Qualifications?
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Posted:Apr 11, 2023 3:19 am
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2023 3:52 am 9718 Views
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I believe there are some real good men, on here.
I really do.
Although, you might not believe that, if you hear me rambling again.. when such a .....
you know?
But, being an everlasting optimist, i dó believe it...
The thing is, as soon as they jump right into the sex talk, the role play talk,
The -mé-mé-mé talk.....
I lose all interest, in them, inmediately!
Not even a decent intro about who they (assume) they are, not even a name?
That is not how a dominant approaches a submissive,
Is what i did learn, from dominants.
There are dominants, who say, it is on the submissive to reach out to that specific dominant...
So every one has his or her own preferences. and that is oke, too!
In the years, i have approached some men, on here..... and other sites, too....
And all did not qualify.... just not.
And everytime, i did that, i did regret it, enourmously!!
not even on the human scale, let alone on the dominant scale....
First;
They did not show ANY human interest in mé, who i am, what rocks my boat, so to say...
nothing.
Just jump right into the "YOU HAVE TO DO, THIS, THAT AND THE OTHER.
Huh?
Do i know you, already? More important, do you knów mé?
Second;
Although they claim to have read my profile and or blogs,
In their reaction, in the questions they ask, you knów, they did not read ONE word.
Trying to smooth talk themselfs into a pussy??
So, starting of with lying?? Great place to start! NOT
Such a lack of respect for me, for women, in general, i believe...
Fantasy role play , porn re- inacting....
being a prop- not a real person, with a life and hobbys, worries, childen, maybe, parents to care for, maybe, pets....
and all that.
NOT.
I cán imaging, that those men, are in real life, in their job, maybe, decent guys...
Maybe....
I also can imaging, that those men, do lack something, on the EQ level.
Did not develop, emotionally, through after their 18 year....?
something like that?
I know, for sure, a dominant needs to have a EQ level, that is rock high and steady.
To be able to get into the mind(set) of his submissve/ slave.
If men, and women too, ofcourse, lack that EQ part
I believe they are a danger to your health, as a woman and as a submissive....
They act like emotional leeches, sucking, living off your emotions, for their wellbeing...
Most men, i did meet on those munches, did not have any EQ level, what so ever...
Some did have some real dangerous, unstable vibes.....
Fucked up, by life... not sane, kind of guys....
no emotional stabilty, no empathy.
No love for women, in general.
And i do believe, that dominants have a love for women, in general and for
submissve women, especially.
What are the qualifications for a submissive?
Be open about what they want and not want,
How they see such a D/s thing?
Only bedroom games, in a overall vanilla relation, with equailty?
Just the make believe, games in the bedroom?
Jst as long as she likes it, when she likes it, how she likes it?
My first interest is, who is hé as a human being?
Can i have fun with him, laugh with him?
Can i talk with him, about everything, without being afraid to be made fun of, or redicule....
Empathizing with how i see the world?
Does he has any awareness about the state the world, is in, at this moment?
about how they see such a Dynamic, D/s?
Talk about their hard limits, their fears, joys, and everything in between.
At some moment in time, in the contact, show their vulnerability....
First, do their best, to build trust.
Build the submissive up, give her your faith.......emotional stable....
Not one men, i did get in contact with, had any of these qualifications.
Sad, isnt it?
Sure, i want to know, too, if he is what he claims to be.
Does he know the difference between being a submissive or being a masochiste/
Or being both?
What those differences are?
Does he knows the difference between being a Top and a Dominant and being a Master? ( or a bedroom player)
Can he explain it, too?
Sure, i too, want to know, if we are compatible, on the kinks level...
BUT< there is fist something else very important.
Do we match on the human level?
Most dont even take the time to find that out.
I have this very strange thing;  , to feel safe with him, you know?
I have to like him, before anything else...
Most men, all jump right into the sex talk, porn talk.
No patience?
A bad sign for a dominant.
Changing their minds, all the time?
