don't Flex
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Posted:Dec 21, 2022 3:21 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 6:26 am 4727 Views
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For those who don’t know; Amazon Flex is a chance for people to use their own vehicles to deliver packages. I recently applied, and after being accepted tried to do my first set of deliveries. It was supposed to take me roughly 4 / four hours and begin at 5 / five a.m. It didn’t go well.
The night started out decent enough; I picked up my packages and headed to the first address without any real issues. Once I arrived though, the problems began, and only seemed to get worse at every stop. Of the 9 / nine attempts I made, only 3 / three were successful, and only 1 / one of those was managed without contacting support for assistance. In fact, of the 9 / nine stops the first was the only 1 / one where I did not have to contact them for help. It was 5 / five in the morning and I was being routed to businesses that didn’t open until 10 / ten, and when I tried to use the app to mark them undeliverable I consistently ran into issues. After quite a bit of frustration, and very little progress, I gave up. I was in the middle of call number 12 / twelve to support when my phone shut off in my hand. I’d been on it so much that the battery had run out. Cursing my own existence, I returned home long enough to recharge the phone a bit and look up the address where I’d picked the packages up, so I could return them. At that point I was so far behind I wasn’t going to be able to finish on time, and I had no way of doing anything on a dead phone anyways, so I just threw in the towel. I know when to say when.
This is a HUGE opportunity lost. I only need to be employed for a little over 3 / three months, and this seemed like the perfect thing for me, but it is a joke. What should have taken 4 / four hours was going to take me 6 / six at the rate I was going, with only about half the packages delivered but my frustration at an all-time high. A system that flawed is not one I can utilize or tolerate. Technology consistently fails, and this was no exception, but the mistakes and failures began in the warehouse. I was obviously given a route that should have been scheduled for much later in the day, but Amazon is so understaffed and eager to give the customers what they want RIGHT NOW that it seems they are not even paying attention anymore. I was sent to a store that was located in a mall, which didn’t open until 11 / eleven a.m. so tell me how that’s good planning or decision making? That’s why I had so few successes; everywhere I went was locked down for the night, and there wouldn’t be anyone around for several more hours. What a shit show.
The other night / morning I heard the engine of a vehicle as it came down our driveway. Sometimes my sex slave ChrisSwallows is out late, or at odd hours, so it didn’t surprise or alarm me. When I heard the thunk of a car door while the engine was still idling I did pay a bit more attention though, because this is not normal behavior. Moments later, when I heard the door thunk again I had a pretty good idea of what was going on, and only had to step out and look at our front porch to verify. Even in the darkness I could see the Amazon package laying there. It had to have been 5 / five in the morning, maybe even a bit earlier, which might surprise a lot of people. I don’t know about you, but most folks would feel pretty uneasy if they looked out their window that early in the morning and saw someone pulling into their driveway, then park and leave the vehicle running while they approached the front door. If I were average Joe or Jane gun owner this might be a deadly scenario, especially since people doing Flex work for Amazon are in their own vehicles, wearing their own clothing, and in no way appear to be professional. I mean hooray to the company for being so overwhelmed with business that they have to resort to this sort of thing, but I think it’s a bad idea. What I know for certain, is that I won’t be working for Amazon in any capacity, but I’ll probably still make the occasional purchase. Much like Walmart, I want to resist, but deals are sometimes just too good to pass up, and the wide variety of choices is tough to beat. I’m in no hurry to get what I’ve ordered though, so take your time getting it to me. I’m the guy that chooses the free shipping option and waits a week to get what most apparently have a difficult time waiting an entire day for.
