Great Expectations...
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Posted:Apr 1, 2007 8:19 pm
Last Updated:Apr 2, 2007 6:36 pm 1461 Views
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i thought i'd be writing about a wild adventure tonight... i really and truly did. But i won't be... because the adventure didn't go as thought... planned... expected...???
i don't like to give details on here, so it may be a little tough to explain, but i will try.
i've been very, very stressed for quite a while now. A friend saw that, and presented me with an offer i just couldn't refuse... didn't want to refuse. He offered me something i never had in my life...and he wanted to treat me like a queen... like someone special... like someone who deserves some good things in her life for a change. He succeeded; moreso than he believes.
It wasn't for an hour, or a night, or even a day. This was a journey (literally); an escape of sorts.
i spent most of my time alone, which was fine, but i kept thinking - how did i get here, and why am i here - but i was there, and i was enjoying myself.
The things we talked about didn't happen - oh they would have been so exciting and new and all of that - but in retrospect, i'm glad they didn't happen after all. i'm happy with how it all went and actually find myself missing it tonight.
So this all brings me to the word "expectations" and how each and every one of us has them. Sure, we may try not to form them, but inevitably we do.
The online world is a strange universe. We meet people, we talk to people, and we form opinions of them. But it's different than in realtime. We envision what a person really looks like or sounds like. We interpret their words in ways to make ourselves feel good. We read between the lines, looking for hidden meeanings. It's just so damn easy to make the person out to be who you want them to be, and i would bet that 99 out of 100 times, they are not at all what you want them to be.
i can honestly say that when i sense that someone i am talking with is building me up to be more than i am, i remind them - i am just an average woman...smart, funny, articulate, but definitely not skinny, and smiles... not a BBW either. Sometimes they disagree and compliment me, but that scares me a bit. For if i am telling it like it is and if they choose to not accept that, well... there's a problem.
So to bring this all full circle... i did a lot of thinking on this journey of mine. i've decided that i have had some far, far too high expectations of some people and it's time to come back to reality. And the nice thing? I was proven wrong with my expectations of another.
Live and learn.
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Hotel rooms
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Posted:Mar 28, 2007 4:35 am
Last Updated:Apr 2, 2007 4:10 am 1679 Views
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Just an observation that made me laugh this morning...
is it only me, or does anyOne else think it's funny that soooooo many photos on here are taken in hotel rooms.
what does that say???
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Waiting for my hair to dry... lol
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Posted:Mar 27, 2007 4:33 am
Last Updated:Apr 2, 2007 4:14 am 1465 Views
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Every morning i sit at this silly machine, fresh out of the shower, waiting for my hair to dry. lol My hair is very long and thick and it takes about an hour before i can even begin to think about taking a blow dryer to it! (Like anyone on here cares... ha ha - silly me)
Over the past few days i've been thinking about chopping it all off! Going for something new and refreshing, but i wonder... do men/Doms prefer long or short hair on a woman/sub? i have to say, i love the idea of having my hair pulled just a bit... having a man wrap my long tresses in His hand and Him tugging it.
But the nicest thought of all??? (smiles...) sitting at His feet, having Him gently stroke my hair... i just like the thought of that!
Ok, hair is almost dry so that means it is time to get ready for work... oh joy.
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Smart women who do dumb things
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Posted:Mar 24, 2007 8:28 pm
Last Updated:Apr 2, 2007 4:49 am 1105 Views
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Yes, i am one.
Sometimes i do things that i think are fun and silly and really have no "ulterior motive" behind them.
Today it hit me that they are just dumb and once again i made a fool of myself.
To the One who really knows what i am talking about here, i am sorry... You know me better than that, You know the real me. I wish You well.
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Friday night chuckles...
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Posted:Mar 24, 2007 6:09 am
Last Updated:Mar 25, 2007 6:06 am 1207 Views
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A little pizza, a little wine - ok a lot of wine... 2 women, silly "girlie" talk, and trying to figure out men! Hey - you never know when you might just find the "holy grail"
Absolutely guaranteed for tons of laughs and giggles!!!
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3 words... for now
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Posted:Mar 23, 2007 4:16 pm
Last Updated:Mar 25, 2007 9:23 am 1260 Views
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i love words... i love trying to find just the "right" word for the "right" moment. Today i was thinking of 3 in particular... one i like, 2 that are often mis-used - very much a pet peeve of mine.
The word i like: AFFINITY
af·fin·i·ty /əˈfɪnɪti/
1. a natural liking for or attraction to a person, thing, idea, etc.
2. a person, thing, idea, etc., for which such a natural liking or attraction is felt.
To me it is a very romantic word... sort of all encompassing. i particularly like this definition i found because it uses the word "natural"... Y/you know what that means don't Y/you? That means "chemistry" - of whatever sort. Nothing fake, nothing forced... just a connection for whatever reason.
Do Y/you have an "affinity" for someone special? i do ... smiles... shouldn't, but i do - just the truth.
Now my pet peeve words... "always" and "never". It really bothers me the way in which people use these words so flippantly. If T/they only knew what really and truly was defined as "always" or "never".
For example, someone may say - "Oh, I would never hurt you." Well, Y/you might, or Y/you might not... not all things are done intentionally. For me... i try to only use it when i know there is no possibility of anything other, i.e. there are 2 people who were so very integral to my life, however, i know i will never see either again. THAT is never! Not always easy to accept that as Y/your reality.
Likewise with "always". People tend to promise people that they will "always" feel a particular way. i know - i did it recently, and totally with good intention. But the fact remains that life goes on and often times things are just out of Y/your control. So where i may have promised something, i may not have the ability or possibility of seeing it through.
