Its been awhile...
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Posted:Aug 4, 2010 7:38 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2012 9:53 am 25774 Views
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And it has been just that, a long while. Things have happened and changed. After all, we do age and evolve. I truly believe that. No matter how things change we stay the same. Yeah what ever. I don't buy that for a minute. If we didn't change we would certainly perish. As for my demon,the one that I am. He still breathes and walks this earth...searching. Right or wrong...good or bad,always searching. What it is,hell we all know. most are looking for something similar here. It does not make us bad people,we are different and the only ones who understand are those like us. We live sheltered from the storms of scrutiny. And seek refuge amongst those clans out there. Over these past two years since I put words on here many things have changed,and continue to do so almost daily. I am thankful for the changes. Everyday presents new allies,challenges and pitfalls. I would not be putting effort to this if it were easy. Seeking the ultimate prize was not meant to be a cakewalk. Its not going to fall from the sky and land at your feet. Things change,so do we. Still,I wait for the day,the day we find our ONE. And until...I will keep throwing wood on the fire, for this flame will not and can not die. Until I draw my final breath
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Its always been that way. Forever...
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Posted:Jul 8, 2009 8:20 pm
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2010 12:58 am 23699 Views
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It seems that along this long and windy road,with all its pitfalls,detours and traps that there was no beginning. Its always been that way. Forever. As long as I've ever known.There is no end in site.So tired of all the disappointments,letdowns,and dead-ends.Its part of the journey.Yeah I know that and don't need to be reminded. I am not new to this. My demon is simple to explain now. I finally got it. I AM MY DEMON. My desires. My wants. My needs. My hunger. I desire more than my one. I want my one to taste what I taste. To desire,want,need and hunger for my DEMON too. A seed,so small has grown to more than an idea. It has become a much larger thing. Growing,longing,and searching.My DEMON has been freed by her and now walks with us daily. It craves to be fed this bond we want. To share this thing that is beyond definition. We will find our Third. If we end up going to Hell to find it. The travelers pace quickens... So it continues
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Time has past...time has come
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Posted:Jun 13, 2009 11:49 pm
Last Updated:May 21, 2024 1:14 am 23786 Views
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2 years. 2 very long years. It lay still,shallow breathed,motionless and cold. Seeming dead,a rotting corpse of a dream,a need,a want. Buried in a stone cold grave deep inside me locked away. Awaiting something,someone. The storm still churns and rumbles. The desire,want and need are still there,just as they always have been. The demon stirs cold and stiff from this slumber. Awakened by something new. Someone new. Slowly rising first one knee and then the other. Looking about stareing about knowing that he was put there against his will. A low moan turn to a sharp cry of agony as it climbs to his feet. Sceaming" Damn you bitch! Damn you!" His parched,cracked lips split and the taste of blood coats his tongue. His blood. A slight smile comes to his dirty face,he knows he lives and will have another day. Struggling he makes his way up the narrow path out of this darkness that has entombed him. I know,for it is I who put him there. Things change,situations change. I understand that. Hell,I can almost accept it. I can't stand it but oh well. For 2 years I had my demon buried so deep inside me that I sometimes forgot it was even there. Somehow,it seemed to remind me from time to time. "I am still here. I still live. I still want as always. Darkness came to me a few years back and I have walked in it since. I am good with that. Thats just the way I am. Events that I've seen,things I've said and done. Worse yet,places that I've been have forged my demon into an indestructible part of me. If it dies,I die. I'm good with that too. Stepping out of this dark hole into the constant gloom of a never ending twilight it draws in a lung full of cool night air. Looking up at the storm clouds,its good to be out. Into the open we step.His footfalls are mine and mine are his,for we walk the same ground. My wants spark a fire that is weak but enough to warm acheing bones and muscles. Its been a long and lonely journey yet he has not be alone. I was always there,for I am him as he is me. We two are are one and the same. One is to the other as light and dark,black and white. There is not one without the other. I am good with that too. For this demon I speak of,we all have them. At least one. Mine is carnal. I can not fight it,I have tried. I wish to battle this no more.I except what I am and what I want. Sucumb to my desires. No matter how long it takes or how far I must travel to complete this journey. I am good with that. In the near future,I will climb down from this place. What will happen? I am unsure of for now. But that is for another time...
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This trail I am on.......