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loyalty
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Posted:Dec 19, 2022 5:31 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 6:26 am 4481 Views
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Loyalty and honesty mean a great deal to me. In personal relationships, I simply cannot do without them if I want to maintain something healthy and mutually beneficial, but it is almost equally important in business affairs. I believe wholeheartedly that loyalty to a person, brand or product should be cherished and rewarded. This is especially true in retail, for instance, where there are so many brand options to choose from. A company like Apple or Nike can rely on brand loyalty to bring them profits year after year, even if the products they put out do not warrant that kind of consumption. Every year a new iPhone comes out and people line up to purchase it for an exorbitant amount, but when looked at closely one realizes the gadget isn’t as “new” or “advanced” or “updated” as it seems. Certainly not enough to warrant such a large cash expenditure. The bottom line, of course, is that people are consumers that just want the new _______ and they want to be the first to have it. That kind of thinking is extremely foreign to me, but were I a company I would familiarize myself with it enough to capitalize on it. Is the hoodie Nike puts out next week going to be superior in any way to the thousands that came before it? Not enough to pay the hefty price. Will a ridiculously large number of people still buy them anyways? You bet they will, and with a huge profit going to the company simply because the people doing the purchasing are being loyal to the brand.
I bring up loyalty because I recently went through a change in auto insurance carriers. For years I’ve been using company G and felt good about it. When I cancelled my coverage for a few months I fully expected to use them again when I restarted, so when I got the van recently that is exactly what I started to do. Getting online, I began a quote, only to find that switching from the equivalent of a convertible sports car to a family van was going to cost me more. This surprised me greatly, so I did something I wouldn’t normally do and checked out the rates of company P, only to find they wanted half what company G wanted. I’m all about loyalty though, so I didn’t immediately jump ship. Instead, I made an attempt to contact a local agent to see if there was an explanation for the higher rate (with a safer vehicle) and maybe see if I could get a price match. Instead, I was rerouted to a call center, where someone made a poor attempt to explain to me, in vague terms, why my rate might have gone up. No definitive answers to anything, just a lot of maybes. So I made the switch.
What some might find interesting, is how I can feel loyalty towards an insurance company but not towards a clothing brand. My shoes do not bear the same symbols, and I try my best to choose clothing that does not give free advertising to the company that made it. That means logos are often scarce, however I will happily don band t-shirts because in that instance I am elated to share with the world my musical tastes, and at the same time support the band in question by making others aware of them. That means I’ll put on a shirt that says “Skinny Puppy” because they are a band I have always loved, but I won’t even purchase 1 / one that has a Nike swoosh. In fact, I have never owned a pair of their shoes, but I think I might have had some pieces of clothing here and there. Rest assured they were all purchased as second hand, and cost me nearly nothing, because I have more loyalty to my wallet than I do any company.
Throughout my life I have been a fan of Pepsi, but on many occasions tried various Coca Cola products. The reason I stuck with Pepsi was not because of loyalty, I just thought it tasted better than Coke. In general I believe in Apple products, because they seem to be made of quality materials and built to last, but I’ve never owned an iPhone. I’ve had Mac computers and of course love my iPod, but my phone almost always ends up being a Samsung. In these instances I am only loyal when it has been earned, or is clearly deserved. I would no sooner mindlessly continue to buy Apple products if they stopped being reliable than I would switch to only wearing Nike products if I began working for the company. It is well known that employees of Nike are not allowed to wear competitor brands to work, but I’d be the guy wearing the only alternative (rumor is you can wear Doc Martens) just to show you can’t force loyalty on people. I guess the point I’m making is that loyalty is very tricky, and all about the individual and their beliefs, attitudes, etc. When I liked football the Washington Redskins were the team I rooted for but I didn’t get angry if people bet against them, and took no rivalries seriously. I was not on the team, didn’t know anyone associated with them, so why would I possibly get emotionally involved or invested? To me, it’s just a game to watch, but to others their team loyalty runs deep. I can’t muster that kind of intensity for much of anything that I am not directly connected to. Insult my favorite band and I won’t want to go to war with you, I’ll just shrug my shoulders and move on, but insult a close friend of mind and you’ll get a very different reaction. I could go on with more examples but the point has been made; as with anything, what is important to some might be meaningless to others, but in general I respect and expect loyalty.
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winter break
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Posted:Dec 13, 2022 3:49 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 6:26 am 4973 Views
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I know I shouldn’t do this because it will affect my ranking and position on certain sites and, ultimately have negative consequences for my business, but I am taking a break from filming, promoting and releasing adult movies. I might also skip social media for a while; I haven’t decided yet. My heart, along with the rest of me, is just not into it anymore.
