BDSM test
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Posted:Jan 18, 2013 8:23 am
Last Updated:Apr 9, 2014 2:03 am 50217 Views
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Switch 96%
Experimental 71%
Submissive 68%
Bondage 57%
Sadist 54%
Dominant 54%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur 36%
Masochist 25%
Vanilla 21%
Degradation Lover 7%
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The main inaccuracy that stands out is that I adore vanilla sex as much as kinky stuff, so much so in fact, that I am definitely very primal and unsophisticated in my sheer enjoyment of simply cumming with a lover; something which I can do countless times without ever getting bored of it. But then this is a BDSM test and doesn't really check for whether you like vanilla as well.
It certainly got it right that I'm not keen on pain and almost allergic to humiliation.
If I was to rank the different characteristics, with the ones I find most appealing at the top, then it would look as follows. I've doubled some up because it's difficult to decide which of the pair to put higher.
Switch
Vanilla / Experimental
Submissive / Dominant
Sadist
Degradation Lover
Bondage
Masochist
Exhibitionist / Voyeur
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Monogamy vs polyfidelity
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Posted:Jan 18, 2013 7:58 am
Last Updated:Nov 5, 2015 1:47 am 51318 Views
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Monogamy is very cosy, romantic, easy in theory, and intoxicating, isn't it? Well, yes it is indeed. So why should we dare to question it?
Like most people, I grew up with the idea of the fairytale happy-ever-after in my mind, and I naively thought that I'd be settled and start having a family by my mid 20s. However, life has gradually given me a rude awakening and made me question many things. The more I learn about myself, and the more I hear about other people's struggles to get everything they desire, the more I think that, despite its delectable benefits, monogamy is not all it's cracked up to be. You pay a hefty price for that heady all-consuming romance, and to make matters worse it never seems to last very long for most couples.
If society is trying to sell this to me then they're not doing a good job so far. The reality of human nature seems to fracture that glorious view.
I've always been obsessed with women and so in some respects I didn't really contemplate boyfriends as seriously as I should have done. Additionally, my shyness with women caused a preoccupation with thinking mainly about the sub-dom issue and that simply forming a couple with a dom or another switch would be sufficient - along with the implicit capitulation to the idea that once I was in love I could forfeit any interest in all the kinks that she didn't share and just be happy. It had gone through my mind that I could also have a boyfriend outside the household, maybe another married bisexual.
But as time has gone on and I've thought more on my sexual and emotional needs, I've come to think that for me it's more complicated than that. Not only do I yearn to be both dominant and submissive but I also yearn to be both male and female (in terms of sexuality and domestic role rather than gender per se), i.e. to fully indulge in all my aspects of who I am as a highly emotional and sexual creature.
As for boyfriends, I realised the somewhat impractical and unfulfilling nature of the idea that I can date a man from outside the household and just meet him for sex a couple of times a month. When my anal libido suddenly peaks and I'm craving to be ravished I don't want to phone him up and arrange to meet next week for goodness sake! I need him there with me to share life. I need him to hold me down and me there and then, before I climb the walls and him.
I seek deep, meaningful bonds with all my lovers and really want them living with me so that I can bask in their wonderful company as much as possible. At which point one seriously starts to question the suitability of monogamy and contemplate its shortcomings.
I'm very open to monogamy, but unless you can give me everything I need then it doesn't seem sensible that you can expect to be my only lover. However, just because there is more than one adult living with me doesn't mean that I love you any less. It would be like accusing me of betraying you because I also love my or my .
If you are, like me, curious about polyfidelity then I would be most glad to hear from you.
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I'm introvert - can you care for me?
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Posted:Jan 18, 2013 7:40 am
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2023 9:17 am 51566 Views
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This article was written by Jonathan Rauch. I copy it here because I too am largely an introvert - though I have my like, exciteable, extrovert moments too - and perhaps it might help you to understand me a little more.
