The fog
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Posted:Mar 22, 2021 5:58 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 8:44 pm 2515 Views
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It rolled in slowly, the Smokey wisps like fingers caressing the land. It’s grey body wrapping itself around her until she was blinded the world beyond. Heart beating wildly compensate for the loss, she reached her hand out, trying find the way, but always just out of reach. Giving up the struggle, she drew her hand back, settled her mind and let go. The fog consumed her.
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Fear
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Posted:Feb 25, 2021 1:43 pm
Last Updated:Dec 31, 2021 9:50 pm 2972 Views
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I yearn to be happily paired with my forever partner. It is a that is so deeply rooted, that it is ever present in my thoughts. I don’t have very many hopes of it ever coming to fruition, in fact I have made peace with that fact that it won’t. The dreamer in me still clutches to the slim possibility, but I also have this fear that even if I were to meet him tomorrow it would never be what I thought it would.
I am not sad, nor dejected in writing this, in fact quite the opposite. I to hear your stories. I to hear of those magical moments in your life when you found ‘the one’. How you knew, and if everything you dreamed of.
Love to all
Lisa Mac
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The makings of a new book?
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Posted:Feb 24, 2021 12:12 pm
Last Updated:Jun 22, 2021 7:47 pm 4170 Views
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So I thought I would be brave and post a snip from something I wrote.... is very rough, so bare with me.
The sub sighed as her internal clock nudged her demanding that she drag her body out of bed. She tried not to gag as the blinding pain in her head thumped with each step she took. She entered the kitchen and began preparing the coffee and arranging her masters breakfast. It was a routine that she normally loved but the pain in her head made it difficult to accomplish. The pain distracted her to the point that she burned her hand on the coffee and almost sliced her finger tips off cutting up the fruit. Taking a deep breath to try and center herself she grabbed his tray and went to wake him.
Entering the bedroom, she was surprised to see him already up and propped against the headboard. She nervously glanced at the bedside clock, but determined that she was right on schedule. “Good Morning Sir, Your coffee and breakfast is ready” she said as she placed the tray across his lap. “Good Morning my girl, how did you sleep?” He asked as he reached for his coffee and looked over her body from head to toe. “I slept fine Sir” she answered. He raised his brow at her answer, but said nothing. She nervously dropped her gaze and went to lay out his clothes. Her hands trembled with exhaustion and she closed her eyes wishing she could climb back in bed and sleep for another ten hours.
She glanced again over at her master and stilled at his facial expression. “Well?” He asked. ‘What? Had he been talking to me and I zoned out?’’ She moaned in her head. “I am sorry Sir, I did not hear what you asked.” She replied. “I asked if the paper had not been delivered, and where the toast was.” He replied. She had forgotten the paper and the toast was still sitting in the toaster downstairs probable stone cold now. “Are you ok?” He asked. “Yes Sir, I am sorry Sir, I shall fetch them now.” She quickly fled the room hurrying to get the missing items. In her hasty exit she hit her toe off the door jam and shooting pain vibrated up her foot. She moaned in pain and tears sprung to her eyes. Her day was off to such a terrible start and she still had many hours to get through. Today was the day that she normally did a deep clean of the house and the laundry. She sighed in frustration at the thought of It.
The master sighed deeply as he watched her hurry from the room. They had been together now for six glorious months and he was proud at how far she had come. When he had met her, she was a shy, slightly overweight girl who had difficulty recognizing and expressing her needs and wants. He had seen the passion within her eyes and her natural submissiveness spoke to his soul. He knew that with the right training, trust and the direction from a firm hand, she could become a beautiful submissive that anyone would be proud to own. He had spent the first couple of months breaking down the walls that she had constructed around herself and fighting to change the views society had imposed upon her. He constructed daily routines for her follow and had established a set of rules that he expected to be adhered to . The months were of course filled with many ups and downs, but she slowly started to blossom and fill the mould of a submissive that he had envisioned for himself. He was therefore disappointed at her lack of transparency this morning. It was one of the first rules he had established with her. Never lie. It was a difficult one to get over. Not that she was inherently dishonest, but that It is natural want keep some things to yourself. He did not want this for her. He wanted to occupy all parts of her mind. He craved the total control he could have over her and knew that this could not be attained if she tried to keep anything from him.
