Big Vs Little Dog
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Posted:Oct 16, 2022 6:41 pm
Last Updated:Oct 18, 2022 10:37 am 9296 Views
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the first munch i ever went to
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Posted:Mar 5, 2022 12:06 pm
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2022 7:41 pm 8780 Views
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It was summer of 20 or 20. i'd been to a few other types of BDSM/Kink events but had been dragging my feet on attending a munch. i know it's a silly but the idea of a munch intimidated me the most---at most other kinds of events i felt like i could sit near the back/be a wallflower if i wanted to. But a munch? i kinda felt like i'd be walking in to a dinner party where everyone else knew each other and i was the stranger (how awkward would THAT be?).
Intimidating? Yes! But enough people had encouraged me to go so i figured it was an important step in my BDSM journey.
i'd been looking at the event listings here on fet for a while so planned on attending a local munch that had seemed to be around for a while. The munch was during dinner hour, at a busy chain restaurant a few cities over. Since it was summer time, with long days and warm weather, the listing said to find them in the back patio of the establishment.
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The day of the munch, as the hours ticked by i grew more and more nervous. But still i managed to get dressed & ready. my mind and emotions were on "high" as i drove across town to the restaurant. It was located in an outlying strip mall/entertainment complex of a large shopping mall so finding parking took a while.
Once i parked, i was feeling so surreal. i got out of my car and took a few minutes to collect myself. Started the long walk towards the restaurant.
It's hard to describe how i felt. Surreal, like in a dream, yet hyper-aware. By this point i'd talked myself out of going like, a million times. Yet here i was, moving forward.
Somehow i got through the parking lot and was approaching the restaurant from the back. i passed through a concrete walkway to get to the front door, and in doing so, passed by the open back patio.
i looked over and saw THEM----the munch . i KNEW it had to be them. There was a of maybe around people informally gathered in couples and small groups sitting around the picnic style tables. There was or women with brightly colored hair, obviously the hostesses, hurrying around, setting what looked like of those Bingo number pickers on a table with some balloons and bags.
my legs kept moving forward, but internally i froze.
i got the rest of the way down the walkway, turned, and there it was: the front doors. A simple, innocuous set of large glass automatic doors, led to by an equally simple & innocuous large black mat.
about feet till i'd be at the doors. But as soon as i was faced with those doors & long black mat, all the will power i'd mustered just evaporated.
i turned around, found an alternate concrete walkway leading to the parking lot, walked back to my car, and left.
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i didn't leave right away though---i took a few minutes, leaning against my car, letting my thoughts slow down, thinking about my next step. After all, i was dressed , out of the house, and it was dinner hour.
What i DIDN'T do was beat myself about not walking in. The way i looked at it, the night was a success.
Sure, maybe i did not "ATTEND" the munch, but i "WENT TO" the munch!!! And since i had been so scared to go, i figured this was a great success.
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i ended taking myself out to dinner somewhere else and had a great evening.
Pursuing Kink & BDSM takes a lot of courage and getting out of our comfort zone. But also, we have to honor ourselves and the limits of that courage!!
It wasn't long after this experience that i did "ATTEND" my first munch, and after that, a few other groups, too. One of which became my "home munch".
i look back on this experience and it's easy to laugh it off. How scared i was when i saw the munch group on that back patio! i wonder, if i had found the entrance via another route and not seen them, would i have had the courage to walk in to the restaurant?
And of course, i know now how mellow munches are (at least the one's i've attended). How normal people act, and how welcoming they are to newbies.
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If you've been thinking about attending events---do it!!! But know that it is ok to go at your own pace.
Research events as much as you can....get word of mouth recommendation if you can. Message the host or organizer beforehand (if they are a good host they will be happy to answer any questions you might have, and go out of their way to help make you feel comfortable).
And if you do all your research, get dressed & ready, drive to the event....and leave. Don't beat yourself up.
Sometimes just going...just getting ready....just doing the research and asking questions...is a success!
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February 2022: A Promise To Myself, Back To Life & Back To Kink!!
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Posted:Feb 28, 2022 3:54 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 10:31 am 8787 Views
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Earlier this year i made a decision to start getting back in to "life" again. Although i'm still dragging my feet in some aspects, i did make some strides in others!
i'd LIKE to think that all the COVID stuff will continue to become more manageable but wow. All these waves after waves of variants has really taught me that i need to seize those moments between variants/spikes in cases. i used to take it for granted, that the "Kink Scene" would always be there when i was ready. But now i better realize that nothing should be taken for granted and things can change in an instant---sometimes quite drastically.
So it was with this in mind that i found myself checking out the upcoming event listings on fl. And i couldn't believe my luck when i found a rather innocuous looking listing for 'BDSM Play Party'...in the neighboring city of Ontario, of all places! And, the venue was listed as "Lugosi's Lounge"---how can anything named after Bela Lugosi be bad...!!!
