Another relationship done
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Posted:Aug 17, 2022 3:28 pm
Last Updated:Nov 26, 2022 6:21 pm 7725 Views
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I have sat on this post for a while, trying to take into consideration how it would feel to read this from the other side, and perhaps how it reflects on me as a sub. I do not know why I take things so personally. My last relationship lasted far longer than the others I have had on here and yet we were better suited as friends than lovers in my perspective. I was fortunate enough this time to have some good friends to confide in and really took to heart what they thought. In a way this allowed me to make more rational decisions, and yet I still feel as though I have failed yet again. Circumstances since have really made me question our truths and how much we share them with each other. I have become jaded and gunshy at the idea of starting a new relationship on here. Perhaps I am tired of putting myself out there and it not being enough, at what point do we come to terms with the fact that for some it is just not written in the cards?
Perhaps it is ridiculous to think that we can find anything of substance on a site such as this. So there you have it. Ramblings of a mixed up sub.
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Be careful what you wish for
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Posted:Jul 7, 2022 1:32 pm
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2022 3:11 pm 7641 Views
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I was lost the other night. So incredibly lost that it was like a physical pain I could not shake. I fought with my mind against the reality that you could slip away and the cord that has tied us together would no longer tether me to you. So I spiralled. I dove into the pool of devastation and self loathing, let the frigid waters cool me till I was numb, and closed my eyes to the world going on around me.
The sun crept over the horizon and I awoke with a new found hope. A friend reached out and manages to pull the cork from my bottled emotions and the night was purged from my system.
This is a brief snapshot of my mind, but perhaps highlights the importance of connections and discussions. Or perhaps simply more dramatic melodrama that will make one cringe in a few months.
Lisa Mac
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Temptations. Where are you?
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Posted:Jul 2, 2022 9:52 am
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2022 6:50 am 4738 Views
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I have spoken of growth and evolving to some extent on here, and for the most part, I am happy at the progress that has been made. Is that progress due to the relationships I have established, most certainly. I can not however stop the desire to look back. While I loathed the little sub that was trying to find her way at time, I miss her. She was often times too afraid to grab life by the balls, but she had a burning fire within her that was mesmerizing. She allowed temptations to lure her down wicked pathways that were not always the best route for her, but at the same time left her feeling alive. The depths of her emotions in fact often swung from one extreme to the next, as if on a pendulum. She saw the frustrations on the faces of those around her, at her somewhat foolish antics, and could not fault them with their “I told you so”. Perhaps that’s why she was replaced.
Do you ever look back on your life and try to pinpoint the exact moment that you became an adult? When dreams gave way to responsibilities, when temptations we analyzed and weighed against benefits and disadvantages.
I am happy, don’t get me wrong… but sometimes I wish life were not moving as fast as it is, and I could close my eyes and return to the beginning and relive those experiences again.
Much love
Lisa Mac
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thoughts to ponder
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Posted:Jun 8, 2022 6:39 pm
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2022 9:56 am 4487 Views
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As I add another year onto my life I am reflective of where I am on this journey and what is in front of me. The path has been relatively smooth the last few months. For my fellow Canadians I would compare it to the drive across the prairies. There is relative contentment within me that I am not use to. Ever waiting for the other shoe drop or something happen. This saddens me that I should hold such a bitter view on the world, but I suppose that is life.
Have you ever been in that state of contentment that you don't want to move for fear of it changing? but is that the way to live life. Can you forever remain still, or should we constantly be seeking growth and change and damn the consequences?
Are the temptations that appear a way for the universe to nudge you forward, and push you out of that comfortable place?
I thought with age came wisdom? LOL a year older and none the wiser when it comes this all.
Smile, eat the cake and laugh more.
lisa Mac
xoxoxo
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Tell Me Something Sexy
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Posted:Apr 25, 2022 6:58 pm
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2022 7:30 pm 4196 Views
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It is funny how we evolve as people. Thoughts and feeling change as we interact, and I would like to think for the better.
My girlhood crush for you has evaporated allowing me to focus on realities and forming meaningful relationships. I let myself be blinded by the fantasy and the what ifs. “Tell me something sexy” filled my thoughts with filthy, impossible scenarios, and where my submission to you would have been unrealistic.
While my thoughts may continue to verge on the naughty list , I would like to think I have matured (yes that’s Emma cheering in the back ground).
Tell you something sexy? Getting a good morning message; a kiss to my forehead as I slip into sleep each night; a great mind fuck; a man that keeps a tally book of transgressions; someone who embraces my merry band of weirdos; holding long ass conversations with friends to learn more about me; Centring my needs , even when it pushes you out of your comfort zone, whispered French words against my ear as you push yourself deep inside me (hey it can’t all be G rated).
