the odd thought that popped up in my mind this morning? Brighter, and Shiner, like two characters, named Brighter and Shiner. And what story could Brighter and Shiner get into? Brighter and Shiner go for a walk. Brighter and Shiner go for a walk through the woods. Brighter and Shiner travail into shadows. Shiner is not a great name. Never heard of anyone named Shiner. Never heard of anyone named brighter either. .... Bright and Shine? Sure. Bright and Shine, enter the valley of ... not death, they enter the ... a forest. Will they shine bright in the shadows in the forest? Sure. How?
They'll bring a blond with them. A blond from L.A. A beach blond. A bleach blond, or not a bleach blond Long blond hair. Tan, very tan. So much time spent at the beach, on the edge of the massive almost seeming to be infinite, incalculably massive ..
.. don't get carried away getting too wordy now, ... ocean. Ocean of emotion.
Got to go,.. I got to go... five more minutes.
Did I suggest , or write yet, that there probably ought to be two blonds. Bright, shiney forever big smiling, happy laughter on the ready, That's Los Angeles, at it's best, at least. Happy and gay, hetero but gay in the old fashioned sense of the concept of gay. That could be another story, a great tumult between gay gays and non gay gays. I'm feeling it getting sexy already But that's not a story I'm too enthusiastic to work on, at least not yet.
I'm more into these two blonds, these two happy blonds. Summertime dressed, shorts, sleeveless near sheer linen shirts. They could be more scantily clad, very scantily clad, but I don't want to create a dirty story. And they could have cocks, but again, let me stray away from pornography and kink and horror porn. And maybe the two blonds are not enough. Let me throw a brunette into the mix. Annette Funicello. And then a goth girl. Raven haired, eerily overly pale faced, gloomy countenance, but kind of a romantic, warm loving caring concern gloom. A young adult L.A. Wednesday Adams. Maybe a skater redhead, or two, too. And remember Bright and Shine, but do we now have six girls? And a real witch. Seven. Or maybe the adult Los Angeles style Wednesday Adams should be the witch, and have a cock... or was I not doing that? Depends. Who will be Bright and Shine's male friends? Partly Sunny? A Lou Rawls sort of dude. Light skinned black. And now we ought to have a black girl, or two, and two Latina'x's , two thai's and two chinese, or one chinese one japanese and one thai. Or each the chinese the japanese and the thai could sometimes be two of them , sometimes the second of them has disappeared out of the scene, out of sight. , just for the sake of there being just one, for part of the time.
Sometimes they are there again, but out of sight, far out, groovy.
But they all reemerge by the end of the story. Because I want to the story to have a happy ending.. I mean happy ending like in the old fashioned gay way, rather than like a massage parlor happy ending. That's another story I feel I need to tell. And I think there maybe ought to be a couple of philipinas, who maybe turn out to be ladyboys and then later not, and on again off again,
What is the story? They all go into the dark and shadowy forest, their spirits, very bright and shining, happy and with laughter always on the ready, feeling some challenge, in the depths of the dark shadow of the forest, that at some time seems incalculably extensive in its length. Will the gang ever get through and out of the forest? They do! And they reach the ocean the beach town, the disco, the all day disco, and they get to be there forever, and they realize also that they live forever too, and get their choice of hot cars and convertibles. And they don't care don't mind don't have a problem with who has cock and who does not. I I continue with doubt that that will be a useful part of this story, but it is still an option. After all, most of the time I have my doubts that I'm really all man, and or trans, at all.
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she
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張貼於:2024年 4月 13日 1:26 am
最近編輯過:2024年 4月 19日 8:27 am 792 瀏覽
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Friday April 12 11:57 p.m.
I feel like writing something erotic. I want to feel something erotic. But I'm really just laying up in bed in my very messy home, alone, soon to shut off the computer, turn out the light and get , hopefully, and likely, a pretty good night of sleep, and then go to work in the morning.
I thought tonight that maybe a good punk rock band name could be, "pretty bad".