Also a bad sign for a dominant.
There must be more, much more, but this is it, for now.
I want to give my submission, slave
But, if there is nobody who understands this, knów this, wánts this?
But, only want to use/ abuse my body?
No, can do.
I want it all, it has to be a part of the whole.
intergated in every part of our dynamic, relation.
not just the; Mé. i am THE dominant and you do, what i say!!
role play.
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13
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I did the test ;-) My profile text on Fetlife,
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Posted:Apr 9, 2023 1:10 pm
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2023 2:19 am 9790 Views
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13- 07-2021.
Esperansa
I did the test! 
The Love Language Test!
My Love Language is;
30% Acts of Service,
27% Quality Time,
27 % Physical Touch.
recieving gifts; 3%
words of affirmation; 13%
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
It is a draft...
I am here, to learn.
Some pleope do knów, thís, early on, in life.
And then life comes marching in, role with the punches, modes.
School of hard knocks.
Finally, found my core again...
My first, somewhat, auto sm, what ever, if you can call it that?, was very early on.
Ofcourse, i did not have the words for it, let alone knew that there was such a thing like SM or having a D/s.
i was in kindergarden age....
Very early on, i knew, i loved pain in a sexual, sensual arousing way....
In primary school, i had another # experience# that awoke something deep, deep inside me.
Not knowing the words, only how it suppose to feel...THIS! i was in heaven,
and at the same time, at a loss....
How?
Were? WHo? How to find such a person... What to do?
It has to touch some nerve in my belly... makes me glow, from deep inside.... within.
that is the sex sm part.
In my vanilla relations i always #waited# for the partner to take controle,
to lead, to bé...
Although i talked about this, tried to explain, my feelings, my needs, longings....,
for his leadership, his guidance. him being my rock, kind of thing....
It is a Leadership orientated connection.
But, well, when it is not IN someone, to lead, to take controle, care, that amount of responsiblity....?
it will never happen, or when it is happening, i feel it is not from within.
It is a learned mechanism.
That is what my experience here, with socalled dominants was, too.
A learned mechanism, a role, so to say...
That is why there never was a real deep connection with those socalled dominants, possible.
It stayed at some stage level.... performance....
That is also why those folks dont #feel/ see# my submission.
it is very subtle. it is not right in your face.
it is much more... in very small things....
It is also all emcompassing.
It is relation orientated, not play orientated.
To me, it is about building friendship, from friendship,
trust, a hell of a lot of trust, really knowing each other,
like to be with each other, have fun, make each other laugh,
cook meals for each other.,care for the other person.
Let the other person into your life, in all aspect.
I have to like you, and to be able to like you, i have to really knów you.
That is were it all starts for me.
I am, at first, totally NOT interested in your dick or fetishes.
I first want to get to know thé person, in all his aspects, the bad, the ugly and the good.
It is mind, soul and body to me.
i can not make little compartements, to "do"sm in, without a very deep connection.
Although i like sex, when he is any good at it?
And to be "any good at it" he has to know me, my body, soul and mind.
It is NEVER about sex, for me.
It is about surrender, trust. and even love.....
It is about being submissive, love to be of service, in all kind of matter, not only sexual,
because to me, that is really very easy.
I prefere the word; surrender,
to me, submission, or being submissive, is about an act during a certain time frame.
with a beginning and a end.
Surrender, to me, is all, mind, soul and body, always, within what ever we agreed on.
I have limits., ethics and a moral code, i try to live by.....
I hope, one day, my limits and his, are the same, so i wont have any limits.
i am rather intelligent, on a intuitive level, i do not have a very fancy education level,
a visionary thinker.
I knów, by feeling, by screening..... by observing..... by #reading# people.
That almost never fails.
That makes going to things like munches, very energy consuming, tiresome,
energy slurping.....
Because i ;see;.... what most so desperately try to hide.. without wanting to ;see it; all that,
confussing energy levels.
