Round The World In Stereo
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Posted:Sep 23, 2023 4:14 am
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2024 12:24 am 5597 Views
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While sitting at the only stop light in town, at 17, I was set in my resolve to experience the world. To meet exciting people, do exciting adventures, and learn about other cultures and their food, made me hungry with wanderlust at the prospect. This country girl, who never fit in, because she was raised by hippies, knew there had to be places where the occupants were not so reserved. There had to be a place where there wasn't a hemorrhage of religion bleeding into government, school, and society.
My travel list so far includes:
The Bahamas, Caribbean, England, Scotland, France, Spain, Norway, Italy, Canada, Cuba, Puerto Rico, and 35 states in the US, Who knows if I make it to see other's. Hopefully Fiji will happen before leaving this earth.
Along the way, I have accumulated a wide variety of musical influences. Being the music fanatic that I am, I have accumulated the best of and welcome more as I explore.
Music Makes The World Go Round
Siempre Me Quedara - Bebe (Spain)
I Get Up - The Teskey Brothers (Australia)
Love - B-Tribe (Spain)
Gia - Despina Vandi (Greece)
Come Dance With Me - Nouvelle Vahue (France)
Mad About You - Hooverphonics (Belgium)
Satisfaction Guaranteed - Hila Davidson (Israel)
Human - Sevdaliza (Iran/Dutch)
Hurt You First - Niia (Italy)
The Ubiquitous Mr. Lovegroove - Dead Can Dance (Australia)
Vladimir Vysotsky - Koni Priveredlivye (Russian)
Breathe In - Frou Frou (UK)
Stolen Dance - Milky Chance (Germany)
I Belong To You (Il ritmo della passione) _ Anastacia and Eros Ramazzotti (Italy)
Drinking In The Day - Elise LeGrow (Canada)
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Goodbye Daddy
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Posted:Sep 19, 2023 6:22 am
Last Updated:Oct 5, 2023 11:18 pm 6424 Views
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On August 31, 2023, my handsome father took his last breath. It's taken me this long to be able to post. The doctor had said months....we had 3 weeks with him before he began choking and couldn't stop. Fluid is how most of us die.
Grief has a way of numbing your brain and cloaking it in a shock lullaby. It helps take the sting away. Of course, every death is different. But, this one has hurt on the level that my husband did. It has made me raw and unfiltered.
I got the call the night the ambulance took him. I don't remember the drive there now. When I arrived, his ashen skin, and the machines hooked to him, looked less than pleasant. My stepmother and were flurrying about the room. It took about 30 seconds for my psychic senses to kick in. He was dying soon.
He kept sleeping and my step mom made excuses..."Oh he was up all night struggling to breathe, so he is just tired" I realized in that moment that her denial was epic. She and my had fought me tooth and nail on accepting him going. It was frustrating as all hell, because my spirit6 guides had already prepared me.,
They went to get some lunch and left me there with him in the silence of the room. All the sudden, he grasped the mask and started pulling from his face. I frantically tried to unhook it as the alarm went off, echoing in that small room.
Me: Hold on Daddy let me get help
I ran into the hallway, loudly asking someone to come help. He was in distress. I ran back into the room. The sound of him choking on his fluid made me want to scream out in anguish for his struggle. It will echo in my brain for a long time.
I coached him through tubes being savagely thrust into his throat and nose to get the fluid out. Holding his hands as he gurgled and stared Into my eyes. However, I could see the nothing crawling through his pupils. I nodded and stared into his eyes, empathizing with him, acknowledging this was the end. My step mom and rushed back in. She took over instinctively I'm sure, but all the same, it felt like a wedge between he and I.
When everything had settled down, I could still hear him gurgling.
Me: Weasie, it's time to give him morphine and make him comfortable
Weasie: No Nikki! Were not doing that yet. There is a treatment. He has done this before.
Me: Look at him, that is not quality of life Weasie. I implore you to be selfless and let him go. Why would he want to go through this again? The outcome will not change. There is no end game, this is it.
Weasie: Because I will know when to stop. He is not in pain.
The frustration mounted in my body like a volcano. I quietly stepped out of the room and broke down into a puddle in the bathroom. Once I composed myself again, I walked into the room with purpose. Weasie was on the phone and as I reached his side, put his hand in mine, and squeezed, he opened his eyes for a second.
Me: Dad, I know you hear me. I have some things put into a letter to say to you.
Weasie whispered " Hold on". To whomever was on the phone. Ear hustling in on me as if she needed to protect him. I ignored her actions and kept speaking
Me: Remember putting me on your shoulders and saying the fireworks were for me?