Why is this important? Well, you need not only to be able to understand me but also to be happy with someone of my type. If I haven't contacted you for a while or I have been in my room all day it doesn't mean I'm not interested in you, nor does it necessarily mean I want to be left alone. Usually it just means that, in typical introvert fashion, I'm being far too good at amusing myself and enjoying my own company (which also happens to be a Piscean talent too, so I'm really good at that), or indulging in some hobby. So you should be demanding and forthright enough to just barge in on me - write me email or come into my room - and request some attention; ask me to come out for a walk with you, go the cinema or restaurant with you, go shopping with you or come and spend some quality time on the sofa together. I will not be offended, am keen to please and will tell you bluntly but nicely if I wish to be alone. So you should never be afraid to grab me by whatever extremity is available, or appropriate, and say "right, mister, you're coming with me, now...we're going to do something together." Usually, I'll be delighted to be dragged out of my own little world.
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Caring for Your Introvert
Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?
If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious," or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out?
If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands — and that you aren't caring for him properly. Science has learned a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information differently from other people (I am not making this up). If you are behind the curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world.
I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert.
Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good social skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I am far from shy. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have self-identified and come out to my friends and colleagues. In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any number of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes. Now I am here to tell you what you need to know in order to respond sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family members, friends, and colleagues. Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts. It pays to learn the warning signs.
What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say "Hell is other people at breakfast." Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.
Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: "I'm okay, you're okay — in small doses."
How many people are introverts? I performed exhaustive research on this question, in the form of a quick Google search. The answer: About 25 percent. Or: Just under half. Or — my favorite — "a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population."
Are introverts misunderstood? Wildly. That, it appears, is our lot in life. "It is very difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert," write the education experts Jill D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig. (They are also the source of the quotation in the previous paragraph.) Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the street does not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping.
Are introverts oppressed? I would have to say so. For one thing, extroverts are overrepresented in politics, a profession in which only the garrulous are really comfortable. Look at George W. Bush. Look at Bill Clinton. They seem to come fully to life only around other people. To think of the few introverts who did rise to the top in politics — Calvin Coolidge, Richard Nixon — is merely to drive home the point. With the possible exception of Ronald Reagan, whose fabled aloofness and privateness were probably signs of a deep introverted streak (many actors, I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when socializing, feel like actors), introverts are not considered "naturals" in politics.
Extroverts therefore dominate public life. This is a pity. If we introverts ran the world, it would no doubt be a calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place. As Coolidge is supposed to have said, "Don't you know that four fifths of all our troubles in this life would disappear if we would just sit down and keep still?" (He is also supposed to have said, "If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it." The only thing a true introvert dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself.)
With their endless appetite for talk and attention, extroverts also dominate social life, so they tend to set expectations. In our extrovertist society, being outgoing is considered normal and therefore desirable, a mark of happiness, confidence, leadership. Extroverts are seen as bighearted, vibrant, warm, empathic. "People person" is a compliment. Introverts are described with words like "guarded," "loner," "reserved," "taciturn," "self-contained," "private" — narrow, ungenerous words, words that suggest emotional parsimony and smallness of personality. Female introverts, I suspect, must suffer especially. In certain circles, particularly in the Midwest, a man can still sometimes get away with being what they used to call a strong and silent type; introverted women, lacking that alternative, are even more likely than men to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty.
Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts. Also, it is probably due to our lack of small talk, a lack that extroverts often mistake for disdain. We tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by talking, which is why their meetings never last less than six hours. "Introverts," writes a perceptive fellow named Thomas P. Crouser, in an online review of a recent book called Why Should Extroverts Make All the Money? (I'm not making that up, either), "are driven to distraction by the semi-internal dialogue extroverts tend to conduct. Introverts don't outwardly complain, instead roll their eyes and silently curse the darkness." Just so.
The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books — written, no doubt, by extroverts — regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward. We can only dream that someday, when our condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts' Rights movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."
How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.
Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"
Third, don't say anything else, either.
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