I guess it's statements like "I will always be rich", or "I will never get fat", or "I always will have someone who loves me", just bother me.
Just me rambling... smiles...
But here are some always/never truths of my own:
1. I will never be a size 6 (not intentionally anyway... smiles)
2. I will never have given birth to the I thought I would have had
3. I always will have pain in my heart, but optimism in my brain
4. I always wear my heart on my sleeve
5. I will never turn my back on a friend.. even if i've been wronged... it might take a while to get over it - smiles - but i don't/won't
OK... lol... enough for now. Tonight i will be spending time with a relative/friend whom i love dearly and she just makes me laugh and laugh and laugh... smiles.
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Houseguests
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Posted:Mar 23, 2007 5:18 am
Last Updated:Mar 24, 2007 11:48 am 1378 Views
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AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
gotta love the houseguest! i've had one with me now on and off for the past three weeks with another 3-4 weeks to go. A relative from out of state... she's here a few nights a week...
it is getting on my nerves already! lol
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June Cleaver
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Posted:Mar 22, 2007 7:06 pm
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2007 6:54 pm 1353 Views
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This might seem like a 1950's flashback to some... smiles...
A while back i was mocked (in a teasing way) for not having compassion. i say mocked because i know the person does in fact know better than that! This is a little missive i wrote to explain my level of compassion. i thought of it again today because for whatever reason, the word compassion came up 5 or 6 times in my various conversations throughout the day.
No 'Beaver" jokes... ok? lol
You've had a tough day at the office and finally come home around 6 PM. Upon entering the house, You are greeted with a warm Hi. i would have already come home from work, changed and now be in the kitchen getting dinner together. You'd come in by me and a warm hand would be placed upon Your cheek and a soft kiss placed upon Your lips. i would take a quick read of Your eyes which would tell me the type of day that You had. i would tell You to go change and get comfy while i finished dinner. You would change and then go settle in on the couch and either rest, read the paper, or pop on the TV.
i'd poke my head into the room and ask if You'd like anything. If so, i'd get it and bring it to You. i'd then go finish dinner and let You know when it was ready. You'd get Your plate served to You, fully knowing that there was plenty more food should You want more. W/we'd sit down to eat and soon i'd ask You how was Your day - i will always ask You that. i'd listen to what You had to say.. even if it was only venting about something i may not know about. After W/we finished dinner, i'd tell You to go relax while i cleaned up... You would head for the couch once more.
Once finished cleaning up after dinner, i would come into the room and ask if there was anything else You would like. If so, i'd get it and bring it to You. If not, i would sit to relax as well. You'd have control of the remote (most of the time... smiles) and You could watch whatever You'd like - as long as it didn't involve blood, guts or screaming - at least while i was in the room. After a few hours...when it's time for bed, i would go into the bedroom and turn down the bed... making it easier for You to slip right into it. If You wanted a backrub, all You'd have to do is ask. If You wanted Your back scratched, all You'd have to do is ask. Sometimes either might be offered up without Your asking! Being all loose and relaxed, You'd drift off to a peaceful sleep.
In the morning, i would arise about 1/2 hour before You and put on the coffee and get the paper. i'd awaken You at the time You needed to get up. You'd go to the couch and Your paper and coffee would be delivered to You. You'd be all set for another (hopefully) great day!
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My new toy!
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Posted:Mar 22, 2007 4:36 am
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2007 3:43 pm 1525 Views
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No, no, no - it's not that kind of toy... it's a new camera! i am too excited about it! kind of sad, no? giggles...
i love photography and every thing about it. Some of Y/you know that i take all of my own photos that i show here on the site. Those were all taken with a very inexpensive digital. For a while now though i've wanted to get a nice digital SLR and the other night i finally went for it.
i'm a pretty good photographer too, not trying to be conceited of course. Actually, i've had a number of people on this site ask me if i would photograph T/them - and big laughs here - even more who have offered to be a photographer for me!!!!
i specialize in Black and White (love the emotion of the format), as well as landscapes and nature... love shooting the sea on a stormy afternoon! And from a more "fun" aspect - i've always had an interest is in erotic photography - not really showing faces, just various parts of the body - in an ARTFUL way. Now i can spend time exploring that; creating professional quality work.
i used to have my own darkroom and found my time in there very peaceful and reflective. Obviously those times are in the past... too bad.
But spring is upon U/us and i am truly looking forward to throwing the camera in the car on an early Sunday morning and just go wherever the road takes me. It's definitely something i can get lost in doing...
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Wishing my brain would just stop sometimes
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Posted:Mar 19, 2007 6:52 pm
Last Updated:Mar 21, 2007 4:54 am 1386 Views
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i have a big day (a very big day) ahead of me tomorrow and i really need to concentrate on the task at hand. i'm having a tough time with it though... not good.
Instead of focusing on tomorrow's happenings, i keep thinking of emails and phone calls and being silly and being erotic and well... things that could have been. He's my friend too - and i miss Him. Wonder if He misses me at all.
So my mind is in overdrive and i need to go to sleep soon. i know me - when i get like this i get no sleep.
But i need to be fresh for my day... i need to be impressive and strong and intelligent and even agressive a bit... i have to prove myself to strangers yet once again and oh how i hate that. i wish i could just get settled in and let life go on - that part of my life anyway... smiles...
Perhaps i will look on the bright side; when i think of Him, i do get a smile on my face - kind of a nice way to fall asleep.
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