He had watched her toss and turn all night, had seen the lines of pain that marred her brow as she woke this morning. Christ, he had seen it in her eyes as she entered the room this morning. He knew she suffered migraines, hell he had held her hair on more than one occasion as she vomited from the pain. So why not come to him now? Why not wake him and ask for the medication they had on hand? He was pissed that she would attempt this now after how far they had come. He was going to give her one more chance to come to him this morning, after that he would have To reintroduce the punishment he had assigned for being dishonest with him. Mind you she had already earned a meeting with his belt for lying about her sleep to his face.
She blinked back the tears and tried to compose her face as she reinterred the bedroom with the missing items clutched in her hand. She moved towards him noting the frown on his face. This added to the sickening sensation already rolling through her stomach. She placed the plate of toast next to his now empty coffee cup and his paper on the bed beside him. “Here is your toast Sir.” She said. ‘Is there something you wish To tell me, or ask me, little one?’ He asked firmly, catching her eye and staring intently at her. “Ummm” she mumbled, shifting from foot to foot and dropping her eyes once again. “No Sir, not that I can think of”. “Is that right? He asked as he moved the tray and flung the covers off his body moving to stand before her. She flinched at his face which held a mixture of disappointment and anger.
‘Kneel before me Sub” he demanded. She quickly complied, wincing at the pain in her head and her now bruised toe. She lowered her eyes and stared at his feet. “Who do you belong to , Sub?” He asked. “You Sir” she answered quietly. “ Who does your body belong to , Sub?” He asked next. “You Sir” she answered again. “Do you think me a harsh Master, Sub?’ “No Sir!” The answer fell from her lips as she glanced up at him in shock. “A Master?” He asked. “No Sir.” Again she answered, the shock evident in her voice. “Well, you either consider me harsh, blind or , Sub.” He responded “so which is it?” He asked again.
Tears sprang her eyes “I..I do not understand Sir. I dont know what you mean.” She miserably answered.
“Well, for starters, you have lied twice to me this morning.” “Once when I asked how your sleep was” he held up a finger “and the second when I asked if you had something tell me.” He held up his second finger. “ my calculation that is six straps of the belt” he added on. He watched her wince at the mention of the belt but held firm in his resolution to beat this type of defiance from her.
‘You said your body belongs to me. Were you lying about that too?” He asked.
“No Sir” she responded. Tears began leaking out the corners of her eyes. She looked up at him miserably. She did not know how they had arrived at this point. Why she didnt just wake him up last night and ask for her tablets. Or why she didnt mention her inability to sleep last night when he inquired about it this morning. It was such a small thing. She still fought the urges to keep problems to herself or the worry that she should not be bothering him with little things like a headache. She knew that he liked being informed of everything. That this fed into the control he sought from her. Not to say that she was left a mindless puppet. No, he often talked her through the problems she came to him with, and helped her form her own solutions to them, but the act in itself helped solidify the type of BDSM relationship they both craved.
He sighed as he looked down at her miserable face. ‘Your body belongs to me. Everything from its pleasures, to its pain.” He noticed her slight widening of her eyes. “You did not think I noticed your tossing last night, nor heard your whimpers as you tried to massage your temples. Did you think I did not note your white face of exhaustion nor the pain behind your eyes as you greeted me this morning?” He sighed. “I thought we were passed this little one.” He said, watching as she bowed her head in shame. He knew that his words alone would be a much harsher punishment than the feel of the strap, but he was determined to re-establish their roles and the expectations he had for her.
“Rise up little one, and drape yourself across the bottom of the bed. Ass out, hands stretched in front of you. I am not going to bind you this time, but you will hold still for me. I wish for you to count out loud, and then thank me.” He stated as he moved away towards the closet that held his belts. He watched her rise and move to follow his command.
Tears of shame streamed down her face as she hurried towards the bottom of the bed. She lay herself down and tried to steady her breathing. Her limbs shook and her head throbbed with the now added pressure of crying.