He nodded
Me: I remember you taking me shopping at Cache, teaching me how to apply my makeup, teaching me to dance, how to write, and read. Do you remember?
He nodded.
Me: Dad, I know it is time and they are ready to take you. Are you ready to go?
He nodded
Me: Then go, you can leave now. I give you my word that I will take care of them. You were a better father than I deserved. You can be at peace.
I kissed his cheek, my own lips wet with tears. I picked my keys up and walked out the door. The next 5 hours driving back were spent with me crying until I had no more tears. I left because I could not stand back and watch them make him suffer. I knew I would be thrashed for doing so, but it was best I left before unleashing hell on my step mother.
I awoke at 5 am and called. My step mother was frantic and she said they had called he was dying. When they arrived, my called and I said
" Place it to his ear"
She did and I said, " Daddy, go fly to the moon and back. I will always be here waiting/ See you soon. I love you"
He took his last breath and passed. He had waited on me.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
Song for this post
I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston
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I'll Be The Greatest Fan of Your Life
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Posted:Sep 4, 2023 7:17 am
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2023 4:28 am 8438 Views
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Sasha sat upon the blood red velvet of the chaise, her shapely legs crossed at the knee. He couldn't help but notice her defined calves and the shape of their curve fine tuned because of the sexy high heels as one dangled upon her foot. Sasha's twinkle eyes and charming smile made her utterly irresistible. Even more so, was the sheer genuine humbleness she displayed. Sasha was absolutely like honey to a bee and he was determined..
Feminine, yet with a tom boyish country tinge. Her voice was polished , but by her use of vocabulary, intelligence was her edge. He realized instantly that most men would be made insecure and feel talked down upon. Although, his intuition screamed at him that Sasha was not intending for intelligence to dismantle their masculinity. There was no hidden agenda, but he was sure it had caused Sasha pain.
He interrupted her small talk, "Have many men tried to ear you down and demean your worth so you do not outsmart them or in response to being outsmarted?"
Sasha sat back , Her deliberately, well thought out answer made his cock hard and he shoved that thought aside,, hoping i would quell his hard on.
"I would say, almost all of them, Sir" her dark eyes looked up and stared deep into his to convey their honesty.
"I would think so ,since you made me feel inferior for a moment. It is not a comfortable place to be for a dominant man. He must rise to superiority without losing humility. He must not get in a fight with himself in an attempt to prove his manliness. Yes, ma'am, I believe you have endured enough." He smiled as he spoke his epiphany about Sasha
"Today is where that ends for you my lovely" He kissed her cheek and then forehead. "For, I will show you that domination can build you up, not tear you down"
Song for this post
I'll Be - Edwin McCain
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Kitty Machine Keeps Going & Going....
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Posted:Aug 28, 2023 5:46 am
Last Updated:Feb 7, 2024 3:05 pm 8915 Views
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Sasha spread her beautifully shaped legs more for the handsome man between her legs, knelt upon the floor in front of her hot little pussy. The steam from it emanated enough he could feel it. His hands slathered coconut on that gorgeous specimen of sex between Sasha;s thighs.
"Mmmmm, fuck yes" she sexily gasped as his fingers slid down her slick slit, parting the luscious lips and exposing her pink bud to be tickled and teased. He had pumped it to a hard protruding target that couldn't be avoided. His pad glanced it again and her hips arched off the chair.
"Please finger your slut's pussy .....please" Sasha whimpered and sucked in her bottom lip as he rubbed the slick coconut oil over her flower.
He placed a clit pump onto her clit and parted her thick lips to make it protrude again. He quikly pumped the cylinder, watching it swell her clit into place and engorge. Sasha's hips rolled and writhed. Her voice had grown husky
"Sweet Jesus.....I'm so fucking ready to be used and fucked, Daddy" Sasha's nostrils flared as she panted and kept her legs spread for him to play and watch. She felt her inner muscles tightening. This was how her orgasms blossomed and exploded.
Sasha looked into his eyes, but In her mind, she was fixated on feeling him pump his hot seed into her pussy. It was definitely a fetish. Sasha would watch porn clips of hot cum. spewing from cocks and it had her so damned wet and creamy, that lubricant was a moot point. She liked to feel it ooze from her after he had pulled out.
She began to shake and spasm, as another orgasm took over and her squirting flower made them both wet with hot juices Afterwards, Sasha went into the bathroom and ended up having another by herself that afternoon. Her engine doesn't ever want to turn off when turned on...