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Posted:May 13, 2007 2:39 am
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2010 12:58 am 24306 Views
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As I sit here pondering this next post....I am trying to place a value to this journey.It is not one of wealth or fame.Is it any less valueable?To seek the feeding of this demon.It has brought pain.I really don't need anymore of that in my life,and I seem to continue to beg for more heartache almost daily.The demons'steed plods along steadily with it head lowered into the gale as winds whip with fury.Driving rains pummle the rider almost into submission.Today a friend left us,and it was a sarrowing event,to know her adventure was of her choosing and now has regrets.For when we feel we have control,that is when we are most powerless.Time passes and still I sit here,not knowing why I desire this....My desires will no doubt be my undoing.All great empires in history have shook and fell,I have reason to believe...mine will as well.I am the demon on that steed,i am he and he is a major part of me.I exposed him to my mate and now there is no hiding him...never again.She will know forever more that even if I never again search for the "life" that there will alway be a shadow there.The beast stands upright,having shown its hideousness.....she knows its there.I have brought her pain as well but by my side she remains.She is truely my Queen.And she is a part of me as well.She is part of this journey.If she asked me to stop I would.So for now the steed plods on....and the storm continues.Hoping that the few guiding lights I can see will not be extinguished.We will be tested I am sure.Most importantly I love her with all my heart and could never find someone to take her place in my life.For now...we travel on.I know there are others out there.Maybe I am just braver to say the things I am feeling and wanting.Some may be offended by my thoughts.This might be a fuitless thing.Then again....one never knows.Time.....a motion that never stops.....Time and only time will tell.And when it does.Time will tell all.
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Changes from within.......
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Posted:May 9, 2007 4:14 am
Last Updated:Jun 19, 2010 7:26 am 24074 Views
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It,has risen......Something primal,and dark.Hidden in shadows where it felt safe and protected.Not wanting to be seen.Always reminding me with it's low and throaty growl...I am still here.It is carnal,its angry to be released.yet for years,hell decades it was pushed back,deeper and further into the depths of my mind.Until recently the creature was chained away,new things and experiences have torn the bindings free.And now...the thing I've hidden and tried to keep forgotten walks freely within me.Until now,I have never spoken about this to anyone.Not long ago,I planted a seed.And it spouted and slowly grew,steady and strong.I rarely spoke of this thing from with in but its release had begun.Time past,months,a year then two.Quietly I fed its needs.Nurturing it.Hoping someday it would take hold.One day my mate spoke of the seed and low and behold, its mighty roar was deafening.Unknowingly she gave it life.She allowed it to draw its first ragged breath and scream out for others to hear.This thing has now mounted a dark steed and has began a journey.Searching for the "one".The "one" to share this deep desire with.The journey will be long and filled with perils,for some already have come to pass.The trail will wind into the unknow for a long,long time.For this I am sure.We may never find the treasure we seek.Then again thats part of the quest isn't it?Its not the destination or endgoal but the travels to get there.The adventures and pitfalls along that winding trail that will surely happen to us all.It is exploration in the rawest meaning of the word.Someone said"All the mistakkes in life are chances not taken"(Iowadominate).I like that.So we are heading in the darkness.....
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Thoughts......
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Posted:May 8, 2007 4:01 am
Last Updated:Jun 19, 2010 7:26 am 23871 Views
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Sitting here alone again the sun rises and another long and sleepless night is ending.Storm clouds build on the horizon of my mind and the distant sound of thunder can be heard.I feel pain.Nothing but pain now as the words tumble and spin in my head.Some screaming,others cry softly like a .Its not the same.Confusion are the clouds and questions is the thunder.A tornado of things spinning causing my temples to pound like kettle drums,roar at a deafening pitch.i want peace and quiet.To clear the thoughts that are begging to consume each waking moment giving me no comfort.Only pain,deep within my very core.I feel as though i have stepped off a cliffs edge and turn to look back and i cant fall.I look down in inky blackness and know not what I am looking for.Groping at nothing,lost within these feelings not know how to speak them.Blindly following something I am yet to comprehend.Feeling for walls and a hand a switch or anything to illuminate my path,only finding none.So,I lay down to find a calming and soothing of my feelings.I drag a demon with that is what I have hidden for so long.Wondering if it was best to have not brought it forth.I fear I can't,no.I know I can not slay the creature for...it is ME
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The first month.......
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Posted:May 2, 2007 12:15 am
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2010 12:59 am 23664 Views
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It has been an exciting 1st month with Alt.So many new experiances.Our first munch 2 weeks ago.Making some great new friends,to include the neighbor across the street.No kidding.We are in the upper mid wet room all the time.There are so many people that have welcomed us to the room.And we cant thank them enough.i feel that I shouldn't mention names,besides.They know who they are.We have made some progress and taken some hits,so its 50/50.Not bad for the first month I think.Have learned lessons from other Dom/me's and sub/slaves alike.We do hope to someday meet them all,no matter where they live.Some are younger some older.Some men,some women.Some singles and couples.Me personally,I love the mix.We hope it continues at this pace.We enjoying it very much.I hope to update this again soon.I won't wait so long next time.So this one is a short one.I will make up for it next time.