Words from the wise. Find your sexy … open your eyes because it may be around the next corner.
Love to you all
Lisa Mac.
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The Cowboy
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Posted:Apr 10, 2022 7:45 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2022 5:37 pm 3235 Views
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I truly believe that people come into your life when you need them the most. I have been fortunate enough to have made some really good friendships on here that has lasted despite having so many miles and time zones between us. Dom and ‘Em took on a mentor role and guided me through hardships feeling of abandonment. SirS ever my bestie, ensured that I was in good hands and walked silently beside me offering words of encouragement or calling me on my shit (lol which happened more often than not). SirN found a piece of me that I had never expected to be found, but Morris, you brought light to us all. You were the cowboy that rode in and brought laughter to our group. Your somewhat quiet respectful ways brought us order. Your quick whit and sense of humour (not to mention your skills with a flogger) have balanced us. You bring us joy, and for that we will be forever thankful.
Ye haw kinky friends.
Lisa Mac
Xoxoxo
P.s. remember to be kind, for it doesn’t cost us anything.
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A different approach.
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Posted:Apr 3, 2022 7:40 am
Last Updated:Apr 3, 2022 4:58 pm 3134 Views
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I let myself approach this new relationship differently. First, I did not seek out. I left it to fait and was rewarded. Secondly, I slowed everything down. There was no rush to make grand statements or changes to status. We relaxed into the journey and let it guide us. We learned about each other as people first and then about our wants needs and desires. Thirdly, I was honest and brave. I owned up to previous mistakes I had made and had the difficult conversations, no mater how terrified I was that it would send him packing. I learned to trust again. Last but by no means least, I recognized that the journey is as important as the destination.
Oh, and my little sub? She is blossoming. She has surrounded herself once again with friends who encourage her to be who she is and not what she thinks everyone wants her to be. She has begun rebuilding her cosy house together with them, secure in the knowledge that they will always be there to help if she slips again.
Much love to all.
Lisa Mac.
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Hugged by excitement
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Posted:Mar 27, 2022 4:46 pm
Last Updated:Apr 3, 2022 1:52 pm 3088 Views
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My sub is back from her island vacation. She is relaxed and is in a much better place. And me? For the first time in a long time I met someone that has sparked something deep inside me. I feel a sense of excitement that comes with meeting someone new and learning about one another. Not saying anything more as my superstitions prevent me from jinxing anything.
Love all
Lisa mac
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Untitled
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Posted:Mar 23, 2022 1:50 pm
Last Updated:Apr 3, 2022 4:59 pm 3347 Views
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This one is untitled because I’m feeling so fractured that I can not fathom a title appropriate to describe my ramblings.
Last you may have read I left our little sub on the island feeling a little lost and broken and although some of these stories are made up and exaggerated there is a little truth in all of them that relates to my life.
So fractured…. I think the beauty of this lifestyle is being able to express yourself and your desires in a relatively safe environment without fear. However, it also creates conditions where one can perhaps fall deep into the rabbit hole of fantasy. For me, this has related to being infatuated with someone so deeply that it has affected my journey and decision making. So I have needed to take a step back and reevaluate. How do I let this fantasy go and focus on developing real relationships? How do I let this fantasy go and return to the place where this lifestyle was exciting for me? How do I let this fantasy go and not feel broken or as if I have lost a piece of myself?
How do I reclaim the submissive side of myself that I was once proud of? I left that sub on the island, because she still has a lot of growing and learning to do. I want her to be strong and decisive in her decision making. I want her to be able to express her needs and be an equal partner to someone special. I want her to be I love with herself and be able to offer herself with trust in her heart that he will not let her fall.
I want her to come home to me soon.
Be kind to one another and thanks fo reading.
Lisa Mac
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Danger
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Posted:Mar 19, 2022 7:45 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 10:19 pm 3240 Views
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There is a danger in giving too much of yourself. A danger that you may never be whole again. the sub came to that realization on her sunny island. While she was able to find some peace, she realized that a part of herself was missing and she didn't feel quite right on the inside. She had tried to "get back on the " so to say but it was never the same. She reflected on the idea of avoiding the whole situation by never having met you, never let herself be engaged by you, but that felt worse than her current circumstance. She wondered at the idea of living without this piece. Would she grow to function without it? would the piece magically grow back in time?
she had gone to the island with the expectation of saying good bye to you. Giving the idea of you and purging you from her soul. I do not know if she managed all that, but I was hoping to report that she was better.
I left that island yesterday, and like you, are waiting to see if the sub returns to us.
Stay safe
Lisa Mac
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