Making porn is fun, but right now it’s too cold to do any filming, and quite frankly I’ve done just about everything there is to do. At this point, my play list is on repeat, and it’s really a wonder I can still get as aroused as I do when it comes time to step in front of the camera. Perhaps it’s a testament to my libido, but more likely an example of what going without sex for months at a time can accomplish. I have gotten naked, posed and masturbated on film a few hundred times, and done the same but while wearing feminine clothing a few hundred more. That’s just in the last couple of years, and doesn’t include all that came before. I am still interested in being a part of this industry, and would even like to begin filming again at some point, but I don’t know if I’ll ever have the same drive to create solo material that I have in the past. If I can’t find someone to make movies with I might just be done.
The break is not really because it is wintertime but that’s a convenient excuse. Yes, it’s far too cold for me to feel sexy, but there’s more going on in my life that is influencing this. In April I will be officially moving out of the house I am in and headed to my spot in Southern Oregon, so my focus and energies are on that process. My original plan was to get set up there and continue to make adult content but I am not sure that’s how things are going to work out now. Perhaps I will be able to make the dream of owning an animal sanctuary a reality, but more likely I’ll just wind up paying off the land and simply disappearing. If I can grow my own food and collect enough water from nature I might go completely off grid, and my only real need for money will be for things like building supplies, gasoline, veterinarian bills and all that might go towards taking care of the animals in my stead. If I can make that happen via donations to the sanctuary I’ll no longer have to bare my flesh for the camera. Instead, I can focus it on the furry and perhaps feathered family that grows around me, and share that with the world instead of my erect penis. I have a feeling there might be a wider audience for the animals than my genitalia.
Making porn has been fun, and I have very few negative things to say about my experience in the industry. Nobody took advantage of me or ripped me off, and I saw no abusive or bad behavior. Filming content did not in any way desensitize me, nor did it demystify the process, or sex itself. It was great being a part of something I enjoyed as a consumer, and I can honestly say that period of time in my life is one filled with very few regrets. I believe there is a saying; “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” and for the most part that has been my experience making adult films. After nearly 15 / fifteen years of doing it, I think a lengthy break will do me good, and if I decide to resume at some point it won’t be a big, complicated decision to make I’ll just turn the camera back on and go for it like I did before. The revenue I’ve been getting from sales hasn’t been enough to sustain me for quite some time now, so losing it won’t be a great imposition, I just don’t like giving up on something I am good at, and enjoy. Perhaps new challenges are just what I need to bring my quality of life to the next level.
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gay God or gay Santa?
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Posted:Dec 10, 2022 8:43 am
Last Updated:Dec 13, 2022 3:49 am 4660 Views
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Yesterday morning, while motoring down our long driveway, I came upon a dozen or more DVDs strewn about the pavement. Almost all of the discs had popped free of their cases, so it was a small mess. It was raining at the time, but even through the wet and foggy window I could see that we’d been gifted some pornography. Hopping out of my van, I gathered them up and put them on a step ladder in the carport, then went about my day. At some point I sent my sex slave ChrisSwallows a message and told him what I’d discovered. He wondered if perhaps a friend had dropped them off because they were moving, or something far too altruistic for my pessimistic bones. They hadn’t been dropped off nicely, they’d been tossed on the ground, and friends don’t do that unless maybe they’re playing a weird joke. Someone angry, scorned or perhaps bothered by the fact that there are homosexuals living in our house did it. Could be it was a neighbor, but the timing seems odd and random. Chances are we’ll never know who did it, or if it was even intended for us.
My joke to ChrisSwallows was that either gay God had left the DVDs for him, or gay Santa had come to our house early this year. Believe it or not, he actually went out, grabbed the discs and cases, and proceeded to dry them out on the kitchen table. I think he owns a DVD player but with all the free porn you can ask for at your fingertips online I can’t envision him sliding a disc into a player, grabbing the remote, and everything that follows. Even I am going to get rid of my porn collection before I go to my spot in Southern Oregon, and I spent decades collecting it, only to have it just sit in a box most of the time. Then again, maybe the novelty of all that I described is exactly what will heighten the experience for him. I admit it’s been so long since I turned on the television and slid a old favorite in that I’d probably enjoy it more than usual as well. Then the novelty would wear off and I’d start seeing digital online porn as superior. I know I’m digressing a bit here from the original point but that’s how I do things around here. Most people have gotten used to it.