Song for this post
Satisfaction Guaranteed - Hila Davidson
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The Preparation With A Little Help From Creative Talents
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Posted:Aug 27, 2023 6:53 am
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2024 12:25 am 8545 Views
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Dad's 82nd Birthday 2019
I'm trying to write a letter to my father. It's an All The Things I Want/Need to Say To You Letter I don't want to feel like we didn't take the time given to us and use it productively.
In this epic written communication, I have included the things I learned from Dad, the moments happy or painful we shared, and convey my appreciation for the values and talents he gave me. It's an undertaking, to say the least.
I come from a long line of musicians. Dad taught me to embrace music when I was young. Guitar and voice were my thing, Oboe and Clarinet was his thing, and my grandpa was a ragtime piano player in a speakeasy. Dad taught me to love Jazz, R&B, and the Blues. The first concert we attended was B.B. King & Bobby Blue Bland. He took me to see Carlos Santana, Jonny Lang, and La Boheme. He taught me to appreciate Quincy Jones, Ella Fitzgerald, Etta James, Muddy Waters, Ray Charles and Miles Davis.
So while I write my letter, a list of music is being compiled to play at his memorial party. I feel these playlists should be curated so people that attend may be reminded of that person when listening. Of course I am in charge of that and the vido editing as well. That's what I get for being the creator. I don't mind actually, as I know he will enjoy seeing the results.
Enjoy
Dad's Playlist
That's The Way Of The World - Earth Wind and Fire (when he was feeling good)
Nip Sip - The Clovers (taught me to Western Swing Dance to this song)
My Girl - The Temptations (Dad and I would Carolina Shag Dance to this one)
The Girl From Ipanema - Astrud Gilberto (Mom and Dad dance song)
That's The Way Love Is - Bobby Blue Bland (Concert with Dad)
You Bring Me Joy - Anita Baker (One of his faves)
Lowdown - Boz Scaggs (groove Song while High)
Samba Pa Ti - Carlos Santana (Concert with Dad)
Me & Mrs. Jones - Billy Paul (Skipping school with Dad and going to lunch together)
Blues Boys Tune - B.B. King (Concert with Dad)
Breezin' - George Benson (One of Dad;s faves)
Night Time Is The Right Time - Ray Charles (He played this so much with my she knew it by heart)
I'll Take Care of You - Etta James
Cheek to Cheek - Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong (Dad says I stopped and stared at TV at 4 )
Smoke Gets In Your Eyes - Platters (My mom and Dad dance song)
I only Have Eyes For You - The Flamingos (same Dad and Mom Song)
Unforgettable - Nat King Cole (Jazz Sundays)
Life Without You - Stevie Ray Vaughn (Blues is one of his favorites)
Nothing Can Come Between Us - Sade (Jazz Sundays)
Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me - Gladys Knight & The Pips (Well, she's just a classic)
Woman's Work - Kate Bush
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To Love Somebody as Much as I Love You
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Posted:Aug 24, 2023 7:39 am
Last Updated:Feb 7, 2024 1:53 pm 9322 Views
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My helping Dad to car
" If there is any immortality to be had among us human beings, it is certainly only in the love we leave behind. Fathers like mine never die."
Leo Buscalgia
My dear father sat in a slump at the table. He did not have a smile, as he normally has, when I see him. My knelt on the floor holding his hand. I spoke, and he barely raised his head.
Me "What's wrong Dad?"
Him "Everything"
Me "Do you need to go to the hospital? Or are you just depressed?"
Him "I don't know"
Me "Well, you cant just give up"
Him "I already have"
Tears streamed down my face for a minute before I composed myself. My father had always remained strong and calm. He was my rock through so much of my struggles and challenges. Dad was reserved and controlled in his reactions. The same trait had a stifling effect, and it impaired his ability to let go freely and create. It wasn't always as such, but once I came, he accepted the responsibility to trade his passions for fatherhood. He passed on his writing and poetry to me.
“And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love: these are what we stay alive for.”
― Tom Schulman, Dead Poets Society
Dad was a poet, a beatnik, a musician, a dancer, and an intellectual....I am his offspring undoubtably
Me"I can't ask you to suck it up and be happy about it. But you are affecting everyone about you and if you have given up, I'd rather you just check the fuck out, Or you can appreciate the time you have left with everyone. The choice is yours Dad. No one can help with that. "
Him "I realize this..."