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the first week...
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Posted:Apr 6, 2007 7:55 am
Last Updated:May 21, 2024 1:14 am 23469 Views
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so ends the first week of our membership and i have gotten much more than i expected.like we said,we were looking for new friends first.well that has happened.i am on more than my wife is but i share everything with her and we enjoy the upper mid west chat room alot.in the future i will add to this blog at least weekly or at every significant event worth writing about.so...at the end of the 1st week our friend list is growing and we have had hits on our profile.like i said more than i expected.spring is coming and soon the thoughts of being outside more will be filling everyone with the desire to explore the wonders in it.we are so looking forward to getting out and repairing the yard from the brutal winter and starting our first garden together.getting the roses blooming and hopeful for the blooming of other things.some quiet time around the house with some new friends for bbq's and watching lightning bugs drifting on gentle summer evening breezes.i look forward to the future in hopes of other things that i have missed out on so much for such a long time,sitting outside with the mrs. and just talking about whatever.camping trips,fishing and the likes.we really want to do another river canoe trip this year.we had such a good time before.i realize this has nothing to do with the life yet...but it will... someday.
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the first week...
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Posted:Apr 6, 2007 7:54 am
Last Updated:May 21, 2024 1:14 am 23474 Views
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so ends the first week of our membership and i have gotten much more than i expected.like we said,we were looking for new friends first.well that has happened.i am on more than my wife is but i share everything with her and we enjoy the upper mid west chat room alot.in the future i will add to this blog at least weekly or at every significant event worth writing about.so...at the end of the 1st week our friend list is growing and we have had hits on our profile.like i said more than i expected.spring is coming and soon the thoughts of being outside more will be filling everyone with the desire to explore the wonders in it.we are so looking forward to getting out and repairing the yard from the brutal winter and starting our first garden together.getting the roses blooming and hopeful for the blooming of other things.some quiet time around the house with some new friends for bbq's and watching lightning bugs drifting on gentle summer evening breezes.i look forward to the future in hopes of other things that i have missed out on so much for such a long time,sitting outside with the mrs. and just talking about whatever.camping trips,fishing and the likes.we really want to do another river canoe trip this year.we had such a good time before.i realize this has nothing to do with the life yet...but it will... someday.
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first time post
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Posted:Apr 4, 2007 4:57 pm
Last Updated:Jun 19, 2010 7:34 am 24031 Views
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being new at this we still are not sure what to expect.if nothing else me hope to make some new and interesting friends.we had our first response yesterday and that kind of blew us away that it happened that fast.we have never done anything like this before.some thigs about us...i am 38 5'6 140.i have been in the military for 20 either active duty,guard or the reserves.i've been to iraq two times and hope to retire in the next year or so.in the civilian life i have been a roofer,construction worker,over the road truck driver and now work as a mechanic.my wife is 46,5'7 130.long red hair and hazel eyes,has worked in food service for years and was a caterer until she came down with breast cancer and lost everything,her business,home,cars,boat,house and her breasts.we met seven years ago when i ran into in a small bar that that i was doing a construction project next door.my brother and i decided to go out and have a few beers and shot some pool and there she was.i was working my way out of a bad marriage at the time and was looking for something worth while,and there she was.it was funny at the time,my brother was a player and talked my future wife and a friend of hers to a mixed pairs pool game.we had a great time and hung out for several hours.at the end of the night she slipped her name number and address in my hand and told me to call her sometime.well after a rough start,we have been together ever since.she is the love of my life and she is the reason i long to draw breath.so...here we are.years have passed and i'm now home from my second deployment.this wild new part of us was born about two years ago when i wrote her a 30 page erotic letter about us going out for dinner and drinks one night and running into an old girlfriend from highschool.i know that almost every man has a fantasy about being with two women and i am no different.well,she had not been with a man in years when we met and after making lover that first night she cried in my arms.she was so afraid that the appearance of her chest would run me off.it took time and understanding for her to realize i wanted her for the inner woman and the package didn't matter.the body is only a vessel for the soul to travel in during this life.over the years together we have gotten more adventurous.now we start on our greatest adventure.and here i hope to write about it.we want to find something new and exciting in us by sharing it with someone.like i said,we are lovers.looking off the beaten path.this may never go anywhere and then again...one never knows.
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