It has been months since we had anyone over for sex, and as far as I know my sex slave ChrisSwallows hasn’t had any liaisons, so it makes me wonder why this person decided to do this now. As I said, it’s not likely we’ll ever know, but if anything positive can come out of the mystery it will be that my roommate got himself some free porn. The morning after this incident nothing happened, so I’m left with the assumption / impression it was a one time, potentially random occurrence that at least gave me something to write about. Wow, that’s actually 2 / two good things that came from this! Hooray for random acts of weirdness I suppose.
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acting like an adult
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Posted:Dec 7, 2022 6:02 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 6:26 am 4363 Views
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When I purchased my convertible Saab in 2016 I had every intention of doing what was required by law and registering it, among other things. I think the tags were expired, so that needed to be done as well. It meant time out of my day, which I didn’t have because I worked during the hours the DMV was open, and a bunch of money out of my wallet for fees I didn’t want to pay. I put it off for so long that I eventually forgot about it, until I eventually got busted for it. Twice. Mainly I got in trouble for driving the vehicle without having it registered, but the expired tags were also a big issue. I had the chance to be responsible many times over the last few years, but refused to do it. Sure it would have been tough on my patience and pocketbook, but it’s what the state of Oregon requires if I want to be a law-abiding citizen who is in compliance. Alas, I was not willing to be an adult about it, and as a result found myself being punished at least twice. Serves me right I suppose.
Well I have a different vehicle now, courtesy of my ever-amazing sex slave ChrisSwallows, and despite my irresponsible past I decided to act like an adult this time and take care of business. I waited for 2 / two hours at the DMV and spent over $300 / three hundred dollars on fees, but I got the title transferred, vehicle registered, acquired new license plates and even had my license reinstated. Everything I did came with a fee, or a bunch of hoops to jump through. Heck, the DMV even charged me a hefty amount just for assisting me. I think they might have labeled it a “processing” fee but that’s just code for a “how we pay the bills” fee. Oregon has always been a spendy place to own a vehicle, so I expected to have my wallet hurt pretty badly. Were it not for ChrisSwallows I wouldn’t have had the money to purchase the van and do all the legal stuff, which likely would have put me on the same unregistered, tags expired road I was on before. He did his part, so I only felt it right to do mine, act like an adult, and take care of business.
The hardest part of all of this was not the money it was the visit to the DMV. I arrived nearly 20 / twenty minutes before it opened, so technically I waited more than 2 / hours, but it was that time period that caused me the most stress. I took along my iPod so I could drown out the noise of the waiting area, and ease the effects of my misophonia, but ultimately it was just the simple struggle to remain patient and positive that was so tough for me. That’s how much of a wuss I have become, but I certainly felt good about myself when the task was finished. There was a struggle to remain patient and sane just standing in line, and then another struggle not to lose my temper when dealing with the DMV employee, but overall it went very well. This being an adult thing has benefits but it sure can be tough.
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happy birthday to meh
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Posted:Dec 2, 2022 2:07 am
Last Updated:Dec 7, 2022 6:02 am 4709 Views
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Yesterday I turned 50 / fifty years old. You’d think a person that has lived that long might have something significant or inspiring to say, but I don’t. The years have not been all that good to me, even though I’ve relentlessly tried to be good to myself. Or maybe it is because I spent too much time in the pursuit of happiness and comfort that I wound up experiencing so much of the opposite. I really didn’t want to live this long, but I made it this far so I might as well see what comes next.