“I am going to begin. You will be given 6 straps for lying to me. Again, you will count aloud. If you miss one, then we will need to start again. Do you understand Sub?” He asked as he ran the belt across his palm. He heard her answer in a hushed voice, and took in her lush ass and the beautiful curve of her back. He wished he could have spent more time drinking in the sight of her. Enjoying the sound of the leather as it whipped through the air and made contact with her ass, but he knew she was already in pain and wanted to complete this part of the punishment so that he could wrap her in his arms and take her back to bed.
He snapped his wrist and watched the first strip bloom read upon her milky white ass.
“One Sir. Thank you Sir” she cried out loud
He snapped the leather again, aiming just under the first strip. “Two Sir, thank you” she cried again. The third wack landed on the underside of her ass and he watched her raise up on her toes as she cried out in pain before announcing “three Sir, thank you”. the fourth and fifth strike peppered across her now red ass. She was wreathing on the bed and sobbing now.
“This is the last one, my love and then we are done” he said. With that he raised his arm and brought the last strap down hard across the middle of her ass. She screamed loudly before mumbling her final count. Her muscle trembled with the effort to not curl into a ball away from the pain. Her cheeks were splotchy red and parts of her hair were stuck to the side of her face, soaked with her tears. She never looked more beautiful to him. She was broken down again, and in that rubble he was able to pluck her battered body and carry it away to the place which they had built together. A place where she trusted him with her heart, body and soul.
He threw his belt to the floor and gathered her into his arms. She sobbed into his chest how sorry she was and that she didnt know why she had broken his trust. He soothed her words away, reminding her that with the last strap the slate was now wiped clean.
He laid her down upon the bed and pulled the covers over her weary body and then quickly went to the bathroom to fetch the medication that would render her unconscious and take the pain of the migraine with it. He filled a cup with water and hurried back to her. Her sobbing had now stopped and her body now trembled with the shuddering breaths that often have after a melt down. He helped raise her body and brought the pills and water to her mouth. He ensured that she had swallowed both before placing the glass of water on the bedside table beside his partially finished breakfast, and climbed in beside her. He gathered her to his chest and rubbed his hands through her hair and murmured words of love and affection as he felt her body slowly begin to relax and fall into a deep sleep. He closed his eyes again and took in the feel of her warm body against him. Once again things felt right in his world. He knew that she would awaken a little bit groggy, sore from the strapping, and with a renewed focus on their relationship. That she would redouble her efforts to meet the requirements he had set in those first few days, and with his guiding hand together they would achieve their dreams.
The end
Well if you are reading this you are a rock star and deserve a gold star as You made it to the end.
Thanks for reading
Lisa Mac
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Holding my breath
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Posted:Feb 23, 2021 5:57 pm
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2021 5:22 pm 3213 Views
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My obsession with lingerie has got to stop! I have added my latest purchases to my pics today. I feel sexy in them, and am happy to be able to share them with you.
It has been an interesting few days. Sometimes I feel as though I have a lot of balls in the air and am afraid of doing something or saying something that will let the balls drop. I am trying to stick to my mantra and hold no expectations, but I have found myself holding my breath a few times to see what will happen.
Hope you will continue to support my choices and my journey.
Love to you all.
Lisa Mac
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Taking back me
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Posted:Feb 21, 2021 10:22 am
Last Updated:Dec 31, 2021 9:55 pm 3190 Views
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So I am having a really good day. I had an interesting conversation with a local Dom this morning. He had originally reached out a while ago and in his latest response included a website to his vanilla world. I fascinated. I reached back out and told him as much. He said he is unapologetic about who he is and makes no attempt to hide himself. It wasn’t until later on that I had my ah ha moment. I have been unhappy with me. I have been unhappy that I have not been able to keep the attention of someone I really wanted. I have been unhappy because I am trying to keep others happy and interested. I am into the mirror and not liking who I have become. Being submissive does not mean I have to be weak and mee
So ladies and gents, I am taking back me. I am a strong, independent person who enjoys submitting. This is my promise to you. I am no longer throwing this Gift away and to submit to those who do not see it as such. I shall stand before you with my head held high about who I am and what I .
My mantra is back (yes Jester, I know you don’t believe in it) I am thankful for what I have. I am to please myself first, if I find a good a Dom, great! If I do not, then that’s ok too. I am enjoying the moment.