I hugged him as his frail arms shook and he buried his face in my shoulder and cried
Me "I got you Dad...always I will have your back. I love you from the bottom of my soul"
Him "I love you too baby"
That night, his face perked up a bit. He ate more, and punctuated it with a few chuckles and smiles. By the next morning, his face looked rosier and his energy was returning. His appetite had returned, as well. The healing power of love and laughter was evident.
“Love is the most powerful force in the world and Love will not fail to heal us. Love can bring us back from any darkness or sorrow.” – Unknown
Song for this post
Your Song - Elton John
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Daddy's Girl
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Posted:Aug 18, 2023 7:19 am
Last Updated:Aug 26, 2023 8:11 am 10542 Views
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"There is little you can do to stop a tornado, a hurricane, or a cancer diagnosis from changing your life in an instant."
Ted Lieu
Dad sat there stunned, his eyes wide with shock. The little Asian physician had just said stage 4 lymphoma. She tried to humanely tell him there was no treatment options at his age and the aggressiveness of his cancer, which has metastasized to his hip and spine, likely in the marrow. It was as if she had punched him in the gut. True to my father's nature, he remained calm.
My had flown in from UK and sat there crying. My stepmom teared up and tried to comfort him. I, too, had tears in my eyes, but anger was growing in me, taking over my shock in a fight mode rather than flight.
"Can I take him to Germany?" I asked the doctor
"I don't think he will do well to get on such a long flight" She answered softly
"If I did it soon?" I queried
"I think I know what you're asking" She looked at me with a knowing stare
"Well if you are going to suggest hospice, I'm not going to stand by and let him waste away to a bag of bones, damnit. And if America wasn't so back asswards, we would be humane enough to offer the same to everyone here so they could die with some dignity." My anger grew.
My stepmother jumped in, "Now Nikki, we would like a little time with him. This is not the time to go into it." She snipped a little, but I understand her panic. I had just been there only 4 years ago, realizing I was now a widow, and I wouldn't ever love in the same capacity again.
"How long does he have?" I asked calmly
"Months maybe" The doctor answered and said,  'm sorry:
I bit my tongue and listened to the doctor placate them with how hospice would maintain a quality of life for him.
"Bullshit! Wasting to a bag of bones is not quality of life! Fuck outta here!"My exasperation.
I walked over to dad and kissed his pale cheek. "I'm going outside to get some air, Dad"
As the door closed behind me, tears came pouring like the rain that hit the sidewalk outside. A nurse stopped, "Are you alright?"
"No! Why would I be alright? My father is dying. Would you be ok?" And the sobs followed.
"Can I give you a hug?" She asked, ready to make me calmer.
"Fuck no! Sorry, but I need air and to be alone a minute" My answer was short and n my head I thought, no bitch. What a stupid thing to try and do to someone in shock and clearly fleeing the scene to try and not lose it.
I went into the hallway and bent over sobbing uncontrollably for a minute. I felt like I would vomit at any moment. I walked to the elevator, while tears flowed all over my cheeks like sorrowful tributaries. Sure, I know he is 86 and has lived a long life. Yes, I am blessed for that. I give two fucks, right now. I just don't want him to leave me. He is my Sun, my moon and my stars. A Daddy's girl to the core.
I wanted to punch cancer in the throat. I wanted more time damnit! I mean how many, people can one person lose in a year? First Quinn, then Don the vet , and now dad? Life isn't just, not fair, it is as brutal as it is beautiful I fear being a shell of a person at this rate. It may send me into a comatose state. Maybe it will destroy me along with it.
AND - Before you leave some stupid ass phrase like:
God has a plan or they say it comes in threes - STOP and THINK!
Otherwise, I am not responsible for what I may say.
Song for this post
Dance with my Father - Luther Vandross
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Message In A Bottle
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Posted:Aug 9, 2023 12:11 pm
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2024 12:25 am 9529 Views
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You're a self proclaimed Dom, scrolling through profiles and see one that you find attraction to. You open your Alt box and send communication....You wait and nothing comes back. Why?
Here is a few things to remember:
1. The biggest flag ever is to demand obedience and submission. You contacted me, not the reverse. My response to that is fuck all the way off.
2. You describe how you are going to Dominate me. Yeah, delete. My box is not for your self masturbation of fantasy relief you absolute fuckwit. All that says to me, is you can't control yourself, how the fuck are you going to control me?
3. You state your financial successes and end up in my trash. Life does not come with a price tag attached and this isn't a loan application based on credit. Good for you, you smart little saver you. I;m not shallow enough to respond - Delete.