That is also why i dont feel comfortable in (large) groups.... All those confusing energy levels...Pfff....
I know; without knowing how or why i #know#.....
I am a witch! LOL
It is a draft.......
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7
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twilight?
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Posted:Apr 9, 2023 12:47 pm
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2023 2:23 am 8694 Views
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I love twilight! in Spring. and summer, too.
Working in my front garden, in twilight, is especially very nice!!
The only down point about it, is i dont see the ants crawling all around.
So i did prune some shrubs, they were getting a way bit too tall...
It was great, that special energy, from the twilight, working in my garden!
Gives me energy!
Only, now i am in the house and it itches everywere!!
Ants crawling all over me! Or so it feels...
Reminds me of a song; Ants all crawling over me, goddamn, give me a drink!
Nathaniel Rateliff & the nightsweats
SOB
Check it out!
I have read somewere, that the acid of ants is good for your body,
help you clean up, the posionous stuff, we all put into our bodys.....?
Like a spring cleaning, but then for your body.....
I wonder???
Maybe , i go into the garden again, tomorrow, round twilight.
I love twilight!
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9
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glasses,
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Posted:Apr 7, 2023 2:38 am
Last Updated:Apr 8, 2023 9:14 am 8869 Views
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I think, i need new glasses, i have this one favorite shop, to buy glasses.
But, i also shop around, see what kind of models there are.... compare prices, models, etc...
i dont like very big, wide frame.....Like, when you walk the streets and people think; There is a frame coming towards me, that style...
not.
So, yesterday i was in this shop, i like the people working there, they are nice and polite.
So, we were looking at all kind of different frames and colours too.
All of the sudden, alfer i tried on this one frame, she tells me; you face is crooked!!
Wat happened!
So, i tell her, as a of about 3,5 years, maybe, i fell from a first floor balcony, with my face straight in those metal, buckets they had, way back... tin bucket, stuck too, with my face in it. bleeding like a sheep being slaughtered.
She was in shock, after i told her, did not know how to react, so i told her, that was just the family i come from.
water under the bridge, kind of thing.
And living in the kind of family i lived in, nobody ever looked at my face, after that accident.
Ofcourse? they took me to the doctor, i needed to be stiched up.
And i was screaming like hell!! every one came running out of their houses!...
But that was all, nobody ever looked at my face being crooked by that accident..
it is mé. I like it, my face being different, ..
it is not really very,ery visible, but when trying on new glasses, every one can see it.
Most people dont "see" , percieve much, anyway.....
i know it is crooked.
13 out of a dozen....? 
Is boring!
I find it soo terrible difficult to decide on new glasses!
Did not made a choice, yet....
Have to visit other shops too... see what they have on offer!
Just to make the decision making even more difficult, LOL
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11
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I warned you before.....
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Posted:Apr 6, 2023 11:42 pm
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2023 2:13 am 7305 Views
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When this whole pandemic came rolling, all over us...
Because i have Chinese friends, who warned me....
When people, especially older people, in Italy all died, because they have a very big Chinese community there..... in some area....
And people did travel from China back and forth to Italy...
Then, here in Holland, the socalled carnevall, wich means people from all over Holland, Germany, travel to the South of Holland to celebrate= drink themselfs halfdeath....- carnevall.
That was the first outbreak of Corona, overhere.... and from there it spread real fast, all over Holland.
The government here, did not take any measures againts this outbreak...
While the whole world, already new, this is something strange, dangerous?
Also, they did not close our airport overhere, So, we had a more then one major outbreak, here too....
In France, their PM did bypass their government to change the retirement age.
Here, in Holland, the government trys to push laws through, that changes the whole idea of a democracy.
They, all over the world, are trying to undermine the democracy
Push laws, very fast, so this one person, who ever, and his gang, do get more and more power...
There are lawyers, scientist are trying to stop this, protesting and making lawsuits against the governments and their law changes... undermining the democracy
There are people, high up in the foodchain of such companies, who cant take it anymore and come out and speak out, about what is REALLY going on...