It was a private house party---a new experience for me. i was a little nervous but after chatting with the hostess a bit via email i felt very confident about attending. And besides, with it being so close to my house, and with the focus on BDSM (as opposed to a "Swing & Kink" party), i figured, what's the worst that could happen. If i walk in and it is just completely not my style, i could always leave without the feeling of having invested a lot with traveling, ticket price, etc.
Even though it was a small group (attendance was capped around 20 people), and most of the people already knew each other...i felt very welcomed and was able to talk with most of the people there. The hostesses were super awesome and everyone i got a chance to chat with was really polite, friendly and forthcoming.
But once things got started, i quickly remembered all the good---and bad---things about attending play parties: doing "show and tells" with toy bags (super cool to see what people bring and getting some clues of what they are into/their aesthetic)... newbie or not-so-newbie men that kind of "attach" themselves to me (a polite conversation does not mean i want you lurking over my shoulder all night)... people socializing in the play spaces (honestly, hard not to do when it's a small space)... seeing all kinds of different play scenes (some of which i like, some of which isn't my style)... meeting lots of new people and sometimes running in to familiar faces (usually one hundred per cent totally awesome)... being around all kinds of different people expressing their Kinky Selves without fear of "scaring the vanillas" (also totally awesome).
Throw in the drama of "the one that got away" (we were so close to getting to "negotiation" til a newbie came over and asked him right out of the blue for a full on rope lesson) and the "tension" i feel when i leave a party without getting to play...it was quite a night!
Other than dealing with feeling all tense for a few days afterwards it was a wonderful re-introduction to attending play parties. And i knew that not playing that night was just part of "paying my dues"---admittedly i'm not the most bold when it comes to directly asking a Dom or Top about playing...and i do know that just being consistent, attending several parties and munches...showing my face and taking a bit of time to get to know people will serve me well in the future, anyway.
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The overall sucess of the House Party lead me to again comb through the fl event listings. i found a few interesting looking parties for the following weekend and settled on another one i hadn't been to before---SAKE's Lunar New Year Party. i'd heard overall positive things about their parties and was excited to finally attend one and explore a different Dungeon space.
"Paying my dues" is all well and good but i did know that i might burst if i went to this party without getting to play (a girl can stand only so much "tension" after all). So i put on my "big girl pants" and decided to be proactive. i messaged the Dom (nickname "SA") i'd met at the house party (the "one that got away") and was so pleased to find out that yes, he would be in attendance, and yes, he was enthusiastic to negotiate a scene with me!!
Even though i usually project a lot of confidence, asking for play, negotiating scenes...it's still really hard for me. i know in some aspects, "girls have it easy(er)"...but rejection or the possibility of rejection is hard for everyone. Even in this lifestyle (or, especially in this lifestyle...), it's hard to be vulnerable!!
SA told me he'd be there early so i planned to arrive not to long after him. It was so nice to walk in to the mostly-empty space (a few other early-birds hanging around and chatting, some looking around nervously) and see him sitting close to the entrance waiting for me. After a warm greeting he gave me a tour---which was very short! i had been told that the space was kind of small, but i'd never been to a Dungeon which only had one play room. But what it lacked in space it made up for in eccentricity (i won't give away all the details for those who haven't attended yet) and a welcoming vibe.
After the brief tour and a visit to the ladies' room i told SA i was ready to go!! But he was waiting for the music to change...somehow, light disco/house made him think more of going roller skating, than flogging (go figure!). But as more people began trickling in, we settled on a play station and i put my claim on it (sat on it!!) while he laid out all his implements.
The scene was great---i did struggle a bit with my position (i was on all fours on a padded leather medical exam table---am more used to being able to really lean into a stable spanking bench, table or cross) and dang, was it ever cold in the semi-open warehouse space. But at least my bottom quickly warmed up due to the spanks, strikes and caresses from SA.
He used a wide variety of instruments while checking in on me every so often. i think his "medium" is my "ouch that really hurts", but i know there are a lot of factors involved. Just the fact that it was my first intense/long scene in almost two years is a lot to process!!! Then add in the fact it was our first scene together, in a new space (for me), and the less-than-perfect furniture and cold temperature putting a little added stress on my mind and body.
But overall i greatly enjoyed the scene and am so very grateful to SA for negotiating with me, working with me, showing a lot of care, communication and deference to both my limits and my desires. It was really special and all worked out like it was supposed to.
Funny how when we try to do things in "a right way", with integrity and treating people as people, that usually happens.
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After the scene i emerged from my little "cocoon" to a play party getting in to full swing. The place was now very full with several people playing and lots more socializing. SA was cleaning his toys and i gotta admit, one of my favorite parts of the whole scene was when he put his arms around me and helped me down off the high table. After a few hugs and finishing up cleaning the station, we parted ways, both glowing (at least i was, and not just my rear end!).
i've never done two scenes in one night and didn't want to push myself, so was very content to relax, socialize and observe the rest of the night. i gotta admit, it really made me happy to see SA doing his thing and playing with others. It's rare that i get to see the look on a partner's face as he is practicing his craft. So i just loved seeing his big smile as he flogged and whacked another willing victim, co-topping and giving some advice/tutorials to a newbie.