Anyway. And, I jacked off. The usual, sick, fare. Or is it fair? I think it's fare. Well,I will check it. Checking it possibly will be the most productive thing I do tonight before I lay it all down. Except to mention, the one thing I regard as the most significant part of this day, for me, was getting several minutes engaged with a very sweet and lovely woman who has been working, kind of an temporary independent job, at my workplace, that I feel, as of this afternoon, upon she and I chatting; on some work related matter, and her expounding on ... work stuff, my heart, and libido, were won over. Well, I've been sort of doting over her, quietly, privately and in passing, for a few months. But we haven't had much opportunity to engage. Well, I mean, I didn't have too much to say. She engaged. I just stood there mostly, engaged, and gazing adoringly upon her elegant countenance, wide and bright and long black lashy eyes, full and shapely lips, playfully coiffed flaxen bob of hair, and talking all intelligent and considerate of humans at workplaces and their potential.
And I believe, or fantasize, that she liked the way I allowed myself my doting wandering eye upon her as she pontificated, apparently quite well educated.
But back to that jacking off. I say, sort of, because, of that jacking off, to the usual fare. the usual sick fare: a man. A real stud. I fantasized myself thinking oh man, what a lucky guy I am to be the desired prized fuck for this amazing sexy hunk of and handsomely hung daddy man.
But earlier in the evening, before the mind went to the jack off mode, , when I was just thinking a jack off might be nice, or a trek into the power exchange, maybe meet a cute transvestite, or a man, or, unlikely, but, a woman, my mere consideration of what shall I fantasize about tonight while jacking off, I thought, I really can't,... can't fantasize about anyone else, because today at work she, ... won my ... whatever I got that she can get, ... yeah... I'm quite primitive. But, well, along with that possible reality check, and or nothing but self psychological intoxicating assault on whatever potential self esteem I have in me that never fizzles completely out, ... she, my new girlfriend, who is certainly ground more in reality than I and didn't go home thinking I am now her new boyfriend, ...
but then later in the evening, after the warriors had lost, my mind involuntarily rounded the bend, into the libido, much to my delight, and it just felt like time to jack off again, ... and yes, today I felt like if encouraged to, I would have given my whole self and life, ... at least tonight, right(?), to she, who won me, ready to go to love, batter up, magic carpet ride.... never mind that there's nothing I love more when I get off of work than getting straight home, taking a quick shower... hopefully jacking off, or just, then, crashing for about an hour or two, So, had she commanded, the me I would have handed over to her wouldn't have been my best me. And I believe I have a best of me that is worthy of she, and her life, her heart and her mind, and body, between sheets, and in kitchens and couches, naked, and or nearly.
I will now look forward to seeing what might come of she and I, going forward. I'm... into it.
But, got home tonight, tried to fantasize my way into arousal, realized I had a new crush in mind that put the kibosh on the spirit of trying to find any other imagined boy or man or girl or woman and or some variation thereof, with my heart having being significantly affected just earlier this afternoon by her. I felt some shame, for my frame of mind, maybe that's the catholic in me. But then, eventually when the urge to purge came more passively and naturally, I ... well, I sort of forgot about her. ...
see that's the only problem I see with jacking off too much, I get myself married to my fantasies. Well and then there are the damn neighbors. I think even a raccoon, got a new one this season living in the crawlspace above me again, I think, a few mornings ago, it had come in from it's nocturnal roaming, and it seems to prefer to settle in the ceiling directly above me, I sensed the other morning when I took to jacking off, that it caught on to that unique particular rhythm, for I heard what sounded like two thumps of a fat heavy little tail. Raccoons have tails, right? Let me google image fact check that. Oh, of course. But then tonight there was an awful noise of some vicious wild creature, a wild cat, mountain lion or bobcat, perhaps rising up in a fury, right outside my back door, sounding like it was delivering a kill hit on some prey, which soon after let out a final dying squeal... Might have been my raccoon girlfriend that had moved in above me going down out there... I'll find out soon enough, if it comes home or not at around it's usual four to five in the morning, and rumps around for a while. Sounds like it's raining out now. Another good storm I've heard, and now am literally hearing. April showers ... are extremely rare here. I got to go to sleep, but on my way, daydreaming of she. .