The day itself was nothing to brag about. I did manage to overindulge in sugary treats but beyond that my special day wasn’t all that special. There was a cheat moment that included a quick trip to McDonald’s but that’s not what I had intended. I wanted to treat myself to a real hamburger or something similar, but the timing wasn’t right. My only other plan that didn’t involve food was to play the drums, and that didn’t happen either. Instead, I chose the responsible route and took care of some very important things that needed taken care of. Yes, I’m being vague; deal with it. A few people wished me a happy day, and my sex slave ChrisSwallows did that and more, but it was as I had anticipated and have experienced so many times before - pretty much just another day. Oh yeah; I smoked a bit more marijuana than I usually do, and that made everything a little bit better. No complaints here. It was a nice birthday.
The idea of continuing to get older does not appeal. My body is finally showing the signs of age, but more than that I am beginning to feel them. I’m not going to turn this into a woe-is-me post I’m just being honest. At the age of 50 / fifty I have finally begun to feel old. Next the mind will start to go. Oh wait, that has been happening for a long time now.
My life may be full or regrets and hardships but I am grateful I made it this long. The truth is, even within my miseries there is a genuine desire to carry on, to see if things can get better. Life is precious and worth living if we make the right choices and cherish it - at least that’s what I’ve come to believe. If there was anything profound to say it would be that I spent my life “living” it and not being responsible (i.e. keeping a job, working toward retirement, having a hefty savings account) and at this stage I find my decisions to do so very irresponsible. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve lived an incredible life and I wouldn’t trade most of it for a bunch of money right now, but then again all the highs I experienced won’t keep me warm in the dead of winter if I am homeless and living on the streets. Memories are precious but so is food, shelter, love. 50 / fifty years have taught me how important it is to find a balance between slavishly responsible and willfully irresponsible. I haven’t succeeded so far, but maybe I’ll have a few more birthdays to get it figured out.
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horny when I'm clean
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Posted:Nov 26, 2022 11:24 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 6:26 am 4818 Views
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My sex slave ChrisSwallows and I were talking about fitness and exercise the other day when he confessed to me that doing something like riding his bicycle made him horny. When he asked if it had the same effect on me I was quick to reply that being clean was more of an aphrodisiac. Stepping out of the shower and toweling off has almost always led to some level of arousal, and these days that hasn’t changed at all, except that my frequency for showering has dropped considerably. I’m not some dirty, filthy creature I just don’t have the every single day attitude that I did before. Plus I’m still doing a lot of “bathing” using the sink in my room, but I still get that stirring in my loins when I am finished. Being clean means I can be open and uninhibited without worrying about offending somebody. Nothing turns me off like a smelly, dirty crotch or ass so I have every intention of avoiding being the owner of either of those at any time.
Are there other times when I am horny? Some movies I watch might light a small fire in my nether regions, and I am still logging in to the gay hookup site Sniffies just for the fun of it, but there’s not much else going on “down there”. The pictures I see or replies I receive can still get me going sometimes but I don’t do anything about it except maybe masturbate. And since the weather turned cold I can’t even really film any more. Not only is it uncomfortable to get naked it’s also overcast most of the time, so lighting is terrible. The cock still works, I am certain of that, but my highest levels of arousal come shortly after I cleaned my body. Maybe I will mark it as a fetish and exploit it in the near future. I will shortly be living out of a van so taking a shower will be a real treat at that point, but also a necessity. I can’t even bathe from the sink - there’s no sink in the van haha.
There are guys I know that dig a smelly fellow. They call it musk. Heck, I even know a couple that like a dirty asshole but let’s not go there. The point is; I can probably get away with feeding my ripe cock to a few guys and do the shower thing with a few others if I suddenly get very promiscuous. My preference is to be clean and freshly showered before any and every encounter but that can’t always happen. Given the choice, I’ll likely choose to go without sexual gratification from someone else until I have. My level of desperation for sex is at an all-time low (or is it high?). I am quite content to go without and wait for better circumstances, and those will be when I am clean and smelling good.
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birthday imminent
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Posted:Nov 24, 2022 1:20 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 6:26 am 4264 Views
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My 50th / fiftieth birthday will be here in a few days. It’s the 1st / first day of December, if you really want to know. For as long as I can remember I have had this fantasy that I would be killing myself by the time I was this age. My dream was to get very fucked up on drugs and drive a car off a cliff. That has seriously stuck with me most of my life, but it won’t be happening in a few days. Part of the fantasy was that I would be doing the deed with a female who would be performing fellatio on me as we fell to our deaths. Yes, it’s morbid and messed up in many ways, but so are some of my other fantasies. Anyways, I don’t know any females willing to do this so I guess I’ll just have to wait. Hopefully you can tell sarcasm when you read it.
