New chatroom
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張貼於:2021年 4月 20日 7:15 am
最近編輯過:2021年 4月 25日 3:30 am 1917 瀏覽
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Details follow
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Another bloody post...
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張貼於:2021年 4月 17日 1:38 am
最近編輯過:2021年 4月 25日 12:52 pm 1273 瀏覽
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Post follows.... Not sure why we need to f**k about like this, but....
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Post lockdown post...
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張貼於:2021年 4月 15日 1:09 pm
最近編輯過:2024年 4月 28日 11:10 pm 1135 瀏覽
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Still unsure why I bother doing this and that is why I simply have not made the effort for a good few months, and is doubtless a reaction the mind numbing boredom of the lockdown.
So, here you go.... A couple of those "jokes??" that you may file under the heading "Married far too long!"
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>Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.
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>Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
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>Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
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>Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
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>A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
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>He asks, "What are you doing?"
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>She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free."
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>Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
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>When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want to see how you live on £800 a year".
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Stay safe, stay kinky, wear a mask and keep on rocking!
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Shower Time
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張貼於:2020年 10月 25日 12:43 pm
最近編輯過:2021年 4月 15日 12:25 pm 1607 瀏覽
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How Shower Like A Woman
1. Take off clothing and place in sectioned laundry basket according whites and coloured.
2. Walk bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
3. If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.
4. Frown at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note do more sit-ups.
5. Get in shower.
6. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
7. Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
8. Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.
9. Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil, leave on hair for minutes.
10. Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until red.
11. Wash entire rest of body with ginger-nut and jaffa cake body wash.
. Shave armpits and legs.
. Turn off shower.
. Squeegee off wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Mr Muscle Bathroom.
. Get out off shower.
. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
18. Check entire body for spots, tweeze hairs.
19. Return bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
20. If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like A Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed.
2. Leave in a pile.
3. Walk naked to the bathroom.
4. If you see wife along the way, shake knob at her making woo- sound.
5. Grin at manly physique in the mirror.
6. Admire size of knob and scratch arse.
7. Get in the shower.
8. Urinate
9. Wash your face.
10. Wash your armpits.
11. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
. Wash your butt leaving those coarse hairs stuck the soap.
. Shampoo hair.
. Make shampoo mohawk.
. Urinate again
18. Rinse off and get out of shower.
19. Partially dry-off.
20. Fail notice water floor and forget switch off shower
21. Admire knob size in mirror again.
22. Leave shower door open, wet mat floor, light and fan .
23. Return bedroom with towel around waist.
24. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make woo- noise again.
25. Throw wet towel bed.
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Some more humour...(???***???)
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張貼於:2020年 10月 13日 10:53 am
最近編輯過:2021年 4月 15日 12:44 pm 1726 瀏覽
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As most of us here are seeking that special someone, here are some clues about what the profile actually means...
WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish - 49
Adventurer - Slept with all your friends
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of Coke
Educated - Banged her lecturer
Emotionally Secure - Medicated
Feminist - Fat ballbuster
Free spirit - Nympho
Friendship first - Trying live down reputation as a slut
Fun - Annoying
Gentle - Comatose
Good Listener - Borderline Autistic
New-Age - body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned values - Lights out, missionary position , no BJs
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Poet - Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional - Certified Bitch
Reubenesque - Grossly Fat
Romantic - Looks better by candle light
Social - Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous - Very Fat.
Wants Soulmate - Stalker
Widow - Drove first husband shoot himself
Young at heart - Old bat
MEN'S ADS
40-ish - 55 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic - Watches a lot of Football
Educated - Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit - Wants bang your sister
Friendship first - As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun - Good with a remote and a six-pack
Good looking - Arrogant
Very good looking - Arrogant, but also dumb as a board
Honest - Pathological Liar
Huggable - Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle - Insecure mama's boy
Mature - Older than your father
Open-minded - Wants sleep with your flatmate but she's not interested
Passionate - Practically overdosed on Viagra
Physically fit - Still turns out for a Sunday morning -a-bout with his mates
Poet - Wrote ex-girlfriend's into a dirty limerick
Sensitive - Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive - Gay
Spiritual - Once got laid in a cemetery
Stable - Stalking conviction pending
Thoughtful - Says "Excuse me" when he farts
Widower - Murdered first wife but found not guilty
Young at Heart - Behaves like a toddler on a manic high
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More humour, Darwin style
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張貼於:2020年 10月 10日 1:18 pm
最近編輯過:2024年 4月 28日 11:10 pm 1388 瀏覽
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This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.
This is a supposedly true story and given some of the things I have seen in my working life I have no reason to doubt the veracity of the story.
Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure...
Dear Sir I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put " Poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-storey hotel. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over, which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.
Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry.
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One for the girls
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張貼於:2020年 10月 10日 8:58 am
最近編輯過:2021年 4月 15日 12:39 pm 1422 瀏覽
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Well, makes a change from bloody Stardate whatever...
Reasons why chocolate is better than sex
1. Chocolate can't get you pregnant
2. 's safe have chocolate when you are driving
3. You can have chocolate at any time of the month
4. 's easy find 8 inches of chocolate
5. You can have chocolate on your desk and your colleagues don't mind
6. You never need fake with chocolate
7. Chocolate still satisfies even when it's gone soft
8. You don't get sent jail if you have chocolate with little kids
9. With chocolate you never end up with hairs in your mouth
. With chocolate you always love swallow
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Stardate0002a
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張貼於:2020年 10月 10日 7:50 am
最近編輯過:2024年 4月 28日 11:10 pm 1695 瀏覽
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Was wondering what do for my next post, or indeed if I should bother posting at ... Guys here far out number the girls, so any woman scanning thru the blogs will be of necessity very very spoiled for choice, and while I do think I have a few interesting things say, I doubt that I would garner much, (if any,) interest!
Even politics, in which subject I have a degree, can be very divisive a site for kinksters such as this!
And so shall leave you (those of you that have bothered read this) with a joke.
A young white man is sentenced a prison term.
Being quite girly, only 5'10" and 0lbs he is scared death that he might become easy prey for the hardened lags in the jail.
his first day he is led his cell where he meets his cell mate... A bruising 6'4" 250lbs man mountain... a man of colour also!
Several times he tries initiate conversations break the ice, but every occasion he is met by a stony silence...
Until later in the day, the cell mate finally speaks... "Tonight, white boy, at lights out, you and me, we gonna Mummy and Daddy..."
The young man shits himself making every excuse he can think of try get out of the situation but no matter what he says,
the giant remains silent.
Finally, the bell rings and the lights in the cell are turned off. The giant leers out from his bunk.... "Hey, white boy...
Do you want be Mummy or Daddy," he whispers
The younger man says nothing, but after about 5 minutes the giant repeats his question,
altho this time his voice is more urgent and carries a definite tone of anger
"Hey white boy," he hisses "you gonna be Mummy or Daddy?" This happens a third time and by now the giant
sounds decidedly annoyed by the younger man's silence
(Scroll down slowly!)
"Ok, I'll be Daddy," he states confidently, in an effort to end this hell
"Right then..." after replying the giant is silent for the nest few minutes before piping in a child-like voice...
"Daddy... Daddy..."
"...Come over here and suck mummy's cock...!"
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