4. The extent is Hi with nothing but blank space. Say something interesting or I am not wasting my time.
5. Word it as if we are new and inexperienced without taking time to find out what we know before espousing what you know....UGH
Here's to you figuring it all out and not coming off like a twat waffle
Song for this post
You Got Lucky - Tom Petty
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Doing The Hustle
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Posted:Aug 6, 2023 3:41 pm
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2023 7:45 am 9680 Views
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Sasha sat at the table, weighing out a chunk of white powdery flakes onto a scale. She placed each exact measurement into a baggie, and sealed it. She placed each one in a pile as she thought and quietly reflected. No longer was she just making enough to support habits, she was now dead into being one of the young men who worked the streets. Of course, this meant that she was no longer flying under the radar of those who were greedy in their endeavors. Sasha was stepping on toes she might should avoid,
Clearly, these men were perplexed about her. She had class and style, She looked way younger than her age, and was a beautiful white woman. They would compartmentalize her into coming from poor white trash to explain, and yet, she was well cultured, intelligent, and different, The question about town was - Did she come from money to the hood? Why would she do that unless she were undercover? Paranoia and justification abounded,
Sasha had been a stripper, for a short time in her twenties, when one night, during an amateur contest, her old friend from the country walked in with a boyfriend, She took the first place prize. Sasha couldn't believe how sexy her friend, Tory, was with her moves. Tory danced so sexily, that Sasha watched mesmerized and studied her style and motion on the stage.
The boyfriend was an Asian and Latino mixed gang member from LA. He was clearly a hustler, with how he moved and dressed. Kevin took a liking to Sasha, and wanted her to make money for him within the club. This was easy work when dealing with dancers and customers. She would stuff little bundles into her boots and work it all night until the bundles became tens and twenties.
That was the beginning. Now, as she sat and worked, her age showed in glimpses of light flashing across her hands. The veins too prominent to be 30 something. But, the game had changed. She simply hoped beyond hope that she could ride it long enough to get the comforts of life before retirement could occur.
The down side was that her sexual proclivities would have to be put aside, as there was no time to do so. The reality is anyone close to her became a liability now. They would make her vulnerable to being hustled herself. Or worse, it could cost her life.
Sasha pushed those thoughts out, and finished working in the twilight before night time overtook the landscape and neon shone brightly over dives, like beacons for the lonely. She turned off the overhead light and stood in the dark room for a moment before moving quietly out the door.
Song for this post
Love's Gonna Get Ya Ki-ll-ed - Boogie Down Productions
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Dance to Traumatic Overtures
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Posted:Aug 5, 2023 6:24 am
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2024 12:23 am 9448 Views
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Isabelle stood staring into the mirror at what had been a perfect complexion, and now she hardly recognized the image reflected. Her lip was swollen and a bright red mark crossed her lips. Her neck bore two large bruises on each side under her chin. Her forehead had a bright red mark where her frown mark lay. She winced as she dabbed at her forehead with a cotton ball of peroxide.
Her tears welled up again, and Isabelle blinked them back, as one fell onto her cheek. While she inspected the marks, flashbacks of him flew before her inner eyes. She had traumas now, that would have to be healed.
He came in and asked her to start his shower. She did so and then he asked her to get in as well. She disrobed and did as told. He stepped in behind her. His hands began washing her body tenderly.
"Baby, I love you so much. I am so very sorry and ashamed I put my hands on you" Tears welled into his eyes. "You are my Queen and I will never hurt you like that again" He slid to his knees on the tile as the water sprayed them both. He wrapped his arms around Isabelle's waist and he pressed his head to her tummy. Isabelle couldn't help but caress his hair as he sobbed into her body.
Isabelle knew the defining moment had come when he had succumbed to the anger , rather than the choice of de-escalating. Isabelle knew almost assuredly this was likely to occur again. But, he seemed so sincere. Perhaps, he would prove the rule wrong. Isabelle felt ashamed for considering such. However, only 2 weeks would pass before he would once again do it.
It was a cycle, he pushed her away, and she would cling for dear life. The trauma bond would keep her coming back, and he would speak to her with disdain and condescending tone or as kind as could be to confuse her further. Isabelle would be wounded and scurry away only to return , needing his approval so very much. He would soften and give promises of a future they would share in some way, past the current working situation, and then retreat into his solitary space again. .
She would kick herself each time for not being strong enough to tell him to fuck off, and not return. With each time that he was cruel and cold, a little piece of her heart died. Soon Isabelle would care no more, and move on.
Song for this Post
Say Something - Christina Aguilera - Colin
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