That’s kind of a messed up way to start talking about your upcoming birthday, isn’t it? Yikes!
For my special day I want very little; mostly to be left alone and act like it is any other day. By way of quiet, lonely celebration I hope to eat different (i.e. bad for me) foods that I normally wouldn’t, smoke several different strains of marijuana that I have been saving for the occasion, and consume far too much sugar in the form of cake, ice cream, coffee, candy, whatever. My biggest treat, I hope, will come in the form of an hour playing the drums. I can’t say for sure how long it has been since I last played, but I’m guessing nearly 2 / two months. I want to go nuts, then pack them up and put them away for good. Technically they belong to my sex slave ChrisSwallows because I sold them to him many months ago, but he has allowed me to continue playing them. A last hurrah and then I will officially turn them over for good.
Birthdays have never been special to me, mainly because I am an antisocial, introverted loner which means there’s really nobody in my life to celebrate with. If I’m lucky I have a girlfriend when the 1st / first day of December rolls around each year, but if I don’t then it might as well just be another day. Sometimes the tiny family / friends I have will remember, sometimes they won’t, but their efforts are nominal. I don’t blame them, I just know it’s going to be that way so I don’t bother getting my hopes up. I am vastly unimportant, so why delude myself otherwise? The day of birth should be a celebration of your existence, but nobody except me is rejoicing in that, and as the opening paragraph mentions even I am not that thrilled. So I treat the un-special day like any other, but with the few simple twists I mentioned above. It will a day much like any other day, with the exception of a couple indulgences. The food will mess with my stomach for a couple of days, and I’ll miss playing the drums again, but it’ll be back to business and life as usual before I even have time to bask. Yep, just another day.
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holding on to hate
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Posted:Nov 20, 2022 9:02 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 6:26 am 4057 Views
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It must be a tough life, hating someone for some perceived slight and never being able to let go of that. The type of personality that holds a grudge is one I can understand, up to a point, but then it gets a little ridiculous in my eyes. If someone has seriously wronged you; cheated on you, destroyed your reputation, physically harmed you, stolen from you, or perhaps taken the life of someone important to you I can understand wanting to get some kind of revenge. At the very least you would hold ill will in your heart toward that person for a long time. What about lesser slights though? Do you think it’s healthy to spend decades of your life mad at somebody because they broke up with you, or maybe lied to you about something that wasn’t earth-shattering? Which things are okay to harbor and which should anyone with a hint of sanity left just let go, and move on?
During my nearly 5 / five decades on this planet I have been wronged by a few people, but none of them so much that I am still angry to this day. The closest I can come to that would be my disgust for specific corrections officers that I feel treated me unfairly during my time in prison. No ex-girlfriends or lovers could even come close to warranting that sort of continued derision, even though some of them did do some pretty heinous things like tell lies and cheat. There have been neighbors I directed seriously bad energy towards, but the moment I moved away I let that shit go. Heck, I pretty much hated the entire city of Woodburn when I lived there for 5 / five years but some days I actually miss aspects of it, and would even go back for a brief visit. There are only 2 / two ex-friends whom I might hold any ill will towards, and I would welcome them back into my life with open but cautious arms. Maybe I’m just extremely lucky, or forgive easily, but either way I don’t carry around a lot of anger toward any specific person. Too unhealthy.