I am bac
Thanks for your support, your views, for reaching out and sharing your journeys.
As always, stay safe and be kind
Hugs and kisses
Lisa mac.
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Italy, Italy, italy
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Posted:Feb 20, 2021 2:32 pm
Last Updated:Dec 31, 2021 9:53 pm 2825 Views
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I worked for most of the today and am feeling a bit better. During my down time found an amazing article on Italy ://alt. . I have added the following places onto my bucket list.
1. Manarola
2. Belluno
3. Alberobello
4. Positano
5.la maddalena
They all amazing.... I would love if some of my Italian friends would weight in.
Be safe
Lisa Mac.
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Mixed day
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Posted:Feb 19, 2021 4:20 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 8:44 pm 2556 Views
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I promised myself that I would try and write daily. It’s been an off today. Nothing overly terrible, but nothing outstanding either. Posted my pics from today, but even that felt off... it was much sexier in my head...lol I couldn’t even drum up the enthusiasm to start my next chapter. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
An a weird note a vanilla ex got in touch with today... while the relationship was nonexistent the sex was really good.... sticking with my mantra though, expect nothing and maybe I will be surprised. He made some interesting comments relating to a more kinky side as if testing the waters.... if he knew eh.
I wasn’t as obsessive over those missing in my life today... steps.
See what tomorrow brings.
Much love to all, and as always, stay safe.
Lisa Mac
Xoxo
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Power of a photo
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Posted:Feb 18, 2021 12:18 pm
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2021 4:18 pm 2618 Views
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I have once again found the joys (and frustrations) in taking photos of myself. I have had some body image issues for most of my life, but am enjoying challenging myself to see the beauty in my photographs. I feel sexy when I dress up and am humbled from all your kind words when you see it. It as helped fill the void where camming use to be.
What colour should tonight be? Hmmmm
As always stay safe. Love to all
Lisa Mac
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Thought of the day
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Posted:Feb 17, 2021 12:34 pm
Last Updated:Aug 11, 2021 9:17 pm 2569 Views
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I actually decided to work from the office today. It was funny being back in work clothes again. I would like to think my mantra worked today, I didn’t expect anything from here and I was pleasantly surprised to see a blog response. Work kept me busy and my mind was calm for a change,
Blogging maybe good for me. I am going to take a break on here, but perhaps log in to blog. (Like it a lot)
Writing an erotic book...thanks to you know who for his obsession with having me tell him ‘something sexy’ which manifested into a novel. Chapter 9 is complete and though he may not still read it, it has been a good experience.
Boundaries between friendship and domination. Is it funny that after making friends on here (good friends) that it feels weird to think of them sexually with you?
Well that’s all I got.
Stay safe everyone ❤️
Lisa Mac
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My struggle
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Posted:Feb 16, 2021 9:02 am
Last Updated:Mar 1, 2023 12:59 pm 2505 Views
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I have been struggling for a while now trying to find a balance between this life and vanilla. For me this life and this site has often fallen into escapism, a way to close my eyes and become someone else. Perhaps it is because my own life is lacking, and perhaps it has been something more a deeper need that I don’t fully understand. For the longest time I have been ok with it. I was able to bend it to fit me and the needs at the time, but it has slowly diminished and have left me feeling unfulfilled.
I spoke with someone over the weekend where I had mentioned that my submissive nature is hard to talk about, hard to articulate what I want and he agreed. So I am stuck with the why. Why is it so hard? Why should it be a struggle? It is something that I really want for myself, so why not reach out and take it?
Somehow I made a connection on here, one that was unexpected and surprising, for it pinched me from the imaginative world to reality. For the first time I could see this person fitting into both my worlds and it has thrown me. Everything seems messy where before it was tucked away into neat boxes, and I’m missing those boxes.
Perhaps if the connection ran both ways I would be more courageous....maybe.
So my fucked up struggle is real, and if you have read this to the end then perhaps you have made some kind of connection to my words.
I am in awe of most of you. I love reading about and seeing the connection you have made. I love that you have embraced what ever role you are and have ran with it. I think you for letting me live vicariously through you.
As always, take care of one another, be kind, show compassion, find the love around you.
Lisa Mac
Xoxo
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