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what? how?
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張貼於:2024年 1月 30日 10:13 am
最近編輯過:2024年 4月 17日 10:47 pm 807 瀏覽
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It's occurred to me that I might have a fun story, about my online purchases getting hung up and delivered later than the tracking system says it is going to arrive, more frequently of late, at the local post office. And at the same time the postmistress at the local post office seems to be growing unnervingly perturbed with me and my packages. Due to this attitude having arisen in the usually perky and sweet natured post mistress, I've grown uncomfortable with ordering any more dildos online and getting them shipped to my local post office.Too bad, I was just getting better acquainted and taking a liking to the idea of buying really big ones. My local post office staff, though I can't helping feeling like it is specifically post mistress' design, has taken to holding my packages behind the counter, rather than performing the more common depositing of them in a large package lock box, with the key to the lock box deposited into my p.o. box. So, instead of my being able to go and collect my online purchase, without having to interact with post office staff, I get a note in my p.o. box, indicating I have to go to the post office customer service counter which is a ten foot counter at which there are all of three kiosks, at varying times populated by just one, or two and sometimes three post office staff persons. So, the note in my p.o. box indicates that I have to meet with a staff person, one of whom is usually post mistress herself, to collect my package. Once, I got to the counter with one of the other staff persons, but post mistress got between her staff person, with my package, and the counter, and me on the other side of the counter. I was looking forward to taking the hand off and bolting spiritedly. She took my package into her arms. She is not tall, and she is stout, and buxom. With a terse and disconcerted frown and furrowed brow, she humped my package over to her kiosk, She gave my package a slight shake, as some people do with gift wrapped packages, like at christmas. She then peered at me persnicketedly , and asked ,,, I grew nervous she was about to ask me what it was in the possibly seen to be a conspicuously plain unmarked box, but she asked me simply, did I know how much my "item" weighed. I told her I did not know, trying to play cool, aloof, and incurious, even while dying to get my hands on the box and the "item" in the box out of the box, and see it and feel it and fondle it and feel myself responding to it. But in my wish to look and seem like I had little of any emotional investment in whatever was in the box, and yet with my growing nervous with her interest in the plain brown package, I asked her why that might be an issue. She stated that the post office had a weight limit set on packages shipped. I returned to pretending to be detached. She weighed my box, and muttered that it came in under the cut off weight. She approached me to hand over my box, with a last pensive leering deep and piercing into my eyes, the kind I'd like to get from a woman who I suspect is about to order me to get naked because she's ready to fuck me good and hard and heavy, but I didn't have any idea that post mistress was really thinking anything like this, so I simply accepted her simply handing off to me the box, and with continued feigned nonchalance I departed with a hoped to continue to seem unremarkable vibe
So what else? How do I feel? I mean how do I feel today? How do I feel right now? Am I not going to answer the question? Am I going to continue to seek to rephrase to clarify for myself what question I really ought to be asking?
I'm feeling. ... I feel alright. Alright is not an emotion. I'm okay. Again, more of a statistic. I feel well. I note a laziness, which I feel some sadness for. I wish I had something amazing to look forward to. What kind of emotion does one feel with that? Before getting carried away wishing, check oneself for well being. I am. Do I have to? I get so angry, always having to be careful. Disallow myself a tantrum. Consider the pleasure of achieving optimum comfort, being careful. Stop. Sit. Do nothing. I have the time available to sit and be peaceful, quite, and still. Soon, I will be up, because Ryan will want me to go to San Rafael, to drop money off to him. Soon, I will get carried away wanting to be somewhere, doing something, big. But I really don't have anything to go to do. I have too much stuff in this home I reside in, alone. I have more stuff than I need. Now I'm feeling a large unhappiness. I don't want to toil at chore. I want to live like annette funicello, or gidget, ... maybe I should find some glamorous man to model after. But whatever. David Lee Roth. Who, really parties? David Lee Roth probably really parties, and has really partied. But, what, really, is a party? Maybe the postmistress would know.
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