Have intern information, not some crazy allu hat, what ever you want to call them...
I warned you before....
You can shoot me, or thank me, later.... 
Electronical banking is one part of this new balance, new world, thing....
You can start laughing now! or call me crazy, what ever makes your day!
You are getting fucked all over, and not, i repeat, not having the fun of it, at all!
Dont leave a electronical trace......
i will put on the straightjacket again! take the shots to shot up my thoughtproces.
zombie coming! 
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8
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Living in a big university city,
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Posted:Apr 2, 2023 12:56 am
Last Updated:Apr 2, 2023 1:34 pm 7852 Views
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I loved the big cities, with all the different kind of activities, markets, pubs, theatres,
You name it.
i loved that big city feel of it!
All the different kind of folks, from all different parts of the world...
I loved those difercity....
Alas, due to curcumstances, i am living in some sort of right wring, racist, low IQ, Low development, hell hole, place.....
shudders.
I could never, in my whole life, have imagined that that kind of people still were alife!
really!!!
I really thought, that kind of narrowminded dimwits died out in the for last century,
inbreed and , marryiing your niece and all that...
You can actually, see that in their faces.
Even living in such big cities, i always had that good contact with my neighbours, made good contact, helped each other out, on summer days sometimes, have a drink or two together, or a BBQ, taking care of each others when needed... walked the of a sick neighbour and all that.
Like a littlle village in a big city idea.
It was great to have such a good contact in my part of that city ánd be able to be anonymously, too
I loved that, just to be able to live my life as i see fit, without anybody bothering...
gossiping, talk bad about how, what and when of my way of living....
It was liberating to just be able to be mé and be accepted.
Here??
Dont get me started, they are soo terrible narrowminded, it is dangerous.
it is also common known, to the rest of Holland, that a lot of folks here, did coorperate with the Germans in the second World War....
Betray a lot of Jews.....
More so, then in other parts of Holland/ Nederland.......
When the rest of Holland, did build houses, bridges, the folks here, were still clubbing each others wifes, have wars with the neighbouring clans, and disappear in the woods again, when they could not win the battle...
So, that is the background of the folks living here......
scary shit, such people...
To be able to feel alife, i go to big cities, to be able to breath again
be mé.
without always feel those watchfull, judgemental eyes...
To enjoy my day, joke around with market folks, see some genetic variaty in people.
People from all kind of places of the world... be acceptance of that.
Embrace that, too.
I always had á sort of 'wild garden', i always explained that to my neighbours, when the asked me, about it.
They did understand my motives, it is not out of lazyness, at all
it is out of wanting to make some bio diversity in a barren country...
trying to make a safe place for a lot of life.... small and big...
They apprecitated that, although they prefered to have a neat, very clean garden with a straigth path, some flowers, some small shrubs, all to be kept under controle.
COntrole.
That is important for most.. even if it is fake controle....
I dó understand their motives, too.
But, you know?
Nature is not for us, "to controle", to take care off, yes, to controle?
Not so much, in my eyes....
We, are all part of that nature...
Even in a big city.
Soon, i will be going to a big city again!
breath.
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4
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A 'dominant' of 23 years?
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Posted:Apr 1, 2023 2:21 pm
Last Updated:Apr 5, 2023 5:31 am 7626 Views
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Just to call a number.. it also could have been 21...
You get my drift, dont you?
Is it possible to give yourself such a powerfull title, while still soo young?
Did you already get through the hassle of buying and maintaining a house?
The real grown- up responsibilities of living a adult life.
What kind of level of responsiblity do you, can you handle, in your own personal life?
did you have enough life experience to know, what you are dealing with?
Can you admit your mistakes, can you deal with anger, in an adult way, or sadness, to name a few....
Anyway, when i read such an young age, in a profile, of someone... calling himself dominant.....?