An anonymous individual recently took a moment to leave a nasty comment on my WordPress blog. It is clearly from somebody who knows me, and has a connection to my past. If I were to guess, I’d say this person is always out there, lurking, and this was not just a random occurrence. I do understand the impulse to lash out; if I found the blog of a corrections officer I thought mistreated me while in prison I would probably do a bit of it myself. So while I call this person who left this recent message a coward for doing so anonymously, I also admit that I would likely be guilty of the same cowardly act. Perhaps that makes me no better than the person who left the comment, but intention and action are 2 / two very different sides of a coin. What I might do, this person has already done, and the committing of an act is far worse than just thinking about it. That being said, I am neither concerned nor bothered, it just gave me something to write about. Chances are the person who left the comment will see this, and feel some sort of pride that I’ve taken the time to “write about them” and I’m okay with that. Whoever it is, they need to lash out in order to feel good and I won’t inhibit that in any way. Get it out of your system and then move on with your life. The anger you feel is not healthy and will not serve you well. Let it go and be free now.
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honest cock rating and tribute
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Posted:Nov 18, 2022 12:55 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 6:26 am 4004 Views
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I know that beauty is supposed to be in the eye of the beholder, but what if the beholder has some self-esteem issues? Should they turn to a trusted friend or loved one, or contact a total stranger for help? I mentioned recently that I was offering honest cock ratings as 1 / one of my services on ManyVids, and shortly after that my 3rd / third order came through. This particular customer was a bit more communicative than the others, and made it clear to me that he has insecurities about his penis and therefore would appreciate my brutal honesty. He has certainly come to the right person.
When I first began watching porn I had no idea of what my tastes were, but I learned very quickly the things I liked and disliked. A hairy vagina was a big turn off, as was a small, ugly dick. The female in a scene could be stunning from head to toe but if she had a bush, it repulsed me, and if she had to deal with an unattractive cock I would not become aroused. My psyche didn’t delve any further regarding my preference for an attractive male sex organ, I just knew it as the truth and made sure to check the box before watching adult films. If the guy had a huge, circumcised penis I was probably going to enjoy the action, but if his endowment was small, uncircumcised or hairy I was sure to feel nothing but disappointment.
Did / does the fact that I was only interested in porn with “attractive” dicks mean anything? I’ve spent the last 3 / three decades only interested in having my own cock serviced, with 0 / zero feelings of any kind towards the men who were doing it. Only recently have I developed a desire for a bit more intimacy, and that has included a desire to have a cock in my mouth. To that end I don’t feel like I should be changing my label or sexual preference, but there’s no denying my loins get warmer when I see a cock I find appealing and go cold when I come across one I don’t. The reaction doesn’t need to be explained, the main thing is that I don’t try to deny it. The thought of playing around with a guy who has a nice cock turns me on, and when I see a guy with an ugly dick I not only feel no attraction, I also feel pity for the guy. Within all of this is 1 / one undeniable truth; this is solely about me, my feelings, my preferences and so on. It has nothing to do with anybody else, or any experiences I can recall, it simply is. My opinion is derived from nothing I can identify except nature.
My opinion of what makes a person attractive is just that though; an opinion. The same can be said for my attempts to rate the cock of some guy. Why any random person would value what I think, let alone pay for me to vocalize it, is beyond me. I’ve always believed my own dick to be a beauty, but overall I am not a man who peers intently at other men, scrutinizing their body parts, drooling over them. There is beauty in men and women alike but my true desire and lust falls squarely and almost solely on females. That being said, I think I can be fair yet blunt and tell someone whether or not I find a particular thing about them attractive, or otherwise appealing. If that person wants to place any value on that, it is entirely their prerogative, and the only thing I can do is what I advertised and promised; give my blunt, honest rating. As a guy with Asperger’s I am well-equipped to do just that.
I am vaguely aware of a trend that took place many years ago, of girls posting their pictures and basically asking total strangers to chime in on whether or not they were attractive. I believe it was; “Hot or Not?” if I remember correctly. It was, and remains, a gutsy move in my opinion. Putting your self, and self-worth out there for random idiots to comment on is more foolhardy than anything. At least the guy asking me to rate the attractiveness of his penis is approaching someone who is sort of professional, and has more to lose than your average anonymous asshole. Even if I were repulsed by his dick it’s not likely I’d say so, or if I did it would be in a respectful manner. Some people would be unnecessarily nasty just to see if they could get a reaction. I will provide my honest opinion, collect my fee, and move on knowing the man has been treated fairly, and with at least a modicum of sensitivity. Anyone making themselves that vulnerable deserves that at the very least.
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