At some point i ran into a friend from my local munch group, and got to meet a few of her friends. i also got to talk with some interesting characters. Even though we are all in the same space, due to our common bond over BDSM and Kink, we all come with our own histories, in different parts of our journeys, and with different interests, play styles, and goals.
i did see the downsides to the space which some people had mentioned to me.
Since there wasn't really a designated, separated social area, the play room was super crowded and very loud with people talking (there was also a live DJ and sound system). Although there was an outside patio, it was super cold!! So i can't really fault people for staying indoors. i wonder if in the summer months people use the outdoor patio for social area---this would definitely help give the play space more, well, space, and a bit quieter/intimate atmosphere for those in mid-scene (or even those that wish to quietly observe).
i'm definitely more used to Dungeons with a more "traditional" layout of multiple play rooms and designated social areas, and more strict guidelines about no loud talking/socializing in the play spaces. But in the spirit of supporting our local Dungeons, exploring new groups and spaces, and generally "getting back into life", i am super glad that i went to both parties and would definitely support and attend both groups in the future.
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Thank you to all the cool-ass Kinksters, Hosts & Hostesses, staff & volunteers, old and new friends for being so warm and inviting. i didn't feel a need to mention anyone by name but if you're reading this, you know who you are. And truly, i do hope to see you all again sooner than later.
And a very special thank you to SA for being such a good and thoughtful player in this lifestyle. i really respect your skill and commitment to your craft. It shows through in a myriad of ways. Thank you so much for working with me and breaking me in to playing after such a long COVID induced hiatus.
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Wait, you don't want to have sex with me? Then why are you here?
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Posted:Nov 16, 2021 9:25 am
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2021 8:43 am 8341 Views
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Why am i here?
i keep an eye out for skilled/experienced Dominants and Tops who are involved with going to Dungeons (like Sanctuary LAX, Threshold, Lair De Sade, Dark Magic Society) and might be interested to negotiate a scene there. i DO NOT PLAY IN PRIVATE WITH STRANGERS OR NEW PARTNERS.
Not currently seeking private play (like in a home or hotel). Not seeking ownership, dynamic, relationship or online anything. Not looking to meet up with anyone unless it is at a BDSM function.
i'm a real person and have about five years experience with BDSM (about 2 years experience in the Dungeon/Munch community) and have developed a lot of limits in order to help keep myself physically and emotionally safe. i know what i am and what i am not.
i enjoy attending Dungeons, munches, classes, and other types of BDSM events. Generally, i go to a Dungeon play party to socialize and hopefully do some "pick up play".
Pick Up Play refers to meeting someone at a Dungeon and negotiating a play scene then and there. Kinks, goals, desires and limits are discussed and if we agree on the parameters we will find an open station and play. Play is negotiated beforehand and not re-negotiated mid-scene.
i am mostly interested in non-sexual impact play scenes (flogging, spanking, etc) and some forms of bondage (depending on how well i know/trust the person).
i DO NOT engage in sex or sexual acts unless i have decided that i want a sexual relationship with the person. i'm not that girl that is going to have sex with lots of men. it's just not in my sphere of interest.
If you ever see me at a Dungeon, munch, class, etc. please feel free to introduce yourself. Especially if you know Florentine Style Flogging (i have a gorgeous custom made set of Elk Hide floggers waiting to be swung!).
Most of the men that contact me on this site don't seem to be involved in the public BDSM community and that is fine...i understand it's not for everyone. But i'm not going to be meeting up with anyone outside of a BDSM event.
i DO NOT PLAY IN PRIVATE WITH STRANGERS OR NEW PARTNERS, i don't go on dates or "coffee meets" unless i am REALLY interested to meet the man (most men on this site do not impress me with their online presence/profile/photos/emails), and i do not have sex/sexual acts unless i have decided that i want a sexual relationship with the man.
If you want to get to know me (or women like me) i do suggest that you start attending BDSM events like munches, mixers, classes, workshops, conventions, and Dungeons. A good amount of women attend these functions looking to socialize and play. It's generally a much safer environment for a woman than going on a date and playing in private with a person from the internet.
WILL i INVITE YOU TO AN EVENT?
That's tough. i had a really bad experience a few years ago where i invited a "Dominant" to a local munch that i attended regularly. Of course i did not know that he is known as a serial consent violator...and once i found out i felt so horrible that i introduced him to the munch group (therefore exposing him to vulnerable submissive women that were looking for a Dominant).
It was a bad experience and once i found out about his reputation i told the munch organizers. They didn't do anything about it (the violations didn't happen to me, after all--because i never played with him)...UNTIL he violated one of the munch group members. Only then was he banned from the munch.
Safety is my top priority, as well as keeping a good reputation within the community. So i learned a hard lesson and now i really don't invite strangers to events. i am happy to tell people what events are like, and give resources on how to find out about events. But i'm don't generally invite strangers/people i don't fully trust to events anymore.
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