I most of the time just move on,
Or i laugh real loud, Sure!
sometimes i do read their profile, watch their pictures, and see who their friends are....
As soon as i see dick picks, i know enough... time to move on.
When i see only pictures of female genitaiia, i know enough too...
When their profile is only that horrible bdsm test = move on.
So?
it is possible to call yourself dominant, when you are so young?
To bé dominant?
To have the skills necessary to handle that amount of responsiblity?
I do, actually believe that is possible.
I mean, i 'know' enough older men, who are mentally not even 18 years of age, although their callendar age maybe 40 + or 50 +.......
It might be more a thing about life experience, in general.
But, i dont believe i will find someone here, or elsewere, who can match my life experiences....
To be honest...
So, that might not be the deal breaker, anyway....
It would, or could be 'nice', interesting to see what he stands for....in real life..
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12
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caring?
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Posted:Apr 1, 2023 1:32 pm
Last Updated:Apr 2, 2023 12:08 am 7083 Views
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Here is this little place, i have my favorite shop and shop owners.
Love to talk and get to know them, it is great to do that.
I have my favorite market people, petshop owner, arabic , indonesian toko shop owners...
So, sometimes, i have to visit them, because it has been too long, since the last time, i visited them.
Even when i dont buy anything, they are allways happy to see me and talk with me.
We laugh a lot, too.
Making fun, of each other, not too serious please!
So i went to my petshop owner, she did mis me... ( and i her..)
She has been ill, ever since she took the shot, just not doing oke, anymore..
In winter times, i have a very pale skin, i just need the sun!
Since i dont like it when people ask me, if i am sick, especially in those wintertimes!
i use some make-up
Just to stop them nagging me....
I knów, i look like shit in winter time, a corps looks better then i do, in those months!
So, in 'full make-up', i look very healthy, all colours and shine! Hahahah
She tells me, Ooh, you look good!
I tell her, that is the colouring box, do you like it?
Am i good, at it or not!?
She laughs, i laugh.
And i ask her, why she does not use the colouring box?
she laughs and tells me, i never learned how.
i tell her, neither did i!
I just do, put stuff on some places, i think, looks best! thats all.
We laugh about that, too!
we talked about her (30) years, still living at home, because of the housing market.
That boy drives her mad!
lazy as fuck!
So, she tells me her worries and i buy some bird feed, and the world is in peace, again!
That is how those things go......
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7
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Ooh, those saterdays, with all kind of candy and delicious treats?!
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Posted:Apr 1, 2023 1:07 pm
Last Updated:Apr 14, 2023 10:02 am 6899 Views
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Some saterdays, i spoil myself rotten.
Dont cook.
But spoil me, with all kind of lovely, very bad for my health, treats!!
i soo do love those saterdays!!
i did spoil myself today!!
it was a great little private party!!
And tomorrow, i may have to pay the price for it....
But, maybe not!!
fingers crossed!
never regret! what ever the price may be, later!!
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9
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It is rather simple,
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Posted:Mar 30, 2023 11:45 pm
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2023 1:56 pm 7553 Views
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It is alllll about someone, who digs you, who gets #you#.
in all your aspects.
The other day, my sister came to visit me, finally again.
After the corona scare, all the other
crisisses..... and some personal trouble..
She finally had the possibility to visit me.
She also longed very much to visit me.
We talked, laughed laughed, laughed a lot.
Talked about everything....
serious stuff, idiotic stuff....
and everything in between.
It is clearly, she digs me!!
no matter what, acceptance ....
That is what missing with all those jokers around here.
Those suckers really seem to think it is cheap, for free sex...
some dirty fantasy play, with just about anybody, as long as there are body cavities to fill....
How sad is that?
You have to dig each other, on the human level FIRST.
Like my sister digs ls me!!
Also, it helps, coming from the same sort of background, or be tolerate , acceptence about each others background.
It was a great visit.
Way too short, ofcourse ..
Always!! 😍❤